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RE: BDSM and gender personality quirks - 11/20/2013 11:47:25 PM

directiveerror

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quote:

ORIGINAL: theshytype

I don't believe in gender-specific quirks. I believe in individual-specific quirks.

As an example, women are often thought to be the sensitive and emotional ones whereas men are "supposed to be" strong and unemotional. That's not the case in my relationship. My husband and I are opposite to those stereotypes. I don't consider him less masculine because of it, nor does he see me as being less feminine. It's just who we are, for whatever reason.

I do expect certain traditional, old-fashioned behaviors or roles from my partner. And while my partners have all been male, I still don't consider them gender-specific. I wouldn't expect every person to have the same views as I. They're just specific to the person I'm with. I would expect him to open the door for me, for example, but I don't expect every man to do it for me (although it's nice when they do) and I don't expect it to be the same in every relationship. They're just quirks or behaviors I prefer.

it is really common for women to be viewed as the emotional ones and the men stoic and all of my relationships tend to be switched around in that aspect as well. thank you for your feedback as well.

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RE: BDSM and gender personality quirks - 11/21/2013 3:48:58 AM

MariaB

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Hi directiveerror, welcome to the boards.

quote:

ORIGINAL: directiveerror

what i was wondering was within your life, are there any traits that you view as primarily masculine or feminine?

Yep, The need to use physical strength as a way of earning a living. It seems lots of men enjoy physical pain on a daily basis.

quote:

within BDSM, are there some traits/hobbies that you believe should only be engaged in by specific people(i.e. should only sub men wear panties, should only dominant men hold the tv remote, should only submissive women cry, should only dominant women be angry etc)?

No, panties and crying make a man no less dominant and an angry submissive is common place

quote:

do you think that your opinion differs from most people in the vanilla world? from most people on the BDSM side of things?

Regarding vanilla activities or BDSM? If its on the kink scale then yes but then I also think many people into BDSM are not as tolerant as they would like to believe they are!

quote:

do you view any personality traits as something that is solely masculine, or solely feminine? how do you view people who do not fit that role?

The baying male crowd that whistle and make flirty comments at a passing female. tends to be a male thing, though ladetts are on the up, so I could be wrong.

In France the older men have this need meet in the town square every lunch time and have political discussions. I've never seen women doing that.

Women can play up if they get a minor injury and they know everyone will make a fuss. Men tend not to do that.

< Message edited by MariaB -- 11/21/2013 3:53:28 AM >

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RE: BDSM and gender personality quirks - 11/21/2013 4:01:44 AM

directiveerror

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thanks for the welcome and another viewpoint.

quote:

Regarding vanilla activities or BDSM? If its on the kink scale then yes but then I also think many people into BDSM are not as tolerant as they would like to believe they are!

i was referring to all activities. i.e. if you ask a group of vanilla people if men or women are more whiny and you ask a group in bdsm, do you think both sides would have a similar outlook or one would lean more one way or another.... if that explains that better

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RE: BDSM and gender personality quirks - 11/21/2013 4:17:42 AM

Lucylastic

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB

Women can play up if they get a minor injury and they know everyone will make a fuss. Men tend not to do that.

Cept when it comes to "manflu"

TO the OP, Im in the box, with the first few posters, I love the variations, altho extremes irk me sometimes, within gender /BDSM lines as curly as they are, but only when it comes to not being able to discuss any deviation outside their "box"

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RE: BDSM and gender personality quirks - 11/21/2013 4:36:11 AM

directiveerror

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lucylastic

quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB

Women can play up if they get a minor injury and they know everyone will make a fuss. Men tend not to do that.

Cept when it comes to "manflu"

TO the OP, Im in the box, with the first few posters, I love the variations, altho extremes irk me sometimes, within gender /BDSM lines as curly as they are, but only when it comes to not being able to discuss any deviation outside their "box"

yes my step father is one of those, he will whine for an hour about stubbing his toe... but then i will cringe whenever there are loud noises so i cant say its much different.

i am open to all views on the matter i do however think it can get dangerous when people assume all girls will whine when they are injured. for example, i never show injuries, i will try to leave and find a place to heal, if it is not a possibility i keep quiet and try to wait for it to heal without anyone knowing, with broken noses and things like that its fine, but if you have a broken wrist and are being made to use it daily, or are bleeding internally from other accidents. and tell someone you need time to heal, i have commonly encountered men who will not believe me because i'm calmly talking to them and thats the first they've heard of it..... presumptions about health should always be taken cautiously. on the flip note i've encountered men who would squeal when you pulled a hang nail off them but they bash their head open and no big deal.... personally my head is rather important to me and i always make note of at least saying "well that sucks" whenever it's part of the equation.

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RE: BDSM and gender personality quirks - 11/21/2013 4:40:20 AM

MariaB

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What I should of said is, when a woman plays up because she has a minor injury, she knows she's guaranteed sympathy. When a man has man flue or stubs his big toe, he knows he has to wallow on his own!!

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RE: BDSM and gender personality quirks - 11/21/2013 4:40:51 AM

Blonderfluff

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OP
Speaking for myself only. It changes every day. Somedays I'm tough and argumentative. Somedays I cry like wussy girl.
Sometimes I'm just very matter of fact. Is being mercurial a feminine trait? Could be. But I've known and loved mercurial men.
Then again. It may just be menopause speaking. Or. I'm just batshit crazy.

< Message edited by Blonderfluff -- 11/21/2013 4:41:13 AM >

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RE: BDSM and gender personality quirks - 11/21/2013 4:51:08 AM

mnottertail

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Gender specific quirks.

Girls want the toilet seat down, men want the toilet seat up, but won't be put out if it is not, and take a piss anyway.

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RE: BDSM and gender personality quirks - 11/21/2013 4:56:45 AM

directiveerror

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Blonderfluff

OP
Speaking for myself only. It changes every day. Somedays I'm tough and argumentative. Somedays I cry like wussy girl.
Sometimes I'm just very matter of fact. Is being mercurial a feminine trait? Could be. But I've known and loved mercurial men.
Then again. It may just be menopause speaking. Or. I'm just batshit crazy.

people are only crazy if they believe they are ;) thats all understandable people have good and bad days... i for one cry constantly when on progesterone, so i wouldn't rule out the possibility that certain female hormones are more likely to equate to certain traits especially when they are being given in unnaturally large doses at one(as in the cases of imbalances caused by menopause, having things removed or birth control) or for men who have similar issues or are taking steroids having links to aggression. but then that could only account for a small portion of things.

my mood tends to be pretty stable, calm, happy and upbeat, or i just dont interact, i'll stay in my thoughts but i still reach meltdown points too, a random day where i just scream and punch random pieces of furniture until i'm too tired to move or run until i'm completely lost. but i dont see that as a feminine or masculine thing i see it as how i deal with stress. and i think everyone has some way in which they need to do that.

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RE: BDSM and gender personality quirks - 11/21/2013 5:00:47 AM

directiveerror

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB

What I should of said is, when a woman plays up because she has a minor injury, she knows she's guaranteed sympathy. When a man has man flue or stubs his big toe, he knows he has to wallow on his own!!

that is definitely usually true lol i tend to give everyone "are you really complaining about that?" looks if they whine about little things around me... but if its serious or has possible repercussions im the first to play doctor... mostly because i like that it annoys them when i say "ahhh poor baby has a booboo let me kiss it all better" :P

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RE: BDSM and gender personality quirks - 11/21/2013 5:41:50 AM

MariaB

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

Gender specific quirks.

Girls want the toilet seat down, men want the toilet seat up, but won't be put out if it is not, and take a piss anyway.

I trained my man to sit

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RE: BDSM and gender personality quirks - 11/21/2013 5:56:12 AM

RedMagic1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: directiveerror
do you think that your opinion differs from most people in the vanilla world? from most people on the BDSM side of things?

do you view any personality traits as something that is solely masculine, or solely feminine? how do you view people who do not fit that role?

There are cross-cultural studies that appear to show that some traits tend to be male, and other traits tend to be female, even in very different countries. Women are better at detail work and more open to discussing feelings. Men are better at certain kinds of problem-solving. Also, men are more likely to be aggressive, and women are more likely to be neurotic. Not much of a surprise maybe. The big deal is that those trends appear to be independent of western culture.

That said, anyone who moves from that to "should," as in, "All women should act this way, because most women act this way," is trying to engage in something nonconsensual, in my experience. This is true both in BDSM, where people claim with a straight face that the natural order of things demonstrates that no women can be dominant, to political and religious situations where people try to enforce simple gender roles onto complicated human beings.

One way in which my thoughts differ from many people in BDSM: I believe in mainstream archaeology and anthropology when I say that there has never been a matriarchal society, ever, in the history of the world. (There have been some matrilineal subcultures, like Judaism, but the men were still in charge politically.) I've seen a lot of people who believe in female supremacy cite society X or Y as a matriarchal or amazonian society. All such claims appear to be bogus.

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RE: BDSM and gender personality quirks - 11/21/2013 6:19:14 AM

sexyred1

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Women I know, including myself, are far stronger about medical issues than men, we handle pain much better, solve problems more intuitively, listen more actively, communicate more clearly, kill bugs, are great at all sorts of careers, multitask better, and respond to crisis more rationally.

Men are usually physically stronger, want to help solve your problem, but don't realize you just want to be heard, not helped. Men are usually terrible at illness and cannot handle pain well. Men are somewhat better at compartmentalizing their emotions than women, but are also more neurotic than women I know. More men are color blind than women. Men are usually better fixing things manually and are the only ones who can install an air conditioner.

And for all that, I know both genders who defy each of those points, which is why no generalization is ever quite as interesting as uniquely individual traits.

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RE: BDSM and gender personality quirks - 11/21/2013 2:21:16 PM

directiveerror

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: directiveerror
do you think that your opinion differs from most people in the vanilla world? from most people on the BDSM side of things?

do you view any personality traits as something that is solely masculine, or solely feminine? how do you view people who do not fit that role?

There are cross-cultural studies that appear to show that some traits tend to be male, and other traits tend to be female, even in very different countries. Women are better at detail work and more open to discussing feelings. Men are better at certain kinds of problem-solving. Also, men are more likely to be aggressive, and women are more likely to be neurotic. Not much of a surprise maybe. The big deal is that those trends appear to be independent of western culture.

That said, anyone who moves from that to "should," as in, "All women should act this way, because most women act this way," is trying to engage in something nonconsensual, in my experience. This is true both in BDSM, where people claim with a straight face that the natural order of things demonstrates that no women can be dominant, to political and religious situations where people try to enforce simple gender roles onto complicated human beings.

One way in which my thoughts differ from many people in BDSM: I believe in mainstream archaeology and anthropology when I say that there has never been a matriarchal society, ever, in the history of the world. (There have been some matrilineal subcultures, like Judaism, but the men were still in charge politically.) I've seen a lot of people who believe in female supremacy cite society X or Y as a matriarchal or amazonian society. All such claims appear to be bogus.

there is a tribe(brazil i believe it is) in which raising pigs are their livelihood and the women raise them by hand, since the women are in charge of the prime source or income the society revolves around them... i haven't studied it much in history though, perhaps i should lok up some of those prime examples like lesbos, and while spartan women were remarkably free for their time, they only had any real liberty when all the men were off at war. i would find it hard to believe that their aren't any examples just because we see it so much in other animals, many primates are primarily matriarchal, and with hyenas.. the females are incredibly domineering with the weaker males(males have smaller penises than females in hyenas as well... some really silly reading if you ever study hyenas).

there are many things that have undergone scientific studies to distinguish. the air force started a study to find out if men or women make better fighter pilots and in the process found women are much better fighter pilots(at least based on the grounds of the study) because they greatly exceed men in abilities of endurance, calmness under stress, and pain tolerance. while men are stronger and more likely to make risky moves to get on the offensive.... trying to re-find the study on reddit but going through things is taking me forever ... did find one saying fighter pilots wont listen to a warning system in a female voice haha.... will continue trying to find the other one, thank you for your post.

here is one if interested:
http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=8&ved=0CGAQFjAH&url=http%3A%2F%2Fftp.rta.nato.int%2Fpublic%2FPubFullText%2FRTO%2FMP%2FRTO-MP-HFM-158%2FMP-HFM-158-19.doc&ei=PI-OUtLmLoreiAKNxYCYBQ&usg=AFQjCNEx7Kl7JFWcZl15EjGS5PjlFPa69Q&sig2=UB-NILNNNyrsBgr4kGAqbQ&bvm=bv.56988011,d.cGE

< Message edited by directiveerror -- 11/21/2013 3:03:18 PM >

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RE: BDSM and gender personality quirks - 11/21/2013 2:49:54 PM

directiveerror

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

Women I know, including myself, are far stronger about medical issues than men, we handle pain much better, solve problems more intuitively, listen more actively, communicate more clearly, kill bugs, are great at all sorts of careers, multitask better, and respond to crisis more rationally.

Men are usually physically stronger, want to help solve your problem, but don't realize you just want to be heard, not helped. Men are usually terrible at illness and cannot handle pain well. Men are somewhat better at compartmentalizing their emotions than women, but are also more neurotic than women I know. More men are color blind than women. Men are usually better fixing things manually and are the only ones who can install an air conditioner.

And for all that, I know both genders who defy each of those points, which is why no generalization is ever quite as interesting as uniquely individual traits.

actually yes, women see more shades of red than men are capable of seeing... i'm not entirely sure i've heard of any other colors(unless you meant the other type of colorblind). i think perhaps that may have evolved for them to be less distracted by being wounded on the battlefield. though i'm not sure if compartmentalize is the right word, i think that is more what is typically considered female to be all happy, then all sad, then all angry. men usually are more likely to see it that way, but tend to prefer avoidance... i'm not sure if that can come down to a trait or just upbringing. like the brief study i ran across that i mentioned in the last post "fighter pilots are less likely to listen to a warning message if its in a female voice" like the color red they are just programmed to tune out our screams, another trait passed down because of times of conquest and pillaging maybe? or just societal upbringing... who knows.

lol funny you mentioned an air conditioner, i got in a debate with my mother who is the accountant for a construction company who installs air-conditioning units, she was required by her boss to write up the dismissal papers for an employee the union offered part time before the boss even met the person because he thought it was a female name. i don't understand that because he and most of the guys on his team are pretty small(smaller and have less muscle than me anyways) i couldnt for the lif of me understand why he would fire her without meeting her, and i was told "its a job only men can do, but he's looking for a girl-friday if you are interested"... still not sure i understand that... but then in my job i started in a female role and was switched over to the roles requiring muscle because i was stronger than all but one guy, that strongest guy got to take over the typical girls roles because he was the slowest(loading and unloading trucks). even in many male fields speed and precision can usually make up and lack of strength.... i for one am built stronger than i am fast though, most people can run circles around me unless they are doing it for hours carrying 30 pounds up and down.

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