RE: Advice on becoming a Master

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OsideGirl -> RE: Advice on becoming a Master (11/11/2013 8:51:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CobaltRose here is how i define a master: someone who is a source of security and love for the sub, someone who lets her explore her deepest, darkest desires. Someone who cares deeply for her, and wants her to have pleasure, wherever it may come from. That's very one dimensional. Being a Master means that you have complete control over someone else's life, including all of the responsibilities of taking on that role. You're talking about sex. We're talking about relationships with power dynamics.

CobaltRose -> RE: Advice on becoming a Master (11/11/2013 8:52:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr quote: ORIGINAL: CobaltRose Oh no, i hate punishing my slave. But some are into that, and i need advice on how to fufil their desires. So ... you're willing to do something that you claim to hate because it's your partner's desire? Hmmmm ... I would call this a successful D/s relationship but not in the way you might be thinking. I dont "hate" it, just getting used to it. its not a deal breaker, it wont kill my boner or turn me off. I just wouldnt do it if she didnt ask me to.

DaddySatyr -> RE: Advice on becoming a Master (11/11/2013 8:53:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CobaltRose quote: ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr quote: ORIGINAL: CobaltRose Oh no, i hate punishing my slave. But some are into that, and i need advice on how to fufil their desires. So ... you're willing to do something that you claim to hate because it's your partner's desire? Hmmmm ... I would call this a successful D/s relationship but not in the way you might be thinking. I dont "hate" it, just getting used to it. its not a deal breaker, it wont kill my boner or turn me off. I just wouldnt do it if she didnt ask me to. Please note; I never said you hated it. You said that. I would *strongly* suggest that you do some deep soul-searching.

CobaltRose -> RE: Advice on becoming a Master (11/11/2013 8:54:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl quote: ORIGINAL: CobaltRose here is how i define a master: someone who is a source of security and love for the sub, someone who lets her explore her deepest, darkest desires. Someone who cares deeply for her, and wants her to have pleasure, wherever it may come from. That's very one dimensional. Being a Master means that you have complete control over someone else's life, including all of the responsibilities of taking on that role. You're talking about sex. We're talking about relationships with power dynamics. I also mean her whole life as well. I want her to know she is mine and i will take care of her and make her feel safe, in or out of the bedroom, she is mine, and i will take care of her.

sunshinemiss -> RE: Advice on becoming a Master (11/11/2013 8:54:23 AM)
What's a BHM master?

CobaltRose -> RE: Advice on becoming a Master (11/11/2013 8:57:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss What's a BHM master? BHM= Big Handsome Man. I want to a master. Anyway, above all else i just want the confident aura that says "hey, this man knows how to take charge!" Its easier said than done.

sunshinemiss -> RE: Advice on becoming a Master (11/11/2013 8:59:51 AM)
You live life. You fail. You succeed. You get back up every time you fall down. You work. You learn stuff. You listen. You become self aware. You do your best. You support others. You keep your word. That is how it works ... There is no shortcut.

OsideGirl -> RE: Advice on becoming a Master (11/11/2013 9:00:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CobaltRose quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl quote: ORIGINAL: CobaltRose here is how i define a master: someone who is a source of security and love for the sub, someone who lets her explore her deepest, darkest desires. Someone who cares deeply for her, and wants her to have pleasure, wherever it may come from. That's very one dimensional. Being a Master means that you have complete control over someone else's life, including all of the responsibilities of taking on that role. You're talking about sex. We're talking about relationships with power dynamics. I also mean her whole life as well. I want her to know she is mine and i will take care of her and make her feel safe, in or out of the bedroom, she is mine, and i will take care of her. Yeah, but you keep missing our point: Being a Master isn't about kinky sex. You can be in a M/s relationship and never engage in BDSM. Being a Master is about the relationship dynamic. And you're 20, so IMO you're probably no where near ready for what it would take to be in an M/s relationship. I would suggest that you find yourself a TNG group near you. Figure out how to be dominant (without being domineering), then worry about finding a person that you can be in a relationship with. M/s relationships aren't like flicking a switch and "boom" it happens. They happen gradually. And even for people that actually have experience in D/s relationship, they're not easy to attain and maintain. You have the cart about a mile in front of the horse.

CobaltRose -> RE: Advice on becoming a Master (11/11/2013 9:02:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl quote: ORIGINAL: CobaltRose quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl quote: ORIGINAL: CobaltRose here is how i define a master: someone who is a source of security and love for the sub, someone who lets her explore her deepest, darkest desires. Someone who cares deeply for her, and wants her to have pleasure, wherever it may come from. That's very one dimensional. Being a Master means that you have complete control over someone else's life, including all of the responsibilities of taking on that role. You're talking about sex. We're talking about relationships with power dynamics. I also mean her whole life as well. I want her to know she is mine and i will take care of her and make her feel safe, in or out of the bedroom, she is mine, and i will take care of her. Yeah, but you keep missing our point: Being a Master isn't about kinky sex. You can be in a M/s relationship and never engage in BDSM. Being a Master is about the relationship dynamic. And you're 20, so IMO you're probably no where near ready for what it would take to be in an M/s relationship. I would suggest that you find yourself a TNG group near you. Figure out how to be dominant (without being domineering), then worry about finding a person that you can be in a relationship with. M/s relationships aren't like flicking a switch and "boom" it happens. They happen gradually. And even for people that actually have experience in D/s relationship, they're not easy to attain and maintain. You have the cart about a mile in front of the horse. i must be sounding like a total douchebag. I dont think it happens over night. And im into both BDSM (bondage) and 24/7 M/s relationship. I wanted advice so i dont fuck it up.

sunshinemiss -> RE: Advice on becoming a Master (11/11/2013 9:04:08 AM)
We GAVE you advice. You just don't like the advice. It all boils down to BE A MAN. Eta... And you WILL fuck up. Nature of being a human. Join a TNG group and learn. Seriously. that is it. If there is something specific you want to know, we will help you, but the vagueness of your question is causing the difficulty.

CobaltRose -> RE: Advice on becoming a Master (11/11/2013 9:06:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss We GAVE you advice. You just don't like the advice. It all boils down to BE A MAN. I understand the advice. I just.....i dont know part of me keeps saying it has to be more complicated than that.

sunshinemiss -> RE: Advice on becoming a Master (11/11/2013 9:09:40 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CobaltRose quote: ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss We GAVE you advice. You just don't like the advice. It all boils down to BE A MAN. I understand the advice. I just.....i dont know part of me keeps saying it has to be more complicated than that. Being a man is not easy. Simple, yes. Easy, no. It really isn't more complicated than this... and I really do need to get to sleep.

CobaltRose -> RE: Advice on becoming a Master (11/11/2013 9:12:52 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss quote: ORIGINAL: CobaltRose quote: ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss We GAVE you advice. You just don't like the advice. It all boils down to BE A MAN. I understand the advice. I just.....i dont know part of me keeps saying it has to be more complicated than that. Being a man is not easy. Simple, yes. Easy, no. It really isn't more complicated than this... and I really do need to get to sleep. I dont expect it to be easy. Also there is a very thin line between being a man, and being an domineering douchebag. Anyway, thanks for the advice, i really do appreciate it. Sorry if i been alittle....i dont know. I have ADD and it takes me a while to get focused on things. But im learning.

LadyPact -> RE: Advice on becoming a Master (11/11/2013 9:13:21 AM)
What I think they are trying to tell you is to be the kind of man that a person wants to follow. (Yes, don't be a douchebag is a part of that.) If you were going to give control over your entire life to somebody, what kind of person would they have to be? Do that. I don't know if "doesn't know how to handle the relationship" would be high on the list of positives for you to want to turn your life over to somebody else, would it? As to the rest of this thread, I'm confused as hell. I can't tell if you have a woman who happens to be submissive in your life or not. If there is an actual reason to be punishing this person or not, or if it's really just all about play. You don't need a reason to play except for that it's fun. Does she have some kind of desire to feel that she's done things wrong so that she can enjoy stuff like being spanked or tied up? There's a difference between pretending to punish someone and actual stuff going on that warrants punishment.

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Advice on becoming a Master (11/11/2013 9:13:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CobaltRose . . . above all else i just want the confident aura that says "hey, this man knows how to take charge!" Its easier said than done. Knowing how to take charge and exude that degree of confidence is not something you can learn with a few tips caged off the internet. You build confidence by gaining competency in basic tasks, slowly building on those tasks, and eventually being successful, it doesn't matter what at, the steps are the same. Along the way you may have some failures. Personally, I've learned much more from my failures. Being master of yourself requires a great deal of self-reflection. Get yourself involved in one of the martial arts that also teaches the philosophy behind it. Then get yourself to a munch and meet others who can help you on your journey of discovery. It's fine to ask questions here as well, but please please be much more specific. We aren't mind readers.

myotherself -> RE: Advice on becoming a Master (11/11/2013 9:14:14 AM)
I'm in an M/s relationship with a punishment dynamic. We've been together over 3 years now and will (hopefully) be spending the rest of our lives together. Here's how we did it. 1. We met up for coffee, talked for 2 hours about our lives, jobs, hobbies, family, friends. Enjoyed it so much we did it again. 2. Decided to make a start at a relationship. Had a fully vanilla relationship for several months, with all the dating, hand-holding and silliness that goes with that. 3. Talked about what we wanted out of lives, relationships and each other. Figured we had a pretty good fit, so started adding in small amounts of D/s, gradually over the period of about a year. 4. Talked again about what we'd achieved and where we wanted to go. Defined what we both thought M/s meant, and came to a broad agreement that this was the way we wanted to go. This was about 18 months into the relationship. 5. Carried on much as we had been in point (4), except I was not allowed to say 'no' unless there was a damn good reason, and he started to control more of the relationship. There was no 'magic formula', just two people who liked what they saw and took a slow, steady course towards an M/s relationship. I wasn't attracted by any aura of dominance, just his natural way of being. I have met many 'domly doms' with the swagger and air of superiority, and thought most of them were total tits. The rest just didn't resonate with my particular brand of submission. Putting on an act to attract a partner is doomed to failure. Eventually keeping up the act will become exhausting and eventually it will fail, leaving 'you'. But if you start with 'you', then you can't really fuck up too badly, can you?

CobaltRose -> RE: Advice on becoming a Master (11/11/2013 9:19:20 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: myotherself I'm in an M/s relationship with a punishment dynamic. We've been together over 3 years now and will (hopefully) be spending the rest of our lives together. Here's how we did it. 1. We met up for coffee, talked for 2 hours about our lives, jobs, hobbies, family, friends. Enjoyed it so much we did it again. 2. Decided to make a start at a relationship. Had a fully vanilla relationship for several months, with all the dating, hand-holding and silliness that goes with that. 3. Talked about what we wanted out of lives, relationships and each other. Figured we had a pretty good fit, so started adding in small amounts of D/s, gradually over the period of about a year. 4. Talked again about what we'd achieved and where we wanted to go. Defined what we both thought M/s meant, and came to a broad agreement that this was the way we wanted to go. This was about 18 months into the relationship. 5. Carried on much as we had been in point (4), except I was not allowed to say 'no' unless there was a damn good reason, and he started to control more of the relationship. There was no 'magic formula', just two people who liked what they saw and took a slow, steady course towards an M/s relationship. I wasn't attracted by any aura of dominance, just his natural way of being. I have met many 'domly doms' with the swagger and air of superiority, and thought most of them were total tits. The rest just didn't resonate with my particular brand of submission. Putting on an act to attract a partner is doomed to failure. Eventually keeping up the act will become exhausting and eventually it will fail, leaving 'you'. But if you start with 'you', then you can't really fuck up too badly, can you? This was pretty much the specific advice i was looking for. Thanks. Im not putting on an act, but doesnt mean im not willing to compromise alittle. And i agree, take it slow. The longer it takes for the relationship to build up, the longer it will last,

DesFIP -> RE: Advice on becoming a Master (11/11/2013 10:46:35 AM)
If your first thought is of punishing her, then you aren't ready to be a master, or a parent for that matter. You want to teach someone to succeed instead of watching them fail and then punishing them. There is no short cut to becoming someone trustworthy who thinks things through and helps those in his care succeed. It doesn't matter if you learned how to change the oil in the car the first time you tried it, if it takes her five times, then you need to teach her those five times. Oh, and you will fuck up. All humans do, especially when dealing with other humans. The thing here is that you figure out why you fucked up and you fix that fault so that doesn't happen again. And you apologize sincerely while explaining what you did wrong and how you propose to fix it so it never happens again. Then you make sure it doesn't ever happen again. Simple, but not easy.

CobaltRose -> RE: Advice on becoming a Master (11/11/2013 10:52:44 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP If your first thought is of punishing her It wasnt. It never is. Btw i was able to find a temporary sub to play with, she is willing to help me learn the ropes, learn with practice. So i would have more expirence in the real thing. So, yeah. wish me luck.

littlewonder -> RE: Advice on becoming a Master (11/11/2013 12:19:44 PM)
it's called growing up. You're a kid yet. Give it time. And just be a man, be confident, blah blah blah. And all of that comes with experience and time...aka....growing up.

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