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I'm sorry I've not been here but you remember my mum wa... - 10/6/2013 2:35:56 AM   
Missdressed


Posts: 278
Joined: 5/28/2013
From: UK
Status: offline 		Well, she's now had a stroke. Not the worst, but enough that it has changed her life.

I am wrung out. Worn down and really fed up with keeping on keeping on.

Dad is good but he isn't facing up to it all either. She's still getting clots any of which could go to her brain any time.

I'm also just venting really. And missing kink lol
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RE: I'm sorry I've not been here but you remember my mu... - 10/6/2013 3:15:42 AM   
TigressLily


Posts: 436
Status: offline
Hoping for as rapid and full a recovery as possible for your mom. You're in overdrive mode, and I know you must be feeling you don't have the luxury of taking a moment to catch your breath and not become exhausted in the process. What helped me when I had two family members hospitalized (in two different states) during the same period of time was to fill my head with music. I call it my music therapy. Music has been likened to the language expression of the emotions, and when I had so many emotions flooding me at once, I found it soothing and/or invigorating. Whichever I needed most at any given moment.

You have to be stay strong, dear, and it's no easy task. Much more lies ahead, so try your best to take care of yourself and your dad (who no doubt is struggling to be strong and functional daily as well). At least you still have your mom for the both of you to care for while she recuperates. Count your blessings. Now is when you'll find out who your true friends really are, and please do allow them to share in your burdens without carrying them on your own shoulders independently. If you are in a relationship with your sub, don't push him away or be reluctant to let him see you in a vulnerable state. If you aren't, perhaps there is a play partner you can become closer to. There's nothing unDommely about admitting to yourself how much you might need your sub as much as he needs you.

It's okay to vent instead of keeping everything bottled up inside (without losing one's temper or lashing out at others, of course). Best wishes for a favorable outcome.

_____________________________

* * * Not A Fetish/Kink Delivery System * * *

_____________________________

That Orbed Maiden with White Fire Layden
Whom Mortals Shall Call the Moon ~ Lord Byron
She Moves in Mysterious Ways . . . On Your Knees, Boy. ~ U2

(in reply to Missdressed)
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RE: I'm sorry I've not been here but you remember my mu... - 10/6/2013 3:21:42 AM   
Missdressed


Posts: 278
Joined: 5/28/2013
From: UK
Status: offline 		That is exactly it. And funny, I use music too. Last night there was a lot of avenged sevenfold and ac/DC but it varies lol

Thank you for replying. I am aware I've vented my friends out. If you get my drift. Plus, they haven't been through I so they don't understand

(in reply to TigressLily)
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RE: I'm sorry I've not been here but you remember my mu... - 10/6/2013 3:26:37 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline 		I'm sorry. I can only imagine the exhaustion and emotional turmoil you are going through. I'm sure your parents feel greatly comforted by your support. I hope your mother has the best outcome possible. Whatever you do, don't feel guilty for being worn out or taking some time to take care of your own needs. You know what they say, fit your own oxygen mask before helping the passenger beside you.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

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RE: I'm sorry I've not been here but you remember my mu... - 10/6/2013 3:37:05 AM   
Missdressed


Posts: 278
Joined: 5/28/2013
From: UK
Status: offline 		Athena that is very wise. I am actually going to take some time this week and a bit of step back. My lovely charming alcoholic drug using brother is visiting.

My last nerve is just about frayed.

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)
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RE: I'm sorry I've not been here but you remember my mu... - 10/6/2013 4:44:17 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		I have a spare bedroom here if you want to hide out. They'd never think of looking for you in the States.

Good luck getting through this well.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Missdressed)
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RE: I'm sorry I've not been here but you remember my mu... - 10/6/2013 4:50:29 AM   
Missdressed


Posts: 278
Joined: 5/28/2013
From: UK
Status: offline 		You have NO idea how tempting that is :)

(in reply to DarkSteven)
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RE: I'm sorry I've not been here but you remember my mu... - 10/6/2013 4:54:54 AM   
kallisto


Posts: 1185
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

Whatever you do, don't feel guilty for being worn out or taking some time to take care of your own needs. You know what they say, fit your own oxygen mask before helping the passenger beside you.



This is the best advise ever. So many people feel guilty when they get worn out or their emotions begin to crumble. You have to take time for you or you won't be able to take care of those around you.

My thoughts are with you as you go through this difficult time.

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)
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RE: I'm sorry I've not been here but you remember my mu... - 10/6/2013 8:25:16 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Caregiver burnout is a real issue. You need to take care of yourself as well.
Good luck getting through this and all my best.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: I'm sorry I've not been here but you remember my mu... - 10/6/2013 12:56:12 PM   
MasterCaneman


Posts: 3842
Joined: 3/21/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Caregiver burnout is a real issue. You need to take care of yourself as well.
Good luck getting through this and all my best.

Missdressed, that ^^^ right there. Just about a year ago my mother succumbed after years of invisible "mini-strokes". I was worn out physically and mentally. I spent the last couple years caring for her, at the expense of my career and almost my relationship. You NEED to take a step back, breathe, and focus on yourself. Accept what is, do what you can, and understand that there are things that can't ever be. The only concrete advice I can give you is to 1: ensure her care is comprehensive and managed by someone who is dispassionate. Sounds cold, but a family member sometimes isn't the right person for the job. 2: Ensure that the situation would remain stable in your absence, should that come to pass. 3: Once those first two things are done, make sure you take the time for yourself. Don't let it coast by, you'll regret it later. Best of luck to you, and my best wishes. I'd say I'll pray for you, but that's not how I operate. Still, all the best.

_____________________________

Age and treachery will always overcome youth and ambition.

The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting. ~ Sun Tzu

Goddess Wrangler



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RE: I'm sorry I've not been here but you remember my mu... - 10/6/2013 1:52:52 PM   
dcnovice


Posts: 37282
Joined: 8/2/2006
Status: offline
quote:

Caregiver burnout is a real issue. You need to take care of yourself as well.

Wise words indeed. As the airlines counsel us, put your own oxygen mask on first.

Warmest wishes to you and yours!

_____________________________

No matter how cynical you become,
it's never enough to keep up.

JANE WAGNER, THE SEARCH FOR SIGNS OF
INTELLIGENT LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE

(in reply to DesFIP)
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RE: I'm sorry I've not been here but you remember my mu... - 10/6/2013 2:35:21 PM   
Missdressed


Posts: 278
Joined: 5/28/2013
From: UK
Status: offline 		Thanks guys. Had a more positive day today - my daughter has made a national u16 squad in a sport she plays. V proud :)

(in reply to dcnovice)
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RE: I'm sorry I've not been here but you remember my mu... - 10/6/2013 3:19:21 PM   
noellesdestiny


Posts: 94
Joined: 9/3/2012
Status: offline 		Here's to a speedy recovery!

(in reply to Missdressed)
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RE: I'm sorry I've not been here but you remember my mu... - 10/6/2013 6:19:53 PM   
MistressDarkArt


Posts: 5178
Status: offline 		Missdressed, my thoughts are with you. Been there, done that, still washing the t-shirt. The best advice I got during the siege was acknowledge the shittiness of it, love them the best you can, and take enough time-outs to keep yourself adequately rested and sane.

It also doesn't hurt to ask for and accept help from others, even the simplest, smallest things. Most people would be happy to take in your trash cans or pick up something for you at the store.

(in reply to Missdressed)
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RE: I'm sorry I've not been here but you remember my mu... - 10/6/2013 10:39:22 PM   
Missdressed


Posts: 278
Joined: 5/28/2013
From: UK
Status: offline 		Well, I've wakened up this morning with a stinking cold. Which probably explains to a degree my shitty mood yesterday.

I do need to find some time off somewhere in the schedule though

(in reply to MistressDarkArt)
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RE: I'm sorry I've not been here but you remember my mu... - 10/7/2013 4:49:47 AM   
ShaharThorne


Posts: 11071
Joined: 2/24/2009
From: Somewhere in TX
Status: offline 		Dayquil pills and warm tea...

See if you qualify for respite care. I was a respite caregiver for one of my best friends while she was getting her degree in social work (her son was special needs).

_____________________________

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You are making two and a half feet of irresistible, tubular sex! -Lola, Kinky Boots

Founder: Bitch with Tits

Whip me, beat me, make me feel cheap and have great sex

(in reply to Missdressed)
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RE: I'm sorry I've not been here but you remember my mu... - 10/7/2013 5:40:36 AM   
TigressLily


Posts: 436
Status: offline
Take mega doses of Vitamin C to boost your immune system, which passes through the body whenever you urinate. Ester-C works best since it's time-released for 24-hr/day immune support.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missdressed

Well, I've wakened up this morning with a stinking cold. Which probably explains to a degree my shitty mood yesterday.

I do need to find some time off somewhere in the schedule though


Honey in your tea helps. I think we all know to get plenty of rest whenever possible. Hope you get well soon.

ETA: Make sure you are using anti-bacterial hand sanitizer often. I forgot to do so one day while visiting the hospital cafeteria and came down with a sore throat I couldn't shake for a couple weeks, and I didn't want to take any chances of infecting others so I had to quarantine myself for a few days.

_____________________________

* * * Not A Fetish/Kink Delivery System * * *

< Message edited by TigressLily -- 10/7/2013 5:52:43 AM >

_____________________________

That Orbed Maiden with White Fire Layden
Whom Mortals Shall Call the Moon ~ Lord Byron
She Moves in Mysterious Ways . . . On Your Knees, Boy. ~ U2

(in reply to Missdressed)
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RE: I'm sorry I've not been here but you remember my mu... - 10/7/2013 7:12:19 AM   
dcnovice


Posts: 37282
Joined: 8/2/2006
Status: offline 		FR

Are you familiar with CaringBridge? If not, you may want to check it out.

It's a handy tool for tapping all those kind folks who ask, "How can I help?" You set up a "support planner"--a calendar on which you identify times that you could use help. Then your loved ones (whom you've invited to join CB) can sign up for any tasks they can help with. You might, for instance, recruit someone to be with Mum for a few hours so that you can get a haircut, shop, or just generally unwind.

I found the site a huge help during radiation and chemo.

_____________________________

No matter how cynical you become,
it's never enough to keep up.

JANE WAGNER, THE SEARCH FOR SIGNS OF
INTELLIGENT LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE

(in reply to TigressLily)
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RE: I'm sorry I've not been here but you remember my mu... - 10/7/2013 10:05:45 AM   
Missdressed


Posts: 278
Joined: 5/28/2013
From: UK
Status: offline 		You guys are great. Thanks so much.

(in reply to dcnovice)
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RE: I'm sorry I've not been here but you remember my mu... - 10/7/2013 10:36:04 AM   
Missdressed


Posts: 278
Joined: 5/28/2013
From: UK
Status: offline 		Dad just rang. Shes had another stroke. He took her to the local hospital and they have transferred her to a big hospital over an hour away.

Fuck.

(in reply to Missdressed)
Profile   Post #: 20
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