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Zonie63 -> RE: Divorce due to cancer (11/17/2013 7:09:59 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: sloguy02246
Honestly, the divorce statistics cited do not surprise me as I feel that men would be the more likely to "cut and run" during a spouse's medical crisis. In general, men have never been very dependable during medical crises (yes, there are exceptions).
The stats in the posted links stated that 21% of men divorce their wives during a serious illness, which would indicate that 79% still stay with their wives. I don't think it would be correct to make a generalized statement about men not being very dependable during medical crises, since the stats would show otherwise.
quote:
But my question is why a husband would openly state that his wife's sudden and involuntary lack of breasts is his reason for seeking an exit.
Is that a justifiable reason for a man to want his marriage to end?
I know that in some states the inability to have sexual intercourse is an acceptable reason for a divorce (for a man or woman), but should a double mastectomy also be an acceptable reason?
I suppose it would depend on who you ask and what would constitute an "acceptable reason." I think people can get divorced for whatever reason they wish. If they just don't want to be with each other anymore, irreconcilable differences, etc. It doesn't seem to matter if there even is a reason, let alone whether it's "acceptable." With the people I know who have gotten divorced - and some of the reasons given - I sometimes wonder why they even got married in the first place.
Other than that, I know that there are some people who are uncomfortable with any kind of crisis, illness, or serious medical condition. Some people are out of their element, they get frustrated, they don't know what to do, and sometimes they even become resentful and angry towards the person who is sick. I know it sounds horrible, but it's not all that uncommon. Some people can get caregiver burnout, too.
I'm not sure why men would be more likely to bail than women in cases where the spouse is seriously ill. It might also depend on how much other support the spouse/caregiver might be receiving from family, friends, or whatever personal support system they might have. That's also important, since a lot of men might feel compelled to "go it alone" and not ask for help when they so badly need it. His friends might feel the same way so they may not want to deal with the subject either; a lot of people don't really know what to do or what to say when faced with those kinds of situations.
For older couples, they might already have strong supports in place, especially if they have grown children and/or are firmly established in a neighborhood and community. There's more likely to be found those in their peer group who have experience with what they're going through, so they're more likely to get the support they need. That might be more difficult with younger couples going through similar crises. If they're new to a place and don't know many people, or if they don't really have any family they can turn to, then it's going to be doubly difficult to weather any kind of crisis.
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