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ORIGINAL: Blonderfluff

According to MistressDarkArt...;it's looking good for Jan 3-4.

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ORIGINAL: CassielsSong

…one I would define as the year of struggle - for me.

The year started (yes, New Year's Day) when the man I was falling in love with (a man I met here) told me he was going back to his ex…the woman he described as crazy…the woman who caused him so much emotional pain…the woman who demanded too much of him. I was decimated. The emotional pain I experienced manifested in various ways. First I lost a lot of weight. Not such a bad thing, but it was not a good way to do it. I also had insomnia to the point where I don't think I slept more than 4 hours a night for the first few months. I still have insomnia, though not as bad. Nothing has worked. I've tried various prescription drugs, over the counter medications, herbal remedies, acupuncture, meditation and more. Then I started losing my hair. It is something that has pretty much destroyed my self-esteem. The weirdest repercussion was losing my craving for chocolate. And I've been a lifelong chocoholic. It hasn't come back. I've also lost my inner voice. This sense I've always had with me that I didn't fully acknowledge until I could no longer hear it.

It wasn't all bad. I ended up reaching out to a friend I hadn't spoken with in years. We connected as if we hadn't ever been apart. Aside from those few years, we have known each other our entire adult lives.

Aside from the physical effects of having this man leave my life, I also had other health issues, including a messed up knee from an easy hike ,
a sprained wrist, as well as a couple of other things I'd rather not go into.

Then I nearly lost my job because of visa restrictions. On the upside, I didn't lose my job. But it has now changed.

Then there has been my family. We nearly lost the family dog, but thankfully she came through the surgery well and is even more energetic than before. Before that though, my mom had a recurrence of breast cancer. And recently my dad had a stroke. A bad one. I will be moving back home, once I can get a job, to help take care of both my parents. I never intended on ever living there again. It is a place I left for a reason. But I cannot turn my back on my parents.

I think I have cried more this year than I have all the other years of my life combined. My life has changed in ways I would never have imagined and I don't think I can say much, if any of it, has been good.

They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. For me that is not true. I am definitely a weaker person than I was at this point last year. I don't know how to find my way back to the person I used to be, the person who was striving to improve her life and who was learning that happiness is something you create, not find. I read things I've written last year and I don't even recognize it as coming from me. It sounds like someone who is far, far more insightful than I am. I can't imagine being that person now. I have taken so many steps backwards, that trying to get to the place I used to be at last year seems impossible now.

The profile I am using to post this is a new one. I would rather remain anonymous.

Given that this year is nearly over, how would you describe how this year has been for you? Has it been good? Bad? Status quo?