RE: Karma

RE: Karma (Full Version)

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Makemeobey4you -> RE: Karma (11/11/2013 3:16:20 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: myotherself quote: ORIGINAL: Makemeobey4you You're like really bringing me down dude; I get that I can't provide the full view of our relationship through this post, but you're really taking the words I say to the most extreme measure when it wasn't the way you're thinking. And so far, these are all your choices. No-one forced you to seek out women with problems and try to make them feel better. No-one forced you to put up with their crappy behaviour and no-one forced you to fall in love. They were all your choices - own up to them. Again,you're speaking without grasping the scenario. I've known her before and after addiction. She became addicted due to her wisdom teeth and chronic tooth pain from an infection. You are right, I am being given good advice here. It's not coming from you though. No offence. Like I said you can't grasp the full view of our relationship from some posts.

AthenaSurrenders -> RE: Karma (11/11/2013 3:18:08 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Makemeobey4you If you're dropping your partner off home, and the last words from there mouth were "I love you, I'll call you tomorrow" And then this happened, please tell me, how would all of you react? Im not talking about giving her her space, Im talking about the fight. Seriously, it sounds like all of you would say "Oh you got in a fight, sucks, bye." I can't fathom that, a little 125 LB girl who I care very much about gets into a fight, I want to do something about it. Is that so wrong? I think she's humiliated of what happened the nights I didn't see her. I think she got her ass beat, but has such a big ego she's trying to fight off everyone now I'd be upset. I've said as much. But you wouldn't be saying 'you got in a fight, sucks, bye' because you're not the one dumping her. She's told you she doesn't want to talk to you. She's telling you that the fight is none of your business. You're not abandoning some scared alone little girl - she's pushing you away. She doesn't want your sympathy or your concern, therefore, no matter how well intentioned, you need to respect her wishes. You weren't there, you don't know how bad the fight was or if it's a matter of pride or who knows what else. And she has chosen not to turn to you. I know you want to do something about it, but you can't. All you can offer now, after the fact, is comfort, and she doesn't want it.

lizi -> RE: Karma (11/11/2013 3:25:45 AM)
Sometimes you don't get the chance to communicate when it's over and you have to go on without the closure. Sucks, but it happens. Whatever her reason was for ending it, it seems clear that it's over. I'd suggest taking a bit of time to grieve and then move on as there isn't any other choice. In the future I'd suggest being more selective and choosing someone that has more to offer than drama and trouble; you can tell what they're like by their lifestyle choices amongst other things. You can help people and believe there is good in them without dating them. If you continue to choose to be with troubled people, you will have trouble. You may have to put your attraction to them aside in order to find someone that can add in a positive way to your life instead of bringing in drama and uncertainty.

Lisfor -> RE: Karma (11/11/2013 3:27:00 AM)
Maybe it's you. Everything you said is all about you, you, you... How you feel, how you were ill-treated, how you don't have closure, how can she treat you like that....... Totally unacceptable of someone who's supposed to be her sub. Should have just done what she wanted you to do and respected her decisions, no matter how much you might disagree with the or think you will suffer from them.

AthenaSurrenders -> RE: Karma (11/11/2013 3:27:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Makemeobey4you Again,you're speaking without grasping the scenario. I've known her before and after addiction. She became addicted due to her wisdom teeth and chronic tooth pain from an infection. You are right, I am being given good advice here. It's not coming from you though. No offence. Like I said you can't grasp the full view of our relationship from some posts. But you come here asking for advice and your posts are all we have to go on. People make assumptions based on the information you provide. So you knew her before and after her addiction - you've been with her for fourth months, was she addicted at the start of your romantic relationship? Or have things got this bad so quickly? Either way, it isn't looking great, is it? Whenever she became addicted, you've also described her as cold hearted, immature, no friends, can't do anything for herself. I find it hard to believe that she was totally functional up until the point you were emotionally invested and then changed in a matter of weeks. It doesn't sound like a functional relationship to begin with. Even if I accept that everything was great between you - that you somehow had a wonderful relationship despite thinking all these horrible things about her - the fact that she got hit at a club and responded by blocking you on facebook and threatening to shoot you if you came to her house proves that she is not fit to be in a romantic relationship. All folks are saying is that the warnings were there. You've dodged a bullet. Feel sad about it, sure, that's human. But unless you can reflect on it, you're going to be in the same place with the next girl in a few months' time. P.S. You said you know her dad. If you are truly concerned that she was badly hurt and/or needs help, tell him. No drama. Just calmly tell him that she broke up with you, but you're a bit concerned that she may have been hurt and would he please check on her. You've done your duty without giving her the contact she doesn't want.

lizi -> RE: Karma (11/11/2013 3:32:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Makemeobey4you If you're dropping your partner off home, and the last words from there mouth were "I love you, I'll call you tomorrow" And then this happened, please tell me, how would all of you react? Im not talking about giving her her space, Im talking about the fight. Seriously, it sounds like all of you would say "Oh you got in a fight, sucks, bye." I can't fathom that, a little 125 LB girl who I care very much about gets into a fight, I want to do something about it. Is that so wrong? I think she's humiliated of what happened the nights I didn't see her. I think she got her ass beat, but has such a big ego she's trying to fight off everyone now I'd be terribly hurt. No one is saying you shouldn't be. Everyone on this thread, and in life for that matter, has had heartbreak. It always sucks in varying degrees. This might sound mean but look around you….everyone over the age of 16 that you see has had a bad hand in love somewhere along the way and they all lived to tell the tale. The hurt will fade eventually, thank God. You can't do anything for her or about her situation unless she's open to it, and she's closed the door. Whatever her reasons are, humiliation or whatever…she's saying she's done and you cannot change that. The reasons for her departure are moot. Whatever happened to her in this fight you heard about doesn't matter…she's done. All you can do is pick yourself up and move on. Truly, there is nothing you can do now except live your life apart from her.

Makemeobey4you -> RE: Karma (11/11/2013 3:34:31 AM)
I've realized that. This was 2 days ago, I havent talked to her sense. I just still don't understand why, and I know what your responses will be... but why so sudden and abruptly with no explenation, when everything was going fine not 2 days before all this. I'm just looking for answers everywhere, and she's the only one who has it, which is out of my reach. I realize now that I'm not going to get the answer here and told very few things I didn't already know. I guess in short thanks Athena, but the real answers are unretrievable; at least the time.

myotherself -> RE: Karma (11/11/2013 3:39:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Makemeobey4you Again,you're speaking without grasping the scenario. I've known her before and after addiction. She became addicted due to her wisdom teeth and chronic tooth pain from an infection. You are right, I am being given good advice here. It's not coming from you though. No offence. Like I said you can't grasp the full view of our relationship from some posts. Sweetie - if you want to direct your anger/whatever in my direction, you go for it. I deal with young people with issues (most of them waaaay worse than this) on a daily basis. I'm not taking offence, I'm just sighing sadly and shaking my head. She is an addict. She is violent. She's cold. She's emotionally immature. All things that YOU have stated. You have also stated that you seem to seek out these kinds of women for your relationships. You can't fix them. You can fix yourself so you can make the right choices. If those last two sentences are the only ones that stick, then there is hope for you.

Makemeobey4you -> RE: Karma (11/11/2013 3:39:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders quote: ORIGINAL: Makemeobey4you Again,you're speaking without grasping the scenario. I've known her before and after addiction. She became addicted due to her wisdom teeth and chronic tooth pain from an infection. You are right, I am being given good advice here. It's not coming from you though. No offence. Like I said you can't grasp the full view of our relationship from some posts. P.S. You said you know her dad. If you are truly concerned that she was badly hurt and/or needs help, tell him. No drama. Just calmly tell him that she broke up with you, but you're a bit concerned that she may have been hurt and would he please check on her. You've done your duty without giving her the contact she doesn't want. I did that, his response "I don't know" He's given up on her just like everyone else that should be close to her, and that's what I was afraid of.

Makemeobey4you -> RE: Karma (11/11/2013 3:48:05 AM)
I don't want you to think I'm directing my anger toward you. I'm very confused right now, but I also know what our relationship was for its duration. And it was pretty damn good, someone had said it was a sexual thing. No,it was us hanging out together hearing each other out and having each others shoulder to lean on. Yes she's immature in that she is explosive and unreasonable. But the only reason I say she is cold is because of this passed experience. And I've also heard, "you want to make her better, but she's not ready" She is ready. We've been over it and she's supposed to be signing into a methadone clinic. I'm sorry if I sounded angry, but no, im only frustrated because I can't show you what we had, and I don't know what happened to make it all fall apart. That's all. I'm sorry

myotherself -> RE: Karma (11/11/2013 3:55:00 AM)
You do sound angry, confused, upset...all the things that you should be feeling at the end of a relationship. You are trying your best to get closure, and she's not going to give it. It sucks, it really, really does, but at the moment you're just going to have to accept it may not happen. It's good that she's acknowledged she has a problem. That's the first step. The fact that she's pulled away so quickly and completely from you is perhaps because she feels she really isn't ready to go into treatment and is worried that you might somehow pressure her. Or maybe she needs to do it alone, without outside influences or stressors. She's an addict. It's a horrible, angry, lonely, frustrating thing to be. Not just for her, but for you and her family too. I say this from experience of a family member with an addiction. Maybe if you talked to an addiction support helpline you might find a way to understand a little why she's behaving like she is, and come to some kind of understanding of your role in her life. I did that (I spoke to a worker who deals with the families of addicts) and it really made me think, and helped me to make some tough choices. I hope you have the same success.

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Karma (11/11/2013 3:55:07 AM)
Okay sweetie, she's a heroin addict. Please understand you can't fix her. She was good for a few months, it's about all most serious addicts can handle. Evidently she didn't really want to get clean. She's not ready, and you remind her of that. That's why she pushed you away. She's still giving up on herself, and doesn't want to be with someone who sees any sort of potential in her. This is very sad, but there is nothing you can do. She has to be ready and want to do it herself. Reasons to not get involved with heroin addicts. The bunny's advice to talk to an addiction support hotline is a great one. I know you are in a lot of pain now. Please take some time, and come back to this thread and attempt to understand what we are telling you.

MissKittyDeVine -> RE: Karma (11/11/2013 4:00:37 AM)
My thoughts exactly, CP. OP, let it go. We all get dumped. Let it go, move on. Karma does not come into play here. Stop obsessing about someone that you dated for just a few months. It is not your job to save her. quote: ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt You appear to have serious white knight syndrome, always going after the bad lost girls

Makemeobey4you -> RE: Karma (11/11/2013 4:02:01 AM)
I know, trying to help a heroin addict is like trying to squeeze blood from a stone. But if I didn't help her take the babysteps she already has taken to get better, she wouldn't be living with her family right now. And if she wasn't living with her family shed be living with other addicts, and would probably be dead by now. So never say never.

Apocalypso -> RE: Karma (11/11/2013 4:28:52 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Makemeobey4you Because I have always been the type of person to attract and be attracted to the troubled and lost souls Yeah, me too. It's a kinda of arrogance. It took me fucking years to accept that there were some people who are just beyond any chance of me "fixing" them. And, I'm afraid, smackheads are one of the people way out of either yours or my ability to help. I know this is going to hurt, but you need to understand it. In any relationship with someone who is addicted to one of the big three (heroin, crack, meth), you are never going to be the priority. The drug is always going to outrank you in the relationship. Always. I'm not just talking BDSM relationships or even vanilla romantic relationships. The same applies to work, family, friends, everything. The only way someone is going to kick the habit with any of those drugs is through their own willpower and desire. And, if they are trying to do that, people they're in a relationship with are the last people who are going to be able to help them. Because emotional detachment is needed and that's just not possible with someone you're with. You need to walk away, for your own sake. And I speak from bitter personal experience here. Not sure you'll listen. Not sure I would have. But it's still what you should do.

Makemeobey4you -> RE: Karma (11/11/2013 4:38:27 AM)
I know. but its so hard. im sure you know. Goodnight, thanks guys; Athena Apacalypso, some of the others, thank you

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Karma (11/11/2013 4:40:04 AM)
Most excellent post, Apocalyso. I often call it a 'Messiah complex' -- the thinking that YOU are the only one who can save people. And I so agree, it's roots are based in arrogance, not compassion. I'm not saying it's bad to want to help others, but when you think you're the only one who can, you're in trouble. I bet you can guess how I know this.

angelikaJ -> RE: Karma (11/11/2013 5:08:08 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Makemeobey4you There was no argument not one bit. We were together one day this week;everything was fine, normal, both happy together (unless that was her act) Anyway, she told me the next day her phone was getting shut off. And so it did, so I tried to get a hold of her on fb saw it was gone. The only reason I was trying to get a hold of her and violated the "space" she needed was because she got in a fight I was worried. And for worrying I got snapped on. That's it, there's nothing else to it. As far as comparing me to your ex... this girl is immature, she can't do anything for herself. It was me taking her out to where I thought we'd enjoy because alls she wanted to do was party with drugs. We only hung out with my circle of friends, because she had none. That should have been an indication she's cold hearted (not having her own friends) I'm nothing like your ex, I'm not passive. I was forced to take charge of the relationship. I'm leaving nothing out, other than she's an addict. (Okay thats a pretty big factor) But I was doing everything I could to help her get better. I guess she just doesnt want to get clean. Such a shame, such a beautiful girl. It wasn't you. It is the fact that she is an addict. The Karma, as it were, will be on her for her bad decisions. Her lover of choice at the moment is Heroin and you were/are in the way of that. You can't fix her. She is the only person who can do that. "Give me some space" is not a secret code for "Give me some space unless you are worried because I got into a fight." I am sorry for your pain. I encourage you to go to some Narc-Anon meetings (for loved ones of addicts) or Codependents Anonymous. quote: Because I have always been the type of person to attract and be attracted to the troubled and lost souls quote: You can fix yourself so you can make the right choices. Info here: Co-Dependents Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women whose common purpose is to develop healthy relationships. The only requirement for membership is a desire for healthy and loving relationships. Edit: clarity

xxblushesxx -> RE: Karma (11/11/2013 5:45:57 AM)
Some of the others? Seriously, you should be thanking everyone who posted on this thread. Not one person dissed you or gave you bad/unreasonable advice. As I just told another, if she loved you and/or even cared, you'd know it. You need to get mad (because you were not treated as a caring human being with feelings, but as a non-entity) and move on. Someday you will wonder why you cared so much for this girl. Really.

DarkSteven -> RE: Karma (11/11/2013 6:12:45 AM)
Dude, I feel for you. Beautiful girl, and you got the feeling that you were helping her. I have some friends who are recovered alcoholics. They say that the only person who can break an addiction is the addict themself, when he or she hits rock bottom and makes the choice. Optimistically, her pushing you away may be the first step toward her fixing herself. She's on her own now, and she may be able to rescue herself. Good luck with her. I hope she comes back for you. You cannot do anything more than wait at this point.

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