The rose colored glasses syndrome

The rose colored glasses syndrome (Full Version)

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Caretakr -> The rose colored glasses syndrome (7/4/2006 12:22:53 PM)
I feel that a lot of people seeking relationships have this issue-they only see what they want to see,comparing it to some artificial internal construct. I try to avoid this, it gets me in trouble-when I see how wrong I was in even building a construct. I want to see who someone is, not what I'd like them to be. Ever had issues with this?

KarbonCopy -> RE: The rose colored glasses syndrome (7/4/2006 12:29:09 PM)
Nah, I just find that most of the people here are immature, unrealistic fanatics that havnt been able to connect the two world together.

darkinshadows -> RE: The rose colored glasses syndrome (7/4/2006 12:30:31 PM)
I do see an over romantic attitude to BDSM - although in most cases this occurs in Ds relationships as far as my experience goes. Again, I will state I am an incredibly romantic person, but some of the romance one sees and hears about just seems to make romance in a relationship empty in some respects because its romance, for the sake of it, not for the sensation it can produce. I prefere to see someone as they are - as well as realising the possibilities evolution will cause within the relationship. I do not think there is harm in seeing the potential in someone, just as long as it's not forced upon them. Peace and Rapture

Caretakr -> RE: The rose colored glasses syndrome (7/4/2006 12:30:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KarbonCopy Nah, I just find that most of the people here are immature, unrealistic fanatics that havnt been able to connect the two world together. But isn't that a lot about building unrealistic contructs in your mind? And then expecting people to fit them?

Caretakr -> RE: The rose colored glasses syndrome (7/4/2006 12:31:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: darkinshadows I do see an over romantic attitude to BDSM - although in most cases this occurs in Ds relationships as far as my experience goes. Again, I will state I am an incredibly romantic person, but some of the romance one sees and hears about just seems to make romance in a relationship empty in some respects because its romance, for the sake of it, not for the sensation it can produce. I prefere to see someone as they are - as well as realising the possibilities evolution will cause within the relationship. I do not think there is harm in seeing the potential in someone, just as long as it's not forced upon them. Peace and Rapture Romance grows from long term intimacy. It doesn't come in a cereal box.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: The rose colored glasses syndrome (7/4/2006 12:31:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Caretakr Ever had issues with this? Sure- luckily there is a patented cure- time. While time won't necessarily force a person to examine their patterns and problems and why they should maybe change their own perspectives and tactics, time will inevitably shed the rose coloredness of things from everyone. This is why I rarely get worried about a frenzied newbie, time will eventually do more than any of my advice ever will.

KarbonCopy -> RE: The rose colored glasses syndrome (7/4/2006 12:33:47 PM)
Its about losing grip with reality for sure. They want to belive in some kind of kinky magical world that is so utterly perfect, but all they're doing is romantasizing something that isnt what they think it is. They watch far too much TV, read too many books. People cant decipher fact from fiction anymore. They just try and belive what they want to, unfortunantly it can be detrimental to social evolution. Mainly because the only place that world really exists is online, so they turn into shut ins, trying to get their kicks on sites like this, instead of actually interacting with the world thats already around them.

darkinshadows -> RE: The rose colored glasses syndrome (7/4/2006 12:36:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Caretakr quote: ORIGINAL: darkinshadows I do see an over romantic attitude to BDSM - although in most cases this occurs in Ds relationships as far as my experience goes. Again, I will state I am an incredibly romantic person, but some of the romance one sees and hears about just seems to make romance in a relationship empty in some respects because its romance, for the sake of it, not for the sensation it can produce. I prefere to see someone as they are - as well as realising the possibilities evolution will cause within the relationship. I do not think there is harm in seeing the potential in someone, just as long as it's not forced upon them. Peace and Rapture Romance grows from long term intimacy. It doesn't come in a cereal box. Exactly. Time - like Em said too. Unfortunately 'time' is something few people have the patience to deal with. We live in a society where it's fast food, things on demand, expectations of throwing away and discarding to bring in something new. We even have a recycling attitude of not waiting or moving forward, but just taking the same thing again and making it what we already had. Peace and Rapture

LadiesBladewing -> RE: The rose colored glasses syndrome (7/4/2006 12:40:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Caretakr I feel that a lot of people seeking relationships have this issue-they only see what they want to see,comparing it to some artificial internal construct. I try to avoid this, it gets me in trouble-when I see how wrong I was in even building a construct. I want to see who someone is, not what I'd like them to be. Ever had issues with this? As a human and a pastoral care provider, I've come to realize that people truly do see, hear, taste, smell, and feel (touch) things as they wish to sense them. It is an irrefuteable part of our existence that everything that we encounter is subject to the filter of our perceptions. As a pastoral care provider, that is the -only- time that I dismiss my personal filters. My job, in pastoral care, is to use whatever tools I have at my disposal to be able to view the world through my clients' filters -- and then help him or her to adjust those filters to something that will allow him or her to function in the world. After 15 years of this, I came to an understanding about human perceptions that has given me a great gift -- it enabled me not only to understand the limitations of my own filters, but to understand and cherish that even those closest to me (and even those close to me who may share verbalizations of opinions close to my own) will see the world slightly differently than I do, and will highlight and dim different aspects of the world so that they can feel comfortable living there. I have my rose-colored glasses, and I use them often. I enjoy seeing the world through a positive framework. At the same time, I am implicitly honest with myself about what my expectations are from this choice, as well as all of my other choices. I know that there will be things that I will miss, or will mis-interpret, and I am careful to consider what repercussions may arise because of my filters. Additionally, I don't expect others (even those who also say that they are "rose colored glasses" wearers) to see the world the way that I do. I think that it is when we -ignore- the fact that each of us filters the world through our own screens, and when we expect others screens to be the same as ours and filter information the same way that we get into trouble. ZWD

darkinshadows -> RE: The rose colored glasses syndrome (7/4/2006 12:41:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KarbonCopy Its about losing grip with reality for sure. They want to belive in some kind of kinky magical world that is so utterly perfect, but all they're doing is romantasizing something that isnt what they think it is. They watch far too much TV, read too many books. People cant decipher fact from fiction anymore. They just try and belive what they want to, unfortunantly it can be detrimental to social evolution. Mainly because the only place that world really exists is online, so they turn into shut ins, trying to get their kicks on sites like this, instead of actually interacting with the world thats already around them. I don't know if its just the internet that to blame. Media is just as bad - televisual - airplay - songs - film ... even books are crass and have no real soul anymore. Theres no real love poetry anymore, its all flowery 'relationship' wording and pretty fonts. Theres no real pain or suffering because the world has so much in it already. Not that the worlds ever been easy - but now information is so much more available, theres a counterattack to dull its impact with mind-dumbing mediums. Its morphine for the soul. And people are getting hooked and reliant on it. Peace and Rapture

KarbonCopy -> RE: The rose colored glasses syndrome (7/4/2006 12:44:17 PM)
thats why I said they watch too much TV and read too many books. Whatever indulges their fantasy I suppose. Its rather sick.

Caretakr -> RE: The rose colored glasses syndrome (7/4/2006 12:45:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadiesBladewing quote: ORIGINAL: Caretakr I feel that a lot of people seeking relationships have this issue-they only see what they want to see,comparing it to some artificial internal construct. I try to avoid this, it gets me in trouble-when I see how wrong I was in even building a construct. I want to see who someone is, not what I'd like them to be. Ever had issues with this? As a human and a pastoral care provider, I've come to realize that people truly do see, hear, taste, smell, and feel (touch) things as they wish to sense them. It is an irrefuteable part of our existence that everything that we encounter is subject to the filter of our perceptions. As a pastoral care provider, that is the -only- time that I dismiss my personal filters. My job, in pastoral care, is to use whatever tools I have at my disposal to be able to view the world through my clients' filters -- and then help him or her to adjust those filters to something that will allow him or her to function in the world. After 15 years of this, I came to an understanding about human perceptions that has given me a great gift -- it enabled me not only to understand the limitations of my own filters, but to understand and cherish that even those closest to me (and even those close to me who may share verbalizations of opinions close to my own) will see the world slightly differently than I do, and will highlight and dim different aspects of the world so that they can feel comfortable living there. I have my rose-colored glasses, and I use them often. I enjoy seeing the world through a positive framework. At the same time, I am implicitly honest with myself about what my expectations are from this choice, as well as all of my other choices. I know that there will be things that I will miss, or will mis-interpret, and I am careful to consider what repercussions may arise because of my filters. Additionally, I don't expect others (even those who also say that they are "rose colored glasses" wearers) to see the world the way that I do. I think that it is when we -ignore- the fact that each of us filters the world through our own screens, and when we expect others screens to be the same as ours and filter information the same way that we get into trouble. ZWD This is why I think it of import to put side my own filters when dealing with a new person, and try to see through thiers. I have had it said that I can be a bit unsettling in how fast I can 'grok' someone using this method. But it's simply a method I have found, to use in the filtering process-I can figure out pretty fast if there's promise,or we are just wasting our time.

juliaoceania -> RE: The rose colored glasses syndrome (7/4/2006 12:45:45 PM)
Do you mean someone that "falls in love with love"? I think many many people do this out of immaturity, I have a time or two when I was much much younger. I would idealize the person I was dating and make them into what I wanted them to be instead of loving who they really were. That ain't love, that is infatuation. I am still capable of some levels of infatuation, but not nearly as vunerable to it as I once was. I try to be brutally honest with myself because it makes me a happier person, and I know when I am starting to get to know someone I am into that there is a level of infatuation coloring what I see. That usually is very short lived these days. I find it much more rewarding to watch someone I am crazy about and see them how they are.... it is 10,000 times better than make believing who they are. If you see their goofiness, their faults, and their weaknesses (and we all have them), and you still like them anyways... that is when true love starts to develop, the other stuff feels great and makes us swoon, but it is what is it is, and it isn't something to base a life on.

Caretakr -> RE: The rose colored glasses syndrome (7/4/2006 12:48:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania Do you mean someone that "falls in love with love"? I think many many people do this out of immaturity, I have a time or two when I was much much younger. I would idealize the person I was dating and make them into what I wanted them to be instead of loving who they really were. That ain't love, that is infatuation. I am still capable of some levels of infatuation, but not nearly as vunerable to it as I once was. I try to be brutally honest with myself because it makes me a happier person, and I know when I am starting to get to know someone I am into that there is a level of infatuation coloring what I see. That usually is very short lived these days. I find it much more rewarding to watch someone I am crazy about and see them how they are.... it is 10,000 times better than make believing who they are. If you see their goofiness, their faults, and their weaknesses (and we all have them), and you still like them anyways... that is when true love starts to develop, the other stuff feels great and makes us swoon, but it is what is is, and it isn't something to base a life on. Immature infatuation probably describes most of it. But that just means they are being selfish-and the other person is just seen as an end in fullfilling that.

darkinshadows -> RE: The rose colored glasses syndrome (7/4/2006 12:49:51 PM)
Yes, I saw - sorry I didnt make myself clear - I was agreeing with you. On indulging in fantasy - I don't see anything wrong with that, or have a problem with it. I wouldn't call it sick, but I do feel it is uninformed and therefore makes just more pain and suffering because of overimagined expectations and when its fails or doesn't meet the 'goal' as they would like it, it causes more upset and pain. So then people lock themselves up and read more crass, and watch more crass and begin the fantasy all over again. Its a perpetual cycle. And then we get back to the responsibility thread allllllll over again.[:D] Peace and Rapture

juliaoceania -> RE: The rose colored glasses syndrome (7/4/2006 12:53:38 PM)
There are some levels of falling in love with love every time we fall for anyone. Scientists have researched the brain chemistry in love and found that technically we are temporarily mentally ill in some ways. We do not see reality the same as someone else does because of our brain chemistry. It is a wonderful feeling, the first rush of love, and if it wasn't for that rush most of us wouldn't commit probably...lol. It serves a purpose. To me it becomes selfish in a sense when we will not accept who the person really is because it does not go with what we wanted.. ends up causing everyone a lot of pain if that is the case. Most of us have either hurt someone by doing this to them, or we have been hurt by it.

LokisBrat -> RE: The rose colored glasses syndrome (7/4/2006 12:54:48 PM)
I have to agree with LuckyAlbatross on this one, time will eventually show you what is truly there. LOKI

Quivver -> RE: The rose colored glasses syndrome (7/4/2006 12:55:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadiesBladewing As a human and a pastoral care provider, I've come to realize that people truly do see, hear, taste, smell, and feel (touch) things as they wish to sense them. It is an irrefuteable part of our existence that everything that we encounter is subject to the filter of our perceptions. Thank You Thank You Thank You!!! All to often I've heard myself saying it's a perspective issue to most any difference in opinion. ......... but that perspective is one thing we truly own be it male, female, dom, or sub. And in that is where some of us who are past Frenzy still wear our Rose Colored Glasses in my oh so humble of opinions. (hee heee, it's mine, i own it) Finding that fit we all seek is always filtered thru those Glasses, some fit well in 80% of the areas other may only fit in 10% .. I know I've walked away from 80% before over issues that didnt fit within my perspective of what I want. Could I have lowered my expectations? Sure I could have, but why should any of us settle?

Caretakr -> RE: The rose colored glasses syndrome (7/4/2006 1:06:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania There are some levels of falling in love with love every time we fall for anyone. Scientists have researched the brain chemistry in love and found that technically we are temporarily mentally ill in some ways. We do not see reality the same as someone else does because of our brain chemistry. It is a wonderful feeling, the first rush of love, and if it wasn't for that rush most of us wouldn't commit probably...lol. It serves a purpose. To me it becomes selfish in a sense when we will not accept who the person really is because it does not go with what we wanted.. ends up causing everyone a lot of pain if that is the case. Most of us have either hurt someone by doing this to them, or we have been hurt by it. This is why I tend to shy away from "love doves". Not because I can't feel affection, but that I realize that most of it is hormonal-and mother nature playing tricks on us won't last forever. And that when the nre buzz wears off, we had BEST have a bit more to offer each other-or it's just off to repeat a viscious cycle all over again-just with somene else new.

Caretakr -> RE: The rose colored glasses syndrome (7/4/2006 1:24:19 PM)
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