RE: D/s without pain?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: D/s without pain?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: D/s without pain?

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: D/s without pain? - 12/1/2013 9:32:52 PM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Clarashrew

I got interested in D/s after reading a story (no not 50 Shades) about a friendship that gradually evolved into a D/s relationship and I was completely captured by the trust and consideration described.
I wanted to be able to hand over complete control to another person in that way, knowing that they had my best interests at heart.
So I had a look around and quickly ended up on Fetlife where I created a profile as an f/sub.
I had hardly opened my virtual mouth before I was absolutely flooded with messages from men wanting to 'teach' me what it was all about.
I managed to fliter out the worst posers and started corresponding with a few that seemed genuine and worth while. I was still not ready to go out and meet with anybody, but wanted to use virtual play to test my own responses to see if I was really a sub.
And then it started happening: Every single man I talked to very quickly said or indicated that any play, virtual or real, would include (and probably start with) a spanking.
I was shocked. To me, being hit had never been a part of the deal. I had a lot of discussions with these men and one of them actually said: "A real sub woman's idea of good sex would be a spanking followed by intercourse."
Many also assumed that I would find it a turn on to have their cock forced down my throat so that I would gag and/or choke. The mere thought of this makes me panic slightly.

So... Sorry for the long 'story' but I kind of wanted to explain where this was coming from:

Is it possible to practice D/s without S/m?

I would especially like to hear from both D's and S's that practice D/s relationships without inflicting pain in any way. What do you do? What does dominance and submission mean to you?

Strange.... scratching my ass thinking WTF Over... Your profile lists you as a domme. And that you don't do Online. Were you lying then or are you lying now??? So if you really are a domme... you have a general idea at least of what your subs enjoi....

Either that or you are a newb...<which is Ok> or full of it...

BadOne

< Message edited by SailingBum -- 12/1/2013 9:42:24 PM >

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to Clarashrew)

Profile

Post #: 41

RE: D/s without pain? - 12/2/2013 1:41:01 AM

RaspberryLemon

Posts: 422
Joined: 7/18/2011
Status: offline

Absolutely you can have D/s without pain.

There are a lot of people who want both D/s and S/m, but don't let that convince you that that is the way it always has to be, or that you aren't submissive if that isn't the way things work with you. There are plenty of people who practice D/s without any S/m (I am one of them,) and that's just as valid. Your submissiveness does not have to have anything to do with whether or not you're interested in receiving pain.

I am in a relationship in which my Master does not incorporate any pain, and that is what works for both of us and makes us happy because he is not a sadist and I am not a masochist. For us, it just isn't about that--D/s and pain are simply not connected for us. None of the S/m or humiliation/degradation stuff even enters our scope of focus at all.

To us, D/s is about ownership and intimacy. It's about him being in charge, and us being close and being a team that works as close to seamlessly as possible. Interdependency. It's about our devotion to each other--my desire to give all of myself to him and follow him and obey him, and his desire to possess and take care of me. It's about him taking control and me being able to relax, trust him and just be vulnerable and be safe in his grasp. It's about loving each other as partners and as Master and pet. It's about him leading "us." And we love anything that involves, develops, or enhances those concepts and feelings for us.

And none of that involves pain for us.

Only you can say what you want and need and what D/s means to you. And I guarantee there is someone out there whose views, needs, and desires match your own. You do what works for you--that's what matters and you don't have to settle for anything but. Anyone who tries to say that what you want or need isn't "real" or valid is simply full of shit. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders and already understand that, but I just want to assure you that those loud douches on the internet that you're getting messages from aren't a good indication that what you want isn't out there or that it's going to be impossible to find. What you want may not be the majority, but it's out there and it's attainable, I promise. :)

(in reply to Clarashrew)

Profile

Post #: 42