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RE: Breasts and submission - 12/5/2013 7:32:12 PM

RedMagic1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: hejira92
I just feel, on some level, that I need to be perfect- that He deserves perfect. And I can't give that to Him anymore.

You'll find something new to give him that's worth more than what you were giving him before. That isn't some cute internet saying; it's something I've seen many times when people get through the type of grief process evesgrden described. From the loss of something valuable, you'll create something even more valuable. It's a stone cold fact.

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RE: Breasts and submission - 12/5/2013 7:35:49 PM

KnightofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: hejira92

....... but now Sir has given me permission to post publicly.

....Here's my issue- I have always identified as a toy. Sir and I met and defined our relationship in this manner. He's also a breast man. Very, very much so- to the extent that whenever we've played in public, it has never been flogging my back and ass, always various forms of breast torture.

.....I still feel diminished as His property.

.... But I can't get over the feeling that I have let Him down and am no longer His Perfect Toy.

... so what could be the problem, right?

.... I guess I'm just asking for suggestions on how to get over this.

.... Can I redefine myself?

.... If we ever get another female partner (and we are continuously looking), will this effect how I feel about her?

Where to begin? I quote the phrases that jumped out at me.

First... You know that we care and respect both of greatly. The path you both have been walking is not easy. His strength to lead you through this as he has so many other things shines through with his permission for you to come and share. It is no easy thing to come and share such a personal journey. That strength is what will get you both through this and even stronger on the other side.

Fredrick Nietzsche said " That which does not kill us makes us stronger"

I say, what makes us stronger is persevering and thriving in the face of adversity. We choose to be stronger in our adversities or we choose to weakened.

I have no doubt in my mind that you both will preserve and thrive in the face of this adversity. I have no doubt that your Sir is just as sure. But sometimes we just not sure how.

It's the how that I am hearing. I suspect that you are trying to rationalize this in some way. You looking at it with your incredible brilliant mind and take all those rational steps to get the answer and it still comes up short. Not enough.

I am confident in saying you likly figured out that rationality is not the answer. But yet old habits die hard.

There is no rationality here until you grieve! You both need to grieve. Life has forever changed for you both. You lost much well beyond breasts that you both enjoyed immensely. All those memories and the future forever changed. You know the grieving process better than I. You know what you both are going through. But it's different now. Your in the middle of it. FEELING IT instead of watching consoling, supporting teaching coaching it.

Feel it.... You have the strength. You both do. Grieve together.

In time you will find the answers as you go through the grief. You already know that to! But hard to listen to yourself when you are feeling it.

I know you rationally don't think you let him down. But you feel it none the less. You feel it because you have yet to know anything different. And you already know in part that you will get to the other side. Re-identify!

But you can't to that until you go through the grieving process. You know that too!

After you grieve... Then you are ready to answer the questions of redefining. And yes you already know that you can. You done it. Remember the Texas Dom experiment! You grew and learned about yourself then. You clarified own self awareness then as you have all your life. We all do that. We are never constantly the same person.. But you know that to.

In fact... I think you know what to do before you came here. Or maybe I should say... You needed to hear it outside of yourself instead frome within. That impartial maybe not so foggy emotions like you have done for others.

Yeah... I think you do want alittle impartial reassurance. That life will be fantastic. That you will thrive in the face of adversity. That you will become stronger. That your relationship will be stronger. Already is stronger. That you will make incredible memories in the future just like you have made them in the past. That you are more than the sum of your parts.

After you finish the grieving that you have already started. Then you will be ready to move forward.

With our deepest love and hope

Ps...you will answer that last question I quoted as you move on. I suspect I already know the answer and I believe you do to.

< Message edited by KnightofMists -- 12/5/2013 7:36:08 PM >

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RE: Breasts and submission - 12/5/2013 9:10:57 PM

NuevaVida

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quote:

ORIGINAL: hejira92

But, I'm wrong. My primary service is pleasing Him. And me healthy and here is pleasing to Him. I know that. I just feel, on some level, that I need to be perfect- that He deserves perfect. And I can't give that to Him anymore. [/color]

I am not in your shoes, and could not presume to know what it's like being in your shoes. I do know that your posts, and some of the replies (KoM's in particular) have brought tears to my eyes.

I have not met you (although I would give anything to), but I've known you on these boards for years. You are perfectly you. You are beautiful - the spirit of you, the heart of you, the essence of you. And I know that sounds so flippin corny, and I'm sorry for that, but you survived something awful, with an awesome man by your side, and he loves you for being perfectly you.

I agree with the need to grieve. And I agree with those who have said you are still you - - just different. Different is not bad. Different is not wrong. Different is an opportunity to explore something else together.

I have no answers, other than to say if I can see and feel your beauty without ever having seen your breasts, I can only imagine the overwhelming love he must have for you, and how he'll be open to exploring something new with you now, too.

With all my heart I wish you all the best...and I know you'll find it.

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RE: Breasts and submission - 12/6/2013 5:38:27 AM

sunshinemiss

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*pvt*

cmail sent.

< Message edited by sunshinemiss -- 12/6/2013 6:13:19 AM >

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RE: Breasts and submission - 12/6/2013 9:26:13 PM

samdarella

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I can't say I understand how you feel. Yet! My mother had a double mastectomy and my risk is over double the average bc of that and other factors. I considered having both taken off now instead of waiting. Figured it's easier to recover physically when I'm younger. And I really want hormone replacement but no doc will prescribe bc of my risk. But Master said no lets wait. So I'm enjoying the real ones while I have them. I cum from them being hurt. And Master LOVES boobs. But if and when the time comes to say goodbye to my girls I hope after some crying I can appreciate the new and better looking ones that will always be perky. I'll wear the scars as a badge that I survived. And luckily Master loves ass too.

I have seen Master's ex in all her naked glory. And she is beautiful. Scars and all. She is every bit a woman. Even though she doesn't have all the same parts she was born with. Christy lacks sensitivity in her breasts but is maybe more sensitive in other areas.

I hope that in a short time with help from your Sir and friends, you will feel beautiful and sexy and whole again. Your tits didnt make you a woman. Your mind does.

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RE: Breasts and submission - 12/7/2013 6:57:39 AM

hejira92

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Wow, KofM, You know me so well.

You nailed it. After discussing all this- and your words- with Sir and sunshinemiss, I think I'm coming around to giving myself permission to get past my rationalizing how lucky I am, and how I still "look" ok, and that I don't have anything to complain about and that I will get used to them and used to the "new normal" and instead, just let myself grieve. I do try to look at everything logically all the time. But I hurt myself by locking the emotions away as unimportant or silly because "look at how fortunate I am".

Sunshine made me see that acknowledging these negative emotions is not the equivalent of a pity party.

I (both of us, really) love and respect you and your family so much. Thank you so much for your words and wise perspective.

NuevaVida-
I've adored you for years. <3 Thank you. You, and the others here, are right. I've been ignoring the need to grieve. Or mistaking it for weakness and self-pity. I am allowed to miss them.

Sir and I had a lengthy discussion last night. One of the things I discovered was that I felt alone in this- He has been supporting my rational, logical side. You know, by reminding me this is not the finished product and I will integrate with the feel of them in time. But what we discussed went past my feelings of loss, and even His feelings of loss.

-We always talk about issues in terms of the "us"- not what's best for Him or me, but "Us"- He makes decisions based on what's best for "Us" - the most important unit in this relationship. So, last night, for the first time, we began discussing the loss of my breasts as a loss to "Us". How it affects the relationship, how important they were, what the changes were going to be and how we would feel about them.

And, we are going to take evesgrdn's suggestion and open a bottle of wine to toast them, remember some wild old times, and say goodbye properly.

Thank you everyone who read and responded to this thread. I really needed the input and new viewpoints to pinpoint what was wrong with me. Sometimes my intellect works against me. (lol- I can hear Sir making some comment now about why we work so well- He balances my intellect with emotional wisdom - and likes trucks!)

It's been 5 months and I been so busy dealing with the physical, and just getting through my busy days and demanding life. I think it's time to start the emotional healing.

To paraphrase Bette Davis- Buckle your seatbelts- it's going to be bumpy ride! But it needs to be done. As we like to say, 'another fucking opportunity for growth'.

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RE: Breasts and submission - 12/7/2013 9:18:12 AM

KnightofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: hejira92

And, we are going to take evesgrdn's suggestion and open a bottle of wine to toast them, remember some wild old times, and say goodbye properly.

I think you should make a booby cake! Can't have a party without cake! ;)

But seriously. Thank you for sharing your struggle here. I think you not only helped yourselves here maybe one or two others that are dealing loss and change. It really is ok to grieve.... Sometimes we don't give ourselves permission to do that and until we do.... The process gets stuck.

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RE: Breasts and submission - 12/7/2013 10:09:23 AM

MariaB

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quote:

ORIGINAL: hejira92

But, I'm wrong. My primary service is pleasing Him. And me healthy and here is pleasing to Him. I know that. I just feel, on some level, that I need to be perfect- that He deserves perfect. And I can't give that to Him anymore. [/color]

hejira, I'm so sorry you have had to go through this but please stop torturing yourself. All your man wants to do is reassure you that you are perfect. It was never your breasts that made you perfect, it was all of you! He sounds lovely and I'm sure he sees you as a courageous survivor who he's bloody well proud to have on his arm.

All the best

Maria

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RE: Breasts and submission - 12/7/2013 11:50:16 PM

sunshinemiss

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