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Lying - 10/20/2013 12:06:42 AM   
Kirasen


Posts: 59
Joined: 10/2/2013
Status: offline 		hmm so, its not a question related to me in most any way, but I was just wondering what would you do if you found out your slave was hiding things from you or lying to you? I'm just asking.

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RE: Lying - 10/20/2013 12:45:03 AM   
SunTzuSwe


Posts: 82
Joined: 4/25/2013
Status: offline 		There's no one simple "solve all" solution.

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RE: Lying - 10/20/2013 12:47:59 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline
Lying is about the state of the relationship. Two people who trust each other and have a bond will be able to talk through problems without resorting to lies.

If there are lies, then a bigger discussion needs to take place and tough decisions may need to be made.

It's not about bdsm, it's about people.

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RE: Lying - 10/20/2013 1:26:05 AM   
stef


Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SunTzuSwe

There's no one simple "solve all" solution.

Sure there is, but some people might consider it to be too drastic. Kick them to the curb.

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RE: Lying - 10/20/2013 1:28:53 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		I've been in this position. The solution ranges from having a serious discussion with an action plan, to simply calling the relationship over.

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RE: Lying - 10/20/2013 1:59:06 AM   
Kirasen


Posts: 59
Joined: 10/2/2013
Status: offline 		Hmm just for the fun of learning, let me expand the question---- What if the secret is made to protect others including yourself? its just a hypothetical question for curious people.

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RE: Lying - 10/20/2013 2:05:49 AM   
stef


Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline 		Not nearly curious enough to play the "what if" game, sorry.

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RE: Lying - 10/20/2013 3:07:25 AM   
Kirasen


Posts: 59
Joined: 10/2/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: stef

Not nearly curious enough to play the "what if" game, sorry.

Curious enough to say your statement though.

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RE: Lying - 10/20/2013 3:17:53 AM   
TNDommeK


Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline 		I think I'm with Stef on this one...kick em to the curb.

If I have any other answer, I'd have to hear the actual situation.

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RE: Lying - 10/20/2013 3:43:23 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline 		FR

Unless the lie is 'I'm working late' when actually he/she is going out to get you a surprise birthday present, then yes, lies are destructive and probably signal the end of a relationship.

Other than that, your hypothetical doesn't have nearly enough information. Protecting yourself and others could mean 'I'm in the witness protection programme and bad guys might hurt our kids if I tell you my true identity' or it could mean 'I know you'll break up with me if you find out I've been cheating on you and running up credit in your name, so I will protect myself by not telling you.' Huge difference.

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RE: Lying - 10/20/2013 4:21:16 AM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kirasen

Hmm just for the fun of learning, let me expand the question---- What if the secret is made to protect others including yourself? its just a hypothetical question for curious people.



Why be in a relationship with someone you can not trust?
(And that question is double ended: both for the person being lied to and the person who lied.)

People rarely lie for noble reasons.
People lie because they are afraid.
Afraid of not being accepted, afraid of disappointing someone.... .

Lies never stay small, they grow and become more and more destructive and produce more and bigger lies.

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RE: Lying - 10/20/2013 4:32:55 AM   
Toysinbabeland


Posts: 1693
Joined: 3/4/2012
From: the other end of Cx's leash
Status: offline 		Apparently a lying slave is not owned.
When something is defective, you fix it, or throw it away.

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RE: Lying - 10/20/2013 5:33:12 AM   
NiceButMeanGirl


Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline 		It depends on what the lie is for. Lying about where you are when you're picking out your significant other a gift is different than lying to cover up cheating for instance. The first, no big deal. The second, big deal.

NBMG

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RE: Lying - 10/20/2013 8:36:04 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kirasen
hmm so, its not a question related to me in most any way, but I was just wondering what would you do if you found out your slave was hiding things from you or lying to you? I'm just asking.

If Carol was able to lie then it is evidence that she's no longer internally enslaved. That would trouble me. But honestly, I'd be more focused on whatever the underlying issue was which caused such unusual behavior. I'd have to assume something was deeply wrong in our marriage or in her life.

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RE: Lying - 10/20/2013 8:45:19 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		How curious...

Your definition of monogamy means never talking to other people again? Harsh way to live.
Unless she had sex with you, she was not cheating.


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pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
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RE: Lying - 10/20/2013 8:45:33 AM   
SweetAnise


Posts: 480
Joined: 8/23/2013
Status: offline 		Lying says distrust. There is no such thing in protecting someone else. We are adults. Right? They can protect themselves. The person lying is really lying to themselves.

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RE: Lying - 10/20/2013 9:02:18 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kirasen

hmm so, its not a question related to me in most any way, but I was just wondering what would you do if you found out your slave was hiding things from you or lying to you? I'm just asking.


Depends on lie. If it's something like say, I didn't tell him about a health issue, he'd give me a lecture, punish me and I would have to make an appointment at the doctor's office. If it was something huge, like cheating on him or something that could hurt us or him or me, then I would most likely be gone. We would no longer be a couple. If I was lying all the time to him then again, I would be gone. We would no longer be together.


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RE: Lying - 10/20/2013 9:03:58 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kirasen

Hmm just for the fun of learning, let me expand the question---- What if the secret is made to protect others including yourself? its just a hypothetical question for curious people.


To protect myself? He'd be pissed as hell. It's not my choice to protect myself. That's his responsibility according to him. And if I have to lie to him to protect others he would see it as me not trusting him at all and that there, would be the end of us. No trust no relationship.


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RE: Lying - 10/20/2013 9:11:08 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		How could lying protect him?

And if I have to lie to him to protect myself from him, then I shouldn't be in this relationship.
My ex had a habit of getting over excited over minor things. I turned to him one day and said "From now on I will lie to you about leaving the milk out because I'm not interested in being screamed at over this. I'll just spend two bucks and replace it without telling you." This made him take a good long look at himself and start changing destructive behavior. However, I did give him fair warning that I was going to start lying about the milk.

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RE: Lying - 10/20/2013 9:12:48 AM   
DaddySatyr


Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline 		A couple of people have touched on something that kind of sticks in my craw:

If my lady lies, even to get me a surprise gift or organize a surprise party, that would be an issue for me. Of course, I don't micro-manage so, a simple: "I'll be home from work a little later than usual" (just so I don't worry) is sufficient for me. I don't pry and it doesn't matter what's keeping her, as long as I don't have something in mind that I need her to do. Then, I might say: "Why are you going to be late?"

I don't particularly care for "little white lies" because if they'll lie about the little shit, what will they do with the big stuff?





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