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the aging submissive - 12/1/2013 10:21:59 AM   
ladyzarah


Posts: 9
Joined: 9/16/2013
Status: offline 		After 10 years I am able to return to the lifestyle I've missed so deeply. A body now 49 no understanding of any physical tolerance. How do you go from being a boarder line masochist to not having any idea what you can physically manage. Will my knees be able to tolerate kneeling, can I take the kiss of a whip without my skin tearing. Will a flogger still feel like a massage or the cane where I was previously of having it break across my ass. I know what I invision what I crave and its more intense than before. How do I manage this, have any of you experienced this or had to adapt how you play as your body ages. I appreciate any advice you can offer. Warmest regards, Karen ann
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: the aging submissive - 12/1/2013 10:29:19 AM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		49 really isn't old.
I am 51.
For most of my life I did not engage in any form of D/s or BDSM, so I did not come into it "young".

what is your current fitness level?

How is your overall health?
Do you have any conditions/illnesses/disease processes that might impact the integrity of your skin like diabetes?

How are your knees?
Knee pads can be used or those foam things some gardeners use if kneeling is important to you.

I think it is best to find a partner who is compatible with you, and to remember that submission largely comes from within; the rest is mainly window dressing.

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to ladyzarah)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: the aging submissive - 12/1/2013 12:20:19 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		If you haven't played in ten years, then expect to have zero pain tolerance. You will have to work up to it.
Compare it to having been a runner and then stopping for ten years. Would you expect to run a marathon the first day back? Of course not, you would start by walking around the block and then seeing how you feel. You would work up to it.

Same here.

As far as kneeling, it gets rougher every year. Not just the kneeling, but the getting back up from it. However that position does not define you. You could sit on the floor or on a cushion or a stool. It's what's in the heart not the knees that matters.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to angelikaJ)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: the aging submissive - 12/1/2013 12:30:17 PM   
sheisreeds


Posts: 578
Joined: 7/8/2008
Status: offline 		Not speaking on the age front, but as someone coming back to active play in my relationship after quite a long period of illness, a year plus, and surgeries it's hard but with good communication things work out.

I need to work up to things slowly, and take longer times between play, and be very attentive to my body.

And hey right now my partner gets big bruises and screams with much less effort!

A good partner will care about you caring about you, and respect that. Also good communication including your fears, your wants, and where your body is at and what it can take is all cuddly and vulnerable and stuff, which many dominants seek.

A good relationship also takes time to build, and sure hope no whips get cracked on the first date!

_____________________________

~ s.

Oh my darling, give me reason
give me something to believe in


You need a spankin' baby!

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: the aging submissive - 12/1/2013 12:49:10 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		I'm a Dom who plays casually with women at parties. Every time, I have to take into account the woman's condition. Sometimes she has physical restrictions, sometimes she's brand new and I have to go light. Sometimes they have self-imposed limits in their play.

Any halfway decent Top/Dom should work with your limits.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to sheisreeds)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: the aging submissive - 12/1/2013 12:57:21 PM   
directiveerror


Posts: 128
Joined: 11/17/2013
Status: offline 		pain is mental, you could really surprise yourself or whine like a baby. that more depends on how your ability to focus has changed over the years than your actual tolerance. i quit for 4 years once and decided one day that if i was thrown back into life as i used to know it i probably wouldn't be able to handle my shit, so i found someone quick to anger.... really pissed them off, let it simmer for a day and then showed up on their doorstep. sure it hurt, but that wasnt what i was testing, my healing time isnt what it used to be, and even at probably half the age of many people on here my knees are shot(and hips and shoulders....) but if you arent planning on playing hard enough where stuff like healing factor should come into play than it really shouldn't be a big deal. re-callous that hide and get back out there.

(in reply to sheisreeds)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: the aging submissive - 12/1/2013 1:34:39 PM   
shiftyw


Posts: 2837
Joined: 6/6/2013
From: The Shire
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I'm a Dom who plays casually with women at parties. Every time, I have to take into account the woman's condition. Sometimes she has physical restrictions, sometimes she's brand new and I have to go light. Sometimes they have self-imposed limits in their play.

Any halfway decent Top/Dom should work with your limits.



Ditto this.

I'm only 25, but I am coming off a serious back injury (car accident...) I've taken a solid year and a half and counting pretty much "off" from some major aspects of what I used to be into. My top is soooo responsible, and respects when I simply physically can't take or do something, and either adjusts, or won't do it. Get back out there, be smart/careful with your health. Anyone worth your time will respect that. Welcome back :)

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: the aging submissive - 12/1/2013 1:41:41 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: shiftyw


quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I'm a Dom who plays casually with women at parties. Every time, I have to take into account the woman's condition. Sometimes she has physical restrictions, sometimes she's brand new and I have to go light. Sometimes they have self-imposed limits in their play.

Any halfway decent Top/Dom should work with your limits.



Ditto this.

I'm only 25, but I am coming off a serious back injury (car accident...) I've taken a solid year and a half and counting pretty much "off" from some major aspects of what I used to be into. My top is soooo responsible, and respects when I simply physically can't take or do something, and either adjusts, or won't do it. Get back out there, be smart/careful with your health. Anyone worth your time will respect that. Welcome back :)


I have had a few times in which illness or injury affected my ability to play:
gallbladder surgery
shingles
a back injury that took a couple weeks to heal

None of those affected my ability to be submissive.

Taking the time to really know somebody and finding someone who is compatible (and probably patient) will probably be the key to you finding long term happiness.

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to shiftyw)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: the aging submissive - 12/1/2013 2:16:49 PM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		I'm an older masochist (48 at the moment) and I have noticed changes within myself. My pain tolerance drops drastically if I don't play even for a short time. I have arthritis in my knees, feet and hands so kneeling is out and there's no caning or hitting feet or hands.

But we find other things to do. He's aware of my medical issues so we work round them. Just as I work round his medical issues (even doms get older! )

The important thing is that we respect each other and support each other and, although we can't do the things we used to do, it is still somehow better every year!

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk


(in reply to ladyzarah)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: the aging submissive - 12/1/2013 2:45:21 PM   
TieMeInKnottss


Posts: 1944
Joined: 9/6/2012
Status: offline 		Here is a great article about the real "50 shades of gray"- people over 50 who are into BDSM and how they cope...

I love the description of one Dom

"...Propped up next to her, Master R looks like a teddy bear. His eyes are murky and blue in coke bottle glasses. In his 80s, he is a little hard of hearing but is still playing hard.

[Master R] does the violet wand [electrical stimulation], he does knives, canes, he does staples on me. I mean, he does it all," Peaches says, looking at him, the lines around her mouth lifting."

http://gapersblock.com/ac/2010/08/25/the-old-masters-bdsms-popularity-grows-among-senior-citizens/

(in reply to myotherself)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: the aging submissive - 12/1/2013 3:12:12 PM   
ladyzarah


Posts: 9
Joined: 9/16/2013
Status: offline 		Than you everyone for your sage advice! Ii understand most have some known physical limitations. Having broken my right leg 3 times torn ligiments 12 surgeries I know that's a tender spot ....its the unknown that's giving me concern and stressing me out. Part of me wants to jump in the dungeon head first lol and another part wants to hide. Internal brain scream...karen ann

(in reply to ladyzarah)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: the aging submissive - 12/1/2013 3:20:33 PM   
TieMeInKnottss


Posts: 1944
Joined: 9/6/2012
Status: offline 		Here is another article"growing old and enjoying your kinks!" Goes in to discuss things like... Aches/joint pain, menopause, ED...and how to still enjoy your kinks!

http://voices.yahoo.com/aging-bdsm-relationship-growing-old-enjoying-60456.html

(in reply to ladyzarah)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: the aging submissive - 12/1/2013 3:21:49 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ladyzarah
Than you everyone for your sage advice! Ii understand most have some known physical limitations. Having broken my right leg 3 times torn ligiments 12 surgeries I know that's a tender spot ....its the unknown that's giving me concern and stressing me out. Part of me wants to jump in the dungeon head first lol and another part wants to hide. Internal brain scream...karen ann

Years ago, I wrote an erotic story for a contest, and it came in second place to a story called "Spanked for Tardiness," which I will always remember because I started reading it, annoyed, and finished, saying, "Yeah, that was pretty good."

Two scenes stand out. The main character is a woman in her late 40s. She's at work, talking to a much younger female co-worker. Her dom calls, and gives her an order, and she blushes but is turned on. The younger woman feels a twinge of jealousy, because she recognizes what kind of blush it is, and wishes she had a relationship where a man could make her feel that way with a 60 second phone call.

The other is the actual caning for tardiness. She's sentenced to ten strokes, but her dom stops after five because he recognizes that's all her joints can take. He then handles the situation so she feels proud of receiving the five, instead of feeling like a failure because she can't take all ten anymore.

The whole thing read as though the author had been there and done that. It was really nice.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to ladyzarah)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: the aging submissive - 12/1/2013 4:31:54 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		Oh man, mouse needs to weigh in here. It's my bet she ll say something to the extent that nothing much changed,only everything.
And I mean fucking everything
Menopause changed her whole biochemistry... with a corresponding impact on our physical interactions.

We've shifted what we do so much in the past few years as a result the difference is night and day
pain tolerance-shot
kneeling-not for long
bondage-circulation issues
all sorts of stuff have changed

On the flip side-we've had lots of fun (hehehehe-well,at least one of us has) exploring new and exciting areas of mental domination,emotional cruelty,humiliation and stuff.
In the end,I'd say our relationship...and we...have grown as a result.

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: the aging submissive - 12/1/2013 5:16:59 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		I started into the BDSM in my late 40's, and am now 56.

As far as age goes, i'm in pretty good nick, however (and isn't there always a however!) there are issues. There isn't anything I can't do , but there are ways of doing things I can't do.
If my sweetie wants to restrict my mobility, he keeps my arms down, so my shoulders won't be stressed. I can kneel for a while, but getting up isn't graceful. If I sit on the floor - same thing.

Thankfully, we both have a sense of humor, so usually we are giggling at the absurdity of growing older.
Being older isn't a deterrent for fun, it just makes it a bit more ..... interesting.

(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: the aging submissive - 12/1/2013 5:18:50 PM   
MistressDarkArt


Posts: 5178
Status: offline 		Fear not, ladyzarah! Just as subs develop physical limitations, so do dom/dommes. There are certain acts and positions my partners can no longer do, and it's the same for me dishing stuff out. Another good reason to trade/discuss bdsm checklists with potential partners...there would be an opportunity to figure out workarounds to things you both would enjoy/tolerate.

A quick aside about kneeling: here's trick we use in yoga while practicing that posture. A gardener's foam kneeling pad or thick yoga matt under your knees/front of ankles. Then set as many folded blankets/pillows/cushions as needed between your butt and heels to feel comfortable. It's actually quite comfortable; this is usually how I watch TV. Keeps my spine straight and my coccyx dropped down in the space between my heels with absolutely no pressure. Enough cushion above and below spares the knees.

Work with it, and enjoy yourself!

(in reply to ladyzarah)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: the aging submissive - 12/1/2013 7:24:46 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

Oh man, mouse needs to weigh in here. It's my bet she ll say something to the extent that nothing much changed,only everything.
And I mean fucking everything
Menopause changed her whole biochemistry... with a corresponding impact on our physical interactions.

We've shifted what we do so much in the past few years as a result the difference is night and day
pain tolerance-shot
kneeling-not for long
bondage-circulation issues
all sorts of stuff have changed

On the flip side-we've had lots of fun (hehehehe-well,at least one of us has) exploring new and exciting areas of mental domination,emotional cruelty,humiliation and stuff.
In the end,I'd say our relationship...and we...have grown as a result.



Everything that Master has mentioned here!

Ever since I hit 40 almost two years ago, my body has felt like it is falling apart. I have swelling and pain in my feet, my pain tolerance is pretty much gone, I have stomach issues, blah blah blah and very few answers from doctors. I hate that Master has had to suffer along with it and I would do anything to be able to do the same things I could 2 years ago.

But as he said, we've learned other ways to cope and we learn new ideas all the time. You just do what you can do and find new ways that are enjoyable.


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: the aging submissive - 12/1/2013 7:44:52 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: myotherself

I'm an older masochist (48 at the moment) and I have noticed changes within myself.
Same here. I'll be 48 in March.

We've adjusted for what my body will or will not tolerate. But, then again, we've adjusted for his body too. It's all part of growing old together.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to myotherself)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: the aging submissive - 12/1/2013 8:09:02 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

How do you go from being a boarder line masochist to not having any idea what you can physically manage.


When I started seeing my man there were some positions he liked that were hard on my legs and arms so I started hitting the gym to get into "fuck shape" ;)

I highly recommend yoga as well.

(in reply to ladyzarah)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: the aging submissive - 12/1/2013 9:13:13 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		I'm 57 and my sub is 53. It bothers me to see all you younguns whining about your old age symptoms.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 20
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