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RE: Just not sure - 7/4/2006 9:11:39 PM

sleazybutterfly

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My first Dom was married (big mistake), he was/is a nice guy..but I knew and so did he that he wasn't able to give me what I wanted. A home.. a family...24/7...so he not only let me go (so to speak) but was supportive and listened while I looked for someone else.

I am not sure I understand what your son has to do with this whole thing...(not judging..I may have just missed it) but for sure don't pick a married Dom ( or any) over your child. He was there first..and he will be there after...why would anyone risk that? If your child is an issue..wait until he is grown to pursue this life that you want..it might take a while..but it's worth the sacrifice.

Does his wife know? Is she ok with him doing this? Why only once a year?

You need to examine what you want..
Will you be happy with once a year?
Will you be happy when you meet him.. knowing full well that after he goes back to his wife?
Can you really trust him..if he lies to her..is he lying to you?
Can you be happy being his part-time sub/slave..and not being a priority in his life?

Only you know what you can do and what you can be happy with...

~andrea

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Post #: 21

RE: Just not sure - 7/4/2006 11:57:45 PM

Mavis

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If the wife truly knows and isn't bucking a fit, might take this discussion down to the poly forum. More people there may be able to offer sound advice on how to incorporate a third into a relationship carefully. Remember the position and role of the 3rd is negotiated with all 3. They don't have to share a home, but there sure does need to be a way to make sure her needs are covered, emotional and spiritual. first stop might be.. what are the rules for calling in the middle of the night?

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Post #: 22

RE: Just not sure - 7/5/2006 12:09:57 AM

Arpig

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If once-a-year is enough for you, then go for it; but if not, then it's Sayonara Master time.

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Post #: 23

RE: Just not sure - 7/5/2006 9:24:27 AM

Mirus

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Well yes I know it wasn't fully explained at first, but then its still not because no relationship can be summarised into one short question. CrappyDom since you've made some direct points, and fair ones, the timeframe of being together wasn't clear as its something is up in the air, however one day a year or one a fortnight isn't where I want to be. We both know that I'm married and that isn't going to change, though perhaps the poly route could provide an answer to that.

However, on balance the points being made here by most (and I'll ignore the flamers) fairly well summarise my own doubts about the situation. My primary interest is and always has been that diamond gets the best out of the situation. She does deserve better and I've told her so on many occasions. She is a very special woman and will always have a hold on me, but I do agree, I can't allow her to do it and better a short term pain now with some chance of maintaining our friendship than destroying everything.

So thanks to all who have made an input here, it's been good to get your opinions and thoughts.

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RE: Just not sure - 7/5/2006 10:05:56 AM

akisha

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babysburning

no offence taken at all. Was just stating that i would not seperate my daughter out of a significant part of my life is all. And i'd only consider a Dominant that welcomed us both in to his life.

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RE: Just not sure - 7/5/2006 11:14:03 AM

sleazybutterfly

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Mirus

Well yes I know it wasn't fully explained at first, but then its still not because no relationship can be summarised into one short question. CrappyDom since you've made some direct points, and fair ones, the timeframe of being together wasn't clear as its something is up in the air, however one day a year or one a fortnight isn't where I want to be. We both know that I'm married and that isn't going to change, though perhaps the poly route could provide an answer to that.

However, on balance the points being made here by most (and I'll ignore the flamers) fairly well summarise my own doubts about the situation. My primary interest is and always has been that diamond gets the best out of the situation. She does deserve better and I've told her so on many occasions. She is a very special woman and will always have a hold on me, but I do agree, I can't allow her to do it and better a short term pain now with some chance of maintaining our friendship than destroying everything.

So thanks to all who have made an input here, it's been good to get your opinions and thoughts.

If this is something you both can live with and your wife knows, then I don't really see the problem. Mine always was that I was second best in his life..or third..or fourth..but that comes not only in this "life" but from being with someone that is married in the first place.

Maybe being poly is the right answer, but it seems with her unmentionable involved, anything more than a meeting once in a while will not be possible.

I don't sit and judge either one of you. Just from the way things are written, I think she does seem a bit confused and very wrapped up emotionally to make a clear cut decision right now. I can't tell what is in her heart though, or what she feels for you. You do seem to have your head on your shoulders in the whole thing. I think often times the Dom gets made out to be the "bastard" of the situation just because of his position. I think that the sub/slave can be ever so much to blame as the one in charge. You said yourself you have tried to get her to move on, yet she keeps clinging to the "idea" of you.

I think it's a tough relationship no matter the course it takes. If it ends, she will be hurt and have to continue her search, if you stay together..there will tons of issues that get thrown at you both. If you both are strong enough..and what you have is strong enough to deal with it all... I wish you both much luck in finding a way to enjoy each other.

Respectfully, andrea

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Post #: 26