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RE: Deciding a punishment - 11/1/2013 9:41:42 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
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Cut it out. If you fixate on what if she needs punishment, you'll start looking at your whole relationship that way.

And how hypothetical is it, when in your first post you say you've already had to punish her?

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to decoy2653)

Post #: 21

RE: Deciding a punishment - 11/1/2013 9:54:32 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: decoy2653
I'm saying if.... This was all hypothetical. In the event that she does any of said things. How would I go about deciding a fair punishment?

Well, first I suggest that you make her come to the forums and announce that her "master" doesn't know how to handle his own relationship. That should be enough embarrassment to 'punish' anybody. Then, tell her to read this thread. http://www.collarchat.com/m_4577869/tm.htm

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to decoy2653)

Post #: 22

RE: Deciding a punishment - 11/1/2013 9:58:17 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

And you looking for reasons to punish her because it turns you on is unacceptable. And guarantees you'll be looking for a new relationship shortly. You're so hot to punish, you aren't looking into what you've done to cause the problem. And that needs doing first.

_____________________________

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Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 23

RE: Deciding a punishment - 11/1/2013 10:04:27 PM

SeekingTrinity

Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: decoy2653

I'm saying if.... This was all hypothetical. In the event that she does any of said things. How would I go about deciding a fair punishment?

You are in the relationship with her. No one else is. So how on Earth are any of us going to be able to decide a good punishment for some transgression that hasn't happened in a relationship where we don't know jack shit about either one of you? I could suggest being stoned to death by monkeys drunk off their ass on fermented fruit (just got rid of some jack o'lanterns that took a turn for the dark side...I'll save 'em for you if you want), but that sounds pretty silly, doesn't it? Kind of like asking a bunch of random strangers how to handle your business because you have no clue what to do?

On a personal note, why are you wanting me to do your job for you? I said it in another thread, but it fits here too. Id essentially be assuming control of your sub and turning you into one too because you were doing my bidding. And if that's the case, what purpose will you ultimately serve in your relationship if I'm doing your work for you?

Just some thoughts

(in reply to decoy2653)

Post #: 24

RE: Deciding a punishment - 11/2/2013 1:11:46 AM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
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quote:

ORIGINAL: decoy2653

I'm saying if.... This was all hypothetical. In the event that she does any of said things. How would I go about deciding a fair punishment?

Hypothetical? Really? If you can't answer that question, you have no business being a dominant, online or otherwise.

Figure yourself out first.

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Post #: 25

RE: Deciding a punishment - 11/2/2013 4:00:53 AM

Grael

Posts: 31
Joined: 10/21/2013
Status: offline

Really it will come down to context. After that it hits personal preference. If you think about it the way a parent might you may find something appropriate should it be Necessary. If not then think of something else. If you approach it thinking you need to punish her to make her do something you may also run into the "wall" problem. If she doesn't want to do something or just wants to lie then you really can't make her do anything.

Also. Still much harder to do when not in person...

_____________________________

Nothing is impossible.
Everything is improbable.

(in reply to decoy2653)

Post #: 26

RE: Deciding a punishment - 11/12/2013 5:10:40 PM

DsCouple23

Posts: 78
Joined: 11/10/2013
Status: offline

I have "done the online thing" with a good solid 5 "subs"... who were cam verified Etc. .

The thing is with long distance. Get to know the person... sure you can be assertive. But controlling them too much, they will falter... because there is no eminent reality to the situation. Also perhaps it is a case of "too much too soon".

I've lost 4 subs, online, that could of been fits, from all across the US, all beautiful... because initially i did try to take too much control. Now if i ever talk to one, it's very similar to vanilla dating, in the way i get to know them, and make them feel comfortable.

It's almost similar to sales, which i am very good at. The cardinal rule of telphone sale's, is the reason one will not buy is 1)- Trust 2) the money

So in this case there isn't really much money usually involved... It's the Trust. You must build that before really asserting any level of Dominance IMO, i have experience to understand.

(in reply to Grael)

Post #: 27

RE: Deciding a punishment - 11/12/2013 5:44:53 PM

catize

Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: decoy2653

I apologize for not being clearer. The relationship is long distance. I do not punish her just because I feel like it. I actually prefer not to punish her. Say she has lied to me about doing something I told her to do, or say she doesn't do something I've told her to do and it was within reason. I'd punish her for those reasons.

How about choosing a submissive who obeys and tells the truth?

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to decoy2653)

Post #: 28

RE: Deciding a punishment - 11/12/2013 6:48:48 PM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: catize
How about choosing a submissive who obeys and tells the truth?

Yeah, that's about where I'm at. I suspect about the most punishment I'd deliver is exactly one warning about what was going to happen next time. Particularly in a long distance/online relationship trust is just paramount.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to catize)

Post #: 29

RE: Deciding a punishment - 11/17/2013 12:23:10 PM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

When I mete out consequences,the first thing I do is make sure I'm in the right state of mind.I don't lay them out when I'm pissed or emotionally unsettled-I do it when I'm calm and have time to rationally think things through.
Now,I can't speak for anyone else here, but I don't punish for the sake of punishment (Why should I?I own the cunt-If I wanna hurt her bad, nail her tongue to the banister, I do. I don't find some weak ass excuse to do so and thus, fuck with her head,heart and trust.I do it as an exercise in pure undiluted authority and dominion) but rather to alter behavior I do not condone and lesser means have failed.
So I try to make it a constructive thing-thus, usually the punishment fits the crime. Verbally lie to me and you'll have your mouth washed out,maybe with soap,maybe something harsher (like rubbing her lips with hot peppers). Write a lie and I'm gonna go Catholic School on ya and lay a ruler across the palms. Things like that.
The point isn't to hurt her but to reinforce the behaviors I care for and teach her to shy away from those I don't. It's to mold her into being the best she she can be to serve me and my needs/wants/sick twisted desires.
The flip side of this is that I rarely miss a chance to reward/compliment good behavior...cuz you know this shit cuts both ways. Those old saws re carrots and sticks/vinegar and sugar-they're so money.
I want her to be the best she can be. She wants, sometimes grudgingly,to be the best she can be.
Modifications are intended to help her reach that plateau. If they are not, I need to question why I am using them and examine my actions to see where I wandered astray

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to JeffBC)

Post #: 30

RE: Deciding a punishment - 11/18/2013 12:12:32 PM

Dyfrynt

Posts: 202
Joined: 4/19/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: decoy2653

I've gotten some ideas from the forum so far on punishments, but there has to be a better way than using other people's methods. I'm still new to being a dom so I'd like some advice on how to choose a punishment for my sub. Straight up ridding myself of her is out of the question, unless there is completely disrespectful behavior, considering I do love her. I've used silence as a punishment but I save that for only the most drastic punishments because it hurts us both, and her more so knowing that it hurts me.

I'm probably not a good source here as I do not understand the concept of online relationships. Or how one can be in love with someone they have never even met. How do you know if the punishment you have demanded of her even happens?

Beyond all that. In my opinion any relationship that depends on a constant punishment dynamic is a relationship that is going in the wrong direction. It might serve you better to readjust your concept of what the dynamic in this relationship should be.

(in reply to decoy2653)

Post #: 31

RE: Deciding a punishment - 11/18/2013 4:02:14 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: decoy2653

I've gotten some ideas from the forum so far on punishments, but there has to be a better way than using other people's methods.

So you're asking for OUR methods?

Look, any punishment will depend on you, on her, and on the infraction itself. WE DON'T KNOW ANY OF THAT, and you do.

The goal is to let her know that what she did was wrong, and not to do it again.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to decoy2653)

Post #: 32

RE: Deciding a punishment - 11/26/2013 8:08:44 AM

MASTERXSIR

Posts: 1
Joined: 11/22/2013
Status: offline

PUNISHMENT NEVER WORKED IN FACT MY SLAVE BECAME MORE DEFIANT WHEN PUNISHED. THEN I DISCOVERED HE ENJOYED THE PUNISHMENT IN FACT CRAVED IT . THE HARDER I BEAT HIM THE MORE DEFIANT HE BECAME. NOW PUNISHMENT IS A REWARD . TRUE PUNISHMENT IS BEING LEFT ALONE . MASTERXSIR

[Photo removed by Moderator due to size]

Attachment (1)

< Message edited by VideoAdminRho -- 11/26/2013 8:40:32 AM >

(in reply to decoy2653)

Post #: 33

RE: Deciding a punishment - 11/27/2013 11:14:59 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

It's not punishment if somebody enjoys it. Next time talk about pain needs and make sure you're compatible in terms of amount of play.

And don't type in all caps, it's rude and makes us assume you're an asshat.

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to MASTERXSIR)

Post #: 34

RE: Deciding a punishment - 11/27/2013 4:01:29 PM

LittleGirlHeart

Posts: 1427
Joined: 4/4/2013
Status: offline

My dom and i were never not Dom and sub, and i had punishments, and that did not make us akin to old style slavery, nor was punishments for role play, nor did it " make us not stay sane"

quote:

ORIGINAL: Grael

Punishment on a whole for me is only used in roleplay. Most people couldn't be on 24/7 and stay sane. And with modern day punishing someone for disobeying you would be akin to old style slavery. But in truth what are you using the punishment for? If you feel comfortable saying so. What do you want it to accomplish?

Maybe most important. What kind of a relationship do you have with your other?

_____________________________

We'll fight, not out of spite
For someone must stand up for what's right
'Cause where there's a man who has no voice
There ours shall go singing

(in reply to Grael)

Post #: 35

RE: Deciding a punishment - 11/27/2013 4:08:39 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Occasionally my mind fogs and I pour milk in his tea as well as my own. The 'punishment' or consequence for that is listening to him sigh heavily before telling me to do it over. I hardly think making a second cup of tea qualifies as old fashioned slavery.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to LittleGirlHeart)

Post #: 36

RE: Deciding a punishment - 11/27/2013 5:22:30 PM

LittleGirlHeart

Posts: 1427
Joined: 4/4/2013
Status: offline

there are ways, but that's not the point of this thread and i wont derail it any more than i already have by going into all the possibilities.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Blonderfluff

Well. For a long distance relationship , I would think that simply putting a much shortened Time limit on "x" number of phone calls could be effective. I know the worst punishments for me where ALWAYS getting ignored.

So. Say" for the next 2 days, our phone conversations will be 5 min (or whatever you come up with) long, I will discuss your well being and that is it"

guessing it would work. I mean seriously. How are you going to punish long distance ?

Also. Have you two met in RT yet? You said long distance, on-line.

_____________________________

We'll fight, not out of spite
For someone must stand up for what's right
'Cause where there's a man who has no voice
There ours shall go singing

(in reply to Blonderfluff)

Post #: 37

RE: Deciding a punishment - 11/28/2013 5:21:12 AM

JetOnly

Posts: 78
Joined: 11/6/2013
Status: offline

Actual real punishments are fairly ineffectual in terms of behaviour modificatiion
and worse so in terms of a relationship between two people
and again worse so in terms of a online relationship between two people who have to trust that the other one is doing what they say they are

*if* you like the idea of having someone a bit bratty who you have to 'train' up a bit with funishments then that is a different thing, its a bit of role play and a bit fun

Most importantly to me would always be to find out why someone has dissobayed. IMO if they just chose not to do it cos they couldnt be bothered or didnt feel like it then there is no point in punishing, they have chose at that point not to submit - therefore removed their consent to the activity
If they forgot - then we both have to work on that, find ways to help them remember - but if they really wanted to submit and forgot something then chances are they dont need any other punishment
If its something too difficult for them at the time then that is something to look into and work on, see if it is something that can be built up to from a different direction or is it is just a limit they didnt know they had

Actually 'training' using punishments has real life fallouts in that it reduces someones confidence and their desire to try new things and cause resentment and fear. Training for behaviour modification with rewards increases confidence and the desire to try new things and actually increases intelligence

(in reply to LittleGirlHeart)

Post #: 38

RE: Deciding a punishment - 11/28/2013 8:56:46 PM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Occasionally my mind fogs and I pour milk in his tea as well as my own. The 'punishment' or consequence for that is listening to him sigh heavily before telling me to do it over. I hardly think making a second cup of tea qualifies as old fashioned slavery.

Yeah,but I bet that sigh hurts a whole heckuva lot more than a lash would.

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 39

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