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Marriage and BDSM Lifestyle - 7/1/2006 1:59:18 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I have always been curious about whether the people who post here are married to their BDSM partner. I have seen some of you that I know are married, but others haven't really specified.

I also wonder how many of you have marriage as a long term goal for a LTR within the lifestyle? If you do desire to make your submissive/dominant your lifemate also, which do you think you would find more of a commitment, the collar or the wedding ring?

I know not all BDSM couples want to be married, in love, or exclusive for that matter... I am just curious about those of us who are married or are looking to become married one day.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Marriage and BDSM Lifestyle - 7/1/2006 2:10:25 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		I was owned by Himself for 8+ years before we wed a little over two years ago. Marriage was not a long term goal and it has been a difficult adjustment for me, personally, to go from slave to slave-wife. I am honored, however, to carry his last name and for that alone, the struggle has been worthwhile.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Marriage and BDSM Lifestyle - 7/1/2006 2:29:07 PM   
BobMich


Posts: 2
Joined: 4/22/2005
Status: offline 		My better half will allow very, very mild play (maybe an ankle tying), but that is it. She knows my needs, and, so long as I don;t bring any critters home, she makes allowances. But, truth be told, I have only taken her up on her permisiveness a couple of times. Tough to find what is worth an evening for.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Marriage and BDSM Lifestyle - 7/1/2006 2:34:01 PM   
TxBadMan


Posts: 198
Joined: 4/7/2006
From: Moody, Texas
Status: offline
quote:

I have always been curious about whether the people who post here are married to their BDSM partner. I have seen some of you that I know are married, but others haven't really specified.


My girl and I are not married.

quote:

  I also wonder how many of you have marriage as a long term goal for a LTR within the lifestyle?

This was something we both discussed in the early stages of our relationship. I made it clear at that time that marriage would never figure into our future. It was up to her then to decide to proceede with the relationship or not.
On that same note, LOVE does not figure in our relationship either. I care for her, but I am not 'in love with her'.  

_____________________________

Chris



(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Marriage and BDSM Lifestyle - 7/1/2006 2:38:19 PM   
Littlepita


Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline 		I have dreams that someday we will get married.

_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to TxBadMan)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Marriage and BDSM Lifestyle - 7/1/2006 3:02:52 PM   
DoctorDubious


Posts: 267
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania


I also wonder how many of you have marriage as a long term goal for a LTR within the lifestyle?

which do you think you would find more of a commitment, the collar or the wedding ring?

I know not all BDSM couples want to be married, in love, or exclusive for that matter... I am just curious about those of us who are married or are looking to become married one day.



Hey J ... and all.

I do.  I'm here lookin' today, actually.

Being a bit of an old goat,
I've run hard toward the joys of promiscuity in the past,
and dammitalll they just don't work for me.

Some, like me, are hard-wired monotonous ...
er, I mean monogamous.  They're diffferent. Really.
Promise.  Cross my heart!

My first great committed love, (8 years duration) Mary-Lou
had a wild, free, and fierce spirit. God I loved her.
We had rapture when I tied her up and whupped her good...
but the trouble started when I'd blindfold her, flog her,
and let my grad-school buddies fuck her ...
(the 70's were licentious times)

It took a couple of years of "open marriage"
but it turns out she liked the wild sex more than the bondage. 
Silly choice, but I respect it.
So she left me for 2 African book publishers.

Now she's happily married to 1 "normal" guy,
and is a consultant to First Nation Tribes
.... has a passion for getting natives a fair shake from the Canadian Feds ...
And her admirable passion runs as fiery and ferocious now for justice
as it ever did for the pleasures of the flesh....

My second wife was open for most anything,
(as long as she got to spray my dick with Lysol first)...
but after about a decade together we discovered
her kinks were as a result of child-abuse, really BAAAD stuff...
and the only human thing thing to do was for me/us to STOP
which I/we did right away.

She's the mother of our daughters,
and though we only speak briefly perhaps every couple of months
I love her dearly, she lives alone, just her and our "youngest".

I pray every day for her happiness, with all the fibre of my soul.

***************

Marriage ring or collar?

Just my opinion.... but the shape and form
of the "symbol" of our committment to each other
is a mere trviality.... a lump of gold, or fabric, or steel...

What counts is that searing essense of two souls,
one on the path of submission, one on the path of authority...

...who risk all...commit all.... to explore the dark matter of our souls.


This is just the opinion of one old goat who loves deep, not wide.

DD

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Marriage and BDSM Lifestyle - 7/1/2006 3:13:55 PM   
PiggyPuta


Posts: 38
Joined: 5/11/2006
Status: offline 		i am not married to my Master and never ever plan on it.  W/we both have vanilla relationships away from here.  W/we are together for one thing and that is to have a D/s relationship that W/we both crave.  For one reason or another O/our vanilla mates and cannot provide this to U/us. 

(in reply to DoctorDubious)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Marriage and BDSM Lifestyle - 7/1/2006 3:16:01 PM   
LokisBrat


Posts: 431
Joined: 12/5/2005
From: Mayberry, Illinois
Status: offline 		Brat and I have been together for 9 years.  Married for six.  We entered into exploration of the "lifestyle" together as husband and wife.  The comfort level is wonderful.  I cannot honestly think of anyone that I would rather be doing this with.  We are best friends, lovers, husband and wife, and Master and sub.


LOKI


_____________________________

"My pleasure, your pain. Doesn't matter, its all the same"

-Loki

(in reply to DoctorDubious)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Marriage and BDSM Lifestyle - 7/1/2006 3:19:43 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		Marriage ring or collar?

Just my opinion.... but the shape and form
of the "symbol" of our committment to each other
is a mere trviality.... a lump of gold, or fabric, or steel...

What counts is that searing essense of two souls,
one on the path of submission, one on the path of authority...

...who risk all...commit all.... to explore the dark matter of our souls.


This is just the opinion of one old goat who loves deep, not wide.

What wonderful sentiments.. and I agree... it isn't the symbol but the commitment behind it. There are velcro collars and velcro wedding rings...smiles


_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to DoctorDubious)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Marriage and BDSM Lifestyle - 7/1/2006 3:21:40 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

I was owned by Himself for 8+ years before we wed a little over two years ago. Marriage was not a long term goal and it has been a difficult adjustment for me, personally, to go from slave to slave-wife. I am honored, however, to carry his last name and for that alone, the struggle has been worthwhile.

Celeste

I was taught the most cherished thing a man could offer a woman was his good name.. Sometimes I think I am the only one that thinks this way, until I read a post like this...

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Marriage and BDSM Lifestyle - 7/1/2006 3:27:08 PM   
gardenbluebird


Posts: 131
Joined: 5/9/2006
Status: offline 		i have a messy situation.  i am in a non-sexual marriage due to my husband's chronic illness.  Once upon a time he was my master, but alas that has been gone for many years now.  I requested, and received, permission to seek sexual partners outside the marriage.  After wandering through a few bdsm relationships, none of which were fully satifying for various reasons, i found a wonderful man who became my Master.  We have been seeing each other for six months.  He is single and we are monogamous to each other.  He has a busy life, as do i, and we simply appreciate the times that we do have together.  At this point in time i am uncollared.  Someday that will come too, but the choice of timing is his not mine.

Where does it go from here?  i don't know.  First off i have a promise of in sickness and in health until death do us part and i am doing my best to keep that promise.  Master fully supports me in this.  However, there will come a time after my husband goes to the edge of eternity that i will be free to make choices.  i don't know if another marriage will be in my future or not.  Just taking one day at a time.

(in reply to PiggyPuta)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Marriage and BDSM Lifestyle - 7/1/2006 3:27:49 PM   
anthrosub


Posts: 843
Joined: 6/2/2004
Status: offline 		It took me quite a while to realize that people in this lifestyle don't "pair off" as they might in vanilla relationships.  There's a great deal of submissives who's relationship with their Dominant is akin to being "on call" and available on demand.  These people live separate lives.  Another large group of people are poly oriented, so gain there's no one-on-one relationship present.  I've come to believe this has some degree of bearing on why it's hard to find a partner.  I could be wrong of course but that's how it seems.
 
anthrosub

_____________________________

"It is easier to fool people than it is to convince them they have been fooled." - Mark Twain

"I am not young enough to know everything." - Oscar Wilde

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Marriage and BDSM Lifestyle - 7/1/2006 3:38:42 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		My Lord and alandra have been married since June of 1990.  However, as he says "she is a slave, who role-plays as a wife".

For myself, I have not had the desire to be married at all.  It just isn't something that I see for me.  Given my current relationship with him and alandra, it is something that is highly unlikely to ever happen. 

Knight's kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Marriage and BDSM Lifestyle - 7/1/2006 3:42:29 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		http://www.collarchat.com/m_393008/mpage_1/key_marriage/tm.htm#396274
Ds engagement rings and wedding ceremonies

http://www.collarchat.com/m_275773/mpage_1/key_marriage/tm.htm#275977
collarings weddings

http://www.collarchat.com/m_247668/mpage_1/key_marriage/tm.htm#247962
Ring or collar, what's the difference?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_197544/mpage_1/key_marriage/tm.htm#199729
marriage


quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
I also wonder how many of you have marriage as a long term goal for a LTR within the lifestyle? If you do desire to make your submissive/dominant your lifemate also, which do you think you would find more of a commitment, the collar or the wedding ring?

Nope.  None of us are of a religious nature such that a commitment ceremony would be required of them, and there is no compelling legal or medical or financial benefits such that having a recognized union of marriage would benefit us.

While I wouldn't mind a celebration of commitment in which to invite all of my friends and family to enjoy time together, marriage just seems rather outdated and not much meaning for us.

I must say I find it absolutely bizarre when people who are committed to eachother in Ds or Ms relationships feel the desire to marry beyond compelling legal/medical/financial reasons.  Usually they claim it's because of some romantic ideal or it's to satisfy some social status standard from their family or religion- but I really don't understand the significance beyond the legal stuff if you're already committed.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Marriage and BDSM Lifestyle - 7/1/2006 3:43:30 PM   
playgirl1961


Posts: 2
Joined: 5/17/2006
Status: offline

Marriage ring or collar?

Just my opinion.... but the shape and form
of the "symbol" of our committment to each other
is a mere trviality.... a lump of gold, or fabric, or steel...

What counts is that searing essense of two souls,
one on the path of submission, one on the path of authority...

...who risk all...commit all.... to explore the dark matter of our souls.


This is just the opinion of one old goat who loves deep, not wide.

DD
[/quote]
I have to agree with the idea of a collar or a ring being but a symbol, I was married to my Master/Daddy for 7 incredible years before cancer took him. I don't think it was that important to me if we were married or not as I felt that we had a lifelong commitment and I did not need a ring on my finger or a collar around my neck to prove it to myself. I can tell you that now I am so glad he put the ring on my finger and I wear it with pride each and everyday and I think about the love, the caring and thought that went into his choice of the circle of gold I wear on my left hand.

(in reply to DoctorDubious)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Marriage and BDSM Lifestyle - 7/1/2006 4:00:49 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		Master and I were married after he collared me as his slave. Having his surname means a lot to me, in a slave sense it means he has claimed me in another way, (he has even taken my name away and given me his own). I like being recognised as his in everyday society. When I get a prescription filled there is no way they are going to say to me " hi slavejali owned by Master Eric" but they can say " Hi Mrs *insertsurnamehere* ".  When I have to fill out any forms, I can never write my name as slavejali but I can write it as "Mrs *insertsurnamehere*". A thing which makes me smile everytime. So along with the symbols he has given me to claim me, a collar and a ring, I would put his surname right up there equal with those things as a symbol of his ownership of me.

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to playgirl1961)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Marriage and BDSM Lifestyle - 7/1/2006 4:03:27 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		I was married when I began my journey. My husband was vanilla and knew everything I did. We had an agreement that there would be no intercourse involved. I kept that agreement as long as I was married.

I am not married to my slave, not do I intend to marry anyone in my household for romantic reasons. However, I can see marrying a slave if this provides proper medical care or some such. I no longer feel the need to be married, having been married twice, to have a meaningful relationship. Of course, things can and do change! Perhaps I'll meet someone who just overwhelms me...who knows?

I do know Ms and Ds couples who are married and are "in love". I know others who are married as a form of control. However you want to do it is what works for you.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Marriage and BDSM Lifestyle - 7/1/2006 4:22:24 PM   
desertdancer


Posts: 1095
Joined: 5/12/2006
Status: offline 		I am not yet married to Master, though he has proposed and we are happily engaged!  Our wedding will be soon in fact and I'm really excited.  We took our time coming to where we are now and it's been well worth the wait, for both of us.   I will have both a wedding ring and a collar, and I will wear both proudly. I have a public collar  that I can wear anyplace so as not to upset co-workers or family members who don't know the depth of our relationship. 

We'll have a public wedding then another private formal collaring ceremony for just the two of us, though I've been collared since Oct we wanted to wait for any vows or ceremony to go along with our wedding. 

I have to say though we aren't formally married I feel married to him and have for some time now. * Smiles* I hate to go all girly and gushy but I've found my soul-mate and we just fit together so well it's like we've always been married...

~dancer


_____________________________

* Shimmy Shimmy *

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Marriage and BDSM Lifestyle - 7/1/2006 4:24:54 PM   
Wulfchyld


Posts: 2618
Joined: 12/7/2005
Status: offline 		Wow Jali that is a very powerful pic you put up!

_____________________________

Loki, forum god of Mischief

Submission is not a gift... it is plunder!
Where there is a whip, there is a way!
Dom/mes of a feather, beat the f*ck out of slaves together


(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Marriage and BDSM Lifestyle - 7/1/2006 4:25:50 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

I was owned by Himself for 8+ years before we wed a little over two years ago. Marriage was not a long term goal and it has been a difficult adjustment for me, personally, to go from slave to slave-wife. I am honored, however, to carry his last name and for that alone, the struggle has been worthwhile.

Celeste


Hi Celeste . What did you find difficult going from slave to slave-wife?

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 20
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