RE: What can we do to retain new posters? (Full Version)

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OsideGirl -> RE: What can we do to retain new posters? (12/22/2013 10:27:40 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Ladytisha
But to me if your feedback isn't going to help someone expand their knowledge why comment on the post?


Just because it isn't the answer or advice they were looking for, doesn't mean that it can't expand their knowledge. (which is more frequently what new posters take issue with)





RedMagic1 -> RE: What can we do to retain new posters? (12/22/2013 10:46:53 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan
Since I'm the one who said it, and I LIVE IN THE SAME CITY as the OP, I fall into your B category. I *am* an expert on the local kink community since I live here. So I am in the position to advise. If that advice is "adjust your attitude if you want to succeed" who the fuck is that girl, or you for that matter, to question that advice? I think I know quite a lot better than either of you what is going to go over well in my own town. You criticize the arrogance of that advice but you live on the other side of the world and know jack about the kink scene here. That's pretty damn arrogant, right there.

Pot, meet kettle.

Nah, there's no pot meeting kettle here. orgasmdenial wants her extensive online experience to be considered as important as other people's real life experience. And it just isn't as valuable. Whenever someone claims "protection of feelings on the internet" is as important as "practical advice to really meet people in real life" it's extremely suspicious. You gave concrete advice, followed by a concrete offer of assistance. LittleForDaddy and orgasmdenial think that's less important than making someone feel warm and unchallenged in the simulation-world of the internet. And, frankly, fuck that.



OsideGirl -> RE: What can we do to retain new posters? (12/22/2013 10:59:00 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1
LittleForDaddy and orgasmdenial think that's less important than making someone feel warm and unchallenged in the simulation-world of the internet. And, frankly, fuck that.


I agree. I'd rather give blunt concrete advice than pat someone on the head and then watch them crash and burn. Patting someone on the head may make someone feel better, but it doesn't get practical advice to sink in.

Castlerealm is the perfect example. It was fluffy, romantic and implied that everyone involved in D/s BDSM was a special snow flake. In reality what it did was set up unrealistic expectations about how a relationship works. There's a reason why most D/s BDSM relationships last an average of 3 months.



ChatteParfaitt -> RE: What can we do to retain new posters? (12/22/2013 11:24:19 AM)

There are groups where the culture is very different that what it is like here. I belong to a group on FB that is extremely protective of new s-types; the approach is to provide a safe place for them to learn. The admins (what they call mods there) are very nice and from I have seen extremely knowledgeable.

I think most of the regulars here would consider them coddled. If people want or need that, there are places other than CM to go. But coddling is not the culture here, just as treating online as if it's real life is not the culture here.

The whys of that would require a far longer lecture than the one I gave previously, but it boils down to the regular posters (as a general rule) are highly intelligent and have years of real time experience. Newcomers can appreciate and learn from the wealth of knowledge and experience, or pick up their marbles and go home b/c they weren't sufficiently coddled.

I certainly have questions in my own mind as whether the coddling approach is all that helpful.



SylvereApLeanan -> RE: What can we do to retain new posters? (12/22/2013 11:28:59 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Nah, there's no pot meeting kettle here. orgasmdenial wants her extensive online experience to be considered as important as other people's real life experience. And it just isn't as valuable. Whenever someone claims "protection of feelings on the internet" is as important as "practical advice to really meet people in real life" it's extremely suspicious. You gave concrete advice, followed by a concrete offer of assistance. LittleForDaddy and orgasmdenial think that's less important than making someone feel warm and unchallenged in the simulation-world of the internet. And, frankly, fuck that.


LOL, okay. I'll concede your point. The guy actually did thank me in PMs and ask for more advice, which I was happy to give. He's proven to be a decent chap despite a rocky start. I'll take one of him over 10 of orgasmdenial or LittleForDaddy any day.

I wonder if there's something psychological going on there that makes this forum less inviting for people with that mindset. *ponders*

Edited because typos.



OsideGirl -> RE: What can we do to retain new posters? (12/22/2013 11:34:32 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: wanderingjew

quote:

The whys of that would require a far longer lecture than the one I gave previously

Please tell me you shake your finger at the screen when you give said lectures - please.


While wearing a corset and clutching a riding crop in the other hand?



AthenaSurrenders -> RE: What can we do to retain new posters? (12/22/2013 11:43:03 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl


quote:

ORIGINAL: wanderingjew

quote:

The whys of that would require a far longer lecture than the one I gave previously

Please tell me you shake your finger at the screen when you give said lectures - please.


While wearing a corset and clutching a riding crop in the other hand?



How could she type while waggling one hand and holding a crop in the other? It's pretty clear to me that she just tucks a whip down her ample cleavage and/or holds the crop between her teeth. (Love you, CP!)



Ladytisha -> RE: What can we do to retain new posters? (12/22/2013 11:43:18 AM)

So my question to you is, stating spelling errors and saying how a sentence is formed or not formed or saying down right nasty things will help someone expand their knowledge? Some like to take the long road to get the point across and others like to take the direct route but because someones been here 15 years or 15 minutes does not mean they need an English teacher. As you can learn things from someone with experience but they can also take something from you too. And when I say "you" I'm not speaking of you personally.



SylvereApLeanan -> RE: What can we do to retain new posters? (12/22/2013 11:50:55 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Ladytisha

So my question to you is, stating spelling errors and saying how a sentence is formed or not formed or saying down right nasty things will help someone expand their knowledge? Some like to take the long road to get the point across and others like to take the direct route but because someones been here 15 years or 15 minutes does not mean they need an English teacher.


Because on a message board, words are all we have. If someone doesn't communicate well through writing, then they won't get the information they want or need. People are not going to know what the person meant, only what they said.

In addition, if the person uses text speak or makes a lot of spelling and grammar mistakes, people are not going to take the time to read and respond. This limits the input the OP will receive and they might miss out on getting some really good advice/suggestions because the people who have the most to offer just don't want to bother deciphering an unintelligible post.

Words and clarity of writing are important when the only method of communication is text.



AthenaSurrenders -> RE: What can we do to retain new posters? (12/22/2013 11:58:47 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: wanderingjew

quote:

It's pretty clear to me that she just tucks a whip down her ample cleavage and/or holds the crop between her teeth.

Oh my!, Um, if you will excuse me for a few minutes......



fapfapfapfapfap


Dude, since you're a new poster and all, and we want you to stick around, I should mention that it's polite to keep your masturbatory volume down in the forums area.



OsideGirl -> RE: What can we do to retain new posters? (12/22/2013 12:00:43 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Ladytisha

So my question to you is, stating spelling errors and saying how a sentence is formed or not formed or saying down right nasty things will help someone expand their knowledge?


Actually, yes. This is a printed medium. We do not have facial expression or body language to help decipher attitude and meaning. How you put the words onto the screen creates an image of you. If you don't put effort behind that image, it will hinder your search. It takes seconds to run a spell check. Putting forth the effort puts forth a better image. We say over and over again that communication is a core tenet of a D/s BDSM relationship. But if you can't string a coherent sentence together, how will you communicate?

Now let's add that to a community where men far outnumber women. Are you going to converse with the guy that writes to you, "R U Dominate?" or the guy that says, "Hi, my name is ______. How are you today? I noticed that you're in ______. Would you like to chat?"

If men want attention in this venue, they need to bring their A game.

So, again, it may not be the advice they were looking for, but it has a point.

As far as the nasty things. What you consider nasty, may not be what I consider nasty.



Ladytisha -> RE: What can we do to retain new posters? (12/22/2013 12:04:24 PM)

I understand exactly what you are saying but not everyone thinks like that. Using spell check I can see but maybe some are good with speaking and not putting thoughts on paper or message board. Some might have some type of disability that makes it hard. Any number of things can prevent clear communication.



OsideGirl -> RE: What can we do to retain new posters? (12/22/2013 12:09:08 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Ladytisha

I understand exactly what you are saying but not everyone thinks like that. Using spell check I can see but maybe some are good with speaking and not putting thoughts on paper or message board. Some might have some type of disability that makes it hard. Any number of things can prevent clear communication.


We have many posters here that have Dyslexia. Effort counts. Saying something upfront helps.



SylvereApLeanan -> RE: What can we do to retain new posters? (12/22/2013 12:09:42 PM)

I have noticed that if someone says "English is not my first language" or "I have a medical condition that makes communication difficult please bear with me" people are much more inclined to give that person a wider latitude. However, a disability stops being an excuse after awhile. My oldest child is neuro-atypical and I don't accept his condition as an excuse for poor behavior or communication. He has to learn to use his words and make himself clearly understood, just like everyone else. Why should we accept that as an excuse from someone who is supposed to be an adult?



OsideGirl -> RE: What can we do to retain new posters? (12/22/2013 12:12:04 PM)

I'm trying to remember the screen name, but she was upfront that she had a disability and that she was Danish (I believe) so English wasn't her first language...and she did just fine here.



Ladytisha -> RE: What can we do to retain new posters? (12/22/2013 12:14:55 PM)

Maybe the person is afraid of telling someone they have a disability because they will be looked at differently. And when I Say disability I'm speaking Autism etc. I would hardly think something like Autism or some type of other learning disability would be an excuse.



SylvereApLeanan -> RE: What can we do to retain new posters? (12/22/2013 12:18:29 PM)

We used to have a couple of people who were open about having Autism. They were some of our most popular and respected posters. I really miss a couple of them because they had some wonderful insights. As Oside said, effort counts.



OsideGirl -> RE: What can we do to retain new posters? (12/22/2013 12:19:30 PM)

Nephandi was the poster. She has Aspergers.



SylvereApLeanan -> RE: What can we do to retain new posters? (12/22/2013 12:23:09 PM)

Oh right, Aswad's companion. I enjoy both of their posts a great deal. There was a gal who went by Purrsephone (I think) and gender queer person who went by Fox (not to be confused with DiurnalVampire's partner). Both of them had Asperger's and got along quite well here.



Ladytisha -> RE: What can we do to retain new posters? (12/22/2013 12:23:34 PM)

No disagreement there.



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