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To be mean or not to be - 10/13/2013 9:37:56 AM

huskyprincess

Posts: 5
Joined: 10/6/2013
Status: offline

I am a domme and I am constantly asked to be mean... the meaner the better.... so hell I let loose and reveal the inner devil.... and then I think I genuinely scare people!! then they never talk to me again?
but if im chatting as normal they seem to want to talk to the sweeter side of me???

what is going on?????

When you ask a dom to let rip are you saying be mean but don't make me cry?

Post #: 1

RE: To be mean or not to be - 10/13/2013 9:54:28 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline

I've never asked anyone to let rip before, but I would think this problem could be easily solved if you said 'tell me exactly what you mean by that' before you started playing. I'm sure each person has something different in mind. If you find all your scenes are going south, you need to spend a lot more time clarifying exactly what you both want from the scene, and what is too much. Oh, and a safeword always helps keeps the boundaries clear if you're doing the type of play in which 'no' or 'stop' or 'I don't like this' might be part of the fun.

Also, if you're 'being mean' over the internet, you might just be encountering folks who lose interest once you've got them off.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to huskyprincess)

Post #: 2

RE: To be mean or not to be - 10/13/2013 9:54:55 AM

myotherself

Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline

I wouldn't randomly ask 'a' dom to be mean to me, and I certainly wouldn't let an internet stranger be mean to me.

However on occasion I have asked 'my' dom to be mean to me cos I'm in the mood for a bit of humiliation play.

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk

(in reply to huskyprincess)

Post #: 3

RE: To be mean or not to be - 10/13/2013 10:03:22 AM

huskyprincess

Posts: 5
Joined: 10/6/2013
Status: offline

thank you, I get a few odd requests, and I ask are they sure if they really want that, and they agree then, nothing. Yes athenasurrenders I think you are right

(in reply to myotherself)

Post #: 4

RE: To be mean or not to be (as Domme) - 10/13/2013 10:21:53 AM

TigressLily

Posts: 436
Status: offline

So let me get this straight, you cam with a bunch of strange dudes, put on the Bitch From Hell act, then they never come back for more?

First off, most men don't know what the hell they want. You're the Domme, not a service Top. You are the Dominant. Whether you're charging a fee or asking for tribute to do cam sessions with them, you are the captain of the ship. Your lack of leadership and of not taking total control of what is supposed to be a D/s dynamic is what might be driving them away. They don't feel they got their money's worth, because you let them reduce your interactions to a sex worker level. Off to the next peep show or stripper act is how they view it.

Not being critical of what you do, that's your choice. Submissive men want to be told what to do. This sounds like you're doing all the doing or perhaps jumping ahead of them instead of leading them along the bread crumb trail. Have them stop to collect the bread crumbs. Hold back something for the imagination. You're trying too hard to appease these wankers.

_____________________________

That Orbed Maiden with White Fire Layden
Whom Mortals Shall Call the Moon ~ Lord Byron
She Moves in Mysterious Ways . . . On Your Knees, Boy. ~ U2

(in reply to huskyprincess)

Post #: 5

RE: To be mean or not to be (as Domme) - 10/13/2013 10:51:49 AM

KYsissy

Posts: 781
Joined: 5/12/2005
Status: offline

If this is all online, my guess is that once they fire off a few knuckle children, they got what they want and are gone. You are the equvalent of a good nudie picture.
If this is in person. Then yes, i agree with what was said before, slow down and find out exactly what is meant by "meaner". That could mean so many different things and i bet no sub gives the same answer.

_____________________________

"If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went."
Will Rogers, 1897-1935

(in reply to TigressLily)

Post #: 6

RE: To be mean or not to be - 10/13/2013 12:33:48 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: huskyprincess

I am a domme and I am constantly asked to be mean... the meaner the better.... so hell I let loose and reveal the inner devil.... and then I think I genuinely scare people!! then they never talk to me again?
but if im chatting as normal they seem to want to talk to the sweeter side of me???

what is going on?????

They came.

Serious answer.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to huskyprincess)

Post #: 7

RE: To be mean or not to be - 10/13/2013 3:53:08 PM

MistressDarkArt

Posts: 5178
Status: offline

What you are doing is not dominating, but service topping.

Learn more about how an inherently dominant person conducts themselves. There's way more to it than tits and a whip. Make an effort to connect with your local community and interact in person to learn about the lifestyle, err, the tools of your trade.

Best of luck.

(in reply to huskyprincess)

Post #: 8

RE: To be mean or not to be - 10/13/2013 6:48:03 PM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

I think sometimes when people make requests such as for one to "be mean" they have the idea of a script already running through their head.

And your version of "being mean" may not be matching with what they had in mind.

_____________________________

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(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to huskyprincess)

Post #: 9

RE: To be mean or not to be - 10/13/2013 11:01:42 PM

Hmaster88

Posts: 6
Joined: 7/16/2013
Status: offline

I am totally amazed at the number of "Master's" who are really sub's and slaves!

(in reply to angelikaJ)

Post #: 10

RE: To be mean or not to be - 10/14/2013 12:42:37 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

I think sometimes when people make requests such as for one to "be mean" they have the idea of a script already running through their head.

And your version of "being mean" may not be matching with what they had in mind.

This is almost certainly true. It is likely these folks have been fantasising for years about their dream femdom encounter and are surprised that you don't act out their exact script. It goes along with MistressDarkArt's observation that you are service topping - rather than actually being in charge you are attempting to act out their fantasies and so when you don't quite capture what they had in mind, they move on.

(P.S. Nothing wrong with service topping)

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to angelikaJ)

Post #: 11

RE: To be mean or not to be - 10/14/2013 2:14:14 AM

SerWhiteTiger

Posts: 437
Joined: 8/12/2013
From: Why is my name Florida? That's a state!
Status: offline

Everyone lies to themselves about what they want. The job of a Dom/Domme is to figure out what they really want and then get them to agree to it.

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 12

RE: To be mean or not to be - 10/14/2013 12:32:44 PM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

When you ask a dom to let rip are you saying be mean but don't make me cry?

Dunno.Nobody has ever been suicidal enough to say such a thing to me.
Which is funny because while I wouldn't be offended, I certainly would see it as a gauntlet thrown

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to SerWhiteTiger)

Post #: 13

RE: To be mean or not to be - 10/14/2013 2:30:56 PM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

Do they really say they want you to be mean? Is this a one time thing that happened because someone misused the term when they rally want you to be strict or humiliate them?

Like Kana said, I don't think anyone in their right mind would ask a died in the wool sadist to be mean.

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to huskyprincess)

Post #: 14

RE: To be mean or not to be - 10/14/2013 3:13:45 PM

TallullahHk

Posts: 572
Joined: 8/20/2012
Status: offline

The word ''mean" would never pass my lips in the presence of Kana or RS.

Maybe if I had a running start and their shoelaces were tied together.

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

Post #: 15

RE: To be mean or not to be - 10/14/2013 6:49:44 PM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

Actually the word "mean" is the one word the mouse is not allowed to use.
She used to say all the time,"That's mean, Your mean,"etc...until I removed the privilege

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to TallullahHk)

Post #: 16

RE: To be mean or not to be - 10/14/2013 6:51:14 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: huskyprincess

thank you, I get a few odd requests, and I ask are they sure if they really want that, and they agree then, nothing. Yes athenasurrenders I think you are right

You fulfilled your role. They don't have any other reason to talk to you unless they want to hire/play with you again. It's that simple.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to huskyprincess)

Post #: 17

RE: To be mean or not to be - 10/15/2013 12:47:31 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Of course they're not following through. They didn't want to meet or have a relationship anyway. They just want a random female to do what they want so they can get their rocks off.

In the future, don't do this. Ask them to meet you for coffee. Because if they can't commit to half an hour in a Starbucks, they aren't ever going to commit to anything else.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 18

RE: To be mean or not to be - 10/15/2013 7:31:37 PM

Princeoflechers

Posts: 3
Joined: 10/15/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SerWhiteTiger

Everyone lies to themselves about what they want. The job of a Dom/Domme is to figure out what they really want and then get them to agree to it.

True words of wisdom.

(in reply to SerWhiteTiger)

Post #: 19

RE: To be mean or not to be - 10/15/2013 8:15:48 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SerWhiteTiger

Everyone lies to themselves about what they want. The job of a Dom/Domme is to figure out what they really want and then get them to agree to it.

If this is true, then the dominant is also lying to themselves, and can't be trusted to decipher another's dreams while lying about his/her own.

Actually, many of us are highly self aware and mean what we say.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to SerWhiteTiger)

Post #: 20

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