RE: Don't You Believe Women Have More Opportunities On Dating Sites Than Men? (Full Version)

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obedientnwilling -> RE: Don't You Believe Women Have More Opportunities On Dating Sites Than Men? (12/4/2013 12:19:07 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: needlesandpins

a tip for you about the shy, cute, bookish girls; some of us know our stuff, we see that crap coming a mile off, we bite, and we can take the pain quietly too.

needles
I would cure myself of that cynicism if I were you. You may think that it protects you somehow, but it never really works. Try actually learning to genuinely like people. It heightens your empathy for them, and empathy actually ends up helping you avoid men who are misguided.

The truth is that a man who is truly genuine will also try to do something to try to charm you or win your affection, and you will see through most of them right away, particularly those guys who actually have souls in them somewhere. The very fact that you can see through surface appearances is evidence that he has something beneath the surface. The ones who are most likely to end up being users, though, are those suave snakes who can pull off an act and convince you of some illusion of a person who doesn't exist. You are looking for a unicorn, ma'am, and someone who goes out looking for a unicorn always ends up with an ass. You are better off with a healthy draft horse.

My brother could charm the pants off a nun. He's also knocked up his second bastard child within the past three months after leaving one woman alone to take care of a child who has cystic fibrosis. Never trust a man who seems to perfect.



Apocalypso -> RE: Don't You Believe Women Have More Opportunities On Dating Sites Than Men? (12/4/2013 12:24:16 PM)

FR

Any advice that is along the lines of "approach women like this" is going to be wrong. Whether online or in meatspace, every approach needs to be unique and individual. Because, y'know, women are unique and individual.

There is no magic bullet here.



needlesandpins -> RE: Don't You Believe Women Have More Opportunities On Dating Sites Than Men? (12/4/2013 12:30:58 PM)

i'm 41yrs old sweetheart, I can spot a misguided man a mile off. any guy that would need to take your advice would not stand a chance with this bookworm. I don't need to learn how to genuinely like people, I already like genuine people. I am a carer, so I have plenty of empathy for the people that deserve it. my cynicism is well founded, and I can spot a fake a mile off. some of us women are actually capable of doing that you know.

needles



RedMagic1 -> RE: Don't You Believe Women Have More Opportunities On Dating Sites Than Men? (12/4/2013 12:34:00 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: obedientnwilling
You are looking for a unicorn, ma'am, and someone who goes out looking for a unicorn always ends up with an ass. You are better off with a healthy draft horse.

That's one of the snottiest things I've ever seen written on this site, which is saying quite a bit.

Maybe everyone you know settled for what they could get, instead shooting for the moon and getting what they really wanted, which was at least most of the moon, since nobody is perfect. But not everyone lives their lives that way. I'm also reminded of a conversation I had with a femdom I know in real life. She said she could never have a sole, primary relationship with a sub man, because they had no ambition, and she was attracted to go-getters.



MsMJAY -> RE: Don't You Believe Women Have More Opportunities On Dating Sites Than Men? (12/4/2013 12:42:00 PM)

Why would he say he liked Hungarian food if he really liked hamburgers and pizza? Why would he say he liked wine if he actually liked beer? Why would he feign being a hypochondriac if he really is a very healthy and well balanced person? All of what you said is good if that is actually who you are, but if a man pretends to be something he is not just to get a woman then neither of them will have what they really want.

She will want the man he was pretending to be. He will want a woman that he does not have to fake it with.



angelikaJ -> RE: Don't You Believe Women Have More Opportunities On Dating Sites Than Men? (12/4/2013 12:51:38 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: obedientnwilling

Ummmmmmm, no. It's easier for a woman to get cheap, easy sex from an asshole who doesn't care about her. I understand that women, particularly more stereotypically "feminine" women, tend to have a very hard time finding men who want a substantial relationship. I would advise these women to try to go for a more "earthy" appearance. This doesn't mean "less attractive," but men who are looking for substance are drawn to the physical appearance of substance and "solidity." That can actually be very attractive, but it's very unattractive, even terrifying, to men who are, at heart, equally terrified of commitment.

If you are a man looking for a secure mating prospect, rather than a cheap fuck or a neurotic bitch who would walk out within a week claiming you're a sociopath, then find a shy, cute, bookish girl at the local Barnes & Noble, and strike up an intellectual conversation. Tell her that you like wolves, and do some casual, not-overly-serious preaching about either climate change or the moral indecency of the human race, depending on your politics. If you can get her to warm up to you, your favorite ethnic food is Hungarian: that's some hearty stick-to-your-ribs food that warms the gut, so it's cool and exotic without being overtly pretentious (order the chicken paprikash). You prefer either cabernet sauvingnon or pinot grigio, and you make fun of people who worry about pairing them correctly; make sure that you would know how if asked, though. You might also want to try learning to feign being a little bit of a hypochondriac, so try learning some medical terminology: you're never "in a bad mood," but you're "feeling a little dysthymic." Don't overdo it, though, or she'll make up her mind that you either suffer from something congenital or might have something catching. If you do it correctly, she'll make up her mind that you're really just lonely and in need of some love.

You can laugh if you want to, but this is sure-fire advice.


Hi,
I was here for 18 months before the Man who is not [my] Master found me.

That was in January of 2009.
I bet you can do the math.

And none of your sure-fire advice applied.

(Oh and I turned 51 this year.)

Wiser women figure out that lonely usually equals a couple of things: desperation (and that is never an attractive trait) and someone who does not posses very good interpersonal skills.

[especially] If we are engaging in BDSM, we don't want someone who is clueless about open, honest and direct communication.

I love [my] Master because He has proven Himself to be worthy of my heart.
Not because He manipulated me into thinking He needed to be rescued.














obedientnwilling -> RE: Don't You Believe Women Have More Opportunities On Dating Sites Than Men? (12/4/2013 12:52:23 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: needlesandpins

my cynicism is well founded, and I can spot a fake a mile off.
In other words, you've been doing something wrong.

If you don't see through a man within five minutes' conversation, then there is probably nothing under the surface to actually see.



Spiritedsub2 -> RE: Don't You Believe Women Have More Opportunities On Dating Sites Than Men? (12/4/2013 12:57:05 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: obedientnwilling


quote:

So how are you qualified to give advice to straight men and women regarding attracting each other?
Being able to have open, platonic relationships with both.

I started to answer you that as a gay man, you don't know what makes hetero people attracted to each other any more than I know what makes gay people attracted to each other.

Then I thought about it and realized that though I'm hetero, I don't know what makes hetero people attracted to each other.

Then I thought some more, and realized that I don't even know what makes ME attracted to another, at least in any sort of predictable way.

Perhaps attraction is ineffable, rendering any advice about it useless.



Raijin -> RE: Don't You Believe Women Have More Opportunities On Dating Sites Than Men? (12/4/2013 12:59:08 PM)

I think for for a practice such as BDSM and everything between it that revolves around the general forms of Sex and the Vulnerabilities that go along with it to say that its harder for some and easier for others is in general a misconception in the purest form for either side male or female, add into the mix those that just want a quick lay or those that want more substantial meaning to their lives or less control or to be taught to be in someones world adds to the complexities of the ones in search of their true 1 to be. Its easy to forecast to another in chat or online what a person should be like in RL but there are no road maps I have found as everyone is an individual and as such all have their own outlooks into what they want and what they will do to obtain that end result from their partner, for me in order for me to answer your ? i must first say , you got to be true to who you are first before you can impose your needs upon your next partner, communication and more importantly listening to your partner's needs is the key i have found to finding those that are real and those that are not.... as for who has a better chance neither side really IMO



tj444 -> RE: Don't You Believe Women Have More Opportunities On Dating Sites Than Men? (12/4/2013 1:01:46 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: David92506

My assertion is that women have it easier in developing a relationship than men do using online dating sites.

This is my argument: A man may send out 50 emails to 50 different women and perhaps no one will respond. A women may get 50 emails within a week from 50 different men who want to meet her. A woman may argue that those 50 men just want sex and not a relationship. But the only way she will know that is if she meets all 50 men.

If you were a gambling man who would you put your money on who will be the first to develop a relationship: A man who doesn't meet anyone or a woman who will meet 50 different men?

I've chatted with women and they believe the odds are the same for both genders. But I just don't understand their viewpoint and they don't understand my viewpoint.

It seems to me that women have more opportunity than men. What is your response?

ummm.. no, I don't think its easier.. getting 50 emails a day from dudes that say only a few words or that have obviously not read your profile (or worse, read & ignored what it said), or from dudes that aren't who you are looking for does not make it "easier".. junk (email) is still junk.. numbers don't matter, quality & a good fit is what matters.. personally I think it would be easier to find an eligible dude at a bookstore than online!



doctorgrey -> RE: Don't You Believe Women Have More Opportunities On Dating Sites Than Men? (12/4/2013 1:11:53 PM)

A quick point:

You don't have to like someone to have empathy with them.

Cheers

DrG



obedientnwilling -> RE: Don't You Believe Women Have More Opportunities On Dating Sites Than Men? (12/4/2013 1:29:09 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2


quote:

ORIGINAL: obedientnwilling


quote:

So how are you qualified to give advice to straight men and women regarding attracting each other?
Being able to have open, platonic relationships with both.

I started to answer you that as a gay man, you don't know what makes hetero people attracted to each other any more than I know what makes gay people attracted to each other.

Then I thought about it and realized that though I'm hetero, I don't know what makes hetero people attracted to each other.

Then I thought some more, and realized that I don't even know what makes ME attracted to another, at least in any sort of predictable way.

Perhaps attraction is ineffable, rendering any advice about it useless.
Oh, I'm pretty sure it would work, but I'm not going to argue that particular point. The way I see it, you can A) take my word for it, to which I would shrug, B) consider the possibility that there may be some substance to my ideas but reserve judgment, which would impress me, or C) pretend that I'm an asshole and don't know what I'm talking about, which for me would put you in the category of individuals who think they know everything and end up in their 40's, after a chain of abusive relationships, still convinced that they're too smart to be made fools of.

You did make me think of a point on which we might actually amicably agree, though. The truth is that gay and heterosexual people are largely attracted by the same things, and our psychology is more alike than different. I have had platonic relationships with members of both sexes, and I find that members of both sexes are often aggravated by superficiality. Therefore, would you say that it's possible that this is something that is actually relatively consistent?



BitaTruble -> RE: Don't You Believe Women Have More Opportunities On Dating Sites Than Men? (12/4/2013 1:35:36 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: obedientnwilling

I would cure myself of that cynicism if I were you.


I would look in a mirror if I were you because there's some major ass projection going on in your post. You come across as very cynical and bitter. Dude,
you are advocating that women settle and men lie just to get a partner.

Get beyond that.. seriously. It's just bad advice, period.



hlen5 -> RE: Don't You Believe Women Have More Opportunities On Dating Sites Than Men? (12/4/2013 1:53:02 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: KYsissy


Men use shotguns, women are snipers.



I love this!!



hlen5 -> RE: Don't You Believe Women Have More Opportunities On Dating Sites Than Men? (12/4/2013 2:03:23 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Raijin

I think for for a practice such as BDSM and everything between it that revolves around the general forms of Sex and the Vulnerabilities that go along with it to say that its harder for some and easier for others is in general a misconception in the purest form for either side male or female, add into the mix those that just want a quick lay or those that want more substantial meaning to their lives or less control or to be taught to be in someones world adds to the complexities of the ones in search of their true 1 to be. Its easy to forecast to another in chat or online what a person should be like in RL but there are no road maps I have found as everyone is an individual and as such all have their own outlooks into what they want and what they will do to obtain that end result from their partner, for me in order for me to answer your ? i must first say , you got to be true to who you are first before you can impose your needs upon your next partner, communication and more importantly listening to your partner's needs is the key i have found to finding those that are real and those that are not.... as for who has a better chance neither side really IMO


Welcome to the forums!



needlesandpins -> RE: Don't You Believe Women Have More Opportunities On Dating Sites Than Men? (12/4/2013 2:30:23 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: obedientnwilling


quote:

ORIGINAL: needlesandpins

my cynicism is well founded, and I can spot a fake a mile off.
In other words, you've been doing something wrong.

If you don't see through a man within five minutes' conversation, then there is probably nothing under the surface to actually see.


That's utter crap. I was in a relationship for 16 years, I've been seeing my playmate for over 5 years. i'm good at reading people. like I said, I can spot a fake a mile away. someone who lies to me about who they are, what they like, what they want out of life, how their health is, all to supposedly have a relationship with me? lies lies lies. yep, fantastic way to start building a trusting relationship. I don't think so.

stick with the men, honey, because that psyco babble, clap-trap may work with them, but you're clueless about us women.

needles



obedientnwilling -> RE: Don't You Believe Women Have More Opportunities On Dating Sites Than Men? (12/4/2013 3:42:36 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: needlesandpins

like I said, I can spot a fake a mile away.
I sort of doubt it. You are human, and you can be manipulated. The approach that I described would actually be quite effective applied to a fairly sizable fraction of women. That idea may be offensive to you, but it happens to be a fact.

In spite of your macho claims to the contrary, you are a lot more predictable than you think you are, and a relatively intelligent man who really wanted to could get pretty much anything he wanted out of you, including cheap sex, if he knew a few basic hat-tricks.

It's fascinating to me that you are reacting to this by doing a lot of huffing and puffing. So far, you have tried to puff yourself up by dropping your age as evidence of "superior life experience," and now you're most likely exaggerating your success with romantic relationships. Pardon me, but I have a feeling that you're either engaging in some degree of fabrication here or leaving out some important details.

It doesn't matter, though. The gist of it is that I'm pretty sure that the approach that I suggested would be reasonably effective applied to a fairly sizable fraction of women, and the fact that you find it disturbing that a woman could be so easily taken in does not negate this fact. The very fact that you have had such a strong reaction to it actually suggests to me that I have struck pretty close to the mark.

The only counter-argument that I have heard out of you pretty much amounts to screams of denial. One other person responded to me with the suggestion that such a specific approach might suffer from the simple hazard that not all women are alike, and admittedly the parameters of the approach are pretty narrow. I nevertheless think that the general concept on which it is based would be fairly widely applicable.



Spiritedsub2 -> RE: Don't You Believe Women Have More Opportunities On Dating Sites Than Men? (12/4/2013 3:55:29 PM)

I think most of your ideas are interesting and thought-provoking. I certainly think we would agree that most people see themselves as unique, which I suspect is less true than we like to think. It seems to me that individual attractions are so inexplicable in many or most instances that I would doubt a sort of canned approach like you described would work. Attraction strikes me as haphazard and unpredictable. Maybe it's just inexplicable to me!



RedMagic1 -> RE: Don't You Believe Women Have More Opportunities On Dating Sites Than Men? (12/4/2013 4:12:40 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: obedientnwilling
In spite of your macho claims to the contrary, you are a lot more predictable than you think you are, and a relatively intelligent man who really wanted to could get pretty much anything he wanted out of you, including cheap sex, if he knew a few basic hat-tricks.

That's one hell of a double-down. You're the Kahlil Gibran of internet PUA!



needlesandpins -> RE: Don't You Believe Women Have More Opportunities On Dating Sites Than Men? (12/4/2013 4:20:15 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: obedientnwilling

quote:

ORIGINAL: needlesandpins

like I said, I can spot a fake a mile away.
I sort of doubt it. You are human, and you can be manipulated. The approach that I described would actually be quite effective applied to a fairly sizable fraction of women. That idea may be offensive to you, but it happens to be a fact.

In spite of your macho claims to the contrary, you are a lot more predictable than you think you are, and a relatively intelligent man who really wanted to could get pretty much anything he wanted out of you, including cheap sex, if he knew a few basic hat-tricks.

It's fascinating to me that you are reacting to this by doing a lot of huffing and puffing. So far, you have tried to puff yourself up by dropping your age as evidence of "superior life experience," and now you're most likely exaggerating your success with romantic relationships. Pardon me, but I have a feeling that you're either engaging in some degree of fabrication here or leaving out some important details.

It doesn't matter, though. The gist of it is that I'm pretty sure that the approach that I suggested would be reasonably effective applied to a fairly sizable fraction of women, and the fact that you find it disturbing that a woman could be so easily taken in does not negate this fact. The very fact that you have had such a strong reaction to it actually suggests to me that I have struck pretty close to the mark.

The only counter-argument that I have heard out of you pretty much amounts to screams of denial. One other person responded to me with the suggestion that such a specific approach might suffer from the simple hazard that not all women are alike, and admittedly the parameters of the approach are pretty narrow. I nevertheless think that the general concept on which it is based would be fairly widely applicable.



amazing that you have been here a couple of month and think you know me better than I do. reading people is part of my job. cheap sex is the last thing anyone is ever going to get out of me. I am not making anything up about my relationships. my playmate is a member of this forum, and has posted in this thread. he knows my ex, and get's along very well with my son from that relationship. I am not easily flattered by people, and in a sexual way it will get them no where. i'm simply not that easy.

I'm not screaming denial at all. i'm telling you that not all women are stupid enough to fall for that, or that men are even good enough to pull it off in the first place. lies will out. I wouldn't lie to a man about who I am, and what I want, my health, politics, or anything to try and start a relationship with him. for a start I have a damn site more respect than to do that.

you can't be something you are not forever. the cracks show very quickly, so why would you even risk something that could be really good by bringing that crap in the first place. if you can't get the girl being the person you are, then move on to someone else.

I'm sat here stating as an actual woman that I think what you have written is not good advice. you are telling people to lie, and that wouldn't work for me. that's not screaming sweetheart, that's disagreeing with you.

needles



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