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RE: Humble question - 12/10/2013 4:01:50 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bronze55
Honestly I admired the life style but being a big guy I get afraid of my strength.


I'm married to an ex-linebacker.

While I agree that choking and slapping needs to be done with caution, I'll also add that you're not seeing the difference between hurting someone and harming someone.



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(in reply to bronze55)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Humble question - 12/10/2013 5:22:00 PM   
StrictlyADomina


Posts: 103
Joined: 7/11/2011
Status: offline 		Ok, so you tried being a dominant and think you might enjoy being a bottom or submissive. You didn't feel comfortable with the level of sensation play/rough sex/ whatever your girlfriend wanted. Good for you for trying, making a change when what you were doing wasn't working and being willing to try something else. Congrats! Some might have stuck it out and both sides would have been unhappy.

Bondage: You got some good advice from Lady Pact and Nice but Mean Girl, you should take it.

As with anything else sailing/kink/bondage or knitting it's about finding a partner who has your same interest. As with many other topics on "Can I find a Mistress for _____" or "Would a Mistress be interested in _____" The answer is yes. Probably somewhere out there.

Unless you are paying for it with a pro dom a lifestyle Dominatrix is interested in some shade of a relationship. Women (for the most part) don't do casual, sex, kink, bondage, foot worship, cross dressing....whatever. Do many men do casual whatever? Heck yea! So look for common interests, start a relationship THEN address the kink. Rule number 1. Don't lead with your kink.

Hope that helps. I would also like to commend you on not getting ruffled when you took some flack for your views or words that may have hit a hot button or two.

(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Humble question - 12/14/2013 8:58:24 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		The Man's 6'1" and 230 pounds. Couple of years ago he pushed the car out of the ditch during a snow storm.

Does he have to be careful about his strength? Sure. My idea of a hard spanking is probably no more than half his strength. But he isn't in it to hit as hard as possible. He wants a certain response and does what's necessary to elicit that.
And him being dominant means that when I asked for something and he decided it wasn't safe, it didn't happen.

You seem to think of dominant as meaning top. That's not necessarily true. The dominant is the leader of the relationship. Usually the dominant is also the person giving out the sensation play however many people play only with sensation without any authority over the other outside the bedroom. And it's not uncommon for the person in charge of the relationship to also want to receive sensation.

With that said, have you tried any self bondage? Tie your legs up and lay there. See if it gives you what you hope it will.

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to StrictlyADomina)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Humble question - 12/15/2013 12:08:30 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bronze55
I am a big muscled guy whose always tense and stiff in the shoulders, back and legs


Get a Korean massage. Problem solved.


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Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to bronze55)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Humble question - 12/15/2013 7:02:46 AM   
JetOnly


Posts: 78
Joined: 11/6/2013
Status: offline 		It sounds like you are a lovely person who tried to please the lady he was with. YOU were sensible, by the amount she is getting hurt she clearly isnt all that sensible

Nothing wrong if you want to be a dom, sub, top or bottom
How I see it the biggest mistake with you trying to be a dom was you didnt figure out what YOU wanted. being a dom is not about doing X Y and Z because you believe that is what you should do. First you have to figure out what you want, and what you dont want. You dont have to hurt people at all if you dont like. Have a look at some of the kinks about here, think about what you like - then find someone who has similar kinks talk and understand each other then you jump in and do things YOU want taking into account her limits

If you feel you want to be a sub and experiement with bondage - then fab, you have a good start. you also want to think of things you would deff NOT want to do and if there are other things you would like to try. As others have said it is going to be very difficult for you to find a domme who will want to take on a total stranger and just do your kinks for you
there has to be something in it for them
Either you will have to pay (and nothing wrong with that, lots of guys do to see how it all is in reality)
OR
look around for someone with similar kinks to you that you are properly interested in, approach her and get to know her as a person, let her get to know you as a person - every female in this scene is inundated with subby men forcing their kink in her face, stand out by being a human being wanting not just anyone to do this to them - but someone who gets to know them and wants to submit to that person, trusts them

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Humble question - 12/15/2013 7:11:48 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

The Man's 6'1" and 230 pounds. Couple of years ago he pushed the car out of the ditch during a snow storm.

Does he have to be careful about his strength? Sure. My idea of a hard spanking is probably no more than half his strength. But he isn't in it to hit as hard as possible. He wants a certain response and does what's necessary to elicit that.
And him being dominant means that when I asked for something and he decided it wasn't safe, it didn't happen.


I'm with a big guy too. He's gotten very good at reading my non-verbal signs and I haven't had to Safe Snap (he likes gags so I snap my fingers instead of safe wording) for a very long time.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Humble question - 12/15/2013 7:13:06 AM   
DaddySatyr


Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline 		This seems to me like another example of: "if you're dominant, you must be a sadist. There's no hard-and-fast rule (especially since, if you're a dominant, you're supposed to be following your own rules).

I was raised to be a gentleman, also and to the exclusion of the occasional slap and tickle, I find the idea of raising my hand to a lady abhorrent.

Be who you are. Just because you're not a sadist doesn't make you a submissive or a bottom. Learn the differences amongst "dominant", "kinky", "sadist" and "top".

I dote on my lady and would never think about corporal punishment. In my house, it is more like correction through communication.



Good luck,



Michael

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A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to JetOnly)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Humble question - 12/15/2013 7:22:43 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		Welcome to the discussion side Bronze. You *do* sound like a great guy.

I agree with others, you don't have to be a mean evil sadist to be a dominant, you and the girl were just not compatible.

It's also possible to be a dominant who just so happens to like flogging or bondage, nothing wrong with that. I urge you to continue to experiment and explore.


_____________________________



(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Humble question - 12/15/2013 7:32:53 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder


quote:

ORIGINAL: bronze55
I am a big muscled guy whose always tense and stiff in the shoulders, back and legs


Get a Korean massage. Problem solved.



What's a Korean massage?

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Humble question - 12/15/2013 7:22:50 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		http://www.ask.com/question/korean-massage

Found this.
But taking up yoga would help relieve tension also. Or Pilates.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 30
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