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LadyPact -> RE: I think a former sub of mine is addicted to me (11/1/2013 4:17:14 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: RedMagic1
I change emphasis depending on who I'm talking to. You may remember that when he posted a thread asking how he could get past his internal enslavement toward you, I told him in no uncertain terms to stay as far away from you as possible, including abandoning these message boards. But since I'm now on a thread about "what a dom can do in this situation," and you're here, I'm going to probe to what extent the dominant has responsibility when internal enslavement ends. I control me, the OP controls the OP, you control yourself, and that's all we can do, so I'm going to focus on what we can change about ourselves to improve future situations.
That part I can do without crossing the line. I'm seriously trying to stay within that type of context. At least for the forum part.
When we start talking about concepts like internal enslavement, if a dynamic ends, we also have to explore the responsibility that you mention above, which I tend to call transition. The knee-jerk reaction that often happens when we start talking about these areas is the automatic assumption that the Dominant *should* be participating in that transition to get the person back to whatever they were prior to the dynamic. Somebody in the course of the thread (it might even have been you) mentioned this being prevalent when we are talking about areas such as the Master wanted the slave to serve them at home only and had no desire for them to have outside employment. The s-type spends years living in the Master's home remaining unemployed at the Master's request and at the end of the dynamic, they have nowhere to go and no material assets. Fair enough, but that wasn't the situation here.
The other part of that is the mental/emotional well being of the s-type. A couple of folks have spoken eloquently about how the s-type have aligned their will to the Dominant, putting the D-types wants, needs, and happiness above their own. When that isn't the case and the s-type has already more or less taken back their own will prior to the end of the dynamic, one must ask themselves if the responsibility is the same? If, by the end of a dynamic, the s-type has repeatedly proven themselves untrustworthy, dishonest, or disobedient, just how does that really reflect internal enslavement?
The missing element to this discussion is the emotional/mental well being of the D-type. When a person becomes toxic or even just too much of a negative influence, self preservation is going to kick in at some point. Snow White may not marry Attila the Hun, but we also have to remember that there was a progression there and his ruthlessness increased during his campaigns.
quote:
So, yes, I've told vanilla women things like, "You have no idea how sexual you're coming across when you do that." One friend of mine in particular learned as an adult to save certain mannerisms for when she really wanted a certain kind oif attention; before she was doing the same thing with everyone, and wondering why guys got creepy. Everyone is responsible to improve their ability to communicate. The stalker bears *more fault* for the situation, but, realistically, we can't improve the stalkers; we can only improve ourselves.
I agree that we can not improve those we do not have control over other than ourselves. When a dynamic ends, emphatically, the control of the other person ends. However, being under their own control, a former Dominant (in the dynamic sense) is no longer responsible for the choices the s-type might make.
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