quote:

ORIGINAL: HisTicia
Is there any way to get those same feelings..that same release without Sir?  I mean.. I used to cut..and that would mix the pain and pleasure..but that doesn't .. nor should it.. probably work for me anymore.  No, it wasn't the same..but it was very close... so I know it's possible.
 
Does anyone have any ideas.. or maybe how do you handle it.. when you can't get that rush.. or that feeling that you need so bad?
 
                     Thank you, Ticia

quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren

I know a few do-it-yourself masochists, but I suspect that you are enjoying it the mix of "Sir" and the pain.  If that's true, almost anything you can do yourself probably isn't going to cut it. 

If you are in an open relationship, you might try looking for a local partner.  If not, plan an early trip back.

quote:

ORIGINAL: HisTicia
Yes, I am sure You are right.  I think the Sir has a lot to do with it... maybe I could get some of the feeling....but I doubt that I could gain all of it alone. 
 
             Just hoped a bit...lol... Ticia

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: HisTicia
Is there any way to get those same feelings..that same release without Sir?  I mean.. I used to cut..and that would mix the pain and pleasure..but that doesn't .. nor should it.. probably work for me anymore.  No, it wasn't the same..but it was very close... so I know it's possible.
 
Does anyone have any ideas.. or maybe how do you handle it.. when you can't get that rush.. or that feeling that you need so bad?
 
                     Thank you, Ticia

Goodness Ticia, in the space of a few weeks, you've left and lost everything you had in your life to go live with someone you'd never met before.  That someone told you that the relationship had to end and now you're in the middle of trying to repair your life and get back to a place of stability and security.

Of course you're hurt and lost and craving.  But please don't become the poster child for rebound.  You've got much bigger problems right now than an endorphin fix.  I think you should work on meditation and keep yourself busy with moving forward.

quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren

quote:

ORIGINAL: HisTicia
Yes, I am sure You are right.  I think the Sir has a lot to do with it... maybe I could get some of the feeling....but I doubt that I could gain all of it alone. 
 
             Just hoped a bit...lol... Ticia

[grin] We all live in hope.  At least you have a return trip to look forward to.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Subsekr

My neighbor's two teenage daughters are cutters.  They are now in a long term counseling "school" for troubled kids.  I found a book called "End all the Pain".   You might enjoy reading it, or at least glean some knowledge about why folks cut and other issues, and how to find other, safer, avenues of release, etc. etc. 

quote:

ORIGINAL: denika

I'm starting to think there is something in the air since alot of the present posts have been in regards to simular situations.

I'm a masochist so I definatly get what you are saying about craving the pain, it's not just the sensation but how it's presented and who is doing it that makes it powerful.  Cutting I understand as well, but  as a form of self abuse I've never tread those waters so I can't rightly state an opinion.   
Like you I find a release in play, I can let go of everything and just focus on the moment, vent out my frustrations, even yell,scream and cry without regrets.

I've even considered flogging myself for release....trust me when I say Bad Idea *s*.  My husband Rob who is not  Sadist even offered, the thought was there but we both just ended up frustrated. Don't settle.

I've only been active in this lifestyle for a litle over a year and I have to fall back on the techniques I used before I ever met my Top.  Definatly not the same  but it is better than nothing.   Is it as fullfilling and have the same results? Very big no. But it helps keep the screams at bay.    Writing for me is cathartic, I can pour my emotions into my characters. Hobbies, friends. It doesn't take the place of the joy of submission but it helps along the journey. I am an adrenaline junkie,a thrill seeker I want to taste everything that life can throw at me while I am here so  the hard part is sorting out the experiences that just might kill me if I step into them blindly and just out of desperation to feel the rush.

You are going to be tempted by many things but in the end it's going to come down to knowing what you need, and from the sound of it you are still talking with your Sir and that is a step. It's not about 'lifestyle' but how we live life, baby steps.... Easier said than done,........ trust me when I say I know this.

I wish you the best.


denika

quote:

ORIGINAL: sleazybutterfly


Thank you..yes.. I will try to go back to those things... the bad part is.. I am not like you..and I didn't get it the good ways.. it was always the damaging ways.. like the bulimia..the cutting...the sex... things like that.  Maybe I need to try and pour my energy into something else... I am looking into that,
 
I thought of spanking myself..lol.. but I remember an online guy telling me to do that.. and I couldn't with a straight face..so I doubt it would work in this case. 
 
I will keep trying to come up with something...that's for sure.
 
                                    ~Ticia

lol..not sure why i am logged in under this name.. oh, well.. it's me at any rate.

quote:

ORIGINAL: HisTicia
I am trying to figure out exactly how I want to ask this question... please bare with me a bit.. and I will try to make sense.
 
There is that certain pleasure, that certain pain.. that I get from Sir.  It's that release... or something.  I never knew that I would like pain this much.. or it could even do so much for me at all.   

quote:

Now I am back home..and I already miss that.  It's hard to describe..but I am sure many of you know what I am talking about.
 
I feel lost... really lost without it.. something is missing.. I am craving it..and craving Him to be honest.   

quote:

Is there any way to get those same feelings..that same release without Sir?  I mean.. I used to cut..and that would mix the pain and pleasure..but that doesn't .. nor should it.. probably work for me anymore.  No, it wasn't the same..but it was very close... so I know it's possible.  

quote:

ORIGINAL: denika

quote:

ORIGINAL: sleazybutterfly


Thank you..yes.. I will try to go back to those things... the bad part is.. I am not like you..and I didn't get it the good ways.. it was always the damaging ways.. like the bulimia..the cutting...the sex... things like that.  Maybe I need to try and pour my energy into something else... I am looking into that,
 
I thought of spanking myself..lol.. but I remember an online guy telling me to do that.. and I couldn't with a straight face..so I doubt it would work in this case. 
 
I will keep trying to come up with something...that's for sure.
 
                                    ~Ticia

lol..not sure why i am logged in under this name.. oh, well.. it's me at any rate.

The bulima I understand tho, all too well. It's a wicked circle not to mention an addictive one. I flirted with anerexia in high school, not because I thought I was fat but because I wanted to punish myself and see how far I could push the envelope. Not the smartest thing I have ever done.   I took up fencing a year and a half ago, I never thought I was competative until I went to an open house and gave it a try.   I'm not a switch but there is something so rewarding about smacking the living crap out of someone with a sword.   That and I get hit to *s*


denika

quote:

ORIGINAL: brightspot

{Fast Reply}
 
What you have written and things you have omitted, I see a lot of gaps, information I would have shared though you choose to not include in your heartwrenching journey. I may be the only person here who is beginning to think this way, but I will proceed anyway and say IMO this story is starting to seem to me just that a story.
 
From some of the issues you say you are dealing with(cutting, bulimia, self sabotage) it is hard for me not to believe you are just making all this up for the attention effect. I may be wrong.
Sometimes I even wonder if you are being honest here at the forums about you gender, nothing personal, I don't care how anyone gender bends. Looking your photo, you are nice looking but you do have male facial features.
Maybe this has been a little mind fuck journey to feed your need for attention.
 
Just my thoughts, I am not stating anything as fact.
 
*Brightspot

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

quote:

ORIGINAL: HisTicia
I am trying to figure out exactly how I want to ask this question... please bare with me a bit.. and I will try to make sense.
 
There is that certain pleasure, that certain pain.. that I get from Sir.  It's that release... or something.  I never knew that I would like pain this much.. or it could even do so much for me at all.   

Realistically, how much pain could your "Sir" have given you??? According to the running journal of this fiasco you had one weekend (if that) before it all fell apart. Unless you are talking about the gut wrenching agony of having your heart trampled all over?

Well.. it could be called gut wrenching.. I admit.. that night was horrid.  It's very hard when you think everything is fine..and then a few min. later.. it all falls apart..but.. as the days went on.. I realized.. shit happens.. simple as that.  I have had to face worse..and I am sure I will again.  Things got put in perspective when I sat and thought about my best friend..whos mom died late last week(week before last now) out of the blue.. life is too damn short.. so Tues.. I sat down..and even though I was still hurt..and I still cried.. I packed my stuff..and I knew that I could dig deep..and get thru this somehow...that is life.. it sucks..but it's life all the same.

quote:

Now I am back home..and I already miss that.  It's hard to describe..but I am sure many of you know what I am talking about.
 
I feel lost... really lost without it.. something is missing.. I am craving it..and craving Him to be honest.   

You've beeen back home for what....2 days?? You are craving a man that had you give up your entire life and come to him but didn't have a concrete plan in place for you when you got there??? You really are a masochist.

Yes.. I am.  I craved him while I was still there.  You can't just turn your heart off like that.. or the mind.. they are very powerful.  He did have a plan..and he did think things were fixed.. or I wouldn't have went.. he did everything he could to assure things were stable..but.. you can't prepare for everything...and you can't predict what others will do..and that was what happened.. not he nor I..but another.  We could have planned out the ass for everything but that.

quote:

Is there any way to get those same feelings..that same release without Sir?  I mean.. I used to cut..and that would mix the pain and pleasure..but that doesn't .. nor should it.. probably work for me anymore.  No, it wasn't the same..but it was very close... so I know it's possible.  

If you are getting the same (or very close) feeling from your Sir that you got from self mutilation.....well gosh do I really have to explain why that is fucked up? Is there anything you could do? Sure...I'd suggest re-reading all of these threads (seriously). That should cause you more than enough pain. It also should provide a whalloping dose of humiliation too if you're into that. This time though you may want to actually try to absorb some of what everyone else has been saying to you, maybe in hindsight you will be able to see that there was some wisdom in the words. If you really feel that you must inflict physical pain upon yourself....I would suggest beating yourself in the head because at least that has a slight chance of having the side benefit of knocking some sense into you.