RumpusParable
Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
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quote:
ORIGINAL: kevin32
I've been told by some masters that women are human beings and need to be respected. And then I see women tied up, whipped, slapped, and called names like pig and whore. How can I respect a woman and humiliate her like that? Or what are the dynamics between respect and humiliation that makes it enjoyable for those involved? Thanks.
I can appreciate how this may seem a contradiction or confusing for someone not familiar with such things... are you new to bdsm and the general scene (real-time or not)?
The two truly aren't contradictory. Nor is being against domestic violence and spanking or choking one's spouse during play.
Rather, in healthy relationships, the things you describe (respect and the physical and verbal behaviors) go hand in hand: one partner expresses clearly to another "I like this and would like to know if you do, too" and the other expresses "Yes, I do and would like to pursue it with you". (Not necessarily in that way, of course, but with similar words or understandings between them). They each respect the other's desires, opinions, rights to say yes or no, to decide what is best for themselves, etc. and then agree together how to be together during scenes or a relationship.
And let's not forget that it goes many different ways: female as the top over a male, male over top of a male, female over top of a female. Male topping females isn't the only way it goes.
When I walk up to a friend and say "I'd like to put needles in you, would you like that?" I'm respecting them and their right to make that decision. I'm respecting who they are as a person by offering the idea and then proceeding with what they are okay with or not by them not being okay with it. If we are both fine with doing a needle scene it's for mutual enjoyment, not about disrespect.
When a friend walks up to me and says "I'd like to cane and flog you", they are doing the same to me: showing respect in that they feel I have the choice to make over my own actions and my own body, asking and accepting my yes or no, and if I then say yes playing in a manner we have agreed upon.
There's no lack of respect there, it's simply that what we choose to do together as consenting adults is rough sometimes.
I can't and won't do certain types of play, my friends and lovers respect that when I tell them and do not ask me to, do not press for it. We do together the type of play that I (and they) are okay with.
Liking to essentially roughhouse together physically or verbally doesn't mean two people don't respect each other.
Can people do it out of disrespect or in a disrespectful manner and motivation? Yup. But that's the case with all sorts of human interactions. But that's not necessarily (or even hardly ever, in my personal experience) the case most of the time with BDSM play.
Short summary as this has gotten long:
Doing something together that they find fun or satisfying together doesn't indicate that one or both of the people don't respect the other, even if what they are doing is intense in some or many ways.
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Relationships come and go, but plastination is forever.
I generally use fast-reply. If directing my post at someone specific I will indicate so.
Minimal summary: Artist, Disabled Veteran, Vegan, Pornographer, and Agender dominant female.
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respect vs. humiliation - 
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). look at it like this. She needs someone to control her. She needs someone to hold her accountable. She needs that endorphin rush that comes from hard play. She craves being taken and forced (Not that she'd ever willingly utter the words aloud, but it's true. Just ask that wet ass pussy, that shit don't lie). 
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