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BecomingV -> RE: CM Social Civility & Responsibility (11/22/2013 12:49:58 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: kalikshama
quote:
So, IMO, "get therapy" is too limited a response to be considered valuable, and may at times, be destructive.
I found this interesting. What would be a valuable response to a new poster who comes on seeking help with a trainwreck of a life? Do you have examples of posts where someone suggested therapy and you thought there was a more valuable response available?
I am one who suggests therapy, but I tend to frame it along the lines of "therapy helped me make better choices; perhaps it will be of benefit to you."
kalikshama: Well, I think that adding what specifically was gained by the therapy that relates to the poster's needs, both offers the poster a reason to be open to the suggestion and eliminates what can at times appear to be dismissive or judgmental.
As someone who supports therapy as a tool worth suggesting for others, I would think that you are sensitive to the stigma of mental illness. There are some posters who use, "Get therapy" as a euphemism for "I reject you" or "I don't like your viewpoint, so you must be crazy." That use of the suggestion of therapy adds to the stigma and can discourage people who may benefit from it. So, putting it in context, to me, adds value.
A new poster with a trainwreck of a life is going to be aware that the therapy option exists. Coming here for feedback, may reflect a rejection of that option in lieu of the factors available here: anonymity, cost-free exposure to other views and lack of intimacy that in-person therapy requires. And, some people who are already in therapy still come here to question what is happening there. Sometimes, when reading posts that begin with, "I don't know how to help you. Get therapy" make me wonder why the person chose to respond at all. If you can't answer the person... then you can't.
Barring the research required to dig up old posts... I can answer the question in a general way. Not everyone benefits from therapy. It's a cultural thing worthy of notice. Some prefer reading. For some, prayer or meditation helps. Others heal through physical motion - exercise for endorphins, or through the social cohesion of playing a team sport. What I would call a "more valuable suggestion" really depends on what the poster has revealed about themselves. If that's not much, then I think it's good to express caring and acceptance and then ask some questions.
It's my view, that especially when people are hurt, afraid or feeling vulnerable, what they need first is to be acknowledged, accepted and offered hope. The suggestion of therapy, in and of itself, is not what I find fault with. It's the misuse of it.
When thinking of successful therapy, the first step is to believe that therapy can work. Without the belief, it doesn't work. (ask jailers, for instance) Ok, so a person believes it's an option for some, but still, that it won't work for them. Again, it won't work. A person believes it works, that it can work for them but does not want to do it. It won't work. Or, all 3 factors are met, but they can't afford it. Or, all 3 are met, they can find free care, but don't click with the therapist. It won't work. I could go on. Therapy is not for all.
What I would suggest at times... thinking deeply about the Serenity Prayer comes to mind.
Usually people who write about their pain seem to be focused on factors outside of themselves, including the ways in which others are affecting them. Even in therapy, the client has to take responsibility for creating their own lives, which includes controlling attitude and reactions to emotions. Then there is behavior and choices. My point is that the person who inspires others to say, "Get therapy" could also inspire others to address themselves to the fact the person has chosen to gather feedback here and just offer that person their view.
I live in the U.S, where people are medicated, diagnosed and put into treatment for feelings and behaviors that are dealt with differently in other parts of the world. Sometimes, it's not about geographical culture. For instance, the Quakers have a tradition of treating a person who is depressed by letting them stay in bed for as long as they need. The community sets up a schedule and sits by their bed at all times. They come in, sit down and say, "I'm just here." No therapy. No drugs. Just acknowledging the person's pain, removing isolation (and suicide) by physical presence and trusting the person will regain strength, works for them. Now, that is a cultural thing, too, and is not practical for many living in different lifestyles.
My belief is that pain is a signal to look for some area in need of care (whether it be mental or physical). Even when the suggestion of therapy is a sincere expression of care and support for a poster, I think it would be more valuable if specificity were to be involved. Is the suggestion for Gestalt? psychoanalysis?
Types of therapy: http://psychology.about.com/od/psychotherapy/a/treattypes.htm
Also regarding talk therapies: http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/119390.If_You_Meet_the_Buddha_on_the_Road_Kill_Him
^^^ This book considers the fact the clients often begin therapy with the illusion that the therapist is wiser, superior and hold the answers. Accepting the loss of that illusion is when healing begins. (This book was required reading for counselors, therapists and psychologists in the 80's as a part of sexual assault counseling training by the state.)
ETA - kalikshama, your example of how you suggest therapy, including the benefit you found, "ways of making better choices," is what I mean. I think posts which suggest therapy become valuable when they offer specific benefits that may be expected by choosing to go to therapy. In this way, the poster may better assess if that option works for them.
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