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RaspberryLemon -> RE: D/s without pain? (12/2/2013 1:41:01 AM)
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Absolutely you can have D/s without pain.
There are a lot of people who want both D/s and S/m, but don't let that convince you that that is the way it always has to be, or that you aren't submissive if that isn't the way things work with you. There are plenty of people who practice D/s without any S/m (I am one of them,) and that's just as valid. Your submissiveness does not have to have anything to do with whether or not you're interested in receiving pain.
I am in a relationship in which my Master does not incorporate any pain, and that is what works for both of us and makes us happy because he is not a sadist and I am not a masochist. For us, it just isn't about that--D/s and pain are simply not connected for us. None of the S/m or humiliation/degradation stuff even enters our scope of focus at all.
To us, D/s is about ownership and intimacy. It's about him being in charge, and us being close and being a team that works as close to seamlessly as possible. Interdependency. It's about our devotion to each other--my desire to give all of myself to him and follow him and obey him, and his desire to possess and take care of me. It's about him taking control and me being able to relax, trust him and just be vulnerable and be safe in his grasp. It's about loving each other as partners and as Master and pet. It's about him leading "us." And we love anything that involves, develops, or enhances those concepts and feelings for us.
And none of that involves pain for us.
Only you can say what you want and need and what D/s means to you. And I guarantee there is someone out there whose views, needs, and desires match your own. You do what works for you--that's what matters and you don't have to settle for anything but. Anyone who tries to say that what you want or need isn't "real" or valid is simply full of shit. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders and already understand that, but I just want to assure you that those loud douches on the internet that you're getting messages from aren't a good indication that what you want isn't out there or that it's going to be impossible to find. What you want may not be the majority, but it's out there and it's attainable, I promise. :)
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