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BDSM and gender personality quirks - 11/20/2013 1:35:22 PM   
directiveerror


Posts: 128
Joined: 11/17/2013
Status: offline 		(a little unsure if this would be better suited for off topic or here so feel free to change it or say so for future reference)

discussions i've had with a few people(not online) recently have lead me to wonder as toward the nature of others opinions on the subject, i seek a broader reference point than just my associates so i will ask here, if you have an point of view to offer i would be grateful. also i had a hard time coming up with a title that would encompass this entire question so if that was confusing my apologies(oh and all my "examples" are just off the cuff. my intent is that you offer your own relevant to you if you wish to reply, thanks):

now i'm sure most are familiar that in society some hobbies are considered feminine(i.e. playing with dolls) and some are considered masculine(playing cowboys and indians), but there are also personality traits which fall into these stereotypes as well.

what i was wondering was within your life, are there any traits that you view as primarily masculine or feminine? within BDSM, are there some traits/hobbies that you believe should only be engaged in by specific people(i.e. should only sub men wear panties, should only dominant men hold the tv remote, should only submissive women cry, should only dominant women be angry etc)?

do you think that your opinion differs from most people in the vanilla world? from most people on the BDSM side of things?

do you view any personality traits as something that is solely masculine, or solely feminine? how do you view people who do not fit that role?

note, that this is not a question directly intended to be veered towards transgendered individuals, rather those that consider themselves the gender in which they were born but if you fall into that category i would be happy to hear your input as well.

i hope to hear some unique opinions, and realize this may or may not be a touchy subject so if something offended anyone about the way i worded the inquiry let me know and i will change it. thanks in advance for any assistance i may or may not get.
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RE: BDSM and gender personality quirks - 11/20/2013 1:46:39 PM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline 		I don't consider any personality trait to be 'just' male or just female. Likewise I can't think of anything that should only be done by a particular gender. I'm really thinking hard here and I can't come up with anything.

You can draw very broad generalities when looking at the wider population, but on an individual level it doesn't work because human behaviour doesn't fit into neat little boxes. People are complex, their personalities are often contradictory and difficult to sum up in words.

I'm lucky enough to have grown up in a society/culture/family environment where it was expected that men talk about their feelings, change dirty nappies, cook and be well groomed. Women were expected to go into professional careers, play contact sports, get muddy and enjoy sex. We might occasionally joke about men and women but it's honestly never seemed to be that male and female traits were anything more than cute stereotypes.

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RE: BDSM and gender personality quirks - 11/20/2013 1:48:55 PM   
SylvereApLeanan


Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline 		Oh lawdy...

Put me in the camp of "no activity is inherently gendered and people should feel comfortable doing what makes them happy rather than trying to conform to gender stereotypes." Beyond that, I don't think there's any way to avoid having this thread descend into a trainwreck of cissexist, transphobic, misogynistic, heterosexist bullshit.

Happy Transgender Day of Remembrance.

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RE: BDSM and gender personality quirks - 11/20/2013 2:01:48 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: directiveerror

I like to be put into a cage.. not a box.



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He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


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RE: BDSM and gender personality quirks - 11/20/2013 2:02:36 PM   
directiveerror


Posts: 128
Joined: 11/17/2013
Status: offline 		thank you both of you, that seems completely reasonable.

oops or all three now.... posted at the same time.

< Message edited by directiveerror -- 11/20/2013 2:03:09 PM >

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RE: BDSM and gender personality quirks - 11/20/2013 3:05:36 PM   
muhly22222


Posts: 463
Joined: 3/25/2010
Status: offline 		I'm in the same group as these other people (how's that for a box, BitaTrouble?) when I say that I don't perceive any personality trait as being inherently masculine or feminine.

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RE: BDSM and gender personality quirks - 11/20/2013 3:08:31 PM   
UllrsIshtar


Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: directiveerror

do you view any personality traits as something that is solely masculine, or solely feminine? how do you view people who do not fit that role?



Masculine or feminine traits aren't defined by something as general and arbitrary as gender... it all depends on the person's horoscope instead.

Everybody knows Libra's are pussies.

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

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RE: BDSM and gender personality quirks - 11/20/2013 3:10:48 PM   
directiveerror


Posts: 128
Joined: 11/17/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar


quote:

ORIGINAL: directiveerror

do you view any personality traits as something that is solely masculine, or solely feminine? how do you view people who do not fit that role?



Masculine or feminine traits aren't defined by something as general and arbitrary as gender... it all depends on the person's horoscope instead.

Everybody knows Libra's are pussies.



i guess that makes me devilish and a little fishy

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)
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RE: BDSM and gender personality quirks - 11/20/2013 3:26:34 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar


quote:

ORIGINAL: directiveerror

do you view any personality traits as something that is solely masculine, or solely feminine? how do you view people who do not fit that role?



Masculine or feminine traits aren't defined by something as general and arbitrary as gender... it all depends on the person's horoscope instead.

Everybody knows Libra's are pussies.


Wait one minute here... I'm a Libra and have a "outtie" just saying. OP it's now politically correct to neuter all positions. Mail person/ Mail man Actor/ Actress get the concept.

BadOne

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RE: BDSM and gender personality quirks - 11/20/2013 4:14:09 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar
Everybody knows Libra's are pussies.

Is that so?



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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)
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RE: BDSM and gender personality quirks - 11/20/2013 4:21:22 PM   
UllrsIshtar


Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar
Everybody knows Libra's are pussies.

Is that so?




Of course, it's a well known fact.

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to LadyPact)
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RE: BDSM and gender personality quirks - 11/20/2013 4:30:36 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar
Of course, it's a well known fact.

Never mistake poise, charm, and the ability to command a room with a form of weakness. Just because we are lovers of beauty and harmony does not mean that we can not handle ourselves when such things are interrupted. Pay particular attention to those of us who are born on the cusp, because we make for interesting individuals.



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)
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RE: BDSM and gender personality quirks - 11/20/2013 4:36:29 PM   
UllrsIshtar


Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline 		To the OP: SailingBum and LadyPact are demonstrating nicely by example that everybody born under the same astrological sign is exactly the same as everybody else born under that astrological sign.

Behavior is determined by the group you're born in, it's got nothing to do with fluid human beings adapting what suits them best growing up.

< Message edited by UllrsIshtar -- 11/20/2013 4:49:39 PM >

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to LadyPact)
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RE: BDSM and gender personality quirks - 11/20/2013 4:39:41 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		The sarcasm. It is deep.

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RE: BDSM and gender personality quirks - 11/20/2013 4:58:29 PM   
fucktoyprincess


Posts: 2337
Status: offline 		I do have my own personal definitions (if that's even the right word) for what feels feminine and masculine to me, and, tend to view my personal partners through that lens. But I wouldn't say that my definitions are applicable to anyone else. In fact, I highly doubt they would, or could be. With that said, there are things that I find 'masculine' in a male partner, that do, absolutely affect how attracted I am to a man (I am more attracted to deeper voices in men). I don't know if that means I define deeper voice as "masculine" in a gender way, or just find that type of voice more attractive period - I don't really know, haven't really thought through it that carefully. In the same sort of way, for me personally, if a Dominant man involved in my life wanted to dress in women's clothes all the time - for ME, personally, I don't think that would really work for me in the dynamic. (I'm bisexual, btw, so this has nothing to do with orientation), but if I'm with a straight man, I like to be the one wearing the panty hose. What can I say. Again, I make absolutely NO, ZERO, judgment on how and what others choose to do things in their own personal life. But a man with a high voice who wants to dress like a woman for sessions is simply not someone I would be attracted to. (I would much rather be with a woman at that point).

As for things that relate to work - I don't believe in the old stereotypes at all. Women can be construction workers, and men can be stay-at-home dads. But that is a gender parity issue in terms of what opportunities exist for different people. And I am all for maximum opportunity for everyone in their academic and professional lives.

But privately, I still have what I'm attracted to and not attracted to, even if I respect everyone's right to pursue their own personal vision of themselves. Hope that makes sense.

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RE: BDSM and gender personality quirks - 11/20/2013 4:59:18 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar
To the OP: SailingBum and LadyPact are demonstrating nicely by example that everybody born under the same astrological sign is exactly the same as everybody else born under that astrological sign.

Behavior is determined by the group you're born in, it's got nothing to do with fluid human beings adapting what suits then best growing up.

Slight correction. Even in the terms of astrology, you are missing the word "sun" when it comes to a sign. Supposedly, a sun sign is how you appear to others. The moon sign is how you know your inner self. The Venus sign is supposed to be how you love. Mars is about how you wage war/hold defense. The closer the planet, as told, is the closer it is supposed to be the whole you.

(There is a whole other bunch of things about how you are born to 'this house' or 'that house' and where such things are supposed to influence you. Stars as opposed to planets.)

As an aside, I don't think we are quite prepared to enter into the discussion of "how/when" a person is born vrs a "nature, rather than nurture" debate. There is, by far, way too much that we don't know.



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)
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RE: BDSM and gender personality quirks - 11/20/2013 7:02:50 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Yes there are things I see as feminine and others as masculine but that's really all I'm gonna say. I don't really feel like getting into a slaying competition tonight. Let's just say that I'm kinda old fashioned and traditional. It's just how I grew up and what I'm comfortable with and yes the same goes for bdsm and "vanilla" people for me.

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Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

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RE: BDSM and gender personality quirks - 11/20/2013 10:33:42 PM   
theshytype


Posts: 1600
Status: offline 		I don't believe in gender-specific quirks.  I believe in individual-specific quirks.

As an example, women are often thought to be the sensitive and emotional ones whereas men are "supposed to be" strong and unemotional.  That's not the case in my relationship.  My husband and I are opposite to those stereotypes.  I don't consider him less masculine because of it, nor does he see me as being less feminine.  It's just who we are, for whatever reason. 

I do expect certain traditional, old-fashioned behaviors or roles from my partner.  And while my partners have all been male, I still don't consider them gender-specific.  I wouldn't expect every person to have the same views as I.  They're just specific to the person I'm with.  I would expect him to open the door for me, for example, but I don't expect every man to do it for me (although it's nice when they do) and I don't expect it to be the same in every relationship.   They're just quirks or behaviors I prefer.  

(in reply to directiveerror)
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RE: BDSM and gender personality quirks - 11/20/2013 11:41:50 PM   
directiveerror


Posts: 128
Joined: 11/17/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: fucktoyprincess

I do have my own personal definitions (if that's even the right word) for what feels feminine and masculine to me, and, tend to view my personal partners through that lens. But I wouldn't say that my definitions are applicable to anyone else. In fact, I highly doubt they would, or could be. With that said, there are things that I find 'masculine' in a male partner, that do, absolutely affect how attracted I am to a man (I am more attracted to deeper voices in men). I don't know if that means I define deeper voice as "masculine" in a gender way, or just find that type of voice more attractive period - I don't really know, haven't really thought through it that carefully. In the same sort of way, for me personally, if a Dominant man involved in my life wanted to dress in women's clothes all the time - for ME, personally, I don't think that would really work for me in the dynamic. (I'm bisexual, btw, so this has nothing to do with orientation), but if I'm with a straight man, I like to be the one wearing the panty hose. What can I say. Again, I make absolutely NO, ZERO, judgment on how and what others choose to do things in their own personal life. But a man with a high voice who wants to dress like a woman for sessions is simply not someone I would be attracted to. (I would much rather be with a woman at that point).

As for things that relate to work - I don't believe in the old stereotypes at all. Women can be construction workers, and men can be stay-at-home dads. But that is a gender parity issue in terms of what opportunities exist for different people. And I am all for maximum opportunity for everyone in their academic and professional lives.

But privately, I still have what I'm attracted to and not attracted to, even if I respect everyone's right to pursue their own personal vision of themselves. Hope that makes sense.


yep makes sense thank you for the input :)

(in reply to fucktoyprincess)
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RE: BDSM and gender personality quirks - 11/20/2013 11:44:17 PM   
directiveerror


Posts: 128
Joined: 11/17/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

Yes there are things I see as feminine and others as masculine but that's really all I'm gonna say. I don't really feel like getting into a slaying competition tonight. Let's just say that I'm kinda old fashioned and traditional. It's just how I grew up and what I'm comfortable with and yes the same goes for bdsm and "vanilla" people for me.


i understand, thank you for posting. if you don't mind could you pm me how you feel on the matter sometime, if you would be more comfortable with that, if not i understand, but i promise not to pounce.

(in reply to littlewonder)
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