To be mean or not to be (Full Version)

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huskyprincess -> To be mean or not to be (10/13/2013 9:37:56 AM)

I am a domme and I am constantly asked to be mean... the meaner the better.... so hell I let loose and reveal the inner devil.... and then I think I genuinely scare people!! then they never talk to me again?
but if im chatting as normal they seem to want to talk to the sweeter side of me???

what is going on?????

When you ask a dom to let rip are you saying be mean but don't make me cry?



AthenaSurrenders -> RE: To be mean or not to be (10/13/2013 9:54:28 AM)

I've never asked anyone to let rip before, but I would think this problem could be easily solved if you said 'tell me exactly what you mean by that' before you started playing. I'm sure each person has something different in mind. If you find all your scenes are going south, you need to spend a lot more time clarifying exactly what you both want from the scene, and what is too much. Oh, and a safeword always helps keeps the boundaries clear if you're doing the type of play in which 'no' or 'stop' or 'I don't like this' might be part of the fun.

Also, if you're 'being mean' over the internet, you might just be encountering folks who lose interest once you've got them off.



myotherself -> RE: To be mean or not to be (10/13/2013 9:54:55 AM)

I wouldn't randomly ask 'a' dom to be mean to me, and I certainly wouldn't let an internet stranger be mean to me.

However on occasion I have asked 'my' dom to be mean to me cos I'm in the mood for a bit of humiliation play.



huskyprincess -> RE: To be mean or not to be (10/13/2013 10:03:22 AM)

thank you, I get a few odd requests, and I ask are they sure if they really want that, and they agree then, nothing. Yes athenasurrenders I think you are right



TigressLily -> RE: To be mean or not to be (as Domme) (10/13/2013 10:21:53 AM)


So let me get this straight, you cam with a bunch of strange dudes, put on the Bitch From Hell act, then they never come back for more?

First off, most men don't know what the hell they want. You're the Domme, not a service Top. You are the Dominant. Whether you're charging a fee or asking for tribute to do cam sessions with them, you are the captain of the ship. Your lack of leadership and of not taking total control of what is supposed to be a D/s dynamic is what might be driving them away. They don't feel they got their money's worth, because you let them reduce your interactions to a sex worker level. Off to the next peep show or stripper act is how they view it.

Not being critical of what you do, that's your choice. Submissive men want to be told what to do. This sounds like you're doing all the doing or perhaps jumping ahead of them instead of leading them along the bread crumb trail. Have them stop to collect the bread crumbs. Hold back something for the imagination. You're trying too hard to appease these wankers.



KYsissy -> RE: To be mean or not to be (as Domme) (10/13/2013 10:51:49 AM)

If this is all online, my guess is that once they fire off a few knuckle children, they got what they want and are gone. You are the equvalent of a good nudie picture.
If this is in person. Then yes, i agree with what was said before, slow down and find out exactly what is meant by "meaner". That could mean so many different things and i bet no sub gives the same answer.



RedMagic1 -> RE: To be mean or not to be (10/13/2013 12:33:48 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: huskyprincess

I am a domme and I am constantly asked to be mean... the meaner the better.... so hell I let loose and reveal the inner devil.... and then I think I genuinely scare people!! then they never talk to me again?
but if im chatting as normal they seem to want to talk to the sweeter side of me???

what is going on?????

They came.

Serious answer.



MistressDarkArt -> RE: To be mean or not to be (10/13/2013 3:53:08 PM)

What you are doing is not dominating, but service topping.

Learn more about how an inherently dominant person conducts themselves. There's way more to it than tits and a whip. Make an effort to connect with your local community and interact in person to learn about the lifestyle, err, the tools of your trade.

Best of luck.



angelikaJ -> RE: To be mean or not to be (10/13/2013 6:48:03 PM)

I think sometimes when people make requests such as for one to "be mean" they have the idea of a script already running through their head.

And your version of "being mean" may not be matching with what they had in mind.



Hmaster88 -> RE: To be mean or not to be (10/13/2013 11:01:42 PM)

I am totally amazed at the number of "Master's" who are really sub's and slaves!



AthenaSurrenders -> RE: To be mean or not to be (10/14/2013 12:42:37 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

I think sometimes when people make requests such as for one to "be mean" they have the idea of a script already running through their head.

And your version of "being mean" may not be matching with what they had in mind.


This is almost certainly true. It is likely these folks have been fantasising for years about their dream femdom encounter and are surprised that you don't act out their exact script. It goes along with MistressDarkArt's observation that you are service topping - rather than actually being in charge you are attempting to act out their fantasies and so when you don't quite capture what they had in mind, they move on.

(P.S. Nothing wrong with service topping)



SerWhiteTiger -> RE: To be mean or not to be (10/14/2013 2:14:14 AM)

Everyone lies to themselves about what they want. The job of a Dom/Domme is to figure out what they really want and then get them to agree to it.



Kana -> RE: To be mean or not to be (10/14/2013 12:32:44 PM)

quote:

When you ask a dom to let rip are you saying be mean but don't make me cry?

Dunno.Nobody has ever been suicidal enough to say such a thing to me.
Which is funny because while I wouldn't be offended, I certainly would see it as a gauntlet thrown



ResidentSadist -> RE: To be mean or not to be (10/14/2013 2:30:56 PM)

Do they really say they want you to be mean? Is this a one time thing that happened because someone misused the term when they rally want you to be strict or humiliate them?

Like Kana said, I don't think anyone in their right mind would ask a died in the wool sadist to be mean.



TallullahHk -> RE: To be mean or not to be (10/14/2013 3:13:45 PM)

The word ''mean" would never pass my lips in the presence of Kana or RS.

Maybe if I had a running start and their shoelaces were tied together. [;)]



Kana -> RE: To be mean or not to be (10/14/2013 6:49:44 PM)

Actually the word "mean" is the one word the mouse is not allowed to use.
She used to say all the time,"That's mean, Your mean,"etc...until I removed the privilege



littlewonder -> RE: To be mean or not to be (10/14/2013 6:51:14 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: huskyprincess

thank you, I get a few odd requests, and I ask are they sure if they really want that, and they agree then, nothing. Yes athenasurrenders I think you are right


You fulfilled your role. They don't have any other reason to talk to you unless they want to hire/play with you again. It's that simple.



DesFIP -> RE: To be mean or not to be (10/15/2013 12:47:31 PM)

Of course they're not following through. They didn't want to meet or have a relationship anyway. They just want a random female to do what they want so they can get their rocks off.

In the future, don't do this. Ask them to meet you for coffee. Because if they can't commit to half an hour in a Starbucks, they aren't ever going to commit to anything else.



Princeoflechers -> RE: To be mean or not to be (10/15/2013 7:31:37 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: SerWhiteTiger

Everyone lies to themselves about what they want. The job of a Dom/Domme is to figure out what they really want and then get them to agree to it.

True words of wisdom.



DesFIP -> RE: To be mean or not to be (10/15/2013 8:15:48 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: SerWhiteTiger

Everyone lies to themselves about what they want. The job of a Dom/Domme is to figure out what they really want and then get them to agree to it.



If this is true, then the dominant is also lying to themselves, and can't be trusted to decipher another's dreams while lying about his/her own.

Actually, many of us are highly self aware and mean what we say.



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