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seekingOwnertoo -> What are your thoughts (12/27/2013 5:18:42 PM)

Many of you know me as a submissive. Especially one chasing a Domme from Montreal ... but I do have a serious question now.

At work, I am always in command and control, this suits me just fine. Sexually, I have always claimed to be a submissive. But am I really?

Recently, I met a 27 year old, with a body that I personally will die for; as well as intelligence that is evident from a nursing degree. She has a 6 month old child. She says wants to be the slave of a chivalrous knight. Naturally, we both think an older man like me will fill the bill.

Am thinking I can move her into my house, and create a permanent relationship. As well as use my experience under a female whip, to utilize BDSM for her pleasure (I get off making a lady cum too.) and guide her as her Owner? well, that combined with my work experience in command and control.

Experienced Masters and Doms ... asking for your thoughts.



RedMagic1 -> RE: What are your thoughts (12/27/2013 5:25:09 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingOwnertoo
Am thinking I can move her into my house, and create a permanent relationship.

I did a version of this once. The relationship lasted longer than it should have because she needed housing. However, neither of was sorry we tried. We liked and respected each other a lot.

If she's unhappy with you, or no longer attracted to you, things might get weird because she doesn't want to be kicked out.

Regarding the other stuff, I know plenty of people who started sub and turned dom, and who started dom and turned sub. It's pretty frikkin normal.



seekingOwnertoo -> RE: What are your thoughts (12/27/2013 5:37:36 PM)

Thanks Red, appreciate your insight. Knowing this girl is educated and already employed as an RN, don't think she will be desperate for housing, should things break up. But could, who knows. LOL


Really like that in your experience, you both liked and respected each other a lot, even after it was over. That alone is very important to me. At my age, the last thing I want to do is mess up a bright, intelligent and ambitious young lady over my ego.



TieMeInKnottss -> RE: What are your thoughts (12/27/2013 6:41:58 PM)

I am not a Dom but I am a woman and have seen enough Judge Judy to know you are totally off base... Just because she is an RN does not mean she is mentally stable! If she has a 6 mo old, there was a man involved at least in the past year & a half and he gets some say on that baby...which often translates to drama (words..."baby mama drama" started somewhere!).. If he is NOT involved...she could be looking for someone to support her either mentally or financially. Just because she is an RN does not mean she is making money hand over fist (I look at enough loan apps and to returns to know what most people make)...

If you move her into your home...do NOT intermingle your finances, put her name on any of your accounts or buy any joint property!! Have a lease!!! Spell everything out. Everyone is great until you live with them!!!



SeekingTrinity -> RE: What are your thoughts (12/27/2013 6:42:54 PM)

I guess my question to you would be CAN you be the dominant type she needs? I've noticed you made mention of her age and you've also made a few mentions about being "at your age..." It's clear to me that this age thing somehow might play into things on some subconscious level. So is this a May-December thing you are hoping to make work...or do you believe that this is a good fit as far as your orientations are concerned?



littlewonder -> RE: What are your thoughts (12/27/2013 6:51:22 PM)

Personally it sounds like you just want to do this for her because you want to make her happy in some way you are seeing her as the "domme" you have searched for because you get the opportunity to make a woman happy. How long do you think that will last? Eventually she's gonna want someone who does more than just do the things she wants and eventually you are going to want someone to submit to. Don't go in thinking she's going to change into the Domme you want though. It's highly unlikely.

I personally think moving her in right away is a bad, bad idea. Why not try it first for awhile without moving her in and see from there? If she insists on moving in with you then there's more going on than what you know and she's looking for something more than a Dom.



LadyPact -> RE: What are your thoughts (12/27/2013 7:01:18 PM)

No, it's not unheard of for some folks to start from one side of the slash and change to the other.

However, the pertinent question to ask yourself here is would YOU want to be in the Dominant role in a relationship if the woman that was included in your question did not exist? If you are doing it because of something from inside yourself telling you that is what you want in life for your own sake, that's a lot different than for an external reason. If being somebody other than yourself for the sake of somebody else works so well, why didn't any of the vanilla relationships work out?

I'm not saying you're pulling a bait and switch. Not with the intention or doing so, at any rate.



MAINEiacMISTRESS -> RE: What are your thoughts (12/27/2013 7:02:38 PM)

I'm with Knots...I also want to add that a six month old baby with no husband means she is prone to making bad choices (trusting the wrong people/jumping into a relationship too soon), and the fact that she's eager to jump into a living arrangement with a new man WHEN SHE HAS A BABY'S SAFETY SHE SHOULD BE CONSIDERING highlights her inability to think things through. Yes, you might be a caring person who will take care of the child, but how does SHE really KNOW that having just recently met you?

How many other men has she jumped into similar relationships with? You know there was at least ONE other.

I see a shit load of red flags. I'd hold off on the co-habitation bit and go for a long, traditional courtship instead (dating for several months, getting to know each other and each other's friend and families).

quote:

ORIGINAL: TieMeInKnottss

I am not a Dom but I am a woman and have seen enough Judge Judy to know you are totally off base... Just because she is an RN does not mean she is mentally stable! If she has a 6 mo old, there was a man involved at least in the past year & a half and he gets some say on that baby...which often translates to drama (words..."baby mama drama" started somewhere!).. If he is NOT involved...she could be looking for someone to support her either mentally or financially. Just because she is an RN does not mean she is making money hand over fist (I look at enough loan apps and to returns to know what most people make)...

If you move her into your home...do NOT intermingle your finances, put her name on any of your accounts or buy any joint property!! Have a lease!!! Spell everything out. Everyone is great until you live with them!!!




RedMagic1 -> RE: What are your thoughts (12/27/2013 7:08:43 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingOwnertoo
Knowing this girl is educated and already employed as an RN, don't think she will be desperate for housing

The lady in my story was also an RN, just fyi. I tend to go for medical people and other helping professions.



Rawni -> RE: What are your thoughts (12/27/2013 7:17:50 PM)

Seeking, I am going to be blunt here and I hope you don't mind, but I am going to use some history as well.

You like younger women... that's a fact we know well.
You like the fantasy of the strong woman in charge, who is educated, smart and youthful in beauty and simply because, well, they are younger.
You are willing to jump into something because of your hunger, though you are devoted and truly hold on to your dreams... and haven't we all at some point... you do jump into things even some angels we know would hesitate to.

Now... you recently met a woman that fits the bill in so many ways, but she wants a knight. How many knights do you know? Oh... you're a knight.. okay... for the moment.

We are not living a fantasy,nor are there a lot of happy endings, in the romantic sense of things. This shit out here gets ugly and though we all take chances and can see something positive and hopefully do not become too jaded in all the stupid... you need to think long and hard about this. This is not about your being able to be dominant to her! This is about a younger woman with a young child, willing to place that child at risk with a new relationship, depending on you and your household to get her knightly fix.

Now.. if the guy before you or whenever daddy was around isn't an older knight... which if he was, he would still be her knightly fix and you wouldn't have anything to contemplate... and he is young and buff and doesn't like you taking HIS child into your home and he cares about it... you could be facing off with the guy she thought or hoped would be her knight before you.

There are all sorts of legal arm pits here and you best wake up and smell them. Seriously...

Could this be true romance? Sure... but the odds of that are pretty slim. Now... get your ass into a quiet place and think about this. If this is the real deal sweetheart... it can wait some time, just to let it prove what it is or isn't.

Hugs.



RedMagic1 -> RE: What are your thoughts (12/27/2013 7:22:13 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MAINEiacMISTRES]
I'm with Knots...I also want to add that a six month old baby with no husband means she is prone to making bad choices (trusting the wrong people/jumping into a relationship too soon), and the fact that she's eager to jump into a living arrangement with a new man WHEN SHE HAS A BABY'S SAFETY SHE SHOULD BE CONSIDERING highlights her inability to think things through. Yes, you might be a caring person who will take care of the child, but how does SHE really KNOW that having just recently met you?

All of this.

Look, people do dopey things and sometimes they work out. My read on your OP is that even if you got 25 pages of "you're crazy" you might go for this arrangement anyway. Just be aware this is a bit like having a mail order bride who thinks you're nice, right now today. You won't just be her meal ticket; you'll be her toddler's meal ticket. This might cause her to feel a deep loving gratitude, and it might cause her to be super manipulative. Maybe both at the same time.

Bottom line, as far as I'm concerned: make sure you have an exit strategy. As in, think about it like a business proposition, and write it down, even if you never show it to her. Example: if it turns out that she is Crazy Bitch, you put the two of them up in an apartment for three months so the kid is not homeless, and then block her number.



OsideGirl -> RE: What are your thoughts (12/27/2013 7:51:44 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingOwnertoo
She says wants to be the slave of a chivalrous knight.


Which to me means that she unrealistic expectations....a la Castlerealm. She's taken Camelot fantasy and positioned it as to what she wants from a real relationship in a modern world.

You seriously need to to stop and have a conversation about expectations.



DarkSteven -> RE: What are your thoughts (12/27/2013 11:43:58 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingOwnertoo

Many of you know me as a submissive. Especially one chasing a Domme from Montreal ... but I do have a serious question now.

At work, I am always in command and control, this suits me just fine. Sexually, I have always claimed to be a submissive. But am I really?

Recently, I met a 27 year old, with a body that I personally will die for; as well as intelligence that is evident from a nursing degree. She has a 6 month old child. She says wants to be the slave of a chivalrous knight. Naturally, we both think an older man like me will fill the bill.

Am thinking I can move her into my house, and create a permanent relationship. As well as use my experience under a female whip, to utilize BDSM for her pleasure (I get off making a lady cum too.) and guide her as her Owner? well, that combined with my work experience in command and control.

Experienced Masters and Doms ... asking for your thoughts.


You're moving way too fast.

1. You're a submissive. I'm not saying that you couldn't be a Dominant. But it's not an easy transition to make.
2. Six month old kids tend to be pretty Dom. They want what they want, and they want it now. It sounds like she has a 50 Shades type fantasy, and has never tried O/p, but is positive she wants it. Kids have a knack for making fantasies less relevant, and reality very relevant.
3. Her positives are her body, and her intelligence. Not that those things are inconsequential, but how well do you two mesh? I feel fine Dominating certain women, and others I don't. The thing that will (or won't) make you a Dom lies in the relationship you two have, not just within you. You're not mentioning that.
4. Another thing you're not mentioning - who's the father? How is he involved? If he is involved, you need to work out how he'll fit in, and you don't seem to have considered that. If he's not involved, that could be a red flag. (Maybe she's attracted to men that aren't good father material.)
5. Somehow moving her in got mixed in with having a relationship with her. Ideally, first you get the relationship, then you move her in. You seem to think that if she's there, the relationship will either follow or else get stronger.
6. Her idea is a chivalrous knight, which seems to translate to age. How'd that equivalence get there?

I'm most concerned because you seem to be unaware of what the basic relationship fundamentals should be. It sounds like you're infatuated with her, and are overlooking basics in a hurry to try to make things work. Either she's unrealistic, or she's looking for a place. You strike me as moving way too fast to overcome a lot of serious issues.

I'm not saying it can't work. But you need to move more slowly.

One question you need to ask - how does she manage her money? How do you manage yours? That's the kind of simple, basic question you need to ask. And in the absolute worst case, in which she's looking for a cheap/free place to live and isn't concerned about the relationship and is seeing an older, more settled man to live off, you two will have drastically different money styles.



Rule -> RE: What are your thoughts (12/28/2013 2:33:04 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingOwnertoo
Experienced Masters and Doms ... asking for your thoughts.

I am far from experienced, nor master or dom. However, I will give you my two cents.

First of all: you have already been given good advice in previous posts.

quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingOwnertoo
Sexually, I have always claimed to be a submissive. But am I really?

Yes, you are a submissive.

quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingOwnertoo
At work, I am always in command and control ...

She says wants to be the slave of a chivalrous knight.

In my model of the human mind it is possible for a submissive to switch to being a master - but not to being a dominant.

For the switch to happen, everything must be about you, you being the most important, even the only thing, in the universe. Everything else must be in support of you. Pleasing others must be less important - you will still take satisfaction from pleasing other people, of course, but that must take second place.

It will help if the woman is a genuine natural slave - that would be a perfect match - but it is not absolutely necessary.

There is, however, a downside to making such a switch to a full blown narcistic personality.



crazyml -> RE: What are your thoughts (12/28/2013 5:05:13 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingOwnertoo

Many of you know me as a submissive. Especially one chasing a Domme from Montreal ... but I do have a serious question now.

At work, I am always in command and control, this suits me just fine. Sexually, I have always claimed to be a submissive. But am I really?

Recently, I met a 27 year old,


How recently?

quote:



with a body that I personally will die for; as well as intelligence that is evident from a nursing degree. She has a 6 month old child. She says wants to be the slave of a chivalrous knight. Naturally, we both think an older man like me will fill the bill.



Honestly, ask yourself... which "brain" are you thinking with?
quote:



Am thinking I can move her into my house, and create a permanent relationship. As well as use my experience under a female whip, to utilize BDSM for her pleasure (I get off making a lady cum too.) and guide her as her Owner? well, that combined with my work experience in command and control.

Experienced Masters and Doms ... asking for your thoughts.


You've asked for thoughts, and I can say that superficially this reads like a complete fucking disaster just about to happen.

Right, she's got a hot body, and a nursing degree - these are wondrous things for sure. But, come on you are way fucking old enough to know the very real risks of upset and drama that you face when you rush into things. And for pete's sake... when there's a little'un in the picture... the need to do things sensibly is multiplied many-fold.

My advice is to date her for a while, get to know more about her than the fact that she's a hawt nurse, and then decide whether you want to create a more permanent thing.

I do wish you luck, and I hope your initial reaction is confirmed as you get to know her better... but c'mon... if you don't know the answer to this one, then you really shouldn't be talking to women at all.




kalikshama -> RE: What are your thoughts (12/28/2013 6:56:18 AM)

quote:

I see a shit load of red flags. I'd hold off on the co-habitation bit and go for a long, traditional courtship instead (dating for several months, getting to know each other and each other's friend and families).


[sm=goodpost.gif][sm=agree.gif]



ExiledTyrant -> RE: What are your thoughts (12/28/2013 3:04:07 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

No, it's not unheard of for some folks to start from one side of the slash and change to the other.

However, the pertinent question to ask yourself here is would YOU want to be in the Dominant role in a relationship if the woman that was included in your question did not exist? If you are doing it because of something from inside yourself telling you that is what you want in life for your own sake, that's a lot different than for an external reason. If being somebody other than yourself for the sake of somebody else works so well, why didn't any of the vanilla relationships work out?

I'm not saying you're pulling a bait and switch. Not with the intention or doing so, at any rate.



Damn it WOMAN! Always stealing my thunder.

What she said!

Exiled



FieryOpal -> RE: What are your thoughts (12/28/2013 5:01:17 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

Personally it sounds like you just want to do this for her because you want to make her happy in some way you are seeing her as the "domme" you have searched for because you get the opportunity to make a woman happy. How long do you think that will last? Eventually she's gonna want someone who does more than just do the things she wants and eventually you are going to want someone to submit to. Don't go in thinking she's going to change into the Domme you want though. It's highly unlikely.

I personally think moving her in right away is a bad, bad idea. Why not try it first for awhile without moving her in and see from there? If she insists on moving in with you then there's more going on than what you know and she's looking for something more than a Dom.


Because you are a submissive male, she can see that you are willing to be manipulated. Throw in the fact that you're an older man, and make that easily manipulated by a much younger, attractive woman. You may be fine with this now, but what about when you start feeling like you're being used. She's looking for a shining white knight, and you're seeking a Queen to serve, not a slavegirl.

I agree that chances are you can switch into a switch (NOT instant Dom), and you've made the mental headspace already to do this. But for how long? And once you've tried this experiment of yours with your lady and her baby living under your roof, only to find out that it leaves you unfulfilled, what then? Who is going to take care of this baby when she has to pull all those night and weekend shifts she can't or doesn't want to turn down? Are you willing to be their submissive sugar daddy? You may also find yourself bonding with her child in the process, which is unfair to this child if you're not going to stay in his/her life and assume a parental role.

ETA: I'm with MAINEiacMISTRESS in seeing "a shit load of red flags."



youthinkso121 -> RE: What are your thoughts (12/28/2013 6:16:23 PM)

I'm glad in your world, every single mum made bad choices.
It couldn't be an accident, or the father died. It must make her a slut who had a one night stand.
Or she might have been raped!!!





Rawni -> RE: What are your thoughts (12/28/2013 7:32:03 PM)

While what you say could be true and I agree, there is one blaring reason that many might consider that she does make poor choices.

She has a baby under a year old and is rushing into a relationship where so many things are unknown to the parties involved and wishes to move right in. If they were single adults with no children, I can see rushing in if they want to, but a child changes things or it should.



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