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Humble question - 12/10/2013 10:21:47 AM   
bronze55


Posts: 4
Joined: 12/10/2013
Status: offline 		I have always been an admirer of the BDSM lifestyle even was momentary Dom for a while until I realized I was unable to be harsh to women... (I think my mother was a closet Mistress I think I was raised right and am a property gentleman)

I recently have been curious in regards to bondage... would a Mistress accept me to ease me into this?
It may sound weird but the curiosity aside it may do wonders for me to be bound and relax in many aspects of my life other then this?


Thank you for you time.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Humble question - 12/10/2013 10:24:51 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bronze55

I have always been an admirer of the BDSM lifestyle even was momentary Dom for a while until I realized I was unable to be harsh to women... (I think my mother was a closet Mistress I think I was raised right and am a property gentleman)
So, you think male Dominants were not raised right and aren't gentlemen?


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to bronze55)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Humble question - 12/10/2013 10:36:03 AM   
Miyani


Posts: 248
Joined: 12/4/2007
Status: offline 		Why does being a Dom have to involve being harsh?

And what's in it for the Mistress? She'll expect a relationship, or a check, in order to "ease you into" your kink

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Humble question - 12/10/2013 10:37:45 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bronze55

I have always been an admirer of the BDSM lifestyle even was momentary Dom for a while until I realized I was unable to be harsh to women... (I think my mother was a closet Mistress I think I was raised right and am a property gentleman)

I recently have been curious in regards to bondage... would a Mistress accept me to ease me into this?
It may sound weird but the curiosity aside it may do wonders for me to be bound and relax in many aspects of my life other then this?


Thank you for you time.


I had never heard the term 'property gentleman'. I couldn't find out much information about it but it seems that it means that one is wealthy from income derived
from property so, yeah, there will be plenty of Mistresses who will be more than help you ease into 'this'.

Dominants are not required to be 'harsh' with woman. They are dominants.. if they want to rock the gentle, they can do so.

Nope to the 'rules' book.. there just isn't one that's universal enough to appease the masses.

As to whether or not being bound will help you relax in other aspects of your life.. hell.. give a try and see if it works!


_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to bronze55)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Humble question - 12/10/2013 10:54:43 AM   
TNDommeK


Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline 		Call a pro. Explain to her, in detail what you are thinking. See if she is down with it.
Pay her...problem solved.

_____________________________

Goddess of Duck Lips and Luxurious Hair
The working Fin Domme
Professional con artist, swindler, trixster, extortionist

Our snark-nado needs more cowbell


(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Humble question - 12/10/2013 10:59:39 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Best advice if you want to find a rope top is to get involved in your local community and look for someone who likes to tie people up. You're not going to find a female Dominant via this thread who is going to jump up and say "sure, I'm looking for a bondage bottom to play with" because most of us aren't anywhere near you.

A word of friendly advice. Posting from your phone that has auto correct is almost always going to confuse people because the wrong word will get thrown in there, somewhere.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Humble question - 12/10/2013 11:08:24 AM   
NiceButMeanGirl


Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline 		Hi there Bronze55.

I hope you're having a good day and welcome to the Boards. You only live about an hour from me actually. Unless she is looking for a super-casual situation, most Dommes are going to want either some version of a relationship or else cash to tie you up and ease you in. There are Dommes out there who are willing to work with newbies, it's just a matter of finding one that you click with and who's willing.

NBMG

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.


(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Humble question - 12/10/2013 11:22:55 AM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bronze55
I recently have been curious in regards to bondage... would a Mistress accept me to ease me into this?

I actually don't think it's too hard to find a rope top. A lot of the "male BS" can be avoided, because you can be tied up fully clothed, or at least wearing something, so it avoids a lot of the "what I really want is seks" stuff.

So I'd suggest you lead with that, OP. Your focus on bondage and not sex will make you stand out. If you're in decent shape, or have a great personality, all the better.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to bronze55)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Humble question - 12/10/2013 12:20:06 PM   
bronze55


Posts: 4
Joined: 12/10/2013
Status: offline 		of course not, it was just that politeness is hammered into me, I failed as a dom as my sub wanted a rougher experience which I could not do.

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Humble question - 12/10/2013 12:25:10 PM   
Miyani


Posts: 248
Joined: 12/4/2007
Status: offline 		All that means is that you were not compatible with her.

(in reply to bronze55)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Humble question - 12/10/2013 12:33:14 PM   
wnyThroatLover


Posts: 214
Joined: 11/23/2011
Status: offline 		I agree with Miyani...
I think the only way to actually fail as a dom is to completely destroy a person (as in completely beyond repair) or to fake dominance when you are really submissive, or worse (in this context)...vanilla!!

Otherwise it's just a non-compatibility issue

_____________________________

"Everybody poops
And if they don't they're an Android
And should be destroyed"

(in reply to Miyani)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Humble question - 12/10/2013 12:39:37 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Miyani

All that means is that you were not compatible with her.


Exactly. Master is polite and a gentleman. He's not compatible with someone that wishes to be treated in a derogatory manner.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Miyani)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Humble question - 12/10/2013 12:40:37 PM   
bronze55


Posts: 4
Joined: 12/10/2013
Status: offline 		Ok just to explain a bit more:

The woman who submitted to me was a girl who had been crushing on me since her teenage years. We were in a relationship with in which we discussed all the fact that she wanted to experience this lifestyle. I was dominant but when it came to her desires to go to that point I was unable to. I allowed her to experience that aspect with a new dom and we took a break. She was soured by this experience due to the fact that the male Dom did not respect her safe word. She was upset since she trusted me and knew, from experiences that I always would respect her wants.

We got back together and then separated due to me moving across the country and her moving to complete her doctorate.

THE MOST IMPORTANT thing I have been taught about this lifestyle is that TRUST is the most important thing.

For me a proper gentleman is one who respects the words a woman tells him, especially in intimacy and lifestyle.

I don't think I could trust someone I pay though. I think more then anything I know that being bound may make me relax and give up control. I am a big muscled guy whose always tense and stiff in the shoulders, back and legs which I need to give up not for emotional benefit or physical benefit, but rather for personal growth.

(in reply to Miyani)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Humble question - 12/10/2013 12:55:35 PM   
Miyani


Posts: 248
Joined: 12/4/2007
Status: offline 		How is this other douchebag not respecting her safeword something that's your fault? Did you pick the guy?

Well, if you're not willing to pay for it, be prepared to do a lot than graciously allow her to tie you up. Though as Lady Pact says, you may be able to find someone at a local play party who is interested in a scene.

(in reply to bronze55)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Humble question - 12/10/2013 1:47:06 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Miyani
How is this other douchebag not respecting her safeword something that's your fault? Did you pick the guy?

This is what I'm hearing.

Her: Next time we have sex, slap me around and call me a slut and a cunt.
Him: I can't.
Her: Please!
Him: Ok. (Tries but does a crappy job.)
Her: God damn it. That's what I really want.
Him: I can't do it.
Her: Fine. I'll find it somewhere else.
Him: Ok, if that's what you need to be happy.
Her: (clearly disappointed that gambit didn't work) Uh ok, fine, I'll do that then.
Her: (dates a jackass who hurts her in the bad way)
Her: Could we get back together? I'd rather have gentle sex from a nice guy than rough sex from a user.
Him: Sure.
Her: I can't wait until I can leave town and start my life over again, so I can find a man who is nice to me and also fucks me hard.
Him: I couldn't be her everything, and I especially couldn't top her, so I feel guilty that she got hurt. I should be a bondage bottom, so I'm not responsible for my actions while doing kink.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Miyani)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Humble question - 12/10/2013 1:47:33 PM   
peppermint


Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		I know a man who loves to be tied up. He goes to many events and munches. He's personable and makes friends. People like him so when he asks someone to tie him up they usually agree to do it. We haven't seen him or his wife for several years, however, they plan on staying with us for a few days during one of their travels this spring. I would guarantee he'll ask to be tied up while he's here and I would guarantee it will happen.

In other words, personality goes a long way. If you want to experience being tied up then join groups in your area. Vancouver is big kink area so there are munches there. Please go to some munches. You won't be invited to any parties where they do kink until people know you and know you are okay. The way to meet them is through the munches. Once you've made friends and get invited to a party you just might get your wish.

_____________________________

We are stardust, we are golden, and we got to get ourselves back to the garden.

Yes, I am crazy about feathered creatures. I have a dozen chickens, 3 ducks, 5 geese, and 2 parakeets.

Revise that number. Just got 14 new chicks and 5 turkeys.

(in reply to bronze55)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Humble question - 12/10/2013 2:30:34 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

This is what I'm hearing.

Her: Next time we have sex, slap me around and call me a slut and a cunt.
Him: I can't.
Her: Please!
Him: Ok. (Tries but does a crappy job.)
Her: God damn it. That's what I really want.
Him: I can't do it.
Her: Fine. I'll find it somewhere else.
Him: Ok, if that's what you need to be happy.
Her: (clearly disappointed that gambit didn't work) Uh ok, fine, I'll do that then.
Her: (dates a jackass who hurts her in the bad way)
Her: Could we get back together? I'd rather have gentle sex from a nice guy than rough sex from a user.
Him: Sure.
Her: I can't wait until I can leave town and start my life over again, so I can find a man who is nice to me and also fucks me hard.
Him: I couldn't be her everything, and I especially couldn't top her, so I feel guilty that she got hurt. I should be a bondage bottom, so I'm not responsible for my actions while doing kink.


Thanks RM!

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Humble question - 12/10/2013 2:42:32 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		OP - I had a friend who is involved in the rope community in South Florida and he is able to find partners at local events. If you rule out Pros, getting involved in your local BDSM community is your best bet.

In regards to:

quote:

I have always been an admirer of the BDSM lifestyle even was momentary Dom for a while until I realized I was unable to be harsh to women


What do you mean by harsh? Inflicting pain? Humiliation? BDSM encompasses much more than this. My man and I are not into humiliation and he's not into pain. He gets my endorphins and juices flowing in other ways ;)

He is also polite and a gentleman.

(in reply to bronze55)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Humble question - 12/10/2013 3:14:39 PM   
bronze55


Posts: 4
Joined: 12/10/2013
Status: offline 		It was pain. She and I tried to move towards slapping and choking... And I couldn't do it because Ilin the force she wanted. So she found a guy after we split who coud. Then hurt her with a razor.
This was over a few years and the new dom did this three times in.. Honestly I admired the life style but being a big guy I get afraid of my strength.

Lol at redmagic. It did seem that way it just I believe there is a right time and place for Bdsm play which is a mental thing as well as physical.

I have been curious about bondage thus I am seeking advice.

(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Humble question - 12/10/2013 3:31:07 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		It's good to be cautious about slapping and choking. We've had a few threads about those that covered safety precautions (maybe someone could dredge up links.)

But not being into slapping and choking does not mean taking a dominant role is not for you - there are lots of ways to give pain that do not involve these things, for example, using a TENS or violet wand. If the "brute" role is a turn off, perhaps "mad scientist" will do it for you.

I'm not discouraging you from experimenting with bondage - by all means, explore! - I just want to point out that your negative experience with her does not exclude all other submissives/bottoms.

(in reply to bronze55)
Profile   Post #: 20
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