RE: Don't You Believe Women Have More Opportunities On Dating Sites Than Men? (Full Version)

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MarcEsadrian -> RE: Don't You Believe Women Have More Opportunities On Dating Sites Than Men? (12/3/2013 6:49:55 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml

Although, once you delete the men who are obviously asshats, and the women that are really men, I'm not sure how uneven it would be.



Bingo. I think that while females almost always do have the advantage of stronger male interest in their favor, the playing field starts to even out when you exclude the unhappy, the unlucky, and the just plain unacceptable. The woman's dilemma is sifting through the nonsense to find that one diamond in a bucket of dirt. In the end, it's hard for all to find who they want.



MAINEiacMISTRESS -> RE: Don't You Believe Women Have More Opportunities On Dating Sites Than Men? (12/3/2013 6:54:49 PM)

Actually, I prefer to refer to it as "GROSS" number...and "NET" number.
The Gross is the total we females get bombarded with.
The Net is the number actually worth responding to.




quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer


quote:

ORIGINAL: KYsissy

I would say that yes, women defintely have a greater raw number of oppotunities than men. Now if you want to factor in quality opportunities, then i think the number is closer to 2 :1 rather than the 50:1raw number.


I like that expression 'raw number'. For me the bottom line is the question of 'which sex finds the search easiest?'. On this, there's a certain 'apples compared to oranges' factor involved, to be sure. The difference in numbers of men looking for women and vice versa is bound to create that.

But I'd still rather be a male looking for a female partner than the reverse. I've no doubt women write to me far less frequently than men will write to almost any female on CM's lists. But only a couple of times, in five years, have I received any message that's even been unfriendly, never mind deliberately insulting. (And on those occasions I've found it funny more than anything else.) I've always known why men get depressed but now, after learning a bit, I can see why women get depressed, too.




fucktoyprincess -> RE: Don't You Believe Women Have More Opportunities On Dating Sites Than Men? (12/3/2013 7:07:33 PM)

I have many single friends of both genders/various sexual orientations, etc. and, to be honest, I think the dating world of today is just plain difficult regardless of who you are.

That said, I understand that you are looking at one particular stat and trying to draw a conclusion about "developing a relationship", but I'm not sure that as a woman who has a full inbox that the probability of my making a connection with someone that will actually develop into, not just a relationship, but a quality relationship, is any greater or lower than anyone else per se. At the end of the day, after all, it only takes one connection, the right one, to develop a good relationship. And that is true regardless of gender.

I think the basic axioms still hold. Women are the gatekeepers for sex; but men are the gatekeepers for relationships/marriage. I can find all the sex I want anytime, day or night, anywhere on the face of this planet - if that is what I choose to do. But I don't see how that fact, in and of itself, increases the chance of finding a man for a relationship of reasonable duration. It seems to me that there are other factors involved there that my full inbox doesn't necessarily address. 50 men looking for sex; or 50 uninteresting men; or 50 out of age-range men, etc. do not increase the probability of a successful relationship. Your premise would only hold true if ALL 50 emails in my inbox were from men who fit what I was looking for. If that's what you think most women's inboxes look like….think again….[&:]



PeonForHer -> RE: Don't You Believe Women Have More Opportunities On Dating Sites Than Men? (12/3/2013 7:21:16 PM)

quote:

I think the basic axioms still hold. Women are the gatekeepers for sex; but men are the gatekeepers for relationships/marriage.


Hmm. I've never heard it put quite that way before. Thought-provoking. It's never occurred to me that I might be such a 'gatekeeper'.



RedMagic1 -> RE: Don't You Believe Women Have More Opportunities On Dating Sites Than Men? (12/3/2013 7:21:53 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: David92506

My assertion is that women have it easier in developing a relationship than men do using online dating sites.

This is my argument: A man may send out 50 emails to 50 different women and perhaps no one will respond. A women may get 50 emails within a week from 50 different men who want to meet her. A woman may argue that those 50 men just want sex and not a relationship. But the only way she will know that is if she meets all 50 men.

If you were a gambling man who would you put your money on who will be the first to develop a relationship: A man who doesn't meet anyone or a woman who will meet 50 different men?

I've chatted with women and they believe the odds are the same for both genders. But I just don't understand their viewpoint and they don't understand my viewpoint.

It seems to me that women have more opportunity than men. What is your response?

There's actual science that has looked at this, and it depends heavily on age. Here's some info put together by OK Cupid from their database.

http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/the-case-for-an-older-woman/

Basically, 21-yo women have much better options than 21-yo men, and 45-yo women have inferior options to 45-yo men.

Speaking on average, your personal mileage may vary. Also, it's different for married poly men, I'm sure.



DesFIP -> RE: Don't You Believe Women Have More Opportunities On Dating Sites Than Men? (12/3/2013 8:15:41 PM)

A man sends out 50 emails without reading profiles, without caring that the women he's writing are not interested in him. Then he whines because he gets no responses.

A woman receives 50 emails from men who she is not compatible with, who ignore what she wants being so egotistical that they think "Even though she said she only wants local guys in her age group, she'll make an exception for me."

She doesn't waste her time writing back to these assholes nor will she meet any of them.

And then there are guys like RedMagic here who can write 50 emails and get positive responses to all of them.
His secret? He isn't writing them because he wants to get in their pants. He is actually interested in what they say and wants to know more about it. He's interested in them as people, not warm anonymous bodies to dump his cum in. And yes op, we can tell the difference without wasting time talking to you.



littlewonder -> RE: Don't You Believe Women Have More Opportunities On Dating Sites Than Men? (12/3/2013 8:17:06 PM)

If you're not going out and meeting 50 women just like the women meeting 50 men then you are obviously doing something wrong and I can pretty much guess what all of those mistakes are....the same ones that other men come here to complain about. But I am not going to tell you what those are so you can fool others into believing you are someone you are not. Basically it all comes down to you and your own results. I know plenty of men who meet just as many women as women meet men. It's not a men vs women thing but a you vs everyone else thing.

So either deal with it and get over it or learn to be a better man.



LadyPact -> RE: Don't You Believe Women Have More Opportunities On Dating Sites Than Men? (12/4/2013 6:34:06 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1
Basically, 21-yo women have much better options than 21-yo men, and 45-yo women have inferior options to 45-yo men.

Speaking on average, your personal mileage may vary. Also, it's different for married poly men, I'm sure.

All you're doing with that statement is telling Me that either I'm exceptional or you're dealing with the wrong type of 45-yr old women. [;)]






RedMagic1 -> RE: Don't You Believe Women Have More Opportunities On Dating Sites Than Men? (12/4/2013 6:49:54 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1
Basically, 21-yo women have much better options than 21-yo men, and 45-yo women have inferior options to 45-yo men.

Speaking on average, your personal mileage may vary. Also, it's different for married poly men, I'm sure.

All you're doing with that statement is telling Me that either I'm exceptional or you're dealing with the wrong type of 45-yr old women. [;)]





LOL, you aren't exactly in the middle of the bell curve! But I was more talking about number of real dates per month coming from an online dating site. And it isn't just because older women have fewer options (though that is true on average); they are also more picky, especially when it comes to things like not dating younger men -- while men strongly prefer writing to, and dating, younger women.

If you don't like the word "exceptional," how about... "abnormal?"[;)]



ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Don't You Believe Women Have More Opportunities On Dating Sites Than Men? (12/4/2013 6:50:39 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

quote:

I think the basic axioms still hold. Women are the gatekeepers for sex; but men are the gatekeepers for relationships/marriage.


Hmm. I've never heard it put quite that way before. Thought-provoking. It's never occurred to me that I might be such a 'gatekeeper'.



I think it's true though. Women know right off if they want to have sex with you, and they decide if and when it happens. Men, however, decide on the relationship dynamic. They know right away if she's one he'll take home to mother, or just a booty call.



LadyPact -> RE: Don't You Believe Women Have More Opportunities On Dating Sites Than Men? (12/4/2013 7:21:36 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1
LOL, you aren't exactly in the middle of the bell curve! But I was more talking about number of real dates per month coming from an online dating site. And it isn't just because older women have fewer options (though that is true on average); they are also more picky, especially when it comes to things like not dating younger men -- while men strongly prefer writing to, and dating, younger women.

If you don't like the word "exceptional," how about... "abnormal?"[;)]

Thank you.

Whether it's considered exceptional or abnormal, I couldn't say. However, as you have noted (and taken some grief for) on a number of occasions, it has much to do with the attitude of the middle-aged woman that you are dealing with that makes the difference.






kalikshama -> RE: Don't You Believe Women Have More Opportunities On Dating Sites Than Men? (12/4/2013 7:24:05 AM)

quote:

And it isn't just because older women have fewer options (though that is true on average); they are also more picky,


Oh, yes, I became MUCH pickier once I discovered my predilection for being tied up and beaten! Not so much when I was just selecting from the herd at the bar.



DesFIP -> RE: Don't You Believe Women Have More Opportunities On Dating Sites Than Men? (12/4/2013 8:06:41 AM)

I've always been picky.
I much prefer to be alone than lonely with someone else.

And all those 45 year old guys messaging 18 year old girls? They aren't getting any dates and that means the 45 year old women can concentrate on the quality 45 year old men instead. Having the idiots self select themselves out of the gene pool is a good thing.



obedientnwilling -> RE: Don't You Believe Women Have More Opportunities On Dating Sites Than Men? (12/4/2013 9:50:07 AM)

Ummmmmmm, no. It's easier for a woman to get cheap, easy sex from an asshole who doesn't care about her. I understand that women, particularly more stereotypically "feminine" women, tend to have a very hard time finding men who want a substantial relationship. I would advise these women to try to go for a more "earthy" appearance. This doesn't mean "less attractive," but men who are looking for substance are drawn to the physical appearance of substance and "solidity." That can actually be very attractive, but it's very unattractive, even terrifying, to men who are, at heart, equally terrified of commitment.

If you are a man looking for a secure mating prospect, rather than a cheap fuck or a neurotic bitch who would walk out within a week claiming you're a sociopath, then find a shy, cute, bookish girl at the local Barnes & Noble, and strike up an intellectual conversation. Tell her that you like wolves, and do some casual, not-overly-serious preaching about either climate change or the moral indecency of the human race, depending on your politics. If you can get her to warm up to you, your favorite ethnic food is Hungarian: that's some hearty stick-to-your-ribs food that warms the gut, so it's cool and exotic without being overtly pretentious (order the chicken paprikash). You prefer either cabernet sauvingnon or pinot grigio, and you make fun of people who worry about pairing them correctly; make sure that you would know how if asked, though. You might also want to try learning to feign being a little bit of a hypochondriac, so try learning some medical terminology: you're never "in a bad mood," but you're "feeling a little dysthymic." Don't overdo it, though, or she'll make up her mind that you either suffer from something congenital or might have something catching. If you do it correctly, she'll make up her mind that you're really just lonely and in need of some love.

You can laugh if you want to, but this is sure-fire advice.



PeonForHer -> RE: Don't You Believe Women Have More Opportunities On Dating Sites Than Men? (12/4/2013 10:34:15 AM)

quote:

You can laugh if you want to, but this is sure-fire advice.


Quite thoughtful advice - and a few intriguing gems that I'd not imagined before. Thanks!



Spiritedsub2 -> RE: Don't You Believe Women Have More Opportunities On Dating Sites Than Men? (12/4/2013 10:42:33 AM)

I did get a laugh out of your advice, not a scornful one but a genuine one. The bit about women making themselves look earthier was interesting and a novel idea. But I perved your profile and you are a gay man. So how are you qualified to give advice to straight men and women regarding attracting each other?



Apocalypso -> RE: Don't You Believe Women Have More Opportunities On Dating Sites Than Men? (12/4/2013 10:43:53 AM)

Not necessarily. Women certainly have an easier time getting mail.

However, my situation is that I'm really fucking picky. There are very few women I would consider myself compatible with. If a woman is taking a similar approach, I suspect it may even out on a 1:1 scale.

It's only easier for non-discerning women, compared to non-discerning men.

Back when I was messaging regularly (relationships make me a really lazy non-mono), my response rate was around 70% or so. But I was, at most, sending out a couple of mails a week. Often less. So the "is this someone I think I would get on with enough for them to consider replying to me" vetting process had already been done. Obviously, if you send out 50 mail a day, you aren't doing that, hence a much lower response rate.

Also, I'm dead witty and handsome and that.



obedientnwilling -> RE: Don't You Believe Women Have More Opportunities On Dating Sites Than Men? (12/4/2013 11:14:04 AM)


quote:

So how are you qualified to give advice to straight men and women regarding attracting each other?
Being able to have open, platonic relationships with both.



ResidentSadist -> RE: Don't You Believe Women Have More Opportunities On Dating Sites Than Men? (12/4/2013 11:45:36 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
Since men on sites like this far outnumber women, the laws of supply and demand apply. It's a buyer's market and women get to pick and choose.

So you are saying the female short bus window lickers can pick and choose which male short bus window lickers they want but not the other way around?



needlesandpins -> RE: Don't You Believe Women Have More Opportunities On Dating Sites Than Men? (12/4/2013 11:52:45 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: obedientnwilling

Ummmmmmm, no. It's easier for a woman to get cheap, easy sex from an asshole who doesn't care about her. I understand that women, particularly more stereotypically "feminine" women, tend to have a very hard time finding men who want a substantial relationship. I would advise these women to try to go for a more "earthy" appearance. This doesn't mean "less attractive," but men who are looking for substance are drawn to the physical appearance of substance and "solidity." That can actually be very attractive, but it's very unattractive, even terrifying, to men who are, at heart, equally terrified of commitment.

If you are a man looking for a secure mating prospect, rather than a cheap fuck or a neurotic bitch who would walk out within a week claiming you're a sociopath, then find a shy, cute, bookish girl at the local Barnes & Noble, and strike up an intellectual conversation. Tell her that you like wolves, and do some casual, not-overly-serious preaching about either climate change or the moral indecency of the human race, depending on your politics. If you can get her to warm up to you, your favorite ethnic food is Hungarian: that's some hearty stick-to-your-ribs food that warms the gut, so it's cool and exotic without being overtly pretentious (order the chicken paprikash). You prefer either cabernet sauvingnon or pinot grigio, and you make fun of people who worry about pairing them correctly; make sure that you would know how if asked, though. You might also want to try learning to feign being a little bit of a hypochondriac, so try learning some medical terminology: you're never "in a bad mood," but you're "feeling a little dysthymic." Don't overdo it, though, or she'll make up her mind that you either suffer from something congenital or might have something catching. If you do it correctly, she'll make up her mind that you're really just lonely and in need of some love.

You can laugh if you want to, but this is sure-fire advice.


if a guy came on to me like that i'd walk away. guys should try being themselves, and i'll tell you why. because trying to be something you are not lasts six month tops, and that's if the person you are throwing it at is too blind to see straight through it. It would be pretentious. you have to really know your stuff to pull the wool over someone's eyes, or make sure that they know nothing at all on the subject first. even then you have to have the confidence to pull it off, and most can't.

a tip for you about the shy, cute, bookish girls; some of us know our stuff, we see that crap coming a mile off, we bite, and we can take the pain quietly too.

needles



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