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sloguy02246 -> RE: Horrorscope kink (11/15/2013 7:55:47 AM)
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This might help (check out Scorpio):
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Aries LIVES for head massages. Any part of their head: lips, eyelids, eyes, tongue, you name it! Aries also likes to fuck in public places during business hours. You need to be open-minded with an Aries. But if you don't feel like being duct taped to a wall and beaten with live ferrets, tell them. Be warned! If you don't want to be kinky, don't be with an Aries. And, if you say "no" too often to them, you may lose them as a lover forever.
The Aries idea of heaven is participating in live sex shows for money, having their favorite human toy win first place in a pony boy/girl race, and fucking as an art form on display in a gallery. They secretly crave to be strippers or Annie Sprinkle. Aries is jealous. They also like to coordinate other people's fucking. They secretly desire to be fluffers. Aries owned a Violet Wand before it was popular. They are also sadists.
The best gift to give an Aries is designer colored nylon rope in their favorite color. They live to tease.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Don't tease a Taurus. It will only piss them off. Taureans are realists. If you say that you are horny, prepare to be fucked. Taureans are heavy indulgers, though. All forms of indulgence: sex-drugs-wine-food...whatever their vice may be, they simply cannot get enough. They do not believe in moderation. They will fuck until they are sore. Taurus likes to have sex just for the sake of having sex. What they lack in originality, they make up for in stamina and endurance. Okay, so they may not be into bondage, but they will lick you until you have at least three orgasms or until you pass out, whichever comes first. Taureans use their tongue for EVERYTHING. They love to lick people covered in whipped cream, alcohol, chocolate, flesh and candy. Bring it on! Caution: They are looking for a relationship, so be kind to them.
They also have a BIG thing for scents and aromas. Sometimes they don't want a lover to bathe before sex. Or you may find them fucking in a garden or a greenhouse to smell the dirt - after all, they are Earth signs.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
Ever heard the saying "Been there, done that?" Chances are it came from a Gemini. They are always changing. They are the eternal chameleon. You never know who they may be fucking that day because they have sex - a lot of sex - probably because they are in a constant state of flux...always looking for the new high.
The biggest turn on for a Gemini is: LOCATION LOCATION LOCATION.
Here is just a smattering of places that I know Geminis have fucked: in the elevator of the mausoleum at Forest Lawn cemetery, during a funeral service, in a wine cellar in a nightclub, the VIP area of a theatre, a public park, the 18th hole of a private golf course, in the center of a race track just as the flag was being raised, on various pieces of gym equipment at numerous health spas, a football stadium during the Super Bowl, and on a balcony railing at Mardis Gras in the French Quarter, just to name a few.
If it's shiny...they will want it. They are big on DRAMA so be prepared for them to set the mood for sex no matter where you are. They WILL take the initiative. They live off their charm. If they are male and gay they will still be the greatest fuck a female has ever had. Go figure. They are also voyeurs but always willing to lend a hand ... or any other part of their anatomy. If they are depressed, suck on their fingers, that always seems to cheer them up. Their life goal is to fuck in the front row of the Oscars when the cameras pan on them so that they can wave.
Cancer (June 22 - July 22)
This is the sign that needs to be cuddled. They believe that they were born in the wrong period or century. They dwell in the past...Victorian...Roman...Medieval...You name it.
They usually will only fuck at night. Come to think of it, they fuck better at night anyway. Maybe it's because they are ruled by the Moon. This is a sign that is looking for TRUE love...I mean REAL TRUE DEEP LOVE...that "Romancing The Stone" and "Wuthering Heights" kind of love. They probably cry at the end of any Jane Austen flick. They want to be swept off of their feet. They really do deserve it, too. They are constantly dumped on by previous past ex-lovers that think they own them. Sometimes Cancers pick the wrong guy/girl and get beat up or emotionally hurt. Why? They think its what they deserve, which is bullshit. They are wonderful people. They love water sports (jacuzzis/pools/showers/saunas/bathhouses). They want to be comfortable while fucking. Oh sure, during foreplay they will willingly let themselves be bent over a bar stool, but when you get home they want comfy couches, beds, fluffy pillows, anything soft and fuzzy that is not an actual pet. Cancerians live for oral...as long as it tastes good. Kama Sutra honey dust is a good start...mints...ice cream...fruit...anything with sugar. But don't rush them - they like to smolder so when you get started, be ready for a long night. They like to play with ice cubes, too. Also nipples are a BIG thing for Crabs. They all secretly wish to get their nipples pierced. Can also be submissive. Masturbation is where they get their bonus points. Be warned: They like 'em YOUNG...so you better be ready to dress up like a school boy/girl with a whip to keep them interested.
Leo (July 23 - Aug. 22)
If a Leo could place theirself naked and covered in rubies on a pedestal in a museum, this would be their idea of heaven. Everyone admiring them: Hell, yeah! "WORSHIP ME." is their motto. After all, they CHOSE you. They can also UN-Choose you as well.
They live for Menage a Trois...or Qua...or Cinco....anything in a group is okay as long as they are in the middle. Leos also like bubble baths. Once you start with a Leo, do not think you can just turn their emotions on and off like a switch - they will demand satisfaction - NOW. All the stress in the world ends up in the Leo neck...They need neck rubs...they feel like they have the entire weight of the world on their head. If its kinky, a Leo has probably done it..You know Madonna's a LEO, right? She mastered the Madonna/Whore/Goddess thing pretty well, huh? I wonder why? Could it be because shes a fuckin' LEO? Yep.
Get out your furry gloves and faux mink whips for this kitten. They love soft floggers and there is a specific spot on their back right above their tailbone that is heaven to them where if touched right will actually make them purr. You think I'm bullshitting you? Try it, I dare you. Leo likes to be on top...that's a given. They need control. Their underwear is always..er..interesting to say the least. They LIVE for boudoir photography. They LOVE to be photographed. Leos are born to be porn stars. Even if they act prudish about it, they have thought about it. They usually end up in vocations where they can be served like a king or queen (e.g., Mistresses...Gigolos...Bar owners...Promoters...Runway Models...) They may have a fetish about decorating their genitalia...not piercings, per se...but other jeweled adornments definitely. Rubies usually are their love. I knew one LEO with a solid silver cock ring embedded with rubies. Love to have their hair brushed and played with. You had better be vocal in bed with them. They want to hear how well they are doing. If a Leo has chosen YOU as a mate, just accept it and enjoy the ride, but be prepared for anything. They ARE the naughty school teacher, the pirate captain, the gypsy king and Cleopatra all rolled into one.
Virgo (Aug 23 - Sept. 22)
This is the MOST confused sign on the planet. This sign is pretty realistic: No frills. They love to fuck in showers, not because it's kinky but for hygenic reasons. They are big into sanitary issues. Every Virgo I have ever met has issues that always go back to hygiene. They have to arrange time in their busy schedules to have sex. But when a reservation is made, you had better be there on time, if not a little early - with flowers - and squeaky clean.
Virgos want to make their partner happy. That's it. USUALLY. You might find a freaky Virgo, but not often. Even so, they will try to get you to come. And if they can't make you come, they will buy someone or something that will. Yes, you read that right.
Missionary is their big thing. I wish Virgos were more into kink, but that's about it - except maybe try spanking them sometime and see what will happen. Some Virgos WANT to be punished. They will do naughty things to be caught so they can be punished. They are perfect for Aries who want to punish somebody - anybody! Pretend rape scenes also turn on Virgos, as long as they know they are secretly safe. If you have ever seen the carnival rape scene in "Henry & June," that is a Virgo wet dream.
They LIVE to masturbate, whether its you rubbing them, them rubbing you, them rubbing against your fox fur coat...whatever! Also all Virgos like to see camel toes...what's up with that? Sherlock Holmes was probably a Virgo...or a repressed Gemini.
Libra (Sept. 23 - Oct. 23)
Let the games begin! Libra will try anything once. Twice to make sure they liked it. Three times to be absolutely sure. Do not touch a Libra's head during oral sex. That may work with an Aries, but not here. Libras LOVE giving oral - They LOVE getting it, too, but don't feel like they get enough. Too bad, because they sure as hell are getting enough of everything else. Libras are not only mental but emotional creatures. Can you cook a bag of peas in a pot of cold water? You won't be cooking anything with a cold LIbra either. That's the emotional side for you. But, beware, once your Libra is on fire, you will be consumed. Libra's believe in living and fulfilling fantasies that they haven't done in real life. To them, sitting in a strawberry pie COULD be fun. Porn? Not for a Libra! They HATE vulgarity. They are accident prone and they lose everything: keys, bras, underwear, track of time, condoms.
Libra is ruled by the goddess Aphrodite. They never think like just ONE sex. They can always feel what the opposite sex feels. They love to role play and dress up. Who are they really? It depends on what day of the week it is. They believe that life is too short to date rotten people, so if you are being hit on by a Libra, there is a good reason. Whether you are attractive physically, emotionally, mentally or have a fantastic sense of humor, there is always a reason for a Libra to want you. They despise feeling like they are on a waiting list to get your attention, or worse yet, feeling like they are your groupie. That won't last long. But if you get past all that, expect long luxurious nights of love making. Libra's are also the romantic of the zodiac, they don't just fuck. They are the graceful slut. If you are going to fuck a Libra, throw away your watch and get mirrors - lots of them. They have more vanity issues than a Gemini.
Libra's require psychological penetration. Confidence and understanding must exist between the Libra and their mate. Thus, when mutual confidence and respect exists, sexual energy is exchanged and not wasted.
Scorpio (Oct. 24 - Nov. 21)
HOLY SHIT! Here come the masters and mistresses of fucking!
Sorry Leo, but Scorpios ARE the leaders in the Kink-O-Rama factor (Hey Leos, you are the kings and queens of everything ELSE...so let this go...OK?)
Scorpios KNOW how to seduce.
They KNOW what is kinky.
They KNOW how to get you to do what THEY want.
They KNOW how to fuck.
And they are still making room for even more modifications.
All they have to do is walk into a room and look at you, and you WILL be on your back assuming the position.
One Scorpio I knew used to shackle her lover to her dining room table and serve food around his naked body for dinner parties. She would put the chip dip right between his legs and tell everyone to try some.This is just an idea of Scorpio kink. She would punish him later if things went...er...awry.
Leos and Scorpios make for a fabulous tryst, but the emotions are staggering. Don't dare TRY to make a Scorpio jealous. They will duct tape you to a chair and make you watch them fuck your boss or your sister/brother or your mother - oh hell, that's their idea of a typical Thursday night.
They love to use ball gags and always have carpet burns on their knees and back from their constant rutting like a wild weasel in heat. They are also very cunning and secretive. They love fucking doggy-style and have a fetish for riding crops and bridles. Most Scorpios have mastered the Binaca-Blowjob for heightened and elongated pleasure. I hope you can go the distance and can make them come...otherwise God help you.
Most female Scorpios have a horrible tendency of being alcoholic lesbians. Get them drunk enough and they will kiss a girl...or two....or three...or five. One Scorpio girl I knew got so toasted at a party she kissed EVERYONE in the entire house (at least sixty people). All their clothes are easy access. And they can definitely get their foot over their head. One Scorpio man I knew could blow himself.
A definite good time...but beware of their sting!
Sagittarius (Nov. 22 - Dec. 21)
Right out the chute I am going to tell you...THEY LOVE TO BE SHAVED.
Sagittarians love being shaved by someone they love.
And they LOVE to travel. They are constantly moving.They are always packing and going somewhere. They are the outdoorsy type. Why fuck in your bedroom when you can be surrounded by Sequoias under a moonlit night and have sex? Sags will fuck everywhere! Most Sags flash body parts and are closet nudists. They will be the first to register for nude volleyball at the nudist resort. Don't get me wrong, they have a ton of provocative clothing at home, but they like to be naked - everywhere. They don't know why its against the law to drive naked in a convertible. It's just downright unAmerican to them.
They are also bleeding heart cause-fighters. They believe that sex is a biological function amongst friends. Why fight when you can fuck?
A perfect night for them is to: Talk. Fuck. Talk. Fuck. Go out and look at sea otters..Pick some flowers. Talk. Fuck. Laugh. Have a drink. Talk. Fuck. Dinner. Fuck. Sleep. Fuck and fuck some more!
Kinky? They love kinky. Wear that pirate get-up for these girls, they'll be on their knees in a heartbeat. They'll dress kinky and skip the panties under a short skirt if you're going out on the town, just to get you going, and I do mean going. These girls want it all night long! Whipped cream, body oils and bondage, licking and sucking, whatever it takes to keep the party going! They believe in doing it and doing it often! Fucking before the movie starts, fucking at the theatre during the previews, and maybe a quick blowjob on the way home.
Sag females love sexing up your whole body! Give them a chance, there won't be a body part they haven't sucked, licked or fucked! You can touch them anywhere and they get hot because they're freaky like that! They love leg rubs and jacuzzis because their thighs are their hot spot. They'll be the ones holding you up, fucking in the closet at your friends housewarming party at two in the morning. They are built for lots and lots of sex in any way, shape, or form, kinky or slow teasing, fast and hard or slow and easy. If you want to get your freak on, Sagittarians are the way to go! None of the other signs love sex as much as a Sagittarian!
Capricorn (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19)
Just as I was writing this one, my Capricorn friend proceeds to call me. Capricorns are psychic by accident. They have no idea the fates smile on them from time to time. They just accept it and move on. You can turn on a Capricorn just by breathing on them. They are strong and responsible and have dignity. But they are too easy to turn on sometimes. And watch out when they are horny. Whoever is in the room better have protection. They are natural screamers and leave bite marks. They like sex a lot as a favorite past time, usually during commercial breaks. They like to do it in the shower...on the furniture...on other people's furniture...on other people's beds...cars...tents...boats....Yep, if they are in the mood, it could be at the President's inauguration.
They might seem at first to be rather cold and insensitive. But when they warm up, there is no stopping them.
They like to have the back of their knees licked. They live for tongue massages. They think porno is just silly...who thought that up? But they will watch it to see if they are missing anything.
Give them dim lighting, a roaring fireplace and a nice bottle of wine...you might as well reconcile yourself to the fact that you better leave the phone off for the entire weekend and order food in.
They like to play games as long as they are in charge and they love to bite.
This is a misunderstood sign because they can be very kinky - as long as it is with people they love.
Aquarius (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18)
My favorite sluts are Aquarians. Why? Because if you don't expect anything in return, you won't be disappointed. Sounds easy, huh? They will get under your skin though, so beware. It's easy to be hurt by an Aquarius because they don't want you to know what they are thinking. If they are silent but you are in the room with them, chances are they are in heavy thought. But don't worry, chances are they are thinking about you - and fifteen other things. Water bearers look at sex like it is a form of recess. They can turn you on by simply walking in the room. They are the Rain Man of the zodiac. They give too much of themselves to others that don't give a shit, then get shy with those that care about them.
Go figure.
They are easy going and like kinky stuff. To them, sex is a learning experience. Male Aquarians like to tease and live life in a fantasy world. Female Aquarians can't masturbate enough. Males never get the chance to masturbate because everybody wants a piece of them. They like their ankles nibbled. They love back massages. Their ultimate adventure is the "But we might get caught" game.
Don't expect faithfulness from these creatures...it's just not in their DNA. They are open minded to the point that anything shiny will derail their train of thought.
They enjoy fucking in groups of three. Think of being Jack Nicholson in bed with the three Witches of Eastwick - that is a Aquarian dream. But they need you to make the first move. Not to be dominated, but to bring them back to earth now and again for a little physical fun time. They get lost in the clouds a lot. Don't derail from your personal pleasure course or you two will be just talking all night (which can be stimulating just as well too). Beware! They are the flirts and teases from HELL! Never take one on a trip to a Home Depot when you are both horny. This can lead to nasty incidents and possible jail time.
Pisces (Feb. 19 - Mar. 20)
Get out the boots, stilletto heels, foot creams and panty hose. Here come da fishies!
They are the LEADERS in foot fetish. Masturbation in shoes? Okay. Toe masturbation? Bring it on! They love using their feet. Suck on a Piscean's toes and SEE what happens!
Fuck one of these fish in the water and watch them squirm in delight.
Pisces have probably done it in a sex swing. Or at least considered how strong the ceiling beams are in their house to put one in. Pisces men break furniture when they fuck. Things get flung everywhere.
Pisces can be turned on by the weirdest things...trains...water fountains...jump ropes...snow shovels - whatever. They are the sirens calling you to the beach where you will end up on your back on a towel with water all over you and not wanting it to stop.
Pisces are perfectionists. You will have a perfect orgasm with them - and so will they. In fact, they strive for perfection in everything they do. It's all in the details for them. There will not be ONE hair out of place with a Pisces. All of their fetish jewelry will match a specific whip or dress or shoes. EVERYTHING MUST MATCH! I have one Pisces friend that has nipple tassles that match for every pair of underwear and whip that she owns! NO SHIT!
You might think they are shy. Ha! They are just planning something. I had a Pisces friend (same Pisces friend with the matching tassles, by the way) who was on a nudist beach in Brazil (you will always find a Pisces at a beach...it's inbred in them). A middle-aged man in his early 50's or so came up to her and immediately saw her body and BA-BING! Hard on!
Not feeling shocked in any way, shape, or form, she walked right up to him and put her hand on his dick for a moment, then with her other hand took her sunglasses off, looked him right in the eye and said "DAHLING, your erection is SUPERB!" and she walked off, never to see him again.
You never can tell what the hell a Pisces will do, but I guarantee that it will be SUPERB!
SECRET: Pisces women will fall for a man who can wear high heels and a garter - and look good in them.
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