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Non sexual pampering of your Dom. foreplay? intimacy? o... - 9/29/2013 6:11:08 PM

casidi75

Posts: 42
Joined: 9/25/2013
Status: offline

I lost a wife in 2011, I found serving her with foot baths and massage, pedicures, manicures, bathing her, brushing her hair, serving her in nonsexual ways was a very rewarding form of intimacy for me. Sometimes it leads to a session of passion, other times it did not. Either way it was always was stimulating. It also seem to leave me with a sense of fulfillment. I find this connection missing with my professional Dom. Is this common emotions for subs that serve their Dom’s, or was I just well-conditioned and trained?

Post #: 1

RE: Non sexual pampering of your Dom. foreplay? intimac... - 9/29/2013 6:44:01 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

It's the same as all relationships...vanilla or bdsm. You loved your wife. You did things that made her happy. Most people do that kind of stuff in relationships where they both love one another. Master does things for me. I do things for him, not because I'm his slave but because we both like to make each other smile.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to casidi75)

Post #: 2

RE: Non sexual pampering of your Dom. foreplay? intimac... - 9/29/2013 7:06:08 PM

peppermint

Posts: 5171
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

My husband was very ill the last year or so of his life. I took care of him. I washed him. I cooked for him. I drove him to the doctors. I chopped wood and brought wood inside so he could put the wood on the fire if he was able. I hurried home to put wood on the fire in case he was not able to do it.

The thing I missed most when he passed away was the feeling that I was needed. I think the feeling that we are needed is very important whether we are Dominant or submissive.

_____________________________

We are stardust, we are golden, and we got to get ourselves back to the garden.

Yes, I am crazy about feathered creatures. I have a dozen chickens, 3 ducks, 5 geese, and 2 parakeets.

Revise that number. Just got 14 new chicks and 5 turkeys.

(in reply to casidi75)

Post #: 3

RE: Non sexual pampering of your Dom. foreplay? intimac... - 9/29/2013 7:10:35 PM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

I gave my man a 50 minute head/neck/shoulder massage the other day. Yes, I find doing things like this fulfilling. I'm trying to get him to let me give him a yoga class but he's not playing along >.<

(in reply to casidi75)

Post #: 4

RE: Non sexual pampering of your Dom. foreplay? intimac... - 9/29/2013 8:35:42 PM

Rochsub2009

Posts: 2536
Status: offline

Perhaps it's a manifestation of your submission, or perhapss it's just vanilla love and compassion. For subs, it's sometimes easy to confuse the two, since many of us show our love through service.

Like you, I lost someone very dear to me to severe illness. Prior to her death, I found those moments of bathing her, washing & brushing her hair, and helping her to get dressed, to be some of the most intimate bonding experiences we ever shared. In some ways, it was far more intimate than sex.

_____________________________

"The thing about smart mother fuckers is that sometimes, they sound like crazy mother fuckers to stupid mother fuckers".
-Robert Kirkman, The Walking Dead

(in reply to casidi75)

Post #: 5

RE: Non sexual pampering of your Dom. foreplay? intimac... - 9/29/2013 9:09:21 PM

TigressLily

Posts: 436
Status: offline

Thank you for sharing your bittersweet feelings and moving story, my friend. I know it must have been hard.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009

In some ways, it was far more intimate than sex.

Toward the end, my husband wouldn't allow anyone to touch him except me. I was out for a few hours one morning, and upon my return, my son told me his dad had been waiting for me ever since he'd awoken, wouldn't allow the hospice nurse or anyone else to help him change his shirt or bring him any food. There came a time when he couldn't speak anymore. It didn't matter. We had an unspoken language. Although he was doped up with morphine, he passed away peacefully in his sleep two days after he held my son's first published softcover book in his hands. He didn't leave this earth as my sub. He died a happy man as husband and father.

_____________________________
* * * Not A Fetish/Kink Delivery System * * *

_____________________________

That Orbed Maiden with White Fire Layden
Whom Mortals Shall Call the Moon ~ Lord Byron
She Moves in Mysterious Ways . . . On Your Knees, Boy. ~ U2

(in reply to Rochsub2009)

Post #: 6

RE: Non sexual pampering of your Dom. foreplay? intimac... - 9/29/2013 9:39:11 PM

Rochsub2009

Posts: 2536
Status: offline

I especially like the last part that you wrote.

If done right, D/s relationships no longer feel like D/s. Instead, both parties just feel like loving partners who are expressing their love in the way that feels most natural to them. At least that's how it is for me.

_____________________________

"The thing about smart mother fuckers is that sometimes, they sound like crazy mother fuckers to stupid mother fuckers".
-Robert Kirkman, The Walking Dead

(in reply to TigressLily)

Post #: 7

RE: Non sexual pampering of your Dom. foreplay? intimac... - 9/30/2013 12:04:53 AM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

Sunny Quote of the Day
goes to
Rochsub2009
for
If done right,
D/s relationships no longer feel like D/s.
Instead,
both parties just feel like
loving partners
who are expressing their love
in the way that feels
most natural to them.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_4555163/tm.htm

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to Rochsub2009)

Post #: 8

RE: Non sexual pampering of your Dom. foreplay? intimac... - 9/30/2013 6:00:09 AM

Rochsub2009

Posts: 2536
Status: offline

Thanks Sunny. :-)

< Message edited by Rochsub2009 -- 9/30/2013 6:01:01 AM >

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 9

RE: Non sexual pampering of your Dom. foreplay? intimac... - 9/30/2013 7:45:05 AM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: casidi75
Is this common emotions for subs that serve their Dom’s, or was I just well-conditioned and trained?

For me it's a common condition of "being in love". I serve Carol because I love her. My entire life, in fact, can be summed up as a desire to give to her Maslow's hierarchy of needs.

Then again, our relationship defies BDSM labels. We have two folks, one of whom is a "natural born leader" and the other "prefers to defer". Some might call that "dominant" and "submissive". When we ran into BDSM we decided to play with that natural relationship within our marriage and take it to extreme. Some might call that M/s or TPE. But in the end, it's really just two people madly in love. I call it "happiness".

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to casidi75)

Post #: 10

RE: Non sexual pampering of your Dom. foreplay? intimac... - 9/30/2013 12:40:17 PM

zerogirl

Posts: 28
Joined: 9/15/2013
Status: offline

I think it's a mixture of both worlds. Most of the non-sexual things I do for Him I was doing before we went lifestyle anyway. Partners in a committed relationship look after each other, it's what you do, at least I assume so for most. And then I would say I do go out of my way to cater to/ serve Him more now because I do like serving Him and pleasing Him in all ways. And He takes care of me as well and goes out of His way to do things that He really doesn't have to. So I think in general most people get at least some fulfillment from taking care of their partner regardless of their role in the relationship.

(in reply to JeffBC)

Post #: 11

RE: Non sexual pampering of your Dom. foreplay? intimac... - 9/30/2013 1:15:35 PM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: casidi75

I lost a wife in 2011, I found serving her with foot baths and massage, pedicures, manicures, bathing her, brushing her hair, serving her in nonsexual ways was a very rewarding form of intimacy for me. Sometimes it leads to a session of passion, other times it did not. Either way it was always was stimulating. It also seem to leave me with a sense of fulfillment. I find this connection missing with my professional Dom. Is this common emotions for subs that serve their Dom’s, or was I just well-conditioned and trained?

Well of course it's "missing" since you are paying her to "service you" <read you are "merely a paycheck"> Once you stop paying her, she will stop attending to your needs. I suspect you are just one of many clients.

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to casidi75)

Post #: 12

RE: Non sexual pampering of your Dom. foreplay? intimac... - 9/30/2013 7:51:18 PM

casidi75

Posts: 42
Joined: 9/25/2013
Status: offline

Thank you all so much for sharing with me. Go with God my friends. Casidi

(in reply to SailingBum)

Post #: 13

RE: Non sexual pampering of your Dom. foreplay? intimac... - 10/1/2013 11:37:17 AM

zpenguin

Posts: 123
Joined: 1/14/2013
Status: offline

This is a great question! I know personally, if there is no emotional connection its not as good for me. Sex for me without emotions is like a pb&j sandwich with out the jelly. I believe most of the great sexual experiences have the emotional connection.

_____________________________

http://www.bdsmadultfulltilt.tumblr.com
http://www.adultfulltilt.com

<---^Zpenguin^--->

(in reply to casidi75)

Post #: 14

RE: Non sexual pampering of your Dom. foreplay? intimac... - 10/2/2013 4:32:46 PM

daddysbabybunny

Posts: 2
Joined: 10/2/2013
Status: offline

Even though I'm the submissive, I feel that just because Daddy takes care of me doesn't mean that I can't care for Him too. I adore pampering Him. Serving Him in maid-like ways allows to make sure that He's satisfied and cared for. I can cook for Him, I can clean for Him, give Him massages, etc. I can also adorn Him with kisses and being lovey-dovey; intimacy is important to us. When He's sick, I go into big girl mode and realize that it's time for me to make sure that He gets better and that His health is being monitored. I do all this because I love Him. I'm just naturally very affectionate.

With all that being said, different couples have different ways of showing their love and intimacy and that's completely okay as long as it works for them.

(in reply to zpenguin)

Post #: 15

RE: Non sexual pampering of your Dom. foreplay? intimac... - 10/2/2013 11:27:44 PM

SerWhiteTiger

Posts: 437
Joined: 8/12/2013
From: Why is my name Florida? That's a state!
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TigressLily

Thank you for sharing your bittersweet feelings and moving story, my friend. I know it must have been hard.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009

In some ways, it was far more intimate than sex.

Toward the end, my husband wouldn't allow anyone to touch him except me. I was out for a few hours one morning, and upon my return, my son told me his dad had been waiting for me ever since he'd awoken, wouldn't allow the hospice nurse or anyone else to help him change his shirt or bring him any food. There came a time when he couldn't speak anymore. It didn't matter. We had an unspoken language. Although he was doped up with morphine, he passed away peacefully in his sleep two days after he held my son's first published softcover book in his hands. He didn't leave this earth as my sub. He died a happy man as husband and father.

_____________________________
* * * Not A Fetish/Kink Delivery System * * *

This is beautiful.

(in reply to TigressLily)

Post #: 16

RE: Non sexual pampering of your Dom. foreplay? intimac... - 10/3/2013 12:27:35 AM

SunTzuSwe

Posts: 82
Joined: 4/25/2013
Status: offline

Imho it doesn't matter if you're in a d/s relationship or not, pampering your loved one is the most natural thing in the world.

(in reply to SerWhiteTiger)

Post #: 17

RE: Non sexual pampering of your Dom. foreplay? intimac... - 10/4/2013 10:49:07 PM

TigressLily

Posts: 436
Status: offline

I've been meaning to thank you for your kind words.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SerWhiteTiger

This is beautiful.

(. . . Excuse my posted reply a few hours ago where I refer to you as 'Sur'--I knew you didn't spell it the usual way, and it's too late to edit.)

Casidi75, I'm sorry for your loss. I'm sure you were a great comfort to your wife.

peppermint, I would also like to acknowledge your touching story of how you took care of your dying husband. It was too close to my heart for me to comment on earlier.

_____________________________
* * * Not A Fetish/Kink Delivery System * * *

_____________________________

That Orbed Maiden with White Fire Layden
Whom Mortals Shall Call the Moon ~ Lord Byron
She Moves in Mysterious Ways . . . On Your Knees, Boy. ~ U2

(in reply to SerWhiteTiger)

Post #: 18

RE: Non sexual pampering of your Dom. foreplay? intimac... - 10/5/2013 9:15:36 AM

hejira92

Posts: 2272
Joined: 10/27/2005
From: Palm Beach County, Fl
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

Sunny Quote of the Day
goes to
Rochsub2009
for
If done right,
D/s relationships no longer feel like D/s.
Instead,
both parties just feel like
loving partners
who are expressing their love
in the way that feels
most natural to them.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_4555163/tm.htm

Just reading this thread now and if Sunshine hadn't already recognize this wisdom, I would have. Reading this truth brought tears to my eyes- it perfectly expresses how I feel about Sir after so many years together. Thank you.

< Message edited by hejira92 -- 10/5/2013 9:16:43 AM >

_____________________________

Property of Cuffkinks

Member:
The Pimpettes
MoGa's IN-Crowd

"You're the gleam in my eye, the smile on my face and the bulge in my pants" - Cuffkinks

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 19

RE: Non sexual pampering of your Dom. foreplay? intimac... - 10/5/2013 11:19:39 AM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hejira92
Just reading this thread now and if Sunshine hadn't already recognize this wisdom, I would have. Reading this truth brought tears to my eyes- it perfectly expresses how I feel about Sir after so many years together. Thank you.

*nods* Me too. That viewpoint certainly encapsulates a major reason why my relationship with Carol doesn't feel very "D/s-ey".

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to hejira92)

Post #: 20

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