RE: I desire Femdom but am married (Full Version)

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eulero83 -> RE: I desire Femdom but am married (12/18/2013 9:50:03 AM)

I think between trading and pressuring there are other ways, one could be sharing your feelings, I'm on the same page as athena about this. Sometimes in a relationship it's nice to do something for your partner, and being sencerely appreciated for this can trump many things.

But as I said before to me the problem is mostly that he doesn't feel comfortable with being submissive as in his social group this is seen as weakness and he could not risk to appear weak in front of the woman he wants to feel protected by him. my [sm=2cents.gif]



cloudboy -> RE: I desire Femdom but am married (12/18/2013 11:10:49 AM)

Posting that here is akin coating yourself in honey and tying yourself naked within feet of a fire-ant colony.

Actually, things didn't go that badly. I'm impressed.

OP: Way to just put the question out there. I'm married poly with a secondary partner who is a DOM. It's been a workable arrangement now for a long time. My wife also has a secondary partner.



LadyPact -> RE: I desire Femdom but am married (12/18/2013 1:34:09 PM)

As I said, really not disagreeing that the first avenue should be a good, honest, open discussion with the spouse. I think it's the realist in Me. Since I'm very well aware that there are those folks out there who will very firmly reject the idea of BDSM anything, I just think it's fair to discuss that possibility, too.

MP and I weren't always poly. We do know what it's like to have that monogamous view. However, one of the reasons that we changed is exactly right here.

I'm certainly not advocating cheating. If it was coming across that way, I'll certainly apologize. It's absolutely not what I meant. If anything, My intention was more along the lines of consent without coercion. There are people right here on this thread that, since I don't own you, the right to say no absolutely exists. I just think we should extend that right to non kinky people, too.



njlauren -> RE: I desire Femdom but am married (12/19/2013 9:34:57 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact


quote:

ORIGINAL: shadowborn61

So here is another view for you OP
My wife and i had been married for three years and we were happy or at least i thought we were. One day she comes to me and says we needed to talk and i thought oh god this is the end. She had a reputation of moving from man to man before i met her.
But instead of the "you are not making me happy" stuff i expected she told me that she loved me very much and never wanted to hurt or lose me but she could not stay monogamous. I remember thinking that at least she wasn't cheating on me and had the decency to let me know how she felt.
After some discussion we both found we feel the same way about sex and that is that it does not equate with love, Yes love makes it better but just plain old hot sweaty sex is FUN and i was free to find others to play with (safely) as well.
It wasn't six months after this that she introduced me to the world of BDSM and D/s.
We have been married 15 years now and have a beautiful 13 year old son and we are both submissives although she can switch for me on occasion if her mood is right and yes she can be very sadistic for my masochistic side when she switches.
Lately we have discussed things and are starting down the road of a Poly marriage since neither of us can fulfill all of the others needs.
If she had not come to me honestly and TALKED with me we would not be together now.

OK, before I say anything else, I want to mention that this part that I'm quoting here is really, really good.

The rest that follows is a general comment.

~~~~~~

One thing that really bugs Me when threads like this come up is how quickly people want to encourage folks to try to turn their spouse into something they are not. For all of the talk that I hear about how kinky folks should be accepted for being exactly who they are, why are people so fast to try to push kink, or Dominance, or submission on somebody who might be perfectly content to be vanilla. Like it or not, vanilla folks have just as much of a right to *just* be vanilla as those of us who happen to have kinks that we express.

Sure, OP. Check things out. See if there really is some kink under there that *might* come to the surface if it's inspired by reading certain materials. At the same time, understand that she has the right to be exactly who she is if there isn't really some inner Domme inside.




You can't turn a spouse into anything, but the other thing to keep in mind is that there very well could be a domme in there or at the least someone who would be willing to top the OP (I am not entirely certain the OP knows the difference between submission and being topped). I don't think people think the OP should 'turn' their spouse into a domme, what people were encouraging him to do was talk to his wife and see what the interest is, if any. The biggest thing people were saying is not to do it on the side, to be honest, because otherwise, when she found out, it would be much worse. Trying to make someone something they are not is going to fail, but cheating on someone is going to be even more devastating.



ThePrincessKali -> RE: I desire Femdom but am married (12/20/2013 5:03:52 AM)

Sure hire a pro domme. Married men hire escorts all the time.



LookieNoNookie -> RE: I desire Femdom but am married (12/20/2013 6:07:03 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: ChrisRivers

I am trying to get a sense out there if I have any chance in serving a mistress while I remain married. I married my wife 2 years ago and at that time I had no idea that I was interested in femdom. Now I desperately want to serve a Mistress while remaining married and not telling my wife. Would all Mistresses dismiss me because I am married and not willing to tell my wife?


You're a kid...you're 26 or something years old....you haven't got a gawdamned clue what you want.

Keep searching....you'll get there.

(It happens).



FrostedFlake -> RE: I desire Femdom but am married (12/21/2013 12:10:00 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: ChrisRivers

I am trying to get a sense out there if I have any chance in serving a mistress while I remain married. I married my wife 2 years ago and at that time I had no idea that I was interested in femdom. Now I desperately want to serve a Mistress while remaining married and not telling my wife. Would all Mistresses dismiss me because I am married and not willing to tell my wife?

* I am trying to get a sense out there if I have any chance in serving a mistress while I remain married.

Short answer : No. Long answer : How much money do you have? Right answer : Your wife is standing right there. She doesn't really need to be a snarling virago to be the focus of a very attentive spouse. Nor need you ask, to do that. This should be obvious, but something is distracting. Possibly something vivid, bright, shiny, new and distracting.

* I married my wife 2 years ago and at that time I had no idea that I was interested in femdom. Now I desperately want to serve a Mistress while remaining married and not telling my wife.

Two years back, not even a blip. Now, you are so disturbed you are just not thinking straight. Take home point : You haven't thought things through yet, you haven't had time, and don't really know what you really want. Also, the opinion your wife holds is of paramount importance, and you don't want to take risks with that so you automatically and foolishly bet everything on keeping her in the dark. Have you figured the odds on that bet? I wonder how you have managed to "act naturally" while mentally juggling your World like this. Doesn't she already know something is up? Probably waiting for you to spill.

* Would all Mistresses dismiss me because I am married and not willing to tell my wife?

Not all, certainly. Just the ones you can trust. To not threaten to tell your wife. Unless you X, Y, & Z.

What I am trying to say is, you need to calm down and think things through. I suggest putting a foot back on the ground and then maybe the other. The good advice you have been given will go further if you notice how upset you are.

In closing, I'd like to mention the trouble you go to to avoid the trouble you avoid, should be LESS than the trouble you avoid. That doesn't seem to be the case, here, now. In order to avoid a frank discussion, you are forgoing an honest and fulfilling relationship with the spouse.

It is not my point to do more than make you aware. I'm sorry if that stung.



missvespersslut -> RE: I desire Femdom but am married (1/2/2014 2:38:29 AM)

To me if you are in the lifestyle the very minimum that is demanded is honesty and openness...my wife.............whom i first met on collarme and at long distance has asked me to find a local Mistress to help further my submissive learnings.............this is a very tall order.............and we are being open and honest...so I think your chances are rather limited so to speak..........and thats putting it midly !!



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