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RE: Have you ever wanted your Dom to take you past your... - 11/12/2013 9:12:49 AM   
UllrsIshtar


Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml


quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar

Yeah I do, I love being taken beyond my limits.

And when I say beyond my limits, I do mean "beyond what I would pose as hard limits both in and outside of that moment".

I love to be taken places I don't think I can handle, or don't want to be able to handle. It's the hottest kind of play to me.


Would it be fair to say that if any old joe rocked up and proposed to take you beyond your limits you'd send him on his way, though?


As far as the sentiment of your statement goes: yes, absolutely.


To be more precise, it would be fair to say that any guy who would have to propose to take me beyond limits, instead of having a close enough relationship with me to just be able to do so, would be laughed at for the suggestion.

I find negotiating the plan of going beyond limits to be counterproductive, so if there is negotiation of the scene necessary due to him not knowing me well enough beforehand, he by default better not be risking to go beyond limits lest he's looking for serious trouble.

< Message edited by UllrsIshtar -- 11/12/2013 9:14:28 AM >

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to crazyml)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Have you ever wanted your Dom to take you past your... - 11/12/2013 1:29:47 PM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline 		Thanks,I thought that would be the case.
To the op..

l have taken subs beyond their limits a few times, but it's something that l would only consider doing with someone l know very very well.

And if I do do it, l do it knowing what the consequences might be.

If I get it wrong then the least serious consequence would be a question mark over my , judgement - the most serious could be that l get to go to jail...

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Have you ever wanted your Dom to take you past your... - 11/12/2013 1:47:42 PM   
UllrsIshtar


Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml

And if I do do it, l do it knowing what the consequences might be.

If I get it wrong then the least serious consequence would be a question mark over my , judgement - the most serious could be that l get to go to jail...


Hmmm you got me thinking, so I have to add to my previous post:

The reason I don't go over limits with people that would have to ask me if it was ok for them to do so is because I consider it impossible for me to actually give adequate consent to go over limits.

I mean, I can tell a guy beforehand that I'm interested in doing so, and that it would turn me on, and that I presently have no intention whatsoever in changing my mind on this and throwing attempt to get him arrested afterwards, but I will ALSO tell him that if we're seriously talking about going over a limit, that -in the moment where he's going over it- I will beg, scream, tell, implore him to stop, and that I really have no way of guaranteeing to him that he isn't taking it too far (with all the associated risks that carries for him).

If I don't end up telling him to stop in the moment, I end up finding out that what I thought was a limit wasn't a limit after all, which has happened before as well.

So, yeah, while I love this kind of play, it takes some SERIOUS trust, balls, and knowledge of me as a person, as well as faith in the strength of my desire to do this and in the strength of our relationship for a guy to dare to venture there. If he's approach this topic with any type of casual lightness, and non-concern for his OWN safety, I would consider him nuts and decline to ever play with him again.


_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to crazyml)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Have you ever wanted your Dom to take you past your... - 11/12/2013 4:18:40 PM   
KYsissy


Posts: 781
Joined: 5/12/2005
Status: offline 		Limits are absolute for me. There is no pushing them. There are many more things that I might not want to do or I find distasteful, but those are not limits.

_____________________________

"If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went."
Will Rogers, 1897-1935

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)
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RE: Have you ever wanted your Dom to take you past your... - 11/12/2013 11:53:12 PM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar

So, yeah, while I love this kind of play, it takes some SERIOUS trust, balls, and knowledge of me as a person, as well as faith in the strength of my desire to do this and in the strength of our relationship for a guy to dare to venture there. If he's approach this topic with any type of casual lightness, and non-concern for his OWN safety, I would consider him nuts and decline to ever play with him again.



QFT.



_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Have you ever wanted your Dom to take you past your... - 11/15/2013 5:45:46 PM   
caelestis


Posts: 195
Joined: 9/6/2008
Status: offline 		I have one person in my life who I've reached a level with where my limits are kind of... flexible. I actually really enjoy when he pushes me past them, and yes the fear is completely and utterly a turn on for me. I also trust him completely to take care of me if there were negative consequences for any of this, he's very in tune with how certain things effect me.

However, we discussed this particular topic many times before we did any sort of play. He knows my background in kink, he knows my conflicted feelings (being worried about something going wrong vs the intensity of desire via fear), he knows what I need when things don't go perfectly. Yes, it is risky play, but we do our best to keep it as safe as possible.

_____________________________

"We are a fountain of shimmering contradictions, most of us. Beautiful in the concept, if we're lucky, but frequently tedious or regrettable as we flesh ourselves out."
— Gregory Maguire



(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Have you ever wanted your Dom to take you past your... - 11/16/2013 7:28:14 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		I was having a conversation with a friend recently. He asked me this question: "What would you do for a man you loved?" My answer? "Anything."

And that's the truth. I can't imagine I would have limits with a man I loved... because a man I loved wouldn't be an idiot who would want me to harm myself, put my life or livelihood at risk, expect me to be anything but the decent and loving human being that I am. My friend seems to think that "anything" is a pretty darned good answer...

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to caelestis)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Have you ever wanted your Dom to take you past your... - 11/16/2013 10:01:26 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

I was having a conversation with a friend recently. He asked me this question: "What would you do for a man you loved?" My answer? "Anything."

And that's the truth. I can't imagine I would have limits with a man I loved... because a man I loved wouldn't be an idiot who would want me to harm myself, put my life or livelihood at risk, expect me to be anything but the decent and loving human being that I am. My friend seems to think that "anything" is a pretty darned good answer...



Which is why it's so incredibly important to know the person that one loves and which is why I believe love is a decision and not just what one feels.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Have you ever wanted your Dom to take you past your... - 11/16/2013 10:43:49 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		great posts by both sunshinemiss and KoM. You both said what I was thinking.


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Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

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Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Have you ever wanted your Dom to take you past your... - 11/17/2013 4:22:19 AM   
kallisto


Posts: 1185
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

great posts by both sunshinemiss and KoM. You both said what I was thinking.





Exactly what I thought when I read both their posts.

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Have you ever wanted your Dom to take you past your... - 11/17/2013 5:56:50 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: caelestis

I have one person in my life who I've reached a level with where my limits are kind of... flexible. I actually really enjoy when he pushes me past them, and yes the fear is completely and utterly a turn on for me. I also trust him completely to take care of me if there were negative consequences for any of this, he's very in tune with how certain things effect me.

.


I bolded what really stuck out to me.

Trust isn't knowing that nothing will go wrong but knowing that the person will be there afterwards when it does and working along side you making it right.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to caelestis)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Have you ever wanted your Dom to take you past your... - 11/17/2013 2:39:29 PM   
alonehere


Posts: 2
Joined: 10/29/2013
Status: offline 		I have very few limits, but they are absolute. Violate them and the very least I will do is end it. At most, the police will be arresting someone, probably me.

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Have you ever wanted your Dom to take you past your... - 11/17/2013 4:24:53 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: alonehere

I have very few limits, but they are absolute. Violate them and the very least I will do is end it. At most, the police will be arresting someone, probably me.



and imo if you even have to mention it to someone you are with and you feel you need to set limits with them, then imo, you're with the wrong person.


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

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Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Have you ever wanted your Dom to take you past your... - 11/20/2013 12:01:06 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		First off-we all have limits,things we absolutely will not do. For me, those things are sacrosanct and inviolate. I'm talking those way out there things,amputations, Dolcett, Kids, things like that.
These are hard limits. Step near em and the person is gone.
But most people have soft limits-things they have tried and not enjoyed or things they've never tried that scare them for some reason or another
(There's also people who have hardwiring for or against certain things. I have a friend whose abusive father used to slap the fuck out of his kids. Come near her face in a scene or sex and she just locks up, can't do shit and there ain't a damn bit of effort,willingness or anything that can help her with it. She just goes back to a real bad place in her head when it happens and has no control over it. My answer-I don't come near her face and we have great fun-duh).
But in general,in the beginning I want to know those soft limits.I want to understand what they are and sometimes why they are there. As time progresses and trust builds,as we get to know each other, I expect the "limits" to fade as she learns me and I her until ultimately my limits become her limits.
Now,this doesn't mean I'm going to go running all over those softer limits,but it means that by that point, if I do,she is going to trust that I have a reason for doing so and go along.
It should also be mentioned that each relationship has it's own chemistry and creates it's own rules.Things I have enjoyed immensely with one party I often don't enjoy at all with another. And vice versa. For both parties.
Thus, it's my experience that it's a good thing every few months to sit down (Well, actually I sit and she kneels) and discuss these sort of things, see if anythings shifted-kinda a BDSM state of the union so to speak.
And it likely need not be said but this cuts both ways. Doms have limits too. She needs to know mine as I do hers. and you can bet your sweet bippy she obeys em too :-)

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Have you ever wanted your Dom to take you past your... - 11/20/2013 12:16:02 PM   
directiveerror


Posts: 128
Joined: 11/17/2013
Status: offline 		no things i set as limits are set in stone, they aren't many but at the time i say "no"... if i fight it, and someone forces it than not only are they gone but i take into consideration whether or not other steps need to be taken. namely if i set a line and someone crosses it i then consider it my right to do the same thing to the other person. most commonly they just never hear from me again.

i don't really have "soft-limits" the only thing i can think of is 'loss of control' i will not under any circumstances doubt my ability to take care of myself, if i begin to doubt that i would have the ability to save my own life if need be i am gone. in lesser extents this shows if people wake me from sleep by hitting me or trying to put things in me... they are likely to get kicked in the face, it is automatic, a self defense response i cant control. and if i'm tied up alone or in a way that is restricting blood flow or only so they could do something i previously said no to without me being able to do anything about it than i am gone. to the extent that i've both become really good at escaping and have a tendency to have my hair stand on end at even the mention of being restrained.

(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Have you ever wanted your Dom to take you past your... - 11/20/2013 2:09:07 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

First off-we all have limits,things we absolutely will not do. For me, those things are sacrosanct and inviolate. I'm talking those way out there things,amputations, Dolcett, Kids, things like that.
These are hard limits. Step near em and the person is gone.
But most people have soft limits-things they have tried and not enjoyed or things they've never tried that scare them for some reason or another
(There's also people who have hardwiring for or against certain things. I have a friend whose abusive father used to slap the fuck out of his kids. Come near her face in a scene or sex and she just locks up, can't do shit and there ain't a damn bit of effort,willingness or anything that can help her with it. She just goes back to a real bad place in her head when it happens and has no control over it. My answer-I don't come near her face and we have great fun-duh).
But in general,in the beginning I want to know those soft limits.I want to understand what they are and sometimes why they are there. As time progresses and trust builds,as we get to know each other, I expect the "limits" to fade as she learns me and I her until ultimately my limits become her limits.
Now,this doesn't mean I'm going to go running all over those softer limits,but it means that by that point, if I do,she is going to trust that I have a reason for doing so and go along.
It should also be mentioned that each relationship has it's own chemistry and creates it's own rules.Things I have enjoyed immensely with one party I often don't enjoy at all with another. And vice versa. For both parties.
Thus, it's my experience that it's a good thing every few months to sit down (Well, actually I sit and she kneels) and discuss these sort of things, see if anythings shifted-kinda a BDSM state of the union so to speak.
And it likely need not be said but this cuts both ways. Doms have limits too. She needs to know mine as I do hers. and you can bet your sweet bippy she obeys em too :-)



You being if the 'not an idiot' variety and all...


_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Have you ever wanted your Dom to take you past your... - 11/20/2013 5:26:27 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: NaturallyCre8tiv
If so, did it elevate fear within you, and did you find that exciting? Or did it terrify you and not want to go there?

Carol and I don't do "limits" and we don't think this way. We also deal in hard-nosed reality. So for us this question would read as, "Does Carol want me to take her past her actual capabilities?" Since such a move would inevitably be destructive the answer is "no".

Kind of our take on things. We both have limitations, and that's the word we use. I am limited in my ability to either DO something (as in, I physically can't do it), or to adjust to what is being desired of me (as in, I either emotionally can't do it or it would be destructive or harmful for me).

As the relationship moves forward, those limitations might change. Sometimes they dwindle and are replaced by abilities. Sometimes new limitations are discovered. We don't set out to maul over limitations simply for the purpose of doing so. We evolve together, toward what we desire, and in doing so, things change.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Have you ever wanted your Dom to take you past your... - 11/20/2013 5:27:05 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

You being if the 'not an idiot' variety and all...

Nah-I'm at least as much an idjit as the next guy.The only thing that differentiates me is that I've been lucky enough to have a few spectacular wimmins show me a thing or two to raise me above Cro-Magnum status

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Have you ever wanted your Dom to take you past your... - 11/20/2013 5:28:29 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

Trust isn't knowing that nothing will go wrong but knowing that the person will be there afterwards when it does and working along side you making it right.

Amen to that.

A few years ago I said to him, "If I'm standing on a cliff and jump across to you, and instead I fall in, then what?" And he said, "Then I climb in and bring you out."

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Have you ever wanted your Dom to take you past your... - 11/21/2013 7:51:15 AM   
experiment2


Posts: 208
Joined: 11/7/2007
Status: offline 		i believe there are some limits everone has that are absolute and lines that cannot be crossed. that being said what i might have thought was an absolute limit at one time have now become ones i will do if "force" to do. many of these are in the area of tasks or acts that i really don't want to participate in but will only do so to please my Mistress.

(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 40
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