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njlauren -> RE: I desire Femdom but am married (12/16/2013 9:02:30 PM)
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chris-
Athena put it beautifully, her words are right on the mark. I agree with others, I think you may be confusing what porn or conventional wisdom has with dominant women, that they are these leather clad bitches who want to tie you up and whip you and so forth, with the man being this wimp/lowly worm slave, etc. Worse, the porn is very much like a pro domme session, where most of it quite frankly is the domme giving the client what they want (the crap in ads, like "I do what I want, you have no choice, I am cruel, demanding, etc" is mostly pr to attract guys in, many of the clients of pro dommes expect to have done to them what they wish, and if the domme doesn't, they scream bloody murder; many of the clients of pro dommes are alpha males IRL, and treat the dommes like that...there are exceptions, there are lifestyle dominas who are pro and attract some truly sub clients, but they are rare IME).
I agree with others, try your wife, I think you might be surprised. One thing to keep in mind is women your age have been exposed to a lot of this stuff, it just isn't that rare any more, I would be really surprised if she hadn't been exposed to it. A 'real' domme/sub relationship is a two way street, it is a relationship, when a dominant female plays with you she gets enjoyment out of it, too, she isn't just doing what you want, and you as the sub have to give back, too, it can be in the energy you exude, it can be in how you react, or what you do. I have seen BD/SM porn and it seems to end with the dominant sucking the guy off then having sex with him......IRL, maybe the domina would face sit the guy and not let him have an orgasm, all kinds of things..it is shared. And want to know a big, big secret? Having played both ways, playing with someone you care about is fucking way more awesome than someone you don't, I played with pro dommes who I also was close friends with, and it isn't the same thing, even though we were more doing domme/sub stuff than simply playing.......and learning together is amazing, it is a road that is just unreal, and being shared it can blow you away:).
One note on all this, what are you looking for? Are you looking for a 24/7 relationship, where she controls everything, or are you looking for it in the bedroom? If you want lifestyle, you have to build up to that, do it in the bedroom first and see what happens, then let it grow, organically. The porn version of domme/sub is a card board cutout of what it really is.....the other thing is, being sub doesn't mean being a jelly roll or some wimpy doofus with no backbone. I can't speak as a domme, but from my experience they wanted a strong person, male or female depending on their orientation, one they guided and who they cherished them turning their power over to them. You can be an alpha, and be a sub, and your wife doesn't have to make every decision if she doesn't want to, she could delegate things to you, depend in your strength, and she will prob rely on you for your input and prob your recommendation as well. The thing is a sub isn't a wimp necessarily, a sub can be very alpha, very strong, in most of their life but submit to the one they love, and she in turn can use his strength by directing it.....the power exchange is up to the couple, and you guys could probably find something that worked for you.....and she won't necessarily think of you as a wimp, as long as you don't try and be a doormat and expect to dump everything on her. As my wife/domme said when construction was being done on our house, why should I (her) have to deal with these schmucks, you keep them in line, and if you do it well, I'll punish you:)
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