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So You Want To Be A Dominant - 11/9/2013 11:45:50 AM   
TieMeInKnottss


Posts: 1944
Joined: 9/6/2012
Status: offline 		Came across this article and thought it was a great "answer" to those who always say they want to learn to be a Dom.

http://www.kinkly.com/2/186/beyond-missionary/bdsm/so-you-wanna-be-a-dominant
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RE: So You Want To Be A Dominant - 11/9/2013 12:00:12 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline 		The article is written more from a top/bottom view than a D/s view (at least insofar as we generally label those things here on CM) but still not bad overall. I have to mention that in all cases, dominant personalities that I respect do not trip over "please" and "thank you". In point of fact, the article conflicts with this very advice later when it gets to "respect". The rest of the article was a not-bad primer on authority and leadership -- even if in a terribly limited scope.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to TieMeInKnottss)
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RE: So You Want To Be A Dominant - 11/9/2013 12:58:26 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Hmmmph. Some is good, but...

1. I say please and thank you.
2. Saying that becoming a Dom will make you more self confident is dangerous. It should come with achievement, not a label.
3. The passage about who has the power is a horrible mess.
4. The REAL oversight is that the article gives them impression that Dominance is a state of mind, applicable to one and all, instead of stating that you only get to be Dom to YOUR submissive, not to everyone.

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"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to JeffBC)
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RE: So You Want To Be A Dominant - 11/9/2013 1:06:46 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I had, pretty much, the same opinion as Jeff. Probably because I am more interested in labels and I do make the distinction between top and Dominant because one is play and the other is personality and/or relationship based. I will give the article some points for making sure the mention is in there about learning how to play safely. They did blow it with Me when they specifically were trying to hock toys from Adam and Eve and went so far in the last line as to tell folks to go and "WHIP" some tail. It's not like there aren't enough folks out there who buy a whip, rather than a flogger, and feel that qualifies them to use one.


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The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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RE: So You Want To Be A Dominant - 11/9/2013 1:06:56 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		I stop reading it.... Nice fluff but when you start to get into substance t loses its value quickly to me.

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Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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RE: So You Want To Be A Dominant - 11/9/2013 1:23:24 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
2. Saying that becoming a Dom will make you more self confident is dangerous. It should come with achievement, not a label.

I dunno about that. Putting on a suit can make someone more self-confident. So why not a label?

quote:

3. The passage about who has the power is a horrible mess.
4. The REAL oversight is that the article gives them impression that Dominance is a state of mind, applicable to one and all, instead of stating that you only get to be Dom to YOUR submissive, not to everyone.

These two things get to the muddle I saw. It talks about "dominance" and "submission" but here on collarme we'd be using the words "top" and "bottom". For instance, in the top/bottom sense then I utterly agree the bottom has pretty much all the "power"... at least insofar as there is any power at all in such an arrangement. But that flies in the face of statements like "such a powerful position".

I might also add that in ANY context I "get to" dom whoever I want to and am able to. Carol, your sub, the bank teller, the waitress... whatever. If I want to bend them to my will and I am able to then I "get to".

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: So You Want To Be A Dominant - 11/9/2013 3:30:42 PM   
Ionium


Posts: 12
Joined: 11/8/2013
Status: offline 		To me, it's all a game, by which we each play by our own rules.

(in reply to JeffBC)
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RE: So You Want To Be A Dominant - 11/9/2013 4:42:32 PM   
MalcolmNathaniel


Posts: 1394
Joined: 9/20/2010
Status: offline 		It's a fluff article. You can find that one page one of any decent BDSM book.

(in reply to Ionium)
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RE: So You Want To Be A Dominant - 11/9/2013 4:46:28 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MalcolmNathaniel
It's a fluff article. You can find that one page one of any decent BDSM book.

I agree, but by that measure Colin Powell's secrets of leadership is also a "fluff article". I'm fine with high level information insofar as it is correct and I honestly didn't see anything terribly egregious (so long as we're sticking at top/bottom and beginner level).

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to MalcolmNathaniel)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: So You Want To Be A Dominant - 11/10/2013 5:56:17 PM   
Dyfrynt


Posts: 202
Joined: 4/19/2011
Status: offline 		This sentence in the first paragraph kinda says it all for me as far as this article goes.

"However, actually realizing this fantasy is often much more difficult than you can imagine. "

The article is a generic (very generic) look at playing the Dominant. And as such it covers the basics well enough. As long as the reader understands that is all this article is. For the couple interested in adding some kink in the bedroom.

I would never consider using this article as an example for anybody curious about BDSM though.

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: So You Want To Be A Dominant - 11/10/2013 8:43:34 PM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		I thought it was a not bad *concise* primer for someone wanting to dom the wife or gf in the bedroom. It is how many start.

Would I have written it in exactly that way? Hell no.








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