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RE: Having issues with Femdom fetish - 11/18/2013 7:52:54 AM   
Charles6682


Posts: 1820
Joined: 10/1/2007
From: Saint Pete,FL
Status: offline 		I have learned to combine my vanilla life quite well with my submissive desires. I love living life. I've been through this before. The submissive desires will not go away for me and I am pretty content with that. At the same time, I no longer sit here on the net, just hoping that I may or may not meet the right Domme. If it happens, it happens, if it doesn't, then I am still going to enjoy my life either way. It's tough competition with male subs seeking Dommes these day's. I'm not going to let the rat race effect my life. I have too many other thing's in my life to focus on. I do hope I do meet the right Domme someday. I don't want to be alone forever. But that's probably just human nature in general.

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http://www.Facebook.com/SubGuy

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(in reply to KYsissy)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Having issues with Femdom fetish - 11/18/2013 8:11:21 AM   
MasterCaneman


Posts: 3842
Joined: 3/21/2013
Status: offline 		OP, you're 20 years old. I don't know what kind of religious background you had, if any, but speaking for myself, my upbringing caused me a lot of confusion that I read in your posts. I'd dive right into it, have a hell of a good time, and then when it was over and I started "thinking about it", I'd have this drop and go into a funk because what I'd done wasn't "right".

You haven't had enough time on this planet yet to worry about it. I wish I could go back and tell my 19-20 year old self that what I was doing wasn't going to make me a bad person, just a regular guy with an interesting backstory. You're no different. Take the advice posted above-especially from Resident Sadist-these folks have decades of collective experience in this area.

Above all else, remind yourself that you're not a bad person for wanting this. A lot of guys I've met, especially s-types, get this feeling that what they're doing is bad or wrong. It isn't, as long as you don't let it be inside your head. Go out there and meet people in real-time who are into this. You're a good-looking kid, and if you present yourself as a conscientous, observant, and interesting person you may find what you're seeking.

You're already practicing one form of self-denial, practice another. Impose self-discipline on yourself with the porn and the other stuff you've been doing. That's a big part of what's screwing up your head. Very little of that crap is 'real', and the sooner you realize how unreal it is the better it will be for you. If you're going to spend money on this, consider it a personal investment and redirect it towards things that leave you with the best set of pictures and movies there are-your own memories. No image or video site can possibly outdo that one. Think about it.

_____________________________

Age and treachery will always overcome youth and ambition.

The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting. ~ Sun Tzu

Goddess Wrangler



(in reply to Ulfbehrt)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Having issues with Femdom fetish - 11/18/2013 8:22:34 AM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline 		You have 2 choices. Either embrace who you are or not. Either way you are on a path of self discovery. I do wish you well.

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to MasterCaneman)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Having issues with Femdom fetish - 11/18/2013 10:53:48 AM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

But here's the thing; when I'm out in public, when after I've orgasmed, when I'm out and just being normal I don't want to have a Femdom fetish. Even when I masturbate now, I feel horrible and ashamed with myself, like I did before when I was much younger.


Two things. Firstly: Ask yourself in what ways, and why, you feel guilty. I phrase it this way because it's all too easy to accept 'off the peg' pop-psychological descriptions and explanations of feelings. For me, for instance, my the bad feelings that I got as a result of my submissive fantasies were only partly to do with 'being male therefore desiring to feel dominant'. They were also to do the sheer unnaturalness, as it seemed to me, of wanting to give away my power. Those two things could relate to your feelings, plus many more. But I think you need to identify *your own* feelings and use *your own language* to do that.

Secondly, re conflict: Myself, I never did resolve that post-orgasmic conflict. I just learned to like it. For some years now I've had damned hearty crack-offs with some conducive pictures or videos on the Internet - to be immediately followed by an urge to play ultra-muscular rock music and soon-to-follow desire get to the gym to pump iron. I don't feel guilt, I don't feel a failure in any way about this conflict I just like doing and being both things: a sub male, and a strong male. Tension between opposites can be fun. You can run with it, with a bit of self-knowledge and a good strong dose of being kind to yourself.

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(in reply to Ulfbehrt)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Having issues with Femdom fetish - 11/18/2013 3:04:18 PM   
VideoAdminRho


Posts: 2055
Joined: 3/24/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

First, expect this post to disappear because discussing your sexuality at an age under that of majority is not permitted.


We're going to allow that reference to stay since it pertains to his fantasies and not actual acts.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Having issues with Femdom fetish - 11/18/2013 3:22:39 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		FR,

I'd always like bondage and rough sex, but when I started reading about BDSM in my early 30's, I had some angst about could I be a good feminist and enjoy submission/masochism. I had a brief convo with a sex therapist whose response helped me resolve that conflict.

When I had some therapy to help me get unstuck in my professional and personal life, we also discussed BDSM, in the context of "why do I keep picking narcissistic Doms?" I did find it helpful to get out of my current relationship and make better choices in the future.

So, OP, I think therapy can be useful to help you accept your kinky self.

I've often heard that submissive desires evaporate for some men after an orgasm.

I don't see anything wrong with paying a pro. Just make sure she is a real pro, and not some idiot with a whip. There have been times when I didn't have a partner and wanted a beating and considered going to a pro. As I'm female, I was able to turn to my inbox instead. (Actually, I have been to a pro - but it was arranged by my then Master who was not very hands-on.)

If you let us know where in California you are, someone might have good resources for you for that or munches or events.


(in reply to PeonForHer)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Having issues with Femdom fetish - 11/18/2013 3:40:34 PM   
KYsissy


Posts: 781
Joined: 5/12/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama


I've often heard that submissive desires evaporate for some men after an orgasm.





They do for me for a day or two, then they start building back up til the next time.


_____________________________

"If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went."
Will Rogers, 1897-1935

(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Having issues with Femdom fetish - 11/19/2013 7:59:01 AM   
Charles6682


Posts: 1820
Joined: 10/1/2007
From: Saint Pete,FL
Status: offline 		Yep, sound's about right.
quote:

ORIGINAL: KYsissy


quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama


I've often heard that submissive desires evaporate for some men after an orgasm.





They do for me for a day or two, then they start building back up til the next time.




_____________________________

Charley aka Sub Guy

http://www.Facebook.com/SubGuy

https://Twitter.com/SubGuy6682

(in reply to KYsissy)
Profile   Post #: 28
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