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RE: When You Find that one that took so Looong... - 7/1/2006 9:11:58 PM   
SweetSarijane


Posts: 3788
Joined: 10/7/2005
From: KC area Missouri
Status: offline 		I'm not rushing things and I do have certain things I'm looking for. I'm flexible, but certain things I will not compromise on in a partner or Dom. I'm talking to one who has become a good friend and when we meet this year we will see if there's more. Until we meet in person we go no further than friendship.

I have gotten involved in my local bdsm community, made friends, go to play parties, get togethers, and bottom for non sexual s/m play. I'm ever learning and growing and am very happy with how things are going in this area of my life. I've no desire to rush into something as I have in the past, in vanilla relationships, and been badly burned and abused because of it.

_____________________________

Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers KCSass

(in reply to becca333)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: When You Find that one that took so Looong... - 7/1/2006 9:16:27 PM   
sublizzie


Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline 		I'm doing the same. Meeting people both on-line and real-time. Getting involved in my local community. Playing with people to learn about various parts of S&M. Finding ways to serve and submit without giving all of myself over quite yet. Increasing my knowledge of myself and what I want while I wait for that Dom to drop into my cart while I'm grocery shopping.

Thinking maybe I should start shopping at some of the more upscale grocery stores so I have a better chance of getting an upscale Dom. Think that would work?

(in reply to SweetSarijane)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: When You Find that one that took so Looong... - 7/1/2006 9:18:52 PM   
Wulfchyld


Posts: 2618
Joined: 12/7/2005
Status: offline 		Hmmm.... would that be wal-mart?

_____________________________

Loki, forum god of Mischief

Submission is not a gift... it is plunder!
Where there is a whip, there is a way!
Dom/mes of a feather, beat the f*ck out of slaves together


(in reply to sublizzie)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: When You Find that one that took so Looong... - 7/1/2006 9:20:14 PM   
sublizzie


Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline 		Well, Wal-Mart would be better than the Goodwill Thrift shop.

Maybe the local farmer's market? Find a nice farmer Dom????

(in reply to Wulfchyld)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: When You Find that one that took so Looong... - 7/1/2006 11:30:59 PM   
ChainedExistence


Posts: 507
Joined: 2/5/2005
Status: offline 		Sometimes in looking for the " one" you miss someone who can BECOME your one. When I initially met Master , I certainly liked him and we had chemistry..but I never thought that years later, we'd be even be together, much less  as close as we are today. Over time, we grew in our relationship, forming a solid friendship, an amazing romance, and a D/s relationship that is every bit as exciting now as it was then. I think sometimes people are so busy looking for the "perfect" person, that they miss the "perfect potential."

(in reply to becca333)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: When You Find that one that took so Looong... - 7/1/2006 11:50:09 PM   
Kedikat


Posts: 680
Joined: 4/20/2006
Status: offline 		I have found it is very hard to say no to ones that are so very wonderful, but not the spark that I seek. To maybe hurt them, and leave myself still searching. They are not lacking. Just not matching.
It is easier to be disappointed, than it is to disappoint them.
But I remember that to try to fool myself or them, brings greater heartbreak later.
Still searching.

(in reply to MistyMenthal)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: When You Find that one that took so Looong... - 7/2/2006 12:20:32 AM   
Sirandlittle1


Posts: 538
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline 		I believe that each relationship has a beginning, a middle and a end. Naturally. Some dont last forever, some are short, some are long, but they all have merit.
I sincerely believe, that for me, waiting is a subjective word. I was 41 when i met Sir. But id allways wanted My One. So you could say ive been waiting for longer than some members have been alive. And how do you measure waiting?
Was i waiting from the moment i decided to do this? In which case, it was only a year.

A perfect fit would be nice of course. Though, perhaps dulls creativity. But compromise can often be found for the willing. And you lean in other ways, and learn more. Its all good
little1

(in reply to becca333)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: When You Find that one that took so Looong... - 7/2/2006 7:22:14 AM   
knees2you


Posts: 2336
Joined: 3/15/2004
Status: offline
quote:

If we are talking in a sense of 'waiting for that first LOVE', then it makes sense. But if we are talking just in a sense of BDSM, I have a hard time understanding that. Of course, all I seek is the pain aspect, no waiting required there

 
Yes Misty does seem to be talking into the Bdsm sence.
 
Anybody can give just Pain, well almost, but only
One can give "True, Pain, Love and hope, with Peace
and Security."
 
Ant,

(in reply to SweetSarijane)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: When You Find that one that took so Looong... - 7/2/2006 7:28:08 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Misty, for myself I am in no rush. If it happens, great. If not....shrugging.........will not be the end of the world.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to MistyMenthal)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: When You Find that one that took so Looong... - 7/2/2006 5:22:31 PM   
MistyMenthal


Posts: 413
Joined: 3/28/2006
Status: offline
quote:

Misty, for myself I am in no rush. If it happens, great. If not....shrugging.........will not be the end of the world.

_____________________________

I am blaming it all on the whoremoans..........


LaTigresse, You are so True!
When it happens it will be the right time,
and the right one!

BLOW ME A KISS Misty

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: When You Find that one that took so Looong... - 7/2/2006 7:07:06 PM   
tasha_tart


Posts: 385
Joined: 2/20/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sublizzie

quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrj69

Why do you think it is just a day dream?


I've never seen a Dom fall from the sky into someone's grocery cart before. Be fun if it actually happened though, wouldn't it???


Make a hell of a mess, though!
 
Tasha

_____________________________


"Sex without love is an empty experience. But as empty experiences go, it's one of the better ones."...Woody Allen

(in reply to sublizzie)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: When You Find that one that took so Looong... - 7/2/2006 9:44:26 PM   
JessieMe


Posts: 510
Joined: 6/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: becca333

I've found 'the one' a few times - and had a lovely time with a wonderful person for as long as it lasted.  Sometimes things run their course, sometimes they keep on going.

On the one hand, you want to wait for your perfect partner, on the other hand you want to explore and grow and have fun.  It's important to find a balance between the two.  I have a very strong image of my perfect person, and if I ever find them I'll be ecstatic, but I'm realistic enough to know that the Dom I'm with now is a wonderful match for me - even though at first it didn't seem that way.  You grow, change and learn with each new person.


So lets say you are waiting ten years for your perfect match.... but during that time.. you change what that match is supposed to look like.. Maybe the first person you met with was not your match at that time.. but with the growth and changes... s/he may now be...... <hows that for a concept?>

_____________________________

This is who I am
And this is all I know.
That I must choose to live for all that I can give
The spark that makes the Power grow
<Immortality by Celine Dion>

(in reply to becca333)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: When You Find that one that took so Looong... - 7/3/2006 12:39:09 AM   
Wolfie648


Posts: 600
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:


It made me realize how Serious people are to
settle for nothing less, {meaning that they could say Yea I'm Collared or I have a Slave now.}
That they want Exactly what the Profile says,
no matter how long it takes.

So what are Your thoughts?


Before I found my _ahem_ slave I had reconciled myself to the fact that I was going to my grave alone. I may still do that but at least I have someone to visit me after I'm dead now ;-)

At the same time a profile, while a start, is only a launching pad. For everyone involved.

D (owner of j)



_____________________________

Possibly.

(in reply to MistyMenthal)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: When You Find that one that took so Looong... - 7/3/2006 1:22:01 AM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		I agree a profile is just a window into someone.  If I worried too much about my profile, or his, my pet and I would never have connected.  However, we started talking on a very different level and things grew from there. It has taken a very long time to find him, and I am not still 100% sure he is my "perfect" match... but then again Id be scared if he were perfect from the get go.  Where would be the room for growth together then?

DV

(in reply to Wolfie648)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: When You Find that one that took so Looong... - 7/3/2006 5:50:53 PM   
knees2you


Posts: 2336
Joined: 3/15/2004
Status: offline
quote:

So lets say you are waiting ten years for your perfect match.... but during that time.. you change what that match is supposed to look like.. Maybe the first person you met with was not your match at that time.. but with the growth and changes... s/he may now be...... <hows that for a concept?>


I Believe that if someone is looking for let"s say,
"A slave with no sexual tendencies."
I might be able to see how in ten Years that wouldn't
change. but if they we're looking for someone who
wanted to be able to do a Variety of things,
then I could see that changing.

Ant,


(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: When You Find that one that took so Looong... - 7/3/2006 6:10:46 PM   
SmokeyM


Posts: 120
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		Finding the "one" is normally a lengthy search. Each time one gets into a relationship they think that this might be 'the one' though it turns out not to be. It only makes us stronger and understand more of what we are looking for. As well as how to spot the fake ones.
I keep to my statement of things happening for a reason for that reason. Though over the time I have learned to live life like tomarrow was your last and to love like you have never been hurt before.
However taking the chance on the next relationship may give you a heart attack!
~Smokey

(in reply to knees2you)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Waiting, waiting for the One? - 7/3/2006 6:47:13 PM   
LadiesBladewing


Posts: 944
Joined: 8/31/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

the word waiting has such a passive intonation to it, i am not sure waiting is what i do, i think when you have a goal you have to be working towards it, visualizing it, making small step twards the outcome you desire....


I have to agree wholeheartedly here. What we do is not "waiting"... we are living profoundly and completely, and opening ourselves to the possibilities of drawing into our lives the people who will thrive as part of what we have to share. Like everything else for us, it is an active process -- it is a choice we make every day, about how we will live. We strive for connection, and cherish opportunity when it presents itself, and each day builds towards the right opportunities appearing. We believe this, and live it, and we have not been let down yet, in over 40 years. We will continue to live this way, and continue to have amazing experiences with people who add in immeasurable ways to the joy in our lives.

ZWD

_____________________________


"Should have", "could have", "would have" and "can't" may be the most dangerous phrases in the English language.
Bladewing Enclave

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: When You Find that one that took so Looong... - 7/3/2006 7:15:27 PM   
chainedsinner


Posts: 15
Joined: 9/4/2005
Status: offline 		Well, at least i know i'm not the only one. lol i have a certain image of what my ideal Mistress would be like and i find it very difficult to tell myself to settle for Someone that doesn't meet at least most of those ideals.  i certainly don't expect to meet my perfect Mistress, but i do hope to meet Someone that's a near perfect match.

(in reply to becca333)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: When You Find that one that took so Looong... - 7/4/2006 7:46:09 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		To the opening post.. I respect anyone's right to try to find exactly what they are looking for. I think we all have our laundry lists as to what we want or do not want in a mate. That being said I have to say that part of life in my mind is learning to live and love people different from ourselves. I think that our laundry lists can get in the way of our happiness.

There are things I would like to find in someone, and things that are deal breakers for me. I do not have expectations of what I expect in a person, I try to accept them the way they exist. I think I have found someone I value enough to try to do the long term thing with. He and I share so much common ground it is hard to believe sometimes! He met some basic requirements I had of course, he is as intelligent as I am, he has a great sense of humor, he is a person that is giving to others, he is a Dominant, he doesn't smoke, and he is active. We have much chemistry. I find that if the chemistry is there it just is there.

I have to say when I see someone that has a long long laundry list and they have been alone for a very long time I ask myself if they use road blocks to stay alone. I wonder if they really want a relationship... I think I have done this in the past myself, so it isn't a put down for me to say that. I also think that it is a defense mechanism so people can say "I can't find someone because I won't settle!" I do not think this is the case all the time, but if they did I doubt  that they would admit it to themselves, I can just say I KNOW I have done this in the past.

I guess in the final analysis people have to measure their loneliness against their laundry list, they should perhaps open themselves up to new experiences even if they are not the "one". If they are happy with the way things are in their life, well then they should keep their laundry list "as is"... Just my thoughts.... etc

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to MistyMenthal)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: When You Find that one that took so Looong... - 7/4/2006 8:14:57 AM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline 		fast reply

I have had to school myself to be very patient. It's a bit like trying to find a pearl in a one ton nut bin.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 40
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