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Trust in a D/s relationship - 12/8/2013 5:14:21 PM

TheCountryPlace

Posts: 8
Joined: 9/25/2013
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I learned a lot about myself today. In doing so, I lost the opportunity to be with a wonderful, beautiful submissive woman who was on the verge, as I understand it, of committing to a relationship with me. As I thought things through, I realised that I could not allow her to do that. You see, everything that I told her was the absolute truth. However, I failed to tell her everything that was true about me so that she could make a fully informed decision. As I view integrity and honor essential to the bond of trust between a man and a woman, especially in the D/s relationship, I felt honor bound to tell her the truth.

I knew that by telling her, I would lose her and that would hurt us both. I also knew that by not telling her, I would eventually lose her and that would also hurt us both. I told her. She said good bye.

She did give one parting piece of advice. She suggested that instead of taking down my profile from CM, I should make explicit mention of my situation. I took down my profile.

Another wonderful woman, who I met through CM, said to me that it was sad that I should be denied sexual freedom for more than 14 years because of a complicated situation. I thought about the words of both wise, wonderful women. I have put my post back up complete with a description of my situation.

I shall not hide who I am: rather, I will bear my scars proudly and thank the heavens and the earth for the wisdom given to me by these two women.

Post #: 1

RE: Trust in a D/s relationship - 12/8/2013 5:19:42 PM

KnightofMists

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Interesting.

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An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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RE: Trust in a D/s relationship - 12/8/2013 5:22:31 PM

TheCountryPlace

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Thank you for reading.

Honor is a demanding taskmaster.

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RE: Trust in a D/s relationship - 12/8/2013 5:31:01 PM

Blonderfluff

Posts: 2253
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From: Down the Shore
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I took a peek at your profile. Was the last paragraph added and was that the deal-breaker? I dont want to just blurt it out here, but I am curious about the reasons and the circumstances. Not sure it's as big a deal as I was expecting.

And. Welcome to the Forums.

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RE: Trust in a D/s relationship - 12/8/2013 5:47:19 PM

DarkLyDesires

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Joined: 9/24/2013
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If you knew all of that, that she would be hurt and you would be hurt if she knew the truth, why did you let her get to the verge of commiting to you? Wouldn't it have been less painful to tell her up front? Even if you don't want to put it in your profile, that is information that should be shared fairly directly once talk of meeting in person happens. Don't get me wrong, it's great you did the right thing, just not sure why you didn't do it right away.

I am in a similar situation as you and have disclosed that to everyone who's gotten close enough to even think about meeting me.

Darkly

(in reply to Blonderfluff)

Post #: 5

RE: Trust in a D/s relationship - 12/8/2013 5:55:50 PM

RedMagic1

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There are a shit-ton of kinky women in Minneapolis. If you're celibate, it's by choice.

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Post #: 6

RE: Trust in a D/s relationship - 12/8/2013 5:57:10 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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From what I read in the profile, I do think that is a situation you should tell people up front. Not sure if it's really "General BDSM" not. More like one of those testimonials that you messed up, rather than really about trust.

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RE: Trust in a D/s relationship - 12/8/2013 6:06:09 PM

KnightofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TheCountryPlace

Thank you for reading.

Honor is a demanding taskmaster.

This is not a question of honor... Or trust...... This is all about inflating your ego.

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Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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Post #: 8

RE: Trust in a D/s relationship - 12/8/2013 6:51:32 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
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From: Apple County NY
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Because honorable people don't make themselves feel bigger by attacking those who are different.
And claiming that being emotionally unavailable is a good thing is a way to protect yourself, it's fear based.

And acting out of fear is the opposite of dominance.

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Post #: 9

RE: Trust in a D/s relationship - 12/8/2013 6:59:01 PM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
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What did you learn about yourself? Certainly not that you had honor, if you did, you would have made your situation clear up front.

Instead you strung someone along, and let her get close to committing before you pulled the plug.

What about that is honorable?

KoM said this:

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

This is not a question of honor... Or trust...... This is all about inflating your ego.

and I agree.

Oh, and it's about drumming up some more traffic to your profile so you can get some other poor sub on the string. Fortunately this thread will live on.

< Message edited by ChatteParfaitt -- 12/8/2013 7:05:19 PM >

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Post #: 10

RE: Trust in a D/s relationship - 12/8/2013 7:01:40 PM

FelineRanger

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Just to understand what you were talking about, I read your profile, too. I'm left with only one question about that last paragraph Blonderfluff mentioned. Why are you remaining in that situation instead of moving forward? Basically, you appear to me to be in a self-imposed purgatory.

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Bill

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Post #: 11

RE: Trust in a D/s relationship - 12/8/2013 7:08:32 PM

kalikshama

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Nothing about online dating pisses me off more than investing hours in a man only to be finally told that he is married.

/smh/

(in reply to TheCountryPlace)

Post #: 12

RE: Trust in a D/s relationship - 12/8/2013 7:09:35 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14442
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From: United States
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I agree with the posts above me: both this thread and the other were posted to make yourself look like you have so much integrity.

But, the reality is that you've been separated for six years, haven't changed that situation and are using that situation as a shield to prevent being emotionally available.

It's all a cop out.

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Post #: 13

RE: Trust in a D/s relationship - 12/8/2013 7:12:34 PM

ChatteParfaitt

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From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
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Next he's going to tell us it's because of the kids.

Or come up with a sob story.

We've heard it all OP, really we have.

In the end, you get the life you deserve. Think on that one.

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Post #: 14

RE: Trust in a D/s relationship - 12/8/2013 7:14:40 PM

angelikaJ

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It usually takes us awhile to fully understand as we grow up that "lies of omission" are still lies.
You may have told her information that was true but in leaving crucial information out you deprived her of context and allowed her to perhaps get more involved with you than she otherwise would have chosen to.

You betrayed her trust from the beginning.
For me, that would be the deal breaker.

Shame on you for thinking that it was okay to be cunningly deceitful.

edit: emphasis

< Message edited by angelikaJ -- 12/8/2013 7:17:18 PM >

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RE: Trust in a D/s relationship - 12/8/2013 7:29:58 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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I was willing to cut a break on the celibacy. At least entertain the possibility that it was medically related or some other fairly innocent reason. There are certain possibilities out there.

If one of those is the OP's case, I can completely understand that he wants companionship, comfort, and all of the other things that are a part of a relationship, even if he can't/won't have sex. I just think that, by not telling these women from the beginning, he found out that *NOT* telling them wasn't the way to get it.

I'm going to stay off the other thread where the OP is going on about honesty and integrity. Sorry, but you don't get to boast about those things and have this thread in the same day.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to angelikaJ)

Post #: 16

RE: Trust in a D/s relationship - 12/8/2013 7:42:14 PM

SeekingTrinity

Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
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~FRing it~

OP, why do you feel the need to repost your journal entries here? These two threads of yours do seem like little more than directing people to your profile.

On a side note...

Honor? You keep using this word, yet I don't think you know what it means. Honor means being straight up with people from the very beginning. Honor does not mean waiting until you get painted into a corner before you come clean. Half truths and smoke and mirrors until it's almost too late is not honor. Sorry, but you don't get a cookie or a free pass for playing games with someone like you did.

(in reply to angelikaJ)

Post #: 17

RE: Trust in a D/s relationship - 12/8/2013 7:57:02 PM

poise

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Joined: 7/3/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: TheCountryPlace
I thought about the words of both wise, wonderful women...

This wise and wonderful woman would like to suggest that you further
edit your profile, as you have duplicated the panty-waist boy toy comment.
Unless of course that was intentional, and if so, carry on being honorable and such.

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RE: Trust in a D/s relationship - 12/8/2013 8:05:14 PM

DarkSteven

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If honor and integrity are so important to you, why'd you hide stuff from her in the first place?

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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Post #: 19

RE: Trust in a D/s relationship - 12/8/2013 8:09:13 PM

TheCountryPlace

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Joined: 9/25/2013
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Thank you for your comments and suggestions. Poise, you are correct and done.

ChatteParfaitt: nope, no kids.

KalikShama: yes, you are correct.

KingOfMists: I did not do the correct thing up front. Why: fear of losing.

All: I injured another and I am sorry that I did.

(in reply to poise)

Post #: 20

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