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RE: online vs real - 9/24/2013 6:25:51 PM

SeekingTrinity

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~FRing it~

OP, you have all the answers you need within yourself. Online obviously is something you have grown beyond...based on your own words. If you are anything like me (many years ago when I first began), you will find that online becomes a hinderance to growth and moving in the direction you want to go. Only you can sever that tie with this onlne guy and free yourself to be able to evolve to the next level in your journey.

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RE: online vs real - 9/24/2013 8:32:23 PM

JeffBC

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quote:

ORIGINAL: letssee4real
Thank you that is well written and great. Its nice to know that people can understand how and quickly you can fall. Thank you for the feed back.

Take some solace from this. Online relationships tend to start faster, last shorter, and end abruptly -- that is to say, those of the nature you're describing. Yes, you can fall fast online. But the same old "eat a tub of ice cream and wait it out" advice works... and in this case it'll work faster than if you were... say... married for 20 years.

So do what you need to do by way of some emotional medicine and wait it out. While you're doing so you might consider googling and researching your local scene. As Carol says, "It's better to run to something than from something." So start anticipating your forward goal.

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RE: online vs real - 9/24/2013 8:34:40 PM

JeffBC

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge
You're kidding... right?

As is always true, any of us might be "kidding". What makes you think this particular poster is lying?

quote:

Since this was online, you have never met him and yet you feel like you belong to him?

Apparently yes. That is what was said.

quote:

That makes no sense whatsoever.

To you. Your inability to grasp the topic, however, does not make it any less reasonable or real.

quote:

My suggestion is to turn off your computer, get involved in your local scene and possibly meet someone that way.

Sage advice delivered in a cold-hearted fashion.

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officially a member of the K Crowd

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RE: online vs real - 9/25/2013 2:07:40 AM

jola37

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Dust yourself off and try again :-)

I've recently had a difficult RL experience. I think you just have to glean what you can from the experience and move on.

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Post #: 24

RE: online vs real - 9/25/2013 7:37:57 PM

Arturas

Posts: 3245
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lilcracker

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

You're kidding... right?

Since this was online, you have never met him and yet you feel like you belong to him? That makes no sense whatsoever.

My suggestion is to turn off your computer, get involved in your local scene and possibly meet someone that way.

Wow very insensitive. 99% of D/s is MENTAL...meaning it is extremely easy to 'feel' as if you belong to someone even if it IS online. Is it the same thing...of course not. But it does not make it any less valid.

True, and not just a little. Experience teaches that long online and phone contacts can develop a bond that is only ratified and strengthened by the first face to face rather than created by it.

< Message edited by Arturas -- 9/25/2013 7:38:37 PM >

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RE: online vs real - 9/26/2013 2:47:20 PM

Kana

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas

quote:

ORIGINAL: lilcracker

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

You're kidding... right?

Since this was online, you have never met him and yet you feel like you belong to him? That makes no sense whatsoever.

My suggestion is to turn off your computer, get involved in your local scene and possibly meet someone that way.

Wow very insensitive. 99% of D/s is MENTAL...meaning it is extremely easy to 'feel' as if you belong to someone even if it IS online. Is it the same thing...of course not. But it does not make it any less valid.

True, and not just a little. Experience teaches that long online and phone contacts can develop a bond that is only ratified and strengthened by the first face to face rather than created by it.

Ack. I'm actually agreeing with A Gorean.

hate to say it but sometimes this can be true (Of course, there has to be an ultimate meeting at the end, if for naught else, verification purposes). I've never done strict online only, but I've done the LDR thing where the majority of the time is spent on phones and emails and this is exactly right. Instead of having that lust period where the sexual heat is white hot and exploding everywhere and all you can do is fuck,play, sleep,rinse repeat,,you actually like, get to know each other, get a feel for who the other person is and what makes them tick, how they react.
In lots of ways it kinda reminds me of the way courting had to be in the old days, lots of long letters with little contact.
Now that said, my caveat is that these are always gals who I do meet and we do, or at least did, get together on at least a quasi frequently basis.

< Message edited by Kana -- 9/26/2013 2:48:45 PM >

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RE: online vs real - 9/26/2013 11:42:13 PM

NoBimbosAllowed

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Hm. Been a long hard day, so I might have missed it if anyone else offered the following, though I think I'm safe, here:

1: take a god look at where you live, and how close playmates are that can/will take the experience to where you want it to go.

Example: Lots of kinky people to meet in SF, lots in LA, probably not too many people of the type you want in a place 20 minutes from the Nevada border with no slot machines.

2: Maybe combine the 2 by going to parties that are not official "fetishist" parties but where most of the guests will be non-vanilla. Most of the kinktastic yummy yummy I enjoyed came from people who offered their e-mail at a party, then e-mails followed, then "real".

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RE: online vs real - 9/29/2013 2:27:08 AM

sunshinemiss

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If we are talking about bdsm as in the physical, online simply can't work. If we are talking about control, it absolutely can work.

I have written quite a lot about "online" stuff because of the physical circumstances I am actually in. it doesn't keep you warm at night, but it sure as heck is better than a lot of other options. i have a slew of "online only" relationships - from my 12 step sponsor to my bio family. Most of my closest friendships are online, punctuated by annual visits. Ideal? No. Doable? Sure.

Caveat: They only work based on the honesty and forthcomingness (?) of the people involved in them.

best,
sunshine

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RE: online vs real - 9/29/2013 9:30:18 PM

NoBimbosAllowed

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she's spot on.

I'd also add that for some people, after too much "online" the fingers need the flesh, but after burn-out from "real things" going wrong and guys ONE MORE TIME making Andrea Dworkin sound a LITTLE BIT accurate, and wimmens boiling the bunnies and making guys think "why will I ever let ANYONE know my address again", you have to look at where YIOU come from in such circumstances, and where a potential partner/playmeat (whoops, I meant playmate) is coming from.

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RE: online vs real - 9/30/2013 3:31:09 PM

seekingreality

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quote:

ORIGINAL: letssee4real

I met some online I thought it would turn into more. He fulfilled my need to follow he gave me structure but I need the sexual aspect to. That is not possible with him. How do I move forward without still feeling like I still belong to him. He is a good guy but I need more but I keep going back online. I don't know how to break away and find the one I truly need.

A lot of people get wrapped up in the fantasy of online. In my experience nothing really counts until you are face to face. You can have amazing erotic and meaningful phone and email exchanges ... but find you have no chemistry in real life. Once you experience that a time or two you don't get so worked up about online exchanges.

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RE: online vs real - 10/2/2013 9:07:13 PM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

If we are talking about bdsm as in the physical, online simply can't work. If we are talking about control, it absolutely can work.

I have written quite a lot about "online" stuff because of the physical circumstances I am actually in. it doesn't keep you warm at night, but it sure as heck is better than a lot of other options. i have a slew of "online only" relationships - from my 12 step sponsor to my bio family. Most of my closest friendships are online, punctuated by annual visits. Ideal? No. Doable? Sure.

Caveat: They only work based on the honesty and forthcomingness (?) of the people involved in them.

best,
sunshine

sunny,

It's seems to me the OP has NOT met the "whatever" where You are maintaining a already established relationship via online. it's not even close to being the same but different.

As always a pleasure chatting with you.

BadOne

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RE: online vs real - 10/3/2013 5:09:52 AM

JeffBC

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum
It's seems to me the OP has NOT met the "whatever" where You are maintaining a already established relationship via online. it's not even close to being the same but different.

The traits of honor and integrity which feed that viewpoint do not require having previously met. They simply require two people who, for whatever reasons, have stumbled over each other and choose to interact as decent human beings. As always, the internet is simply a communication medium. It has it's strengths and weaknesses. If people turn a relationship into a farce, that's on them.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

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Post #: 32

RE: online vs real - 10/3/2013 4:02:17 PM

SailingBum

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Jeff I understand what you are saying and you're point is taken. The other thing that sunny was discussing is the ongoing "online" relationship that she has with her family. That is what my comments are directed at. sunny already has a relationship with her family, she enhances it with "online". Not the other way around.

BadOne

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Post #: 33

RE: online vs real - 10/3/2013 4:46:08 PM

kallisto

Posts: 1185
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

If we are talking about bdsm as in the physical, online simply can't work. If we are talking about control, it absolutely can work.

I have written quite a lot about "online" stuff because of the physical circumstances I am actually in. it doesn't keep you warm at night, but it sure as heck is better than a lot of other options. i have a slew of "online only" relationships - from my 12 step sponsor to my bio family. Most of my closest friendships are online, punctuated by annual visits. Ideal? No. Doable? Sure.

Caveat: They only work based on the honesty and forthcomingness (?) of the people involved in them.

best,
sunshine

Great post!!!

I also have a "slew" of different online relationships ... from family and friends to work colleagues to people I've met through people I've met through people I know (you get the idea). Some I see on a regular basis, others less frequently, and even those that I've never met. Like sunny ... Ideal?, No. Doable? Yes I would rather have meaningful online than not have these relationships in real life. Online allows for a continuation of relationships or even the beginning of others.

As long as you are getting out of it them what you want and what you expect, then they are fulfilling a need. As with anything else in your life, if you are unhappy, then you should do something about that.

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Post #: 34