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Jealousy and submission - 12/6/2013 6:28:58 PM

rokkman7456

Posts: 50
Joined: 2/25/2013
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So I am a sub of young lady. I met her thru backpage and originally this was just a pay to get disciplined deal. She put in her ad looking for sub who needs mentoring and discipline in exchange for small tribute. We emailed, texted, talked and finally met at a Starbucks. Decided to go forward and met up for a session. She set some rules for me and helped straighten me out on a few things and we continued to see each other on a regular basis. I figured this would be more like we would talk during session and that would be it. Well I was wrong. She calls and texts frequently, we have all kinds of discussions ranging from school to work to sex to bdsm, kids family etc. We go to dinner, and do things. At one point she placed another as and it kind of bothered me so I talked to her about it and she was up front. Her parents pay for her schooling and she uses the money from being a domme for all of lifes other things. Cool, its been over 8 months now and we are still going at it. We have a lot of similar and things have become lets say more friendly. Hugs, kisses, laying in my arms watching tv. This is all good but I still know she is seeing other subs (he is on fetlife and posts pics). I was going to take her shopping on Thursday and she called and said she was too busy with school work. Like I said other guy post pics so I know she did a session thursday. I know she needs the money but it still bothers me a bit and I am not jealous of him he is 66.

Side note, all other experience in this has been with partners (wife, girlfriends or a pro domme who did not contact me outside of visits)

< Message edited by rokkman7456 -- 12/6/2013 6:29:47 PM >

Post #: 1

RE: Jealousy and submission - 12/6/2013 6:34:27 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

I'm not sure what to say. You know she's helping pay for school, books, food etc with this instead of working more hours earning less delivering pizza.

If you would prefer she not see anyone else, then effectively you're asking her to quit her job. Which is fine if you're going to pay her bills in the meantime.

Otherwise, maybe just ask her to honestly tell you that she's doing a paid session on Thursday and tell you when she will be available later for you to call and ask how her day went. But if you can't accept that she's doing this with others, then don't expect her to be honest with you.

If you're not sure where the relationship can go in the future, if you've developed feelings toward her, then sit down and talk to her. Ask her if she sees this friendship lasting past college.

_____________________________

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(in reply to rokkman7456)

Post #: 2

RE: Jealousy and submission - 12/6/2013 6:45:29 PM

Blonderfluff

Posts: 2253
Joined: 10/9/2013
From: Down the Shore
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You say you are not jealous of this other sub, but you are checking his Fet page often enough to track your Dommes activities. That sounds like jealousy to me.

You knew she was a Pro-Domme when you started seeing her. Just because she spends time cuddling and watching a TV with you, does not make you her one and only. She set the parameters of the relationship from the beginning. She even shared the reason she does it for money ( which is more than she had to share).

She is probably not telling you where she is when she's not with you simply because, it's none of your business.

If you can't handle the way you feel about her, then you always have the option of walking away. Or. You could talk to her and ask her if she is willing to be exclusive if you can find a way to make it work for her financially.

(DesF. Sorry. Meant to Fast reply. This was to the OP)

< Message edited by Blonderfluff -- 12/6/2013 6:46:22 PM >

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Post #: 3

RE: Jealousy and submission - 12/6/2013 6:54:52 PM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
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Is your issue that she is a pro-domme and has other clients (and that makes her relationship with you seem less special) or is your issue that she is lying to you and changing your plans?

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(in reply to rokkman7456)

Post #: 4

RE: Jealousy and submission - 12/6/2013 7:01:09 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

Cut it out. You're twice her age. The other guy is three times her age.

She genuinely likes being with you, but she sees you as a friend and a paying client. As such, you have no demand on her exclusivity.

Edited to add: I just saw that, in your profile, you say that you're her property.

No, you're not. You need to differentiate between pro and lifestyle.

< Message edited by DarkSteven -- 12/6/2013 7:20:45 PM >

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Blonderfluff)

Post #: 5

RE: Jealousy and submission - 12/6/2013 7:08:56 PM

Toysinbabeland

Posts: 1693
Joined: 3/4/2012
From: the other end of Cx's leash
Status: offline

So, you are ok with seeing a pro Domme, but you are not able to pay her enough to command exclusivity?
she was honest with you from the start...that is something that you can't pay for when you want it sometimes.
you are lucky to have what you have.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 6

RE: Jealousy and submission - 12/6/2013 7:19:00 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: rokkman7456

So I am a sub of young lady. I met her thru backpage and originally this was just a pay to get disciplined deal. She put in her ad looking for sub who needs mentoring and discipline in exchange for small tribute. We emailed, texted, talked and finally met at a Starbucks. Decided to go forward and met up for a session. She set some rules for me and helped straighten me out on a few things and we continued to see each other on a regular basis. I figured this would be more like we would talk during session and that would be it. Well I was wrong. She calls and texts frequently, we have all kinds of discussions ranging from school to work to sex to bdsm, kids family etc. We go to dinner, and do things. At one point she placed another as and it kind of bothered me so I talked to her about it and she was up front. Her parents pay for her schooling and she uses the money from being a domme for all of lifes other things. Cool, its been over 8 months now and we are still going at it. We have a lot of similar and things have become lets say more friendly. Hugs, kisses, laying in my arms watching tv. This is all good but I still know she is seeing other subs (he is on fetlife and posts pics). I was going to take her shopping on Thursday and she called and said she was too busy with school work. Like I said other guy post pics so I know she did a session thursday. I know she needs the money but it still bothers me a bit and I am not jealous of him he is 66.

Side note, all other experience in this has been with partners (wife, girlfriends or a pro domme who did not contact me outside of visits)

This is a very, very common problem when men date women who do some type of sex work. As one example, many porn actors and actresses have a rule that they only date within the industry, because they tried dating normally, and their partners just couldn't handle the fact that they were touching people even though intellectually they knew it was "just work."

My advice is to talk to her frankly about this, and come to a clear understanding. You know that song, "Darling, save the last dance for me?" What dance is she going to save for you? You're the only one she cuddles with? Kisses on the lips? Something that is unique to the two of you, so you know that is yours. Then it's on her to respect that agreement, and it's on you to be proud of the fact that you're seeing a woman whom other men desire and want to be close to.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to rokkman7456)

Post #: 7

RE: Jealousy and submission - 12/6/2013 7:33:54 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

Dude, she's continuing the interest in you because she knows if she gives you lots of attention you will continue to use her services and she will get paid. That's how it works. It's business and you knew that from the beginning. If you can't hold up to that end as she has done then it's time for you to walk away.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to rokkman7456)

Post #: 8

RE: Jealousy and submission - 12/6/2013 7:59:21 PM

shadowborn61

Posts: 143
Joined: 11/5/2013
Status: offline

RedMagic1 said
My advice is to talk to her frankly about this, and come to a clear understanding. You know that song, "Darling, save the last dance for me?" What dance is she going to save for you? You're the only one she cuddles with? Kisses on the lips? Something that is unique to the two of you, so you know that is yours. Then it's on her to respect that agreement, and it's on you to be proud of the fact that you're seeing a woman whom other men desire and want to be close to.
^^^
This!
Be glad for what you have and if you think there is a chance for more be honest and talk to your Domme about it.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 9

RE: Jealousy and submission - 12/6/2013 8:38:34 PM

rokkman7456

Posts: 50
Joined: 2/25/2013
Status: offline

quote:

No, you're not. You need to differentiate between pro and lifestyle.
[/quote
This came from her not me. Yes i put it on my profile. Honestly no one is anyone's property.

quote:

Is your issue that she is a pro-domme and has other clients (and that makes her relationship with you seem less special) or is your issue that she is lying to you and changing your plans?

The lying, I lied to her about something and got hell for it. I guess it is ok for the other person.
.
Thanks for everyones brutal honesty. Yes I am lucky, for what I have

(in reply to shadowborn61)

Post #: 10

RE: Jealousy and submission - 12/6/2013 11:13:03 PM

shadowborn61

Posts: 143
Joined: 11/5/2013
Status: offline

No if She is lying to you it is not ok unless you accept it.
What you really need to do is have an HONEST conversation with Her and find out why She feels the need to lie to you.
you cannot have trust when there are lies.

(in reply to rokkman7456)

Post #: 11

RE: Jealousy and submission - 12/7/2013 4:36:22 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: shadowborn61

No if She is lying to you it is not ok unless you accept it.
What you really need to do is have an HONEST conversation with Her and find out why She feels the need to lie to you.
you cannot have trust when there are lies.

WHOA!!!!!

Never accuse unless you understand the situation first!

She had several things she had to do that day. She had to session with another sub, and she had to do homework. She may have also shopped for groceries that day - who knows?

She happened to just mention only one of the activities as taking up a lot of her time. I assume she sessioned for one hour and did homework for four or five hours, and thus viewed the homework as her primary activity for the day.

I very much doubt that she thinks of what she did as lying, and you'd very likely find yourself kicked to the curb if you accused her.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to shadowborn61)

Post #: 12

RE: Jealousy and submission - 12/7/2013 5:05:54 AM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

This:

quote:

ORIGINAL: Blonderfluff

You say you are not jealous of this other sub, but you are checking his Fet page often enough to track your Dommes activities. That sounds like jealousy to me.

You knew she was a Pro-Domme when you started seeing her. Just because she spends time cuddling and watching a TV with you, does not make you her one and only. She set the parameters of the relationship from the beginning. She even shared the reason she does it for money ( which is more than she had to share).

She is probably not telling you where she is when she's not with you simply because, it's none of your business.

If you can't handle the way you feel about her, then you always have the option of walking away. Or. You could talk to her and ask her if she is willing to be exclusive if you can find a way to make it work for her financially.

(DesF. Sorry. Meant to Fast reply. This was to the OP)

Thanks for saving me the keystrokes Blonder.

_____________________________

(in reply to Blonderfluff)

Post #: 13

RE: Jealousy and submission - 12/7/2013 6:20:05 AM

Rochsub2009

Posts: 2536
Status: offline

It sounds to me like you've fallen for a sex industry provider. That's VERY common. Whether it's a prostitute, exotic dancer, or pro Domme, they're still providing a service.

It sounds like the pro Domme that you're with is very good at what she does. Do you know what "GFE" stands for? If not, you should look it up, because that's what she is.

Despite the growing feelings that you have for her, ask yourself this question; "Are you still paying her?" If the answer is "yes", then you're a client and not her boyfriend. Deal with it!

Frankly, it sounds like you have a good situation, so don't blow it over silly jealousy.

(in reply to rokkman7456)

Post #: 14

RE: Jealousy and submission - 12/7/2013 8:44:26 AM

rokkman7456

Posts: 50
Joined: 2/25/2013
Status: offline

Roch, yes understand GFE. Thanks for your reply.

(in reply to Rochsub2009)

Post #: 15

RE: Jealousy and submission - 12/7/2013 8:51:05 AM

Spiritedsub2

Posts: 3316
Joined: 7/18/2012
Status: offline

fr

Since I had to look it up, GFE means "girl friend experience". For other uninitiated like me...

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Post #: 16

RE: Jealousy and submission - 12/7/2013 8:57:31 AM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2
Since I had to look it up, GFE means "girl friend experience". For other uninitiated like me...

But it's always in the context of a set time, like an hour or half-an-hour. Sex that includes emotionally intimate moments, like kissing on the lips or snuggling. I actually thought that part of Rochsub's comment was misfired. The OP didn't sound like GFE at all to me. It sounded as though the lady genuinely enjoys having a relationship with this guy that is more than just play. Maybe they are both surprised by this, and neither of them planned it, so they don't know what the boundaries should be, or if there are boundaries at all.

I agree with DS that leading with "don't lie to me" is a bad idea. I'd approach things more like, "We've grown close and we do a lot of couple-type things together, which I really enjoy and value. But I'm starting to feel jealous. Not saying it's right, not saying it's wrong either. But it's real, so I wanted to let you know and see if we could talk for a bit about exactly what we're doing together, and how to make it as good as possible for both of us."

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Spiritedsub2)

Post #: 17

RE: Jealousy and submission - 12/7/2013 1:20:41 PM

rokkman7456

Posts: 50
Joined: 2/25/2013
Status: offline

Redmagic you hit it on the head. This IS what is happening. I got a text at 1 am telling me goodnight hope you had a good day. I have been thru a bad divorce and a couple of FD up relationships. I am a little more on edge than I used to be. But I am trying

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 18

RE: Jealousy and submission - 12/7/2013 1:51:59 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

Well, talk to her about it, and don't be afraid to be vulnerable. Maybe she enjoys knowing that you get jealous, and that's something she wants to continue. Which is fine, maybe, as long as you feel SAFE at the same time. Sort of like she "cuckolds" you by sessioning with other men, to make money or because she enjoys it or both, but there's something she gives you that she gives nobody else.

This doesn't sound bad to me, for whatever that's worth. Even if she did lie to you about that session, it was probably because she didn't want to hurt you. She might be just as confused as you are: "This is really nice, but wtf do I do now?"

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to rokkman7456)

Post #: 19

RE: Jealousy and submission - 12/7/2013 2:20:35 PM

RemoteUser

Posts: 2854
Joined: 5/10/2011
Status: offline

What you need is a little peace.

What you want is for that peace to come from an external source, and she's the best prospect.

What you should do is find the things about yourself that make you happy, and celebrate them. Once you make your own peace, your confidence will positively impact the other things you are considering.

I also do small shows, where I wear a turban and guess at slips of paper in envelopes.

_____________________________

There is nothing worse than being right. Instead of being right, then, try to be open. It is more difficult, and more rewarding.

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 20

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