Dangerous Doms?

Dangerous Doms? (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive

Message

AussieinDubai -> Dangerous Doms? (10/26/2013 5:48:19 PM)
I am writing a "Guide to BDSM", which began as an overview of BDSM I wrote for curious vanilla folk, which has now turned into a much larger book. I am including a chapter for novice subs, with a lot of information on safety, how to handle the first meeting, and the danger signs to look out for. Can anyone think of anything that I should include? What should set the alarm bells off?

RedMagic1 -> RE: Dangerous Doms? (10/26/2013 6:15:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AussieinDubai What should set the alarm bells off? Self-proclaimed experts white-knighting. 100% serious answer. The incidental snark is just a bonus for the internet. I don't expect you'll be satisfied with this response. If you aren't, you could spend 10 minutes on Google and find literally thousands of pages on this topic. It's one of the most popular let's-bitch-about-this-now subjects in both BDSM and dating in general.

Spiritedsub2 -> RE: Dangerous Doms? (10/26/2013 7:01:27 PM)
If I didn't know the answers, I wouldn't be writing the book.

OsideGirl -> RE: Dangerous Doms? (10/26/2013 8:00:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2 If I didn't know the answers, I wouldn't be writing the book. ^^^ Good point. Not to mention that I always find male Dominants warning female submissives how to beware of other male Dominants to be self serving. Until you've walked a mile in our shoes and all that.

DesFIP -> RE: Dangerous Doms? (10/26/2013 8:28:55 PM)
Healthy people choose healthy partners. If you choose bad vanilla partners, you'll choose bad bdsm partners. Basically: Physician heal thyself. Or it's easier to see the mote in another's eye than the beam in your own. The fact that you can't get a partner says more than anything that this is laughable.

littlewonder -> RE: Dangerous Doms? (10/26/2013 8:45:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AussieinDubai I am writing a "Guide to BDSM", which began as an overview of BDSM I wrote for curious vanilla folk, which has now turned into a much larger book. I am including a chapter for novice subs, with a lot of information on safety, how to handle the first meeting, and the danger signs to look out for. Can anyone think of anything that I should include? What should set the alarm bells off? One line to add....if you can't get a vanilla date you will never get a bdsm date.

evesgrden -> RE: Dangerous Doms? (10/26/2013 11:15:35 PM)
Perhaps you should be the student before being the teacher.

AthenaSurrenders -> RE: Dangerous Doms? (10/27/2013 1:50:15 AM)
FR I think the same skills in personal safety apply regardless of the kink leanings of both parties. If you maintain your personal standards and your common sense, there's no reason to consider a dominant any more of a risk to you than any other date. Those folks who run into problems are those who get all excited by the prospect of their kinks and throw their brain out of the window. They believe that somehow normal relationship rules do not apply and so accept things they would never accept from a new vanilla partner. Users and abusers and just plain toxic people exist just as much in the vanilla world as they do in the BDSM world and if you switch off your filters because you read some dirty story that told you how a 'real' dom and a 'true' sub should act, there's no surprise if you end up in a shitty relationship. Likewise, closely related to what LW said, if you have poor relationship skills to begin with, you're going to struggle in a BDSM relationship too. People should remember that BDSM relationships are still just relationships, and as such they are all different. Laugh at any one who tells you there is one right way to do it, because they're either as clueless as you are, or they are actively trying to manipulate you into getting what they want. And yes, be wary of folks who want to save or protect you. Their motives are usually suspect.

TigressLily -> RE: Dangerous Doms? (10/27/2013 3:37:39 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders FR I think the same skills in personal safety apply regardless of the kink leanings of both parties. If you maintain your personal standards and your common sense, there's no reason to consider a dominant any more of a risk to you than any other date. Those folks who run into problems are those who get all excited by the prospect of their kinks and throw their brain out of the window. They believe that somehow normal relationship rules do not apply and so accept things they would never accept from a new vanilla partner. Users and abusers and just plain toxic people exist just as much in the vanilla world as they do in the BDSM world and if you switch off your filters because you read some dirty story that told you how a 'real' dom and a 'true' sub should act, there's no surprise if you end up in a shitty relationship. Likewise, closely related to what LW said, if you have poor relationship skills to begin with, you're going to struggle in a BDSM relationship too. People should remember that BDSM relationships are still just relationships, and as such they are all different. Laugh at any one who tells you there is one right way to do it, because they're either as clueless as you are, or they are actively trying to manipulate you into getting what they want. And yes, be wary of folks who want to save or protect you. Their motives are usually suspect. ^ [sm=agree.gif] ^ [sm=goodpost.gif] ^ (I don't think I have a single thing to add which could improve on that, Athena.)

AussieinDubai -> RE: Dangerous Doms? (10/27/2013 9:49:26 AM)
Thanks for the shower of abuse. Under the laws of the U.A.E., if a woman goes to the police complaining of something that might have been done, she will be immediately charged with adultery, which is illegal here. Unless she can find four Muslim men to testify on her behalf, she will certainly be facing a jail sentence. The guide I was writing is intended specifically for Westerners living in Muslim countries, as I can't find anything online or in the book collection to cover this specific situation.

OvrThRainbow -> RE: Dangerous Doms? (10/27/2013 9:52:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AussieinDubai Thanks for the shower of abuse. Under the laws of the U.A.E., if a woman goes to the police complaining of something that might have been done, she will be immediately charged with adultery, which is illegal here. Unless she can find four Muslim men to testify on her behalf, she will certainly be facing a jail sentence. The guide I was writing is intended specifically for Westerners living in Muslim countries, as I can't find anything online or in the book collection to cover this specific situation. Well, you didn't mention in your OP that this was in reference to kink in the U.A.E. That's a whole 'nother kettle of fish.

DarkSteven -> RE: Dangerous Doms? (10/27/2013 9:53:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AussieinDubai The guide I was writing is intended specifically for Westerners living in Muslim countries, as I can't find anything online or in the book collection to cover this specific situation. Well, why didn't you specify that in the first place? There's someone on the boards called ashjor that's a male Dom living in Arab countries. But I don't think anyone else here has set foot in an Arabic country. Sorry, but I don't think we could provide you with much help.

tj444 -> RE: Dangerous Doms? (10/27/2013 10:06:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AussieinDubai Thanks for the shower of abuse. Under the laws of the U.A.E., if a woman goes to the police complaining of something that might have been done, she will be immediately charged with adultery, which is illegal here. Unless she can find four Muslim men to testify on her behalf, she will certainly be facing a jail sentence. The guide I was writing is intended specifically for Westerners living in Muslim countries, as I can't find anything online or in the book collection to cover this specific situation. imo it would have helped a lot if you had stated that yer book was specifically for Westerners living in Muslim countries.. that is a very different spin on things, I would say.. I do expect there might be a need for such a book although I would also expect that Westerners would have the tendency to either not seek out such advice or that they would learn of it after the fact when they run into trouble.. I would include a chapter on getting out of trouble in addition to the chapters on avoiding trouble in the first place.. I would also suggest you use a pseudonym/pen name as author!..

DomMeinCT -> RE: Dangerous Doms? (10/27/2013 10:34:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AussieinDubai Thanks for the shower of abuse. Under the laws of the U.A.E., if a woman goes to the police complaining of something that might have been done, she will be immediately charged with adultery, which is illegal here. Unless she can find four Muslim men to testify on her behalf, she will certainly be facing a jail sentence. The guide I was writing is intended specifically for Westerners living in Muslim countries, as I can't find anything online or in the book collection to cover this specific situation. Enjoy your self-inflicted outrage over the fact that this isn't the CollarMe Clairvoyant Boards.

RedMagic1 -> RE: Dangerous Doms? (10/27/2013 10:35:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AussieinDubai I can't find anything online or in the book collection to cover this specific situation. This was link #4 for me on the Google search "westerners dating in muslim countries." http://philasify101.blogspot.de/2012/10/6-creepy-muslim-men-all-women-should.html I'm sure there are 70 bajillion more links. Probably some have value, while others do not. But this has to be right at the top of the list of "female expat problems." Please add, "RedMagic1 thinks you are a liar," to your torrent of abuse.

singlemaltlady -> RE: Dangerous Doms? (10/27/2013 10:54:35 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AussieinDubai Thanks for the shower of abuse. Under the laws of the U.A.E., if a woman goes to the police complaining of something that might have been done, she will be immediately charged with adultery, which is illegal here. Unless she can find four Muslim men to testify on her behalf, she will certainly be facing a jail sentence. The guide I was writing is intended specifically for Westerners living in Muslim countries, as I can't find anything online or in the book collection to cover this specific situation. The "shower of abuse" is definitely a favorite of some posters here. My first advice to a new poster is that they should read the forums for a few weeks before posting anything. In that way, they can see who habitually tries to lift themselves up by stepping on others. Some just criticize the person for asking a question. Some think that because therapy worked for them, that it's the great panacea for all. Some are ignorant, rude and limited in their views. There are some who are so empty, they say they are in a relationship (and the poster is not, or worse, just had their heart broken) and therefore, they are healthier (superior) to the OP. So, if a newbie reads ahead of time and sees a post that attempts to humiliate those who ask questions or share a belief, they can dismiss that input by hitting the hide button at the left, bottom corner of their post. Voila! Problem mostly solved. This leaves time to pay attention to the reasonable, respectful posts offered by the majority of posters here. About research for your "guide." This forum is a mixed bag of levels of experience, knowledge and perspectives. Research is a formal process that requires diligence. Sorting out the veracity of information is impossible on a social website. The 3 viewpoints you get may be all coming from one person behind 3 screen names. I don't fault posters for not stating their original post in a perfectly clear way... some people gain clarity when others ask them to be more specific. For instance, I think you see an unfulfilled need (BDSM guide for the U.A. E.), but as a writer and as a BDSM community member, your OP does not reflect an expertise of either. The first rule of writing a book is that the author be acknowledged as being an authority on the subject. Without knowing more, I can't be certain of your preparedness, but the NCSF can be discovered through a few seconds of google searching. It's a good place to find leads. After reading your posts, I am still unclear if your guide is meant to be a kink "how to," or a legal guide. What is the goal you are trying to reach by writing a guide? The lack of clarity, experience and knowledge of research hints at a student project. That happens sometimes here. Just sayin' - but it's a forum and you can always correct that, if appropriate. I'm talking about the image you are conveying, because really, that's all there is here to respond to. BTW, after you hide a poster, it can be fun to un-hide them once in a while to see they are repeating their vile to someone else. It's good for a laugh and it confirms the choice to dismiss them in the first place. All the best in your pursuit. ETA bold on NCSF

RedMagic1 -> RE: Dangerous Doms? (10/27/2013 11:10:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: singlemaltlady The lack of clarity, experience and knowledge of research hints at a student project. It better fits the living stereotype of the dominant man who isn't getting much action, so he positions himself as "protector" and "guide" to new and vulnerable sub women. (Despite having no real qualifications for the job.) It's a standard lifestyle motif. Interestingly, singlemaltlady, I find this thread much more "rape-y" than the other one we both posted in, which you found more rape-y than creepy. At any rate, I'm going outside for a while. I hope you and everyone else, even the OP, have a good day.

singlemaltlady -> RE: Dangerous Doms? (10/27/2013 11:29:58 AM)
RedMagic1 Well, I don't know that this poster is not prepared or experienced. I only know that his OP was vague. I can only assume and relate it to other posts like the OP's - who later in the thread revealed they were working a project. I'd need more information from the OP to determine intent. As of now, what I do know, is that the writer is unclear. I do not know if that is just because of a lack of writing skill or for some other reason. IMO, there should be a chapter on dangerous submissives, too. But, for all I know, the OP already wrote that. The question here is limited in scope to Dominants. I don't see what you are seeing. How is the OP violating anyone here?

crazyml -> RE: Dangerous Doms? (10/27/2013 11:32:38 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AussieinDubai Thanks for the shower of abuse. Under the laws of the U.A.E., if a woman goes to the police complaining of something that might have been done, she will be immediately charged with adultery, which is illegal here. Unless she can find four Muslim men to testify on her behalf, she will certainly be facing a jail sentence. The guide I was writing is intended specifically for Westerners living in Muslim countries, as I can't find anything online or in the book collection to cover this specific situation. Well it ought to be a pretty fucking brief guide. "Be very fucking careful" should covrer it, surely. I trust you're au fait with the decency laws.. what with you writing something so provocative?

OsideGirl -> RE: Dangerous Doms? (10/27/2013 11:38:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: crazyml Well it ought to be a pretty fucking brief guide. "Be very fucking careful" should covrer it, surely. Close what I was thinking, which was "Just don't". When something as small as a rumor can cost you your life, it may be better to err on the side of caution.

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.046875