RE: When a Dom breaks a trust?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: When a Dom breaks a trust?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: When a Dom breaks a trust?

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: When a Dom breaks a trust? - 10/30/2013 2:09:38 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lunabear1234

Thank you for the welcome responses.. i do appreciate the help

"Help."

All I can see is that you answer no important questions, and that your OP (in which monogamy was "discussed") is very different from monogamy being agreed to.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Lunabear1234)

Post #: 21

RE: When a Dom breaks a trust? - 10/30/2013 2:46:53 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

I'm assuming, from the op's refusal to ask the question, that she hasn't met this dude.
In which case, until you meet, it's just fantasy and he isn't required not to sleep with his wife because of your online role play.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 22

RE: When a Dom breaks a trust? - 10/30/2013 3:22:27 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline

Yes, I was thinking that too, DesFIP.

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 23

RE: When a Dom breaks a trust? - 10/30/2013 3:37:15 PM

KYsissy

Posts: 781
Joined: 5/12/2005
Status: offline

If this is online only, really its not a big deal to go find another show-me-your-tits-on-cam Dom. If this is real life and face to face then it is a relationship, all the standard rules apply. Trust is important in any relationship. It has some extra significance in a Ds relationship. If he was a vanilla boyfriend would you tolerate it? And as someone else pointed out, you say the matter was discussed. That does not equate to an agreement.

_____________________________

"If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went."
Will Rogers, 1897-1935

(in reply to Lunabear1234)

Post #: 24

RE: When a Dom breaks a trust? - 10/30/2013 3:48:41 PM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

Drop it like it's hot!

Hurt? Um... forget your silly newbee emotions and focus on the big red flag that was just shoved up your ass. Would you continue a relationship in the vanilla world with someone that lies about something so important as the premiss of the relationship? And god forbid you are exchanging fluids and now need to pay for all that STD testing before seeking a new partner after you dump Lying Larry . . . I'd send the doctor bill to the deceptive Dominant if I were you.

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to Lunabear1234)

Post #: 25

RE: When a Dom breaks a trust? - 10/30/2013 7:53:57 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

Well I think we just figured out why you cry after a spanking from him. You don't trust him and he hurt you so of course you have strong emotions right now.

As for your question here, you two need to sit down and have a heart to heart talk and go from there.

ETA: If this is all online, then he's not your Keeper. He's just some random dude on the internet. And as for "spanking", again, if just cyber, then forget my entire post. I don't get it.

< Message edited by littlewonder -- 10/30/2013 7:57:28 PM >

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to Lunabear1234)

Post #: 26

RE: When a Dom breaks a trust? - 10/30/2013 8:11:48 PM

Lunabear1234

Posts: 18
Joined: 10/29/2013
Status: offline

i am being vague as to only prevent rude and insensitive comments.. Clearly an error in judgement. i have met him and been with him for three months.. Thanks

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 27

RE: When a Dom breaks a trust? - 10/30/2013 8:17:54 PM

phoenixasubbie

Posts: 55
Joined: 10/28/2012
Status: offline

If you both agreed to monogamy and then he broke your agreement, that to me is the end of the discussion.

If you cannot trust his word, how can you trust yourself, mind and body, to him?

I know it hurts, but be glad he showed you his true colors at this point and not much further down the line.

Run, don't walk

(in reply to Lunabear1234)

Post #: 28

RE: When a Dom breaks a trust? - 10/30/2013 8:21:51 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lunabear1234

i am being vague as to only prevent rude and insensitive comments..

Being vague only invites conjecture. Being concise would have directly addressed your issue.

Which means you deliberately circumvented the issue. Which leads me to think that is your normal method of communication.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Lunabear1234)

Post #: 29

RE: When a Dom breaks a trust? - 10/30/2013 8:43:08 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

Yup if this is her normal method of communication, it's no wonder her relationship is in dire straits.

Really, you need to be clearer with the way you give information. For all we know, due to this, it could be that you were not so clear in your agreement with your Keeper and what you meant and what he meant were not the same. Like I said before, heart to heart talk and don't be vague like you have been here.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 30

RE: When a Dom breaks a trust? - 10/30/2013 10:45:39 PM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

The majority of comments have not been at all rude.

If there was an agreement of monogamy, then he broke it.
You can either decide what action(s) he needs to take to re-establish your trust, or decide that being cheated on is not something you are willing to tolerate.

I am sorry if that seems insensitive.

He cheated on you... behind your back which indicates he knew what he was doing was outside the scope of your monogamous agreement.

You can either decide to believe the bullshit that he is likely to tell you (something along the lines of it is his right as your keeper to keep more than one), decide you are willing to forgive him this time, decide he can earn your trust back via action or decide you deserve better than to be lied to and cheated on.

Someone else may know of other options.

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to Lunabear1234)

Post #: 31

RE: When a Dom breaks a trust? - 10/31/2013 11:47:40 AM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lunabear1234
i am being vague as to only prevent rude and insensitive comments.

Because if you explained the situation in a precise manner people would be more likely to say mean things to you? I'm not quite sure why that would be the case.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Lunabear1234)

Post #: 32

RE: When a Dom breaks a trust? - 10/31/2013 3:04:05 PM

AdorkableAiley

Posts: 920
Joined: 9/12/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

If you were supposed to be monogamous and he broke your trust, that's a huge deal breaker.

Either walk away from the relationship, or back up to the point it can be re-structured. Trust is not easily built, but can be easily broken. Rebuilding trust takes a great deal of hard work for both parties. Is your 'keeper' up to the job?

Are you up for sharing him? B/c I'm guessing he's poly.

Talk to him and try to figure that out. And as someone else suggested, go by what he does, not what he says.

You can't trust what the says, he's made that clear.

If his attitude is that you should suck it up and behave b/c he's the 'master' -- kick him to the curb fast.

'Masters' don't break your trust and lie and cheat and then call it BDSM.

He's poly? Is that what all cheaters are going to be called now? Me thinks the poly community will have a bit of an issue with that.

He cheated, plain and simple and as many others have said if you wouldn't stand for that in a vanilla relationship you shouldn't stand for it in a BDSM one. Being a 'dom' isn't a license to be an ass. Some people will let cheating slide because they want a relationship so badly or are deeply in love with the other person and can forgive. How long have you been in this relationship? Is it worth staying with him? Unless you have been together a long time and there is strong love there Id say move on.

Ailey

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

Post #: 33

RE: When a Dom breaks a trust? - 10/31/2013 8:02:12 PM

Lunabear1234

Posts: 18
Joined: 10/29/2013
Status: offline

Agreed..conjecture has been a result of my deliberate vagueness. I have tried to delete the thread to no avail. It is not my normal mode of communication to be short or elusive..fyi. I generally am very good at communicating and getting my point across. I was overwhelmed with the amount of replies and the seemingly mean nature of many of the comments. The lack of details to me seemed less important than the result of what has happened. I am a very intelligent woman and in my career very dominant. I apologize to those who felt it important to belittle me. (passive aggressive yes so no need to reply)

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 34

RE: When a Dom breaks a trust? - 10/31/2013 8:24:57 PM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lunabear1234

Agreed..conjecture has been a result of my deliberate vagueness. I have tried to delete the thread to no avail. It is not my normal mode of communication to be short or elusive..fyi. I generally am very good at communicating and getting my point across. I was overwhelmed with the amount of replies and the seemingly mean nature of many of the comments. The lack of details to me seemed less important than the result of what has happened. I am a very intelligent woman and in my career very dominant. I apologize to those who felt it important to belittle me. (passive aggressive yes so no need to reply)

You are reacting in a way that is defensive.

I am a very kind-hearted person who is very sensitive to bullying-types of behavior.
Very few of the responses you got were actually "mean".
They may have been brusque and they may have been straightforward and to the point, but very few were mean from my perspective.
Most of them were very supportive of you and your hurt feelings were validated.

Now obviously, your perspective is different.
But you might want to take a closer look at that.
Is it possible that you are feeling especially vulnerable about this and reading animosity towards you because of that?
Or are you thinking that those who said dump him were being "mean"?

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to Lunabear1234)

Post #: 35

RE: When a Dom breaks a trust? - 10/31/2013 8:26:32 PM

Lunabear1234

Posts: 18
Joined: 10/29/2013
Status: offline

if someone could tell me how to delete this thread please...

(in reply to angelikaJ)

Post #: 36

RE: When a Dom breaks a trust? - 10/31/2013 8:29:47 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lunabear1234

if someone could tell me how to delete this thread please...

You can't delete it.

(in reply to Lunabear1234)

Post #: 37

RE: When a Dom breaks a trust? - 10/31/2013 8:33:36 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lunabear1234

if someone could tell me how to delete this thread please...

You can't.

Why is an anonymous thread on the internet causing you so much distress?

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Lunabear1234)

Post #: 38

RE: When a Dom breaks a trust? - 10/31/2013 9:18:30 PM

Caius

Posts: 175
Joined: 2/2/2005
Status: offline

Actually, I thought a few comments were a bit pointy. But in any event, returning to the OP's original point, under the assumption that she has not abandoned this discussion for good, I would note that there is an important detail missing from your account. Specifically, has he owned up to what he has done? Because if not, one of two things must be the case: either he had a genuinely different understanding of the relationship than you or he has simply convinced himself that he did. If you are convinced that your feelings about the situation were absolutely clear and that the discussion was one of complete agreement, then it must be the latter and I have to say, for me at least, that is one of my least favourite kind of people -- the type who use self-delusion and re-interpretation of the past to avoid ever owning up to where they have erred and the harm they have caused in doing so. Of course it's also possible he does know he has gone against his own word but simply doesn't care to apologize, but if his mentality is such that he was apathetic in that regard, he'd probably have just lied to you about being sorry.

If he is apologetic (and you assume him be genuine), I'd still go carefully. I'm of that school that believes that a dominant carries an extra burden to be trustworthy and dependable, even beyond that which should always be expected in other serious relationships, pretentious though that may sound. I don't like giving blanket advice in situations like these, since there is always room for all manner of nuance and context to the situation which the rest of us here may be unaware of. That being said, in my experience people are often slow to change when it comes to how they approach matters of trust. At least when it comes to being better about it being worthy of it or giving it; you can learn to have reservations about giving it relatively fast, and nothing does that faster than to give successive chances to someone you know will lie to your face. Best of luck.

< Message edited by Caius -- 10/31/2013 9:24:38 PM >

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 39

RE: When a Dom breaks a trust? - 11/1/2013 7:57:49 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

I was overwhelmed with the amount of replies and the seemingly mean nature of many of the comments. The lack of details to me seemed less important than the result of what has happened. I am a very intelligent woman and in my career very dominant. I apologize to those who felt it important to belittle me. (passive aggressive yes so no need to reply)

If you were my girlfriend and told me your man was cheating on you, we would no doubt discuss this for HOURS, with lots of hand-holding and back-patting. However, my advice to her would boil down to what a lot of posters have said to you - he broke your trust and you should consider dumping him.

No one here knows you, so you are not going to get nurtured by other posters like you would by a girlfriend. However, the advice (by certain posters anyway) tends to be sound. I've come here first for advice several times.

This is only my second internet forum. The first was for people with a chronic illness. There was a lot of hand-holding there. I was put off by the bluntness here at first, but I'm glad I stayed. I've learned a lot, and it's very entertaining.

(in reply to Lunabear1234)

Post #: 40

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: When a Dom breaks a trust?

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.111