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Trying to be helpful - 7/4/2006 2:42:26 PM   
sublizzie


Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline 		I've not seen another thread on this, but I'm sure there's one somewhere that I missed....

Am I the only one who contacts a Dom, emails back and forth for a while, then realizes that I'm really not what he wants and says so? I got blasted a couple of months ago by a Dom I was interested in when I realized that he had physical requirements that I did not meet and said that I obviously wasn't what he wanted. I wasn't being snide or pouty or bratty. Just aware that I was taking up his time unnecessarily.

Do other Dom/mes get upset when a sub says s/he isn't what you're looking for?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Trying to be helpful - 7/4/2006 3:00:09 PM   
purelea2003


Posts: 78
Joined: 12/12/2005
Status: offline 		I personally appreciate honesty - whether it's in the form of informing me you don't think you  meet my requirements or that I don't meet yours. It's the greatest form of respect in My opinon. Time is precious and non-renewable.

(in reply to sublizzie)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Trying to be helpful - 7/4/2006 3:11:54 PM   
sleazybutterfly


Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline 		I have had that happen... I think they take it as a personal attack..(goodness only knows why)..when you only want to save everyone the time.  I haven't figured it out..but I learned a long time ago not to try.
 
I say that..yet I am asking why about something else on another thread..nevermind..
 
                                    andrea (ticia)

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to purelea2003)
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RE: Trying to be helpful - 7/4/2006 3:14:28 PM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		If I realise the girl I am talking to isn't what I want, either find too many 'red flags' or simply find no spark of dynamic forming and my intrest waneing then I have no qualms about letting her know and avoiding wasting both our time, I certainly don't mind when it comes from the other side. It takes two to tango and loss of interest on either side means it isn't going to work.

Likewise I've had a negative reaction or two when I've let them know. Some peoples ego can't handle the rejection no matter how politely its worded.


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to sublizzie)
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RE: Trying to be helpful - 7/4/2006 3:25:00 PM   
babysburnin


Posts: 421
Joined: 2/16/2006
Status: offline 		How did he blast you?  Would he rather you lie to him?  I think it was "right" of you to be honest.  It's his problem...he probably figured he invested time in you, and how dare you not be his fantasy... Don't spend a second more worrying about it - you were honest.

_____________________________

-Babysburnin

"Love is, above all else, the gift of oneself."
- Jean Anouilh

"The highest proof of virtue is to possess boundless power without abusing it."
- Lord Macaulay

(in reply to sublizzie)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Trying to be helpful - 7/4/2006 3:26:41 PM   
CrappyDom


Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		Attacking inexperienced submissives often makes them work overtime to make up for the "wrong" they are manipulated into believing they have committed.

Sort of like fishing using dynamite.

(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Trying to be helpful - 7/4/2006 3:45:32 PM   
sublizzie


Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline 		Even a year ago I would have been devastated. When this happened I was just curious why someone would be so upset that I was trying to be helpful.

(in reply to CrappyDom)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Trying to be helpful - 7/4/2006 3:50:06 PM   
findmedaddy


Posts: 254
Joined: 5/18/2006
From: Maine
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CrappyDom

Attacking inexperienced submissives often makes them work overtime to make up for the "wrong" they are manipulated into believing they have committed.

Sort of like fishing using dynamite.


Amen amen amen! I have fallen into that trap (or found myself being ripped up by the dynamite) over and over. I keep coming to the conclusion that I'm the common denominator, and maybe I am, but it's my lack of experience with the manipulators that's getting me, not things I am doing "wrong." Thank you so much, crappy and others, for continuing to point this out.

(in reply to CrappyDom)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Trying to be helpful - 7/4/2006 3:52:02 PM   
diamonddreamlove


Posts: 770
Joined: 5/19/2006
Status: offline 		Have had the same thing happen.  I will continue to express myself because to do less is a form of deceit and besides who wants to waste each others time together.  The flip side is i had a Dom that informed me that it was His decision as to whether i would please Him or not.  Which in that particular case was a new way of looking at my own insecurity at the time.  Either way i would rather have a Dom angry in an email than meeting one i know in advance that i am unlikely to be of interest to or worse that i have already decided i have no interest in and am wasting their time.  Rejection can be kind tho and i recommend using the words you yourself would prefer to hear than to be rude and crude as some have been. 


(in reply to CrappyDom)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Trying to be helpful - 7/4/2006 3:58:29 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		Because he was the Dominant and you were telling him what was right for him..lol..I am not saying you were wrong ...you were right..however..I am just telling you what his mindset was, more than likely..be well..Tempting

(in reply to sublizzie)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Trying to be helpful - 7/5/2006 2:37:44 AM   
wetsub000


Posts: 91
Joined: 3/6/2005
Status: offline 		I often find myself in that situation, where it seems obvious the Dom I'm emailing is not going to fit my requirements or I'm not going to fit his and I rarely hesitate to say so.  Some find that helpful and politely send me on my way and others seem to take things amiss.  One way I've heard the attitude come across is 'if you were a true submissive you'd want to ... to please me'.   I'm not sure how one can change their age, physical attributes or really their nature that much.

(in reply to sublizzie)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Trying to be helpful - 7/5/2006 2:45:22 AM   
feastie


Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline 		It is really funny to me is how people will say things in conversation, in getting to know each other...and when you realize that you don't fit with this person based on something he's said, he gets pissy about it.  As if what he said previously wasn't what he truly felt.  A lot of times, I'll give them a second chance, but they just wind up saying the same thing again. 

At that point, I just usually let them think it's all me and nothing to do with them and let them go.

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to wetsub000)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Trying to be helpful - 7/5/2006 3:16:45 AM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline 		I'm tired, and the damned commotion from idiots blasting fireworks all night has thrown off my sleep schedule-but here goes.

Firstly,there are a lot of things people tend to leave out of profiles. Kids, overwieght, history of mental illness,etc. etc. etc.

Try not to waste people's time by failing to clear it up quickly.

Don't expect to be accepted as you are, if they don't even know who the FUCK you are. Secondly, philosophical view points are important. Example. I am a Christian Conservative.

I will probably not do well with a Jewish Liberal, who likes to howl insults at my conservative comrades at political rallies-it would be nice if I was informed of this.

I don't have the slightest objection to being told I don't click with someone. I do, at being kept in the dark.

(in reply to sublizzie)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Trying to be helpful - 7/5/2006 3:41:41 AM   
DoraExplorer


Posts: 21
Joined: 4/30/2006
Status: offline 		Personally, I've found that the way a person reacts when they're rejected usually shows me that I was right in my decision to reject them in the first place....



_____________________________

Thank you for *not* being perky

(in reply to Caretakr)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Trying to be helpful - 7/5/2006 7:04:16 AM   
MrrPete


Posts: 614
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline 		He just showed you his true colors and you're better off moving on.
I'm glad you discovered this side him before it went any further.

IM[not so] HO he was not entirely honest with you in that he didn't
mention his physical requirements earlier.

Personally I try to settle that issue before I even contact someone.





_____________________________

Awrabest,

Mr. Pete

Boycott Citgo

(in reply to sublizzie)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Trying to be helpful - 7/5/2006 11:11:47 AM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		I would not worry about it if i was you.  He should thank you for being honest and not wasting either of your time.  He sounds like he might need help if he blasts you for being honest.   Just take it from its source and try not to let it bother you.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to MrrPete)
Profile   Post #: 16
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