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Creepy or sweet? - 10/26/2013 9:08:28 AM   
littleone14


Posts: 185
Joined: 7/4/2012
Status: offline 		I can't decide what my take is on this, and wanted to get your input. A friend was browsing on a vanilla dating site (she isn't a member) and saw someone she's really interested in. Based on his user name she was very easy able to find him on Facebook. Would it be really creepy of her to contact him on FB? What are your thoughts?
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RE: Creepy or sweet? - 10/26/2013 9:22:35 AM   
TigressLily


Posts: 436
Status: offline
IMO, yes. It could be perceived as a bit creepy.

quote:

ORIGINAL: littleone14

Would it be really creepy of her to contact him on FB?


There are some men who would be flattered, but as a general rule, it's better for a woman to not appear as if she is "throwing" herself at a man. It can make her look desperate. I'm old-fashioned that way. I like for the man to do the pursuing.

If the shoe were on the other foot, and a man replied to something I had posted on YouTube, I would get a little creeped out if he contacted me on a different site instead. Unless it was Jude Law, of course. Jude gets a free pass any day of the week.

Can she wait a few weeks until there is a free communications weekend on that site? What is this, love at first sight? She can wait.

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RE: Creepy or sweet? - 10/26/2013 9:27:00 AM   
souler


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Joined: 12/21/2012
Status: offline 		Not necessarily, though she should approach it as if she "stumbled" upon it.

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RE: Creepy or sweet? - 10/26/2013 9:44:30 AM   
eulero83


Posts: 1470
Joined: 11/4/2005
Status: offline 		If I girl I don't have any clue who she is befriends me on facebook I think it's a scam or a camgirl, nor creepy nor sweet just that she has some kind of agenda. If with the request there is a message and the public part of the profile proves she's genuine, than I would think she's easy, she's good looking I would be happy if not just ignore the request.

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RE: Creepy or sweet? - 10/26/2013 9:49:50 AM   
littleone14


Posts: 185
Joined: 7/4/2012
Status: offline 		I don't think the intent was just to randomly friend him. She'd send a message explaining the situation.

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RE: Creepy or sweet? - 10/26/2013 10:03:14 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		I think she should explain the situation and go for it. I've always received a positive response when I contacted men out of the blue. (No one would mistake me for a cam girl from my first message, which is always well thought out and targeted to the individual.)

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RE: Creepy or sweet? - 10/26/2013 10:51:10 AM   
MercTech


Posts: 3706
Joined: 7/4/2006
Status: offline 		That is exactly how my high school girlfriend got back in touch with me.
I had an old profile on OKCupid and used the same screen name on Facebook.

Now my high school girlfriend and my girl are best buddies. (no, not a menage)

I do think they plot against me on occasion.

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RE: Creepy or sweet? - 10/26/2013 10:56:45 AM   
zerogirl


Posts: 28
Joined: 9/15/2013
Status: offline 		As a woman I would find it creepy if a guy "stalked" my fb after finding me on a dating site. However I would tend to think a man might be more accepting and possibly even flattered by the attempt. No guarantees but it is worth a shot. Is there any reason why she isn't a member of the dating site? Is it a pay site and she doesn't want to sign up? If so then that would be more understandable for why she's going out of her way to contact him on fb.

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RE: Creepy or sweet? - 10/26/2013 11:02:42 AM   
eulero83


Posts: 1470
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Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littleone14

I don't think the intent was just to randomly friend him. She'd send a message explaining the situation.


Maybe a I should rewrite the second part better (I speek for personal experience and by locker room talks), when excluded this comes from a professional, creepy or desperate when talking about girls are not words we use, sweet can be one but not for an approach by facebook, now we are not used to girls doing the first move so when it happens it's a "ego boost", the only thing she can warry about is to be considered easy, and that's something we are totally fine with if looking for play partners, or to be turned down because she's not looking good enough, enough can be variable from guy to guy but I'm not talking about beauty pegeants level but usually average nexdoor girl is more than enough to not be turned down.

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RE: Creepy or sweet? - 10/26/2013 11:05:50 AM   
SeekingTrinity


Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline 		~FRing it~

Why does she not just contact him through the website she found him at? Then she wouldn't have to be creepy or weird at all. As a woman, I too would find it creepy for some random guy to message me on FB mentioning that he saw me on CM (as an example), so he tracked me down on FB to send me a message.

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RE: Creepy or sweet? - 10/26/2013 11:12:54 AM   
littleone14


Posts: 185
Joined: 7/4/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SeekingTrinity

~FRing it~

Why does she not just contact him through the website she found him at? Then she wouldn't have to be creepy or weird at all.


I think it's the cost.

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RE: Creepy or sweet? - 10/26/2013 11:24:27 AM   
freedomdwarf1


Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: littleone14


quote:

ORIGINAL: SeekingTrinity

~FRing it~

Why does she not just contact him through the website she found him at? Then she wouldn't have to be creepy or weird at all.

I think it's the cost.

You are probably right.
Most dating sites don't allow you to send a message/mail unless you are a paid member even when it's free to join up.

That said, there are some sites that allow a female to send a limited number of messages just because they are female (doesn't happen if you are a couple or male though).

It's also one of the reasons I/we don't frequent any of the social networking sites.
I certainly wouldn't want anyone contacting me out of the blue from any dating/kink site.

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RE: Creepy or sweet? - 10/26/2013 11:33:29 AM   
Apocalypso


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Joined: 4/20/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: souler

Not necessarily, though she should approach it as if she "stumbled" upon it.

It's not possible to just stumble across a Facebook profile though. He's not going to believe that for a second. If she does contact him, it's best to be upfront and even a bit lighthearted about it rather then trying to deny she Facestalked him.

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RE: Creepy or sweet? - 10/26/2013 12:37:46 PM   
SeekingTrinity


Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline 		Ah ok, makes sense now. I thought we were talking OKC or something along those lines.

Well, I guess given the new parameters...Id approach him honestly on FB if she wants to see what the possibilities are. I guess if he was too concerned about privacy, he wouldn't have used the same username for both this dating site and FB.

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RE: Creepy or sweet? - 10/26/2013 12:52:23 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I'd say it's close to creepy but hasn't crossed the line just yet. If the reason for not contacting him on the site where she originally saw him was about fees to join and there was anything in the profile about alternative contact info, I'd say that probably wouldn't be an issue. If she had to track him down and researched his facebook, other dating sites, tried to find his yahoo and/or AOL type info, and more or less stalked his internet activity trying to find him or see what he was doing, I'd definitely put it in the creepy category.


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RE: Creepy or sweet? - 10/26/2013 1:07:56 PM   
garyFLR


Posts: 4030
Joined: 5/11/2013
Status: offline 		Personally, I would be extremely flattered, as long as the back story is fully explained. Otherwise I would think it's a scam.
I don't suppose there's a bloke on the planet that wouldn't get a tingle if hit on by a Lady .

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RE: Creepy or sweet? - 10/26/2013 1:09:07 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Could she friend one of his friends on FB? Wait a week, and then contact him on the basis of the shared friend.

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

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RE: Creepy or sweet? - 10/26/2013 1:18:40 PM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I'd say it's close to creepy but hasn't crossed the line just yet. If the reason for not contacting him on the site where she originally saw him was about fees to join and there was anything in the profile about alternative contact info, I'd say that probably wouldn't be an issue. If she had to track him down and researched his facebook, other dating sites, tried to find his yahoo and/or AOL type info, and more or less stalked his internet activity trying to find him or see what he was doing, I'd definitely put it in the creepy category.



Yeah, this is where I am on this.

It would not be over the line, but on it.

Over the line would be contacting another of my friends, pretending to have lost my number and being 'too embarrassed' to ask me for it.

Of course I dated that one for 18 months.

Fucking nut job.

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RE: Creepy or sweet? - 10/26/2013 1:24:10 PM   
littleone14


Posts: 185
Joined: 7/4/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Could she friend one of his friends on FB? Wait a week, and then contact him on the basis of the shared friend.


That sounds creepier to me than just contacting him directly and fessing up to what she's doing!

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RE: Creepy or sweet? - 10/26/2013 1:39:54 PM   
stef


Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: souler

Not necessarily, though she should approach it as if she "stumbled" upon it.

Yes, because the absolute best way to begin a relationship is to base it on a lie. Great advice.

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