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Gentleman or Son of a Bitch? - 11/22/2013 4:31:42 PM

MasterJohnSteed

Posts: 217
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I've met someone one, and she was hurt by her ex pretty bad. I am trying my best to be a gentleman. Show her that a Gentleman can be a BAMF too. But I sense that she sees me as a "Friend".

What in the world do I do to get out of the Friend zone

_____________________________

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RE: Gentleman or Son of a Bitch? - 11/22/2013 4:49:46 PM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

Ask her what she would like to happen between the 2 of you. You prolly wont be able to change her mind once it's made up. So if you're not happy move on. Not sure what a BAMF has to do with anything tho

BadOne

< Message edited by SailingBum -- 11/22/2013 4:53:56 PM >

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RE: Gentleman or Son of a Bitch? - 11/22/2013 4:54:44 PM

DarkSteven

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In addition to what SB asked, get a time frame. She may need some time to herself now, and be willing to change things after a bit.

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: Gentleman or Son of a Bitch? - 11/22/2013 5:01:47 PM

directiveerror

Posts: 128
Joined: 11/17/2013
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(im not applicable to the "ask a master" part of this, so if anyone wants to remove it thats fine but felt like offering another perspective)

if it's online than it probably has little hope of moving out of 'friend zone' if its in person however it can be dont easily without being a douche. it just has to be done gradually, dont just rush in head first and shove your hand down her pants or say "i want you now".... you might never see her again.... you might get pepper sprayed.

start incorporating playful touch, tease her(pretending like its high school again can be helpful), things like kisses on the forehead, and tapping your knee playfully and saying "come sit on my lap" can be things that can be done in such a manner that they are friendly but make her think of the possibilities. then it also keeps you in a place of stability(without looking like you are switching personalities on her) and makes her come to you if thats what she wants.

(in reply to SailingBum)

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RE: Gentleman or Son of a Bitch? - 11/22/2013 5:07:00 PM

MasterJohnSteed

Posts: 217
Joined: 2/17/2010
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BAMF = Bad A$$ Mother Fuck3r

_____________________________

"Where do they teach you to talk like this? In some Panama City sailor wana hump hump bar or is this getaway day, and your last shot at his whiskey. Sell crazy someplace else, we're all stocked up here."

(in reply to directiveerror)

Post #: 5

RE: Gentleman or Son of a Bitch? - 11/22/2013 6:31:55 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterJohnSteed

I've met someone one, and she was hurt by her ex pretty bad. I am trying my best to be a gentleman. Show her that a Gentleman can be a BAMF too. But I sense that she sees me as a "Friend".

What in the world do I do to get out of the Friend zone

You're fucked. You can't.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to MasterJohnSteed)

Post #: 6

RE: Gentleman or Son of a Bitch? - 11/22/2013 6:34:53 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Stop thinking that being a friend is a second class citizen. She honors you by trusting you as a friend.
Apparently she still hasn't gotten any better at picking people to associate with or you wouldn't view being a friend as something dreadful.

Next time, ask a woman out. Tell her you like her and would wish to explore starting a relationship. See if she feels the same or not.

But since she doesn't have the necessary chemistry to get involved with you, that's it. She's entitled to be attracted to whomever turns her on.

_____________________________

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(in reply to MasterJohnSteed)

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RE: Gentleman or Son of a Bitch? - 11/22/2013 6:52:30 PM

poise

Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
Stop thinking that being a friend is a second class citizen.

Spot on, as usual.

There's a great cafe not too far from my house that I frequent on a regular basis.
It has never failed in providing quality food along with quality service.
However, regardless of how top notch the food and service is, I know that I'll
never be interested in ordering from the seafood section because I don't like seafood.
But it's still my favorite place to go and eat.

Substitute cafe for person, and you get what I'm trying to say.

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When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

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RE: Gentleman or Son of a Bitch? - 11/22/2013 7:41:38 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Going to skip the D/s orientations and just give a woman's point of view.

Very, very few males have made it out of the friend zone once I have them there in My head. My radar absolutely shuts off as far as hints, innuendo, subtle remarks, or even sexual tension. Literally, such things don't exist because, for whatever reason I've put that person in the friend's zone, they are there for a reason. Unless the reason changes, the friend zone doesn't change, either.

The most recent person who made it out of the "just friends" zone in My life did a little bit of both of telling Me and showing Me that the reasons didn't exist anymore.

_____________________________

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Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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(in reply to poise)

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RE: Gentleman or Son of a Bitch? - 11/22/2013 8:00:51 PM

Level

Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterJohnSteed

I've met someone one, and she was hurt by her ex pretty bad. I am trying my best to be a gentleman. Show her that a Gentleman can be a BAMF too. But I sense that she sees me as a "Friend".

What in the world do I do to get out of the Friend zone

You're fucked. You can't.

Yep. It's like a black hole, once you get sucked into it, you're stuck.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 10

RE: Gentleman or Son of a Bitch? - 11/22/2013 8:04:08 PM

Level

Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: poise

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
Stop thinking that being a friend is a second class citizen.

Spot on, as usual.

There's a great cafe not too far from my house that I frequent on a regular basis.
It has never failed in providing quality food along with quality service.
However, regardless of how top notch the food and service is, I know that I'll
never be interested in ordering from the seafood section because I don't like seafood.
But it's still my favorite place to go and eat.

Substitute cafe for person, and you get what I'm trying to say.

What are you trying to say, though?

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to poise)

Post #: 11

RE: Gentleman or Son of a Bitch? - 11/22/2013 8:25:02 PM

poise

Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level
What are you trying to say, though?

That I'm a meat and potatoes kind of girl. Duh!

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to Level)

Post #: 12

RE: Gentleman or Son of a Bitch? - 11/22/2013 9:16:23 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

You know something? You can make this work.

Go to events with her - munches, etc. Having you alongside her will make her much less likely to be approached by creeps. And the women there will see you as someone who can hold a friendship with a woman. You'll be viewed by the women there as being worth more if you've got a woman at your side, even if it's platonic. So you'll have a greater chance of getting another, more available woman.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to poise)

Post #: 13

RE: Gentleman or Son of a Bitch? - 11/22/2013 9:42:47 PM

Lisfor

Posts: 42
Joined: 11/9/2013
Status: offline

1. Find an excuse to exit her life.
2. Resurface after a few years, 10 is recommended, when her feelings and thoughts on you have faded.
3. Charm the hell out of her and slam her up against the hood of your new truck before she friendzones you in her mind again. Being the bastard during sex but the gentleman immediately after sex is recommended, but try whatever combination that works for you.

It's about the only way.

(in reply to MasterJohnSteed)

Post #: 14

RE: Gentleman or Son of a Bitch? - 11/23/2013 12:53:33 AM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
. . . for whatever reason I've put that person in the friend's zone, they are there for a reason. Unless the reason changes, the friend zone doesn't change, either.

That is the gospel as I know it.

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 15

RE: Gentleman or Son of a Bitch? - 11/23/2013 2:00:24 AM

orgasmdenial12

Posts: 613
Joined: 9/18/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: directiveerror
start incorporating playful touch, tease her(pretending like its high school again can be helpful), things like kisses on the forehead, and tapping your knee playfully and saying "come sit on my lap" can be things that can be done in such a manner that they are friendly but make her think of the possibilities. then it also keeps you in a place of stability(without looking like you are switching personalities on her) and makes her come to you if thats what she wants.

I think this is about the best advice I've seen on the subject.

(in reply to directiveerror)

Post #: 16

RE: Gentleman or Son of a Bitch? - 11/23/2013 3:47:46 AM

Level

Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: poise

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level
What are you trying to say, though?

That I'm a meat and potatoes kind of girl. Duh!

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to poise)

Post #: 17

RE: Gentleman or Son of a Bitch? - 11/23/2013 5:09:04 AM

chatterbox24

Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline

The dreaded friend zone.

A frustrating place to be, when you want more.

Everyone is different, but I have never changed my mind about a friend. I tried a couple times even, and it was like French kissing my grandmother, the feelings were not pleasant nor there!

I suppose it does happen though. A friend sexually advancing on me usually irritated me and a quick change of subject was next. If I don't have those feverish feelings from the start it has always remained bland in that department with a friend.

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My crazy smells like jasmine, cloves and cat nip.

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Post #: 18

RE: Gentleman or Son of a Bitch? - 11/23/2013 5:17:52 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline

FR

If you want something more than friendship, ask her.

Whatever you do, do NOT spend time being a great friend in the hope that eventually you will be rewarded with sex.

Here's the thing: friendship is not a consolation prize. If she wants to be your friend, it means she likes you, she values you, she wants you to have a place in her life. She may or may not be attracted to you. She may or may not feel ready to date again. You don't know these things unless you ask.

If you don't let her know that you want a romantic relationship, she's going to assume that you're also interested in friendship with her. All the nice, supportive things you do for her will be interpreted as 'what a good friend'. There is a myth amongst certain circles that if you just show a woman what a nice guy you are, she will eventually fall in love and/or sleep with you. It doesn't work like that. If she doesn't see you as relationship material then no matter how lovely you are, you don't have a shot.

If you don't want to ask her out, or you're too afraid of rejection, that's fine, but don't expect that she will wake up one morning and realise you're the man of her dreams. You have to put yourself out there.

Would you be interested in being friends with this woman, knowing it will never ever be something more? Be honest with yourself. If not, don't torture yourself - find out now if she's interested. It is also kinder to her - imagine that she found out after a year of what seemed like great friendship that it was all set up to get her to date/sleep with you. It would make her feel like she doesn't have value as a friend and a human being.

If you would like to be her friend, and could be grown up enough to handle it, tell her how you feel; you'd like to be with her, but if she doesn't feel the same you'll understand and would like to continue to hang out.

P.S. In the likely event that I've way overthought this situation, I sincerely apologise. Something about the 'friend zone' phrase gets my hackles up, because it often goes hand in hand with some other fairly unpleasant attitudes.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

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Post #: 19

RE: Gentleman or Son of a Bitch? - 11/23/2013 6:08:44 AM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

You're fucked.
1-Women make up their minds in like 10 seconds whether they want to schtoop a guy or not. Once the decision is made,it tends to be final.
2-It's been my experience that most gals,especially sub/slave gals don't appreciate much the friendship sidestep.Part of that is they feel used and/or manipulated,but usually an equal amount is simply that gals like confidence-they like a guy who sacks up and goes for it.
3-Equally important,what are you doing here? Are you trying to do a skeezy two-step, the old "nurse her wounds and heal her then make her mine" deal? (There's a term for guys like that-it's called Lifeguard, or Hasselhoff, syndrome) If that's so, that makes you shitty person, because you're essentially manipulating her,pretending to do things for one intent when in actuality a duplicitous agenda is hidden beneath. Which just sux. And more so when you are talking about dealing with someone already wounded.

Now me, I don't know about anyone else but I have no game.When I like a gal with intent I make sure she knows right quick, mucho rikki-tik. I don't wanna be stuck in the friend zone.In fact, I think it's preferable to be in the creep zone-at least then the door may only be cracked,but at least it's open.
Be straight up.Tell her how you feel.Tell her you want to hump her till next week, hear her beg,moan,grovel. But also tell her you understand what she's been through and that anything good is worth working for. Make sure she knows your cock is in the game.
Then things are on, and hopefully in,her.

Just my two Cents worth

< Message edited by Kana -- 11/23/2013 6:29:47 AM >

_____________________________

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HST

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

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