Am I wrong or what

Am I wrong or what (Full Version)

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MissOldBroad -> Am I wrong or what (10/14/2013 9:39:33 PM)
Am I wrong or what? I am separated from my Dom at this time and over the last few days he has promised to call me later in the day after speaking with me in the morning. He has failed to do so. Does this lack of follow through a sign that he is really not that into me or is it an indicator that should I relocate to him that he could put me into a situation and just wander off and forget about me? Am I wrong for being concerned about this?

NoBimbosAllowed -> RE: Am I wrong or what (10/14/2013 10:03:29 PM)
do you mean separated by distance because of a trip, or separated as in "we are having a trial separation, rather than breaking up"? one means a totally different answer than the other.

DarkSteven -> RE: Am I wrong or what (10/14/2013 10:13:27 PM)
Until you meet face to face, you've not got much. Try telling him that when he promises a call and doesn't, you get concerned something may have happened to him.

MissOldBroad -> RE: Am I wrong or what (10/14/2013 10:16:04 PM)
I am wrapping things up here before joining Him in his place. This is a new M/s relationship

AdorkableAiley -> RE: Am I wrong or what (10/14/2013 10:20:29 PM)
It would concern me for the basic lack of follow through and general disregard for my feelings. If he says he is going to call and doesn't what other promises is he going to make or has made that he isn't going to honor. If he can't do something as simple as call when he says he is going to what else is he incapable of handling? I would be sad that I was not enough of a priority, that he did not think enough of my feelings to keep in contact the way he said he would. I would be concerned that I did not matter enough for him to pick of the phone especially when he promised that he would. Ailey

NoBimbosAllowed -> RE: Am I wrong or what (10/14/2013 10:30:56 PM)
I don't want to cause panic or add stress that might be unnecessary. My first thought is that if this is a new relationship he might just be setting some boundaries with you and refusing to jump when the phone rings, to refuse what might be perceived as an accidental topping from the bottom ( and I am not suggesting that you are doing that, at all). But some men, gay or straight, in a 'new thing', would not want to begin with the precedent of 'she rings, i answer', or "I am now on her schedule of needs RE comfort". Again, I'm not saying such thoughts are right, proper or remotely fair, but such thoughts occur. Still better than someone becoming less into you, though. I can say that it's likely best to NOT ring him again less than 24 hours since the last call, just in case. won't hurt to let him chase you a bit, I say as a male.

MissOldBroad -> RE: Am I wrong or what (10/14/2013 10:40:11 PM)
i do not call him, he has not answered my inquiry about just that. Ailey that is my thinking as well. Thanks for the second opinion. DarkSteven, those where my exact words I used this morning when we spoke about his failure to contact me all of Sunday like he said he would. Given these "oversights" I think it would be best for me to reconsider my actions of closing up this life and career to go to a home where I may not be in a safe enviorment. Thank you all for your advice!

AdorkableAiley -> RE: Am I wrong or what (10/14/2013 10:44:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NoBimbosAllowed I don't want to cause panic or add stress that might be unnecessary. My first thought is that if this is a new relationship he might just be setting some boundaries with you and refusing to jump when the phone rings, to refuse what might be perceived as an accidental topping from the bottom ( and I am not suggesting that you are doing that, at all). But some men, gay or straight, in a 'new thing', would not want to begin with the precedent of 'she rings, i answer', or "I am now on her schedule of needs RE comfort". Again, I'm not saying such thoughts are right, proper or remotely fair, but such thoughts occur. Still better than someone becoming less into you, though. I can say that it's likely best to NOT ring him again less than 24 hours since the last call, just in case. won't hurt to let him chase you a bit, I say as a male. It isn't about him not answering his phone (which I honestly think would be a problem to because really can't you just come out and say not to call at certain times?) The problem is the fact that he says he is going to call and is not following through. Ailey

AdorkableAiley -> RE: Am I wrong or what (10/14/2013 10:46:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MissOldBroad i do not call him, he has not answered my inquiry about just that. Ailey that is my thinking as well. Thanks for the second opinion. DarkSteven, those where my exact words I used this morning when we spoke about his failure to contact me all of Sunday like he said he would. Given these "oversights" I think it would be best for me to reconsider my actions of closing up this life and career to go to a home where I may not be in a safe enviorment. Thank you all for your advice! If you are having these niggling doubts then you should not be up heaving your life to go be with him. You need to be 100% sure about this Dom before making any life changing choices you might regret later. You need to look out for yourself and keep yourself safe. I am guessing by the fact that you are even questioning if you would be safe that the phone call thing is not the only red flag? You need to take a step back and reevaluate the situation you are in. Ailey

NoBimbosAllowed -> RE: Am I wrong or what (10/14/2013 11:31:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AdorkableAiley quote: ORIGINAL: MissOldBroad i do not call him, he has not answered my inquiry about just that. Ailey that is my thinking as well. Thanks for the second opinion. DarkSteven, those where my exact words I used this morning when we spoke about his failure to contact me all of Sunday like he said he would. Given these "oversights" I think it would be best for me to reconsider my actions of closing up this life and career to go to a home where I may not be in a safe enviorment. Thank you all for your advice! If you are having these niggling doubts then you should not being up heaving your life to go be with him. You need to be 100% sure about this Dom before making any life changing choices you might regret later. You need to look out for yourself and keep yourself safe. I am guessing by the fact that you are even questioning if you would be safe that the phone call thing is not the only red flag? You need to take a step back and reevaluate the situation you are in. Ailey I'm glad YOU said it!

NoBimbosAllowed -> RE: Am I wrong or what (10/14/2013 11:34:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AdorkableAiley quote: ORIGINAL: NoBimbosAllowed I don't want to cause panic or add stress that might be unnecessary. My first thought is that if this is a new relationship he might just be setting some boundaries with you and refusing to jump when the phone rings, to refuse what might be perceived as an accidental topping from the bottom ( and I am not suggesting that you are doing that, at all). But some men, gay or straight, in a 'new thing', would not want to begin with the precedent of 'she rings, i answer', or "I am now on her schedule of needs RE comfort". Again, I'm not saying such thoughts are right, proper or remotely fair, but such thoughts occur. Still better than someone becoming less into you, though. I can say that it's likely best to NOT ring him again less than 24 hours since the last call, just in case. won't hurt to let him chase you a bit, I say as a male. It isn't about him not answering his phone (which I honestly think would be a problem to because really can't you just come out and say not to call at certain times?) The problem is the fact that he says he is going to call and is not following through. Ailey I agree with "The problem is the fact that he says he is going to call and is not following through." But, at the risk of being a traitor to the Testicular Brotherhood (who often piss me off anyway so fuck them), " because really can't you just come out and say not to call at certain times?" No. Because then it becomes "a discussion" or "I just want to say a couple of words about--", which we know will not be a couple of words. A couple of minutes with lots of words, likely. A couple of hours after the conversation goes south, oh yeah, more than possibly.

AdorkableAiley -> RE: Am I wrong or what (10/14/2013 11:37:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NoBimbosAllowed quote: ORIGINAL: AdorkableAiley quote: ORIGINAL: NoBimbosAllowed I don't want to cause panic or add stress that might be unnecessary. My first thought is that if this is a new relationship he might just be setting some boundaries with you and refusing to jump when the phone rings, to refuse what might be perceived as an accidental topping from the bottom ( and I am not suggesting that you are doing that, at all). But some men, gay or straight, in a 'new thing', would not want to begin with the precedent of 'she rings, i answer', or "I am now on her schedule of needs RE comfort". Again, I'm not saying such thoughts are right, proper or remotely fair, but such thoughts occur. Still better than someone becoming less into you, though. I can say that it's likely best to NOT ring him again less than 24 hours since the last call, just in case. won't hurt to let him chase you a bit, I say as a male. It isn't about him not answering his phone (which I honestly think would be a problem to because really can't you just come out and say not to call at certain times?) The problem is the fact that he says he is going to call and is not following through. Ailey I agree with "The problem is the fact that he says he is going to call and is not following through." But, at the risk of being a traitor to the Testicular Brotherhood (who often piss me off anyway so fuck them), " because really can't you just come out and say not to call at certain times?" No. Because then it becomes "a discussion" or "I just want to say a couple of words about--", which we know will not be a couple of words. A couple of minutes with lots of words, likely. A couple of hours after the conversation goes south, oh yeah, more than possibly. Deal with it! You want a relationship you need to put the emotional leg work into it even if that mean gasp communicating. I don't appreciate passive aggressive bullshit and not answering your phone because you feel you are being called to much is just that. Ailey

NoBimbosAllowed -> RE: Am I wrong or what (10/14/2013 11:57:34 PM)
woah! touched a nerve! very much a Zooey Deschanel moment there! luckily I have never been accused of communicating too little ahem. like I said, The Testicular Brotherhood wouldn't be happy with stating a few of these things, but...

littlewonder -> RE: Am I wrong or what (10/15/2013 3:36:12 AM)
Have you two even met face to face yet???

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Am I wrong or what (10/15/2013 3:55:40 AM)
His first priority in this stressful time of your clearing up your life to move to him, he should be doing everything he can show he deserves your love, trust and respect. Not doing what you say you will do is not the way to earn trust and respect. Refusing to discuss it with you further is a major red flag. It's clear he is testing you to see how much neglect you will take. That's why you made this thread, b/c you know in your heart this is true. Your profile says you live your life as a person of value. This is a very difficult thing to do at times. I think we both know, it's one of those times. Best, CP

AdorkableAiley -> RE: Am I wrong or what (10/15/2013 4:44:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt His first priority in this stressful time of your clearing up your life to move to him, he should be doing everything he can show he deserves your love, trust and respect. Not doing what you say you will do is not the way to earn trust and respect. Refusing to discuss it with you further is a major red flag. It's clear he is testing you to see how much neglect you will take. That's why you made this thread, b/c you know in your heart this is true. Your profile says you live your life as a person of value. This is a very difficult thing to do at times. I think we both know, it's one of those times. Best, CP THIS!!! 100% this! Ailey

angelikaJ -> RE: Am I wrong or what (10/15/2013 9:17:52 AM)
How much time have you spent with him face to face? One or 2 weekends is not enough. One or 2 weeks, really isn't enough either. If you have doubts, listen to them. Niggling doubts are different from feeling apprehensive about a new situation. If any part of your gut is saying "this feels wrong" (vs "this is new and scary and I am not sure I like it"). There is a difference. I would listen to your gut. You don't want to pick up everything and move to a place where you have no social supports without being reasonably sure it is the right thing for you to do.

OsideGirl -> RE: Am I wrong or what (10/15/2013 9:56:44 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: angelikaJ How much time have you spent with him face to face? One or 2 weekends is not enough. One or 2 weeks, really isn't enough either. If you have doubts, listen to them. Niggling doubts are different from feeling apprehensive about a new situation. If any part of your gut is saying "this feels wrong" (vs "this is new and scary and I am not sure I like it"). There is a difference. I would listen to your gut. You don't want to pick up everything and move to a place where you have no social supports without being reasonably sure it is the right thing for you to do. I'm with LW and angelikaJ...have you even met this man? How much time have you actually spent with this man? You need to use some common sense before you uproot your life.

kalikshama -> RE: Am I wrong or what (10/15/2013 3:25:08 PM)
quote: Given these "oversights" I think it would be best for me to reconsider my actions of closing up this life and career to go to a home where I may not be in a safe enviorment. I predict that once you express doubts to him, you will create Fear of Loss and he will become the attentive man you wanted...but this will go away once he starts taking you for granted again. So give it a lot of time and face-to-face visits before you decide to move to him.

TallullahHk -> RE: Am I wrong or what (10/15/2013 3:43:55 PM)
At the risk of derailing the topic, I just don't get even entertaining the idea of quitting a job and moving to be with someone you've never even met face to face. And no, I wouldn't trust his follow through if he does not call like he says he will.

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