RE: how do i get my husband to be more Dom.?

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RE: how do i get my husband to be more Dom.? - 10/20/2013 8:35:09 AM

ResidentSadist

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#1) Be more submissive, seduce and coax the domlyness out of him. Read this book for tips: The Surrendered Wife

#2) Go to Amazon or check out this book list and pick out some erotic fiction for you both to read together. That should help inspire is leather libido.

#3) If his libido is stirred by erotic leather fiction stories, perhaps then would be a good time to revisit the book list and get some instructional leather books from the non-fiction selection.

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RE: how do i get my husband to be more Dom.? - 10/20/2013 1:14:19 PM

sheisreeds

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Oh my.

First off, yes, both of you need to learn.

You, need to figure out the fine line between what you want and need, and then communicate, he needs to do the same. And it is not time to go around being submissive, it's time to inventory what you really want out of this marriage. Because your needs and his may not be compatible.

All this wasn't discussed before you decided to tie the knot?

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RE: how do i get my husband to be more Dom.? - 10/23/2013 11:28:42 PM

buck6233

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Please allow me to do the opposite of "make a short story long" with the ONLY answer neccessar. Answer: you DON'T! :)

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RE: how do i get my husband to be more Dom.? - 10/24/2013 6:01:55 AM

polygyny4me

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SirDereksbaby13

Ok so I'm married and love my husband very much. I also however love being a submissive! He knows my past and that Ihave never not been with a dom before. He has very distinct Dom traits but he also has no clue how to be in a true Dom "role". I'm craving being under someones control again but I'm not sure how to guide him? Help please!

I wasn't very "dom" with my naturally submissive wife, head of household yes, dom no. I had the traits, being a former Marine Officer, but not really the desire as I had myself convinced that I married the woman I wanted to marry. Then I realized that the woman I wanted to marry was naturally submissive and that must be something I desired subconsciously, a submissive woman. My wife topped a bit from the bottom at first, but very respectfully. She did the laundry, cleaned the house, cooked the meals, started calling me sir, whether I had earned that title or not and began sitting at my feet. We had an honest conversation about what she would "like". It took me awhile to get it but I did. Just as I trained in the Corps, I put myself through dom training school through study, through speaking with true and actual doms, reading these forums and others and imposed a set of values, wants and needs for myself and figured out how that worked into her needs. Because she was open and honest with me, in what I am sure was a very uncomfortable conversation for her, we are now much happier in our life and our marriage, she has what she desired and I have a wonderful submissive who also happens to be my wife.

Just because he knows your past does not mean he understands your need to be submissive. Most people who left a past left it for a reason and don't want to be a part of their past any further. He may be thinking "that was her then, this is her now".

If one part of a marriage or any relationship for that matter truly desires something and the other wants no part of it there is not a true partnership. If you feel as though you cannot express your true desire and you are frustrated with your husband you and only you have to decide if you can act the submissive role enough to tempt him into finding more about being a dom. It is not your job to change him, it is merely your job to be as you wish in the hopes he will, as I did, see the great benefit to it. If not, you have to decide whether you can live happily with him not being the dom you want or if you need to move on. Munches, more people, etc, are not going to help you if he does not know your needs, they most likely will make matters worse and he will have a resentment. Tell him what you want, that you wish to be at his command, whatever it is and then it is up to him, not you, to follow through, If he doesn't then you have the man you married, not the man you want. Fantastical, wishful thinking will never accomplish a thing and more than likely you will be disappointed in the reality of it. Only real words, spoken honestly will ever accomplish anything.

If you try to make him be a dom, he is not going to be a dom, he might try to be a boss, but he will never be a dom and you most likely be unhappy with the results.

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RE: how do i get my husband to be more Dom.? - 10/24/2013 8:16:24 AM

JeffBC

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Great post... all of it.

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RE: how do i get my husband to be more Dom.? - 10/24/2013 9:23:46 AM

polygyny4me

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Thank you Jeff.

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RE: how do i get my husband to be more Dom.? - 10/24/2013 9:40:29 AM

DesFIP

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From: Apple County NY
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That's true if, and it's a large if, the op is talking about dominance and not play. Since she hasn't come back to specify, we're guessing. But that 'true dom' stuff seems to me to actually mean sadism. And he may well be dominant, hell she says he is, but that doesn't mean he's ever going to get off on caning her and leaving marks.

If what she's talking about is play and not being the leader in the relationship, then she needs to be clearer about it. But she also needs to learn that he's not going to be skilled in florentine flogging overnight, no matter how domly he is. These are skill sets that must be learned and practiced. And unless he has the desire to learn them, it won't happen.

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