Universal truths (Full Version)

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jlf1961 -> Universal truths (10/28/2013 9:23:10 PM)

1) The lower a person's education level, the faster they resort to insults in an argument rather than facts to back up their claim.

2) A good family practices unconditional love, even tough love, but never turns their backs on blood.

3) Sometimes the best family you have are not related by blood, marriage, or adoption.

4) There is a sucker born every minute, and the internet allows them to post the most outrageous, stupid and insane things as facts, baring proof to the contrary.

5) The worst thing that has happened to the human race is the simple fact we evolved to the point that natural selection is no longer a factor in species development.

6) If you believe that Facebook is banning a picture of the nativity scene because it violates their guidelines, I have land for sale that includes a written promise from god that if you are living there when Armageddon happens, you will be spared and go directly to heaven. The promise is signed by God.



TheHeretic -> RE: Universal truths (10/28/2013 9:56:25 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: jlf1961

1) The lower a person's education level, the faster they resort to insults in an argument rather than facts to back up their claim.

Not my experience at all. In fact, there are plenty of people who claim to have all sorts of fancy degrees, who turn into snivelling, name-calling bitches, the moment you call them on the belief that anything they think is automatically true

2) A good family practices unconditional love, even tough love, but never turns their backs on blood.

I like the sentiment, but sometimes cutting the ties is the only solution, either for them, or for yourself.

3) Sometimes the best family you have are not related by blood, marriage, or adoption.

Oh HELL yes.

4) There is a sucker born every minute, and the internet allows them to post the most outrageous, stupid and insane things as facts, baring proof to the contrary.

Yep.

5) The worst thing that has happened to the human race is the simple fact we evolved to the point that natural selection is no longer a factor in species development.

I'm pretty sure Mama nature will correct that eventually.

6) If you believe that Facebook is banning a picture of the nativity scene because it violates their guidelines, I have land for sale that includes a written promise from god that if you are living there when Armageddon happens, you will be spared and go directly to heaven. The promise is signed by God.

And if you believe that the election of any Republican means the entire First Amendment is going to get chucked onto the book burning pile with Harry Potter, for a very minor fee, I can hook you up with an EBT card with unlimited benefits



Have a better day today, Jlf? [:D]



anniezz338 -> RE: Universal truths (10/28/2013 9:57:25 PM)

I have a college degree and I will argue with a tree if I think i'm right. Stupid tree.



NoBimbosAllowed -> RE: Universal truths (10/28/2013 10:02:14 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: jlf1961

1) The lower a person's education level, the faster they resort to insults in an argument rather than facts to back up their claim.



You mean like Truman fucking Capote and Paul Lynd and Sarah Silverman and the South Park Boys?

survey says *eeeeeeeeeeghhhh!*






jlf1961 -> RE: Universal truths (10/28/2013 10:05:15 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: TheHeretic




Have a better day today, Jlf? [:D]


Yes much better. Some of the problems that stressed my sister (by choice) out saturday has been remedied. And after I told my niece's boyfriend that if things were so damn bad here, he can pack his crap and move out, he seemed to change his tune.

Correct me if I am wrong, if you have a dog or dogs that chew just about everything, while correcting them, you also prudently put things that are important, like shoes, clothes, belts or anything chewable out of reach of said dogs, right?

This BOYfriend has this wonderful habit of blaming everything on the dogs, other people, nothing is ever his fault, or even partially his fault. The only reason I have not rearranged his body shape by use of anger driven fists is that my niece has asked me not to.



NoBimbosAllowed -> RE: Universal truths (10/28/2013 10:13:54 PM)

and before I continue, annie is hawt.



NoBimbosAllowed -> RE: Universal truths (10/28/2013 10:16:00 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: jlf1961


2) A good family practices unconditional love, even tough love, but never turns their backs on blood.

oh really? and what if the family has 6 members and one of those members is SOCIOPATHIC or PSYCHOPATHIC and would happily destroy another member of the blood family for their own gain, like a corporate raider? NO.

3) Sometimes the best family you have are not related by blood, marriage, or adoption.

and yet close acquaintances as you are describing, as in the Queer Community, can overdo it on the crystal pipe and try to fucking strangle you when the 'drugs go wrong', even if the week before that your point would have applied, and I grant that.


4) There is a sucker born every minute, and the internet allows them to post the most outrageous, stupid and insane things as facts, baring proof to the contrary.

agreed, and most often you smell the patchoulie oil and hear the raspy labia of Germaine Greer rubbing together as she struggles for her next gig, as you read their outrageous blah-blah.


5) The worst thing that has happened to the human race is the simple fact we evolved to the point that natural selection is no longer a factor in species development.

Unfortunately scientists sent to measure skull shapes and sizes and apply those findings to the measure of a person completely agree with you.

6) If you believe that Facebook is banning a picture of the nativity scene because it violates their guidelines, I have land for sale that includes a written promise from god that if you are living there when Armageddon happens, you will be spared and go directly to heaven. The promise is signed by God.


Which is still better than a check for profits from facebook shares signed by Zuckerberg, or any other social media asshats.






TheHeretic -> RE: Universal truths (10/28/2013 10:17:23 PM)

Well, we do what we do, and dogs do what dogs do. When we first brought home the rescued lab, the son of a bitch laid down at my feet, just out of my line of sight, and destroyed my most comfortable pair of dress shoes within about 45 seconds of me slipping them off.



jlf1961 -> RE: Universal truths (10/28/2013 10:47:24 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: TheHeretic

Well, we do what we do, and dogs do what dogs do. When we first brought home the rescued lab, the son of a bitch laid down at my feet, just out of my line of sight, and destroyed my most comfortable pair of dress shoes within about 45 seconds of me slipping them off.



The thing is, lately only one person's belongings have been targeted, that being my niece's boyfriend. His shoes, favorite shirt, his cell phone, and if given the chance, she will steal the food off his plate.

The only exception to that is that she and blu tried to bury my sister's Pittsburgh Steelers blanket, not chewed at all, and there have been four attempts to bury the damn thing.



jlf1961 -> RE: Universal truths (10/29/2013 5:57:56 AM)

Universal truths continued.

7) The probability of the local squirrels being up to torment the dogs in the morning is directly proportional to the time you actually get a toddler to sleep for the final time of the night.
Example: If the toddler in question refused to go to sleep until mommy got home from work at 1AM, there will be at least ten squirrels scampering through the trees at 6AM.

8) Dogs have the special ability to increase the volume of their bark to wake the dead levels when a toddler is sleeping at 6AM.

9) The probability of you setting the timer on the coffee maker is directly proportional to the lack of sleep you will have that night.

10) The chance that a relative will call is greatest when you are in the process of trying to give a pet bad tasting medicine.

If anyone wants to add to this list, feel free to do so.



theshytype -> RE: Universal truths (10/29/2013 6:48:00 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: anniezz338

I have a college degree and I will argue with a tree if I think i'm right. Stupid tree.


This made me laugh.

Arguements with objects are always more fun. I'm clearly the better speaker.



tommonymous -> RE: Universal truths (10/29/2013 7:27:33 AM)

11. Anything worth doing is worth doing right.

12. We often don't have the time to do something right the first time, but we always have time to do it twice.



MasterCaneman -> RE: Universal truths (10/29/2013 8:18:14 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: theshytype


quote:

ORIGINAL: anniezz338

I have a college degree and I will argue with a tree if I think i'm right. Stupid tree.


This made me laugh.

Arguements with objects are always more fun. I'm clearly the better speaker.

The sad thing is when you lose the argument with the inanimate object anyway...



theshytype -> RE: Universal truths (10/29/2013 8:53:14 AM)

I'll never admit it!
Clearly, when I stubbed my toe on my chair, it was the chairs fault. It's just too stubborn to see it that way!



kiwisub12 -> RE: Universal truths (10/29/2013 1:05:08 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: theshytype


quote:

ORIGINAL: anniezz338

I have a college degree and I will argue with a tree if I think i'm right. Stupid tree.


This made me laugh.

Arguements with objects are always more fun. I'm clearly the better speaker.



The only problem is that when I argue with the tv - I think the tv wins! [:o]



Domnotlooking -> RE: Universal truths (10/29/2013 1:28:26 PM)

"Unconditional Love" is suitable only for infants, the dying, and Jesus.

Sane adults will want some conditions.

I blame Oprah for enshrining this emotional unicorn in the public consciousness, but that's just down to laziness, I'm sure.

A prospective partner who talked about unconditional love would promptly be shown the door. Just too drama-queeny to endure past a single cocktail.



Moonhead -> RE: Universal truths (10/29/2013 1:41:41 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: jlf1961
The worst thing that has happened to the human race is the simple fact we evolved to the point that natural selection is no longer a factor in species development.

Isn't the fact that the evolutionary pressures currently acting on our species have nothing to do with the survival of the fittest a result of natural selection?



freedomdwarf1 -> RE: Universal truths (10/29/2013 1:41:54 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Domnotlooking

"Unconditional Love" is suitable only for infants, the dying, and Jesus.

Sane adults will want some conditions.

I blame Oprah for enshrining this emotional unicorn in the public consciousness, but that's just down to laziness, I'm sure.

A prospective partner who talked about unconditional love would promptly be shown the door. Just too drama-queeny to endure past a single cocktail.

I'm not sure I agree with any of that.



LadyPact -> RE: Universal truths (10/29/2013 1:47:53 PM)

As for number 2, I think you're being a kind person, Jeff, but I can't go with you all the way on it. Self-preservation always has to have a place in that.

Many people who know how to have healthy relationships, at one point or another, have kicked a toxic person out of their life. Those toxic people didn't spring up out of the ground like a cabbage patch doll. They have a family, too. If that person is just as toxic with their family as they were with you to warrant you kicking them out of your life, it shouldn't surprise anyone when the family does the same thing, or at the very least aren't especially trying to keep them around.

With this, I will leave you with #13.....


13. Always remember that you are not required to keep toxic people in your life.



xxblushesxx -> RE: Universal truths (10/29/2013 2:27:59 PM)

Always add twice again the number of nuts the recipe calls for.

ETA: I may have phrased that wrong. If the recipe calls for one cup of nuts, add a cup and a half.



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