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Question about E-mails on CollarMe - 9/30/2013 9:59:25 PM

Unconventional

Posts: 2
Joined: 1/28/2006
Status: offline

Some please explain to me....

So, I'm a guy, in the DC area. Sometimes I see a personal ad/profile on CollarMe from a woman, and choose to respond. I can understand not getting a response (not thrilled about it, but can understand....). What I don't get is how, so often, the replies are not even read, often for weeks, often forever, period. I imagine women get a lot of responses, but that would account for the no reply thing. But not reading them? It's like they post a profile and then never come back to check out the response. I find this is the dominant response (no pun intended), meaning, well over half of e-mails sent never even get read. Can some woman explain that to me?

Post #: 1

RE: Question about E-mails on CollarMe - 9/30/2013 10:06:35 PM

MissToYouRedux

Posts: 867
Joined: 1/23/2010
Status: offline

There are lots of choices. She's stopped looking for whatever reason and hasn't bothered to change her profile. She can hover the courser over the message and read it without opening it. The sender doesn't fit her search parameters and the message ends up in her bulk folder, so she never actually sees it. She checks out the profile first and decides from that she's not interested in whatever that individual has to say. She can be so overwhelmed she doesn't care what anybody writes anymore.

And I'm sure there are many more reasons.

_____________________________

- Miss Marie

(in reply to Unconventional)

Post #: 2

RE: Question about E-mails on CollarMe - 10/1/2013 5:10:39 AM

punisher440

Posts: 4122
Joined: 4/10/2011
Status: offline

OP, if the person you have written has set their mail to exclude something you might fit[age,location,height,weight,etc.] then your mail gets sent to the bulk folder and Read Mail button never lets them know they received any mail. This is just one of the many reasons why your mail isn't being read. Do not worry too much, there's been numerous people on here starting threads asking the same thing so you are not alone.

_____________________________

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(in reply to Unconventional)

Post #: 3

RE: Question about E-mails on CollarMe - 10/1/2013 5:17:19 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

They can actually read them without "reading" them. If they hover their mouse over the message, then they can scan the first line or two.

Also, when women join, they get hundreds of messages because new profiles come up in certain searches. So some just quit, and the ones that don't, may not read their first few days of messages.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to punisher440)

Post #: 4

RE: Question about E-mails on CollarMe - 10/1/2013 5:29:47 AM

tommonymous

Posts: 404
Joined: 1/21/2013
Status: offline

The bulk mail folder is what I was going to suggest also. It would be a nice feature to know that that's where one's message ended up.

I'd also like to see a selection for something like "Not Actively Seeking" and/ or "Actively Seeking a Relationship" added to the Actively Seeking selections, since I have no idea about the actual goals of someone who has selected "Dominant Women", "Dominant Men", "Friends Only", "Online Romance", and a host of other things. That whole section is often ambiguous-to-confusing, and that option would be less ambiguous than a blank spot. It would also help to split it into two sections "Actively Seeking" with options for the kinds of people sought and "For" for the kind of relationships being sought. I.e., Actively Seeking (Dominant Men|Dominant Women|Submissive Men, ect) For (Friends|Online Romance|Real Time Relationship).

I think OKCupid did a pretty good job of setting up this particular set (I am _____/ I'm seeking _____) of options/ controls.

EDIT: Clarity and additional thoughts.

< Message edited by tommonymous -- 10/1/2013 5:33:52 AM >

_____________________________

"Remember kids. Just because it hasn't happened to you doesn't mean it doesn't happen at all." --Hillwilliam

And just because it worked for you, doesn't mean it will (or ought to) work for everyone.

(in reply to Unconventional)

Post #: 5

RE: Question about E-mails on CollarMe - 10/1/2013 6:54:46 AM

DomMeinCT

Posts: 2355
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Unconventional

Some please explain to me....

So, I'm a guy, in the DC area. Sometimes I see a personal ad/profile on CollarMe from a woman, and choose to respond. I can understand not getting a response (not thrilled about it, but can understand....). What I don't get is how, so often, the replies are not even read, often for weeks, often forever, period. I imagine women get a lot of responses, but that would account for the no reply thing. But not reading them? It's like they post a profile and then never come back to check out the response. I find this is the dominant response (no pun intended), meaning, well over half of e-mails sent never even get read. Can some woman explain that to me?

They ARE reading your emails by hovering over them but not opening them.
Then, they took a look at your profile and decided they don't like something about it (like the cock shot).

_____________________________

The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances:
if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
~ Carl Jung

(in reply to Unconventional)

Post #: 6

RE: Question about E-mails on CollarMe - 10/1/2013 7:03:31 AM

SlipSlidingAway

Posts: 223
Joined: 11/24/2006
Status: offline

See, often before I decide if I am going to respond to someone, I read their profile. Between the sock puppet bit and the description of your "just about average" "dick"? Ummm, any guy who advertises his penis size and puts that in his profile? Not going to likely attract a lot of women. Not because it's average, but because the description is there at all. Some of us really don't want to hear about your junk before we have even said "hello" to you. Hard to believe, I know. But true all the same.

_____________________________

"...ethical behavior should be based...on sympathy, education, and social ties; no religious basis is necessary. Man would indeed be in a poor way if he had to be restrained by fear of punishment and hope of reward after death. " —Albert Einstein

(in reply to DomMeinCT)

Post #: 7

RE: Question about E-mails on CollarMe - 10/1/2013 7:32:19 AM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

FR:

Yeah, the cock pic and text are both turnoffs, not to mention being 50 years old and thinking a 25 year old is a good match. That reeks of someone who wants young flesh (a very superficial and immature attitude) at the expense of maturity, experience and wisdom.

Just because someone checked the dom box doesn't mean they will suddenly be attractive to young, nubile women who are sexually eager and willing to do anything in bed. The idea is laughable.

OP, if you're really interested in pursuing this, check out your local munch. The DC area has a thriving scene. Finding a match online is a long hard slog, and I've a feeling you need to get some knowledge and experience under your belt before you achieve much, if any, success.

_____________________________

(in reply to SlipSlidingAway)

Post #: 8

RE: Question about E-mails on CollarMe - 10/1/2013 3:32:39 PM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Unconventional

Some please explain to me....

So, I'm a guy, in the DC area. Sometimes I see a personal ad/profile on CollarMe from a woman, and choose to respond. I can understand not getting a response (not thrilled about it, but can understand....). What I don't get is how, so often, the replies are not even read, often for weeks, often forever, period. I imagine women get a lot of responses, but that would account for the no reply thing. But not reading them? It's like they post a profile and then never come back to check out the response. I find this is the dominant response (no pun intended), meaning, well over half of e-mails sent never even get read. Can some woman explain that to me?

I didn't read this post.

(Just remember....they have tits).

(in reply to Unconventional)

Post #: 9

RE: Question about E-mails on CollarMe - 10/1/2013 3:38:57 PM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

If you post an anonymous sample first email, I will be happy to critique it.

I'm another vote for losing the cock pic and reference to your cock size.

(in reply to Unconventional)

Post #: 10

RE: Question about E-mails on CollarMe - 10/1/2013 3:41:04 PM

MistressDarkArt

Posts: 5178
Status: offline

Um, yeah, the cock shot would kill it for most women. I'd pitch that. Usually women aren't interested in a johnson until and UNLESS they're interested in the man. Not only the pic, just don't talk about it at all or how long you can last in your profile. Until she's YOUR girl, she doesn't give 2 figs (even if they're yours) about your appendages.

Guys posing as women; another story.

(in reply to Unconventional)

Post #: 11

RE: Question about E-mails on CollarMe - 10/1/2013 4:02:15 PM

TigressLily

Posts: 436
Status: offline

Hope you have more sense than using the "On Your Knees, Bitch" approach. You're coming off as overly Domly for a Switch, which is in itself a no-go-zone for many women. You might want to reclassify yourself as a Dom if all you're wanting is submission, which is what you stress other than the vanilla aspects of a committed relationship. So why the Actively Seeking Joining a Poly Household bit? That sends mixed signals.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

Yeah, the cock pic and text are both turnoffs, not to mention being 50 years old and thinking a 25 year old is a good match. That reeks of someone who wants young flesh (a very superficial and immature attitude) at the expense of maturity, experience and wisdom.

If you're only interested in 25-45 age range, your might have better success at being a Daddy Dom and softening some of your language.

_____________________________

* * * Not A Fetish/Kink Delivery System * * *

_____________________________

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Whom Mortals Shall Call the Moon ~ Lord Byron
She Moves in Mysterious Ways . . . On Your Knees, Boy. ~ U2

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

Post #: 12

RE: Question about E-mails on CollarMe - 10/1/2013 4:31:18 PM

SweetAnise

Posts: 480
Joined: 8/23/2013
Status: offline

I once saw a c-ck with needles in it on a profile...that was and is disgusting...hope it isn't you. Nothing fantastic about that! At all!!!

(in reply to TigressLily)

Post #: 13

RE: Question about E-mails on CollarMe - 10/1/2013 4:33:31 PM

hlen5

Posts: 5890
Joined: 3/2/2008
Status: offline

Do your read her profile and fit her criteria?

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(in reply to Unconventional)

Post #: 14

RE: Question about E-mails on CollarMe - 10/1/2013 5:04:01 PM

HarryVanWinkle

Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: punisher440

OP, if the person you have written has set their mail to exclude something you might fit[age,location,height,weight,etc.] then your mail gets sent to the bulk folder and Read Mail button never lets them know they received any mail. This is just one of the many reasons why your mail isn't being read. Do not worry too much, there's been numerous people on here starting threads asking the same thing so you are not alone.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

They can actually read them without "reading" them. If they hover their mouse over the message, then they can scan the first line or two.

Also, when women join, they get hundreds of messages because new profiles come up in certain searches. So some just quit, and the ones that don't, may not read their first few days of messages.

Both of the posts above have great points. How thoroughly have you read these women's profiles before you write to them. Many women, to cut down on the amount of garbage they read, put things near the end of their profiles saying something like "Use the word 'Rumplestiltskin' in your first sentence. If you miss the instruction, they take it as a (very accurate) sign that you didn't bother reading their whole profile and immediately trash your email.

Do you check to see how recently they've been onsite? They might not even use CM anymore, but the profiles generally don't go away. Do you write to local women or to any woman whose profile appeals to you, no matter how far away? Many women aren't interested in LD relationships and set their filters to delete any letters from men who aren't local. Do you read their descriptions of what kind of men they're looking for, including things like age, maximum or minimum height and weight?

Lastly, do you participate in your local, real-time BDSM community? There's a huge, very active on in your area. A very large percentage of the people, men and women, who are actually in the market for a partner prefer to meet them face to face first. And another large percentage aren't interested in meeting people who won't participate in their local communities.

(in reply to punisher440)

Post #: 15

RE: Question about E-mails on CollarMe - 10/1/2013 5:06:25 PM

HarryVanWinkle

Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetAnise

I once saw a c-ck with needles in it on a profile...that was and is disgusting...hope it isn't you. Nothing fantastic about that! At all!!!

If it was on FL, it might have been mine, although I don't use them for an avatar. Might not be your cup of tea, but me and the people who did the sticking had a great time making those pictures.

De gustibus non disputandum est.

(in reply to SweetAnise)

Post #: 16

RE: Question about E-mails on CollarMe - 10/1/2013 5:21:30 PM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

Why do you think that most women would be remotely interested in your dick or anything about it, when we don't know you?

A dick is an intimate part of you, and that should be reserved for a more intimate moment than the introduction your profile gives.

When the man who became [my] Master first emailed me, he made a thoughtful comment on something in my profile and asked me interested questions.
He was so new, he hadn't composed his profile text and yet, he displayed intelligence and a genuine curiosity about me. I answered and he followed with other interesting questions.
(The questions were not kink or sex centered btw)

That was over 4 1/2 years ago.

The truth is, there is a dissonance between the first paragraph of your profile text and your 4th.
I get what you are trying to convey but because you mention 'Richard', the rest of the meaning is lost.

I can understand why you may not be getting responses.

And if you are communicating with women who have their bulk folder parameters set to men who are over 49 (or over 35 for that matter) then they will never see your email.

edit: clarity

< Message edited by angelikaJ -- 10/1/2013 5:57:36 PM >

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Post #: 17

RE: Question about E-mails on CollarMe - 10/1/2013 6:40:26 PM

Unconventional

Posts: 2
Joined: 1/28/2006
Status: offline

OP: 1. The responses are helpful. And appreciated.
2. I'd completely forgotten I'd put a picture of my private parts out there. Since it's not my primary photo, I would not have thought women would find it jarring -- I would have assumed most don't even get that far. And since it's a kink/sex site, I thought it appropriate. But based on the feedback, I've removed it.
3. I'm really sure my written responses are tasteful, thoughtful, not jerk-like, and appropriate to the ads I reply to.
We'll see if removing the offending picture makes a difference in the future. But confident as I am that my written replies are tasteful and on-point, I'm still unclear on why so few "reads." FWIW, there is a very clear pattern -- I notice that it's the sub women who tend to not read, and the Dom women who tend to read. Not sure what to make of that. But possibly the best explanation I've read is that women can "hover" the cursor and read the first few lines -- and then if not interested, not formally read. I think the person running the board should change that, so that mail can only be read by clicking on it to read it.

(in reply to Unconventional)

Post #: 18

RE: Question about E-mails on CollarMe - 10/1/2013 7:33:13 PM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

The reason the hover feature is there is to provide a remedy against abusive emails.
You may write tasteful emails but many don't.

It saves us from having to endure opening the ones with name calling or "kneel bitch" or any number of other distasteful emails.

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

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Post #: 19

RE: Question about E-mails on CollarMe - 10/1/2013 7:36:54 PM

nastymaid

Posts: 5
Joined: 7/26/2012
Status: offline

sound like a good message , amal

(in reply to angelikaJ)

Post #: 20

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