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RE: Showing emotion.... - 7/4/2006 10:34:10 PM   
sleazybutterfly


Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrj69

If I start to let one emotion out, I am afraid the other will also come out so I keep them both inside until I have worked through the negative and gotten it out of me.  If I stop saying I love you once I have, it is normally to protect her from the negative that is also flowing through me.


I see what you are saying.  That is the thing.. he doesn't say he loves me..he won't admit he misses me.. and even when we were still able to be together..he had started placing a distance there...such as no kissing..or holding..though it would be done.. it wasn't as easy for him to show that part. 
 
Before I left.. I noticed it..and he brought it up himself on the way to the airport...and I admitted that I had already sensed what he was going to do.  I know that this is just how he needs to handle it..and I am trying ( I think anyone can tell) to just be what he needs me to be at this time.  If that means I just lay low until he contacts me..that is fine.. or maybe I should go ahead and msg him.. or leave voice mails... I just really don't know.
 
When you pull away from your sub/slave (with your words) like you stated..what do you want?  Do you still want her to say those things you can't?  Does that make it better or help you?  Or do you prefer she doesn't say them either..because that helps the "wall" stay up easier?
 
                        Respectfully, andrea

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to mstrj69)
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RE: Showing emotion.... - 7/5/2006 2:37:12 AM   
feastie


Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline 		Andrea,

I know the situation you're in is difficult for you.  You're still going through grieving about it, really.  I think it might be a bit easier if you go ahead and accept that it's over.  He's taking the coward's way out of telling you.  He's allowing his actions to speak, rather than his words.  At least, that's what I'm seeing in your words. 

"He doesn't say he loves me..."
"He had started placing a distance there..."
"No kissing, no holding..."
"Until he contacts me..."

I don't know what his ex-wife held over him to cause him to choose her, but that's exactly what he did, according to your previous post.  I have some ideas, but they would be complete supposition on my part.  I know you're hurting and I really wouldn't want to cause you further pain. I really do think you need to consider the relationship finished, considering what you've said about him here. 

Find your strength, sweetie.

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

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RE: Showing emotion.... - 7/5/2006 4:24:01 AM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		I'm afraid feastie may be right, andrea.
 
If he was, at one time, very emotionally open with you, but now he isn't, that may be a bad sign. And yes, a lot of men are emotionally reserved, or even constipated lol. A lot of it is what we're taught, and maybe part of it is genetic. Those men often pull away from a woman that shows them a lot of emotion; some even find it extremely distasteful.
 
I don't know your partner, so all of this could be wrong. You, on the other hand, know him better than any of us, and you need to look long and hard at all this, and see if it's over or not.

(in reply to feastie)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Showing emotion.... - 7/5/2006 7:01:39 AM   
sleazybutterfly


Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline 		The thing is.. he and I sat and talked about it.  He brought it up..the way he would be acting... or the things he would no longer do towards me.  We talked at length.. and I do understand what he is saying. 
 
Had he not.. or had things been different.. yes, I would agree that things are just over.  One thing he said was..that he didn't want it to be too hard on me also..but.. he did make it clear that he still wanted me.  There would have been no reason to do that.  I have known when he had to end it with someone and he just told them.  So, he isn't afraid to just tell someone, even if it hurts.  I think what he is doing, is not allowing anyone in because it makes it easier for him to face what he needs to.  It gives him the chance to disconnect his emotions and maybe not be the nicest person ever.
 
Is this a side I am enjoying?  No.  Is it a temporary thing I can put up with until I get him back the way he was?  Yes.  My issue is just trying to figure out how to best help him through it. 
 
Just something like today, where I am sitting here trying to figure out whether to write or not...sounds silly...but it's true.  Would it be harder on him for me to write him.. or would it do good for him to see contact from me?
 
I think also because there are no guarantee's about outcome of what he is facing... he also is pushing me away so I don't get hurt more.  So, if I move on...he won't have that part to deal with if things cannot go on as we planned.  It would be easier if I could.. probably for both of us...but after our conversation where we talked about what would be happening.. I dug in and realized the big picture.  What may hurt for a couple of months..can lead to great happiness... granted.. it could lead to hurt also.  What in life doesn't though?  It's not like it will probably be any harder to deal with a few mths from now then it is now. 
 
Hopefully this makes some more sense..though right now, I doubt it.
 
I do see your point Feastie..and Level also.. and I am sure it does look that way.  There is a chance I am in denial.. I don't totally disagree with that.  The chance is very slim though, compared to the chance I am not.  Nobody can go on anything but what I tell them.  I am not very good at explaining and even though the talks replay in my head several times a day.. putting them out here in a convincing manner is a little difficult.  I saw his face.. I saw his eyes.. I heard the catch in his voice.. I felt the love trying to show even when he turned it off (so to speak)..I have the physical presense of him.. and that cannot be conveyed here.
 
                                      Respectfully, Andrea
 
                                           

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

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RE: Showing emotion.... - 7/5/2006 7:24:35 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		Disclaimer:
I have only read the OP and no other replies due to time shortage.

I was brought up in a tradition that Men do not cry. Men do not show emotion (Still upper lip and all that). Men may chuckle or display a small smile. To display emotion was weak.

As a child no one ever say me cry. After I arrived in 'nam and had one of my troopers die in mmy arms I bawled my heart out.. Yeah I shat in my pants too first time I was under fire (Why don't the military make shit colloured undies?). The point is I learned to cry and I learned it is ok to show emotion.. I am by nature an emotioal beastie but and a self controlled one too with a heart of ice when necessary... There is a time and place for emotions.. I can share emotions with a slave. I can let her hold me when I amhurt or in pain and have tears of mind numbing pain pissing from my eyes or have her hold me when I see something too close to home on a DVD (BlackHawk Down was too close to too many recent experiences for me) and have tears running into my beard.... None of this weakens me as a Master it just shows that I am a Man not a God.... I am a fallible human being.




_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

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RE: Showing emotion.... - 7/5/2006 8:18:30 AM   
MrRodgers


Posts: 10542
Joined: 7/30/2005
Status: offline 		I would not consider a 24/7 live-in M/s affair if I didn't love her. With or without mentioning it, a master almost always has a love for his slave. Yes, men find it difficult sometimes to express their love, but often it isn't the same kind of love. I have a deep affection for many, but have loved very few. When I do love someone, I tell them so and without so much as a quiver or blink.

Iam with Iron Bear here too about other emotions arising from things in our past like military service. I will be brought to tears at the heroism I see from WWII to Korea to Nam to the Gulf. Some of the challenges, life and death leave me no choice as there have been such incredible acts in all wars and by all of our young men at war. You want to be moved emotionally...go see Pork Chop Hill, the scariest movie in everyway that actually had my knees physically shaking and was reduced to a ball of tears at the end with their heroism and rescue. Then find and see 84 Charlie Mopic, had to turn it off 1/2 way, then later watched the entire movie. Better and more moving than any war movie I have ever seen. Those are the emotions that always will reside to a degree in any man dom or master.

As for love, it is there and can be felt but it doesn't always need to be vocalized. I do without hesitation. To me a M/s affair is a love affair like no other. Often a daddy and his little girl is simply the best of all where love and emotions reign. If you need such emotions butterfly then you must search them out, and yes, even with someone else if necessary.

LA yes, too often doms do use their position to avoid that which is emotional but I feel as if they don't last long and are in relationships that are not nearly as close as they could or should be.

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RE: Showing emotion.... - 7/5/2006 8:19:44 AM   
Kree


Posts: 118
Joined: 6/13/2006
Status: offline 		We do not know him, or the situation causing his distress, but there is one thing we are seeing.  We are seeing someone who must have difficulty coping with changes in his life.  Changes in life are a constant, how we deal with them determines how much damage is done to those around us.  Something that doesn't seem to have reached you yet is: "what happens if this works out when he has something else come up in his life?"  "Will I have to face part time or permanent abandonment again?"  " Is this a life pattern?"

You need to examine those thoughts before you decide to buy into this temporary situation.  We all have things that are upsetting at times, but that is a time to move closer to our partners and loved ones.  If YOU suddenly had a change in situation, would he be there for you, or would he revert to silence? 

As I said, we do not and can not know and understand his issue, but to me, that doesnt equate to shutting out those around him.

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RE: Showing emotion.... - 7/5/2006 8:45:40 AM   
sleazybutterfly


Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline 		I do see and understand what you are saying and what everyone is for that matter.
 
I have thought of that.. probably more than I care to admit.  What if this comes up again?  Will I just be told to leave for a while, or will it just end?  I wish I knew the answer, I really do.  I guess this is just one of those cases where you leave yourself open to getting hurt to grasp at being happy.  I would rather not, but if it happens I will have to face and deal with it.  It won't be the first nor the last time such a thing will happen.
 
Maybe I put too much on the words, that is my issue, not his.  I ended up writing him today.. I didn't say anything I shouldn't.. I didn't ask for anything I wouldn't be given.  He wrote me back very quickly and talked of what I had said.  I can't hear him say what I want now and I guess I will have to accept that. 
 
I am used to no emotion, my father was like that and still is.  Maybe that is why I need it now, or feel if it's not vocalized it's not there.  I think I need to just sit and listen to the silence.  Somewhere in that, I will find what I am needing to hear. 
 
I guess we all just handle things in a different way.  This is probably not how I need things to be done, but for him this is best.  I don't guess I can or should expect him to change what has gotten him through so much, just because I am needie (sp?) in that area.
 
Maybe in a way he is giving me what I need.  I can look at it this way, he could have not written back, he could have totally ignored me.  He didn't do either of those things, he wrote back.  What does that say?  Well, if you look at the context of the email..probably not a whole lot.  If you look at the what was behind it..really behind it..then it was a way of saying what I needed to hear. 
 
          Thank you all..even though I haven't replied to each post on it's own... I have and will continue to read them and take in what you are saying.
 
                                        ~andrea
 
 

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

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RE: Showing emotion.... - 7/5/2006 11:12:41 AM   
lostsoul92468


Posts: 32
Joined: 5/31/2006
Status: offline 		my Master is a Man of many emotions. If He is in a Mood to be loving he does so with no thoughts of who may see. i have more respect for a man who can show how he feels it shows more strength to cry than to hold it in. Being strong enough to express yourself is not something to be ashamed of. I hate that Men have been programed to not show it and hopefully that will change.

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RE: Showing emotion.... - 7/5/2006 4:33:23 PM   
Sab


Posts: 325
Joined: 5/2/2006
From: Canada
Status: offline 		One point I should make - maybe wife would be better at answering this than I - but I am a man of emotion and passion, and my passion is her!

I love her in a passionate way, I wear my love for her on my sleeve and it is visable to all who wish to observe. She is the first to know if I am pissed off, angry, joyful, romantic, feeling low - yes, Dom's do feel low. But, she also reciprecates all those emotions as well, she is my balance, the other side of the coin to me. So, I do feel for the OP - if you are having difficulty at this time, bare with it as you can and let it also be part of the journey that you are partaking in.

Be well - all answers are at the other side of the tunnel.


_____________________________

God blessed it and it brought me to her.

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RE: Showing emotion.... - 7/5/2006 6:07:10 PM   
sleazybutterfly


Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline 		First off.. I would like to thank you all for lending your advice to a situation it was probably hard to understand.  I am very grateful for that.
 
I feel as though I have commited a grave error.  The thought actually did not occur to me until just moments ago when I was thinking of something that happened while I was there.  I displeased Sir twice, they weren't major things but they did happen.  Then the other night..when I asked something I shouldn't have.. because of my need of emotion.. I did it again.
 
What I am trying to say is..maybe by writing this thread..even though my intentions were pure in just how to handle what Sir is going through.. I may actually be displeasing him even more.  Maybe this is part of being his.. it's shutting that neediness part of me off when he needs me to be something else.  I guess in that way, I have failed him very much.  I am quite unhappy with myself for it and I am sorry that I sort of brought you all into it. 
 
I want to be what I should and what he needs and in order to that, I must learn to control this part of me in a better and more refined way.  I am too emotional, I take things to heart in an extreme way, and very personal.  He said I would have to be able to take this..and I said I would.  I need to prove that to him and this thread might make him think otherwise.. though that was not my intention.
 
 
I am a person that loves affection, the little things do mean a lot.  I am very touchy feely..and very verbal with my desires and how I feel about someone.  I have to understand that Sir cannot be that way right now and as his..that is something I must accept or walk away.  This is part of being who I am, it's adapting my way of life to his, not the other way around.  I think it took me talking to a friend tonight and reading these posts to realize that. 
 
I want to build myself up into the best person for him and now is my chance to start.  With that some parts of me might have to fade, but if it makes me better in the end I suppose that is what really matters.
 
Thank you all again, every word and thought behind them are very much appreciated.
 
                  With all due Respect, andrea

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to Sab)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Showing emotion.... - 7/5/2006 6:32:28 PM   
feastie


Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline 		Andrea,

You are not at fault for this.  Whatever you did to displease him in the short time you were there is not what lead him to choose his ex-wife over you and send you home.

He chose, honey. 

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

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Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Showing emotion.... - 7/5/2006 6:49:37 PM   
sleazybutterfly


Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: feastie

Andrea,

You are not at fault for this.  Whatever you did to displease him in the short time you were there is not what lead him to choose his ex-wife over you and send you home.

He chose, honey. 


I know it seems that way, really I do.  He chose his unmentionable over me..(which I would have done also)..and if it comes down to it, he will again..depending on how things go. 
 
I knew how much that person meant going into this..(it's actually one thing I liked about him).  He is not taking the ex back or anything like that, but until this matter is taken care of, she does have the control over his life that she shouldn't.
 
What I have done to displease, is to let my need for the connection with him .. overun my need to serve him the way he needs me to right now.  I was pretty much given instructions on what I should and shouldn't do (not exact..but implied) and I instead have chose to react to it all with hurt and sadness....not with the pride I should have by not needing from him what he can't give me.
 
Not sure if that made sense or not. 
 
                            Thank you..Respectfully, andrea
 
 

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to feastie)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Showing emotion.... - 7/5/2006 7:38:54 PM   
Midearthtrainer


Posts: 67
Joined: 10/10/2004
Status: offline 		I instead have chose to react to it all with hurt and sadness....not with the pride I should have by not needing from him what he can't give me.

What makes you think that, "what he can't give me", is a good thing? or that it won't happen again in one form or another? Are you prepared to pry it out of him, everytime he shuts down emotionally?
Can you accept the fact that it is over? Or are you going to beat yourself to death with what might have been?
Can you grow and learn from this?  Use it to help, make you stronger? Without relying on the pills?

If you have learned anything, you have learned that not all Masters are alike. To ask if emotions are shown, you have to learn the person first. If the person's core values are not aligned or close to yours, then how are you going survive without the BDSM? If the personality is not compatible, then how are you going to tolerate him x weeks/months/years down the road? Yes, He was not compatible, but love blinds. Your heart will eventually come to the same conclusion, as soon as your head stops overanalyzing the recent events.
This may not be exactly fitting into this catagory, but after reading all the other comments from the other threads you have posted here about this, I can no longer keep silent.


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RE: Showing emotion.... - 7/5/2006 8:07:57 PM   
sleazybutterfly


Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Midearthtrainer


What makes you think that, "what he can't give me", is a good thing? It's not a good thing.. what I am saying is..that I was given warning..and instruction this would happen...that he would shut down..yet I chose to tell him I would wait anyway..that I could handle it in my head as long as I know he really does love me in my heart.  That is where I failed.. I let my need for that outward sign..cloud my submissiveness to him by not handling things as well as I would have liked..and reacting in an emotional way.
or that it won't happen again in one form or another?It could, and I have been thinking about this a lot..not my favorite thought.  I guess what I must decide is if worrying about a "maybe" down the road.. is worth the good times and happiness we can have in the meantime.
Are you prepared to pry it out of him, everytime he shuts down emotionally?This again is not my favorite thought..but it wouldn't be the first time I had to do this with someone I loved.  My father was like this..as well as some others I have been with.  I just have to accept that most aren't as open as I would like them to be..and quit trying to change them into that.
Can you accept the fact that it is over?Yes, when it is over..and he tells me it is.. or I can't take anymore.. I will.  Trust me, with things the way they are.. it would have been easier for a clean break I think sometimes..and I was probably given that option and didn't take it. Whether he meant to give it or not, I am not totally sure.
Or are you going to beat yourself to death with what might have been?I know what I felt with him..and I cannot let that go so easily.  I am not thinking of what could have been anymore.. though the first few days it did fill my mind totally.  Right now, I am thinking of what is..and will be..and how to handle that .. but mostly just dealing with day by day..as it comes.
Can you grow and learn from this?I think that I am, in my own way.  I know that I am facing this way better than I thought I would, even though to most ppl here it doesn't look like it.  I am not resorting back into myself, or sinking into depression.  I think I have grown and will continue to do so from this experience.
If you have learned anything, you have learned that not all Masters are alike. To ask if emotions are shown, you have to learn the person first. If the person's core values are not aligned or close to yours, then how are you going survive without the BDSM? I think that deep down our core is the same...even if we handle things in a different manner and react to things in a different way.  What we had or have is still there..it's just being put on hold until other things can be dealt with.
If the personality is not compatible, then how are you going to tolerate him x weeks/months/years down the road? Yes, He was not compatible, but love blinds. Your heart will eventually come to the same conclusion, as soon as your head stops overanalyzing the recent events.
This may not be exactly fitting into this catagory, but after reading all the other comments from the other threads you have posted here about this, I can no longer keep silent.

You know how much I respect you.. we have talked not only online...but on the phone.  You have and I hope continue to be a great support and friend to me.  You have what many on here don't have..an actual knowledge of me, and what has went on over the last few months.  I never want you to keep silent in anything you have to say to me.  I am doing what I can... if I even play my own devils advocate here and say..yes..it's over...then what?  Will things be any easier?  Will my life be any better?  What will change?  The answers are no and nothing. 
If I hang in there and stay where I feel I belong...worst case senario is it's over in a few months..best case.. it's lasts many happy years.  I know it seems silly after all I have been through (and you know it all)but, I am not quite ready to give up that shred of hope as long as it still exists.
 
                  I thank you, and you know I mean that.
 
                            Respectfully, andrea





_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to Midearthtrainer)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Showing emotion.... - 7/5/2006 9:06:13 PM   
APerfectParadox


Posts: 95
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline 		Andrea,
Don't forget that  your needs are important too. I know  the wants and needs of the people i love are more important to me than my own . But  not at the expense of my overall  happinees.  I would  suggest you continue process  all  this for awhile .. but them sit down  and make  a list of  all the pro' s and con's  of the relationship as it exists at this point . i say the relaltionship because  just becasue two people love each other doesn't mean they are right  for  each or  at  a place in their life where they  can make a  relationship  work.  If the relationship is not  a postive influence in both of your  lives right now .. remain friends .leave the door open  to future possibilitites  but  make someone else or even just somethign else your focus  until he is able  to make this relationship his focus as well . It seems there is really nothing you can do that will  make this easier or harder for him .. so do some things to make it easier for yourself . He   cares about  you , so surely he would want you taking care of yourself ,  while he is not, wouldn't he ?

< Message edited by APerfectParadox -- 7/5/2006 9:09:36 PM >

_____________________________

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RE: Showing emotion.... - 7/6/2006 2:53:41 AM   
wandering4u


Posts: 167
Joined: 6/18/2006
Status: offline 		Because he is distant or cold in a certain situation or time , does not mean anything in a general way. Sometimes there are issues that anger me and I do not want my sub to bear the brunt of my anger, conversely, there are times when I just want to think something through and need time to do that.

You know him best and if this is a pattern with him. If it is not there may be any number of reasons. Be patient and look for your own answer from him

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RE: Showing emotion.... - 7/6/2006 8:20:55 AM   
sleazybutterfly


Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: wandering4u

Because he is distant or cold in a certain situation or time , does not mean anything in a general way. Sometimes there are issues that anger me and I do not want my sub to bear the brunt of my anger, conversely, there are times when I just want to think something through and need time to do that.

You know him best and if this is a pattern with him. If it is not there may be any number of reasons. Be patient and look for your own answer from him



I think this might be what is going on.  In his own way, maybe he is protecting me from things.
 
I do know him, yet not this side of him... so I am just confused I think.  It's like he has this whole other layer of a person there.. that had this not happened..I may never have seen.
 
We have known each other a very short time, so I can't expect to know all parts of him, I suppose.  I know the part I fell for is there though and that keeps me when nothing else can.
                   Thank you.. Respectfully, andrea
 

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to wandering4u)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Showing emotion.... - 7/6/2006 8:23:30 AM   
sleazybutterfly


Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: APerfectParadox

Andrea,
Don't forget that  your needs are important too. I know  the wants and needs of the people i love are more important to me than my own . But  not at the expense of my overall  happinees.  I would  suggest you continue process  all  this for awhile .. but them sit down  and make  a list of  all the pro' s and con's  of the relationship as it exists at this point . i say the relaltionship because  just becasue two people love each other doesn't mean they are right  for  each or  at  a place in their life where they  can make a  relationship  work.  If the relationship is not  a postive influence in both of your  lives right now .. remain friends .leave the door open  to future possibilitites  but  make someone else or even just somethign else your focus  until he is able  to make this relationship his focus as well . It seems there is really nothing you can do that will  make this easier or harder for him .. so do some things to make it easier for yourself . He   cares about  you , so surely he would want you taking care of yourself ,  while he is not, wouldn't he ?


Yes, I am sure he would and does.  That is probably why he told me he wouldn't ask me to wait, because he didn't want me to have to suffer any.  That would have still hurt..but it would have been a clean break type of hurt and not the kind that keeps dragging out. 
 
 Thank you, my friend......... andrea

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to APerfectParadox)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Showing emotion.... - 7/6/2006 3:07:45 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Well, you have my deepest sympathy. It doesn't matter to me what the reasons are, really, for this situation (I know maybe it should, but I just get (still) too overwhelmed by this scenario to reason about it I guess).

For me, it boils down to, perhaps, loyalty - is this person - bottom-line - the kind of person who is going to be there for you of you get pneumonia or are in a horrific car accident? Or are they only going to find time to drop by a hospital and say "hi, hope you feel better" occasionally? Can you tell? sans the hopefulness that he could be - someday? (some people can be terrific fakers that way).

And, if he doesn't know why he is acting a certain way - why can't he just say that? What is it with this non-communication thing? I don't get it when someone else's feelings you are supposed to be committed to are at stake? (unless he has some other motive that is going to, he thinks, be good for you in which case he could have said that, I'd think).

I know if you're a submissive or a slave it's all about giving - but, to me, there needs to be some reassurance there (for me) that it's all "worth it", aside from being a "submissive/slave" responsibility. Are you not allowed to expect or hope for the least modicum of reassurance that he really, truly cares? What is wrong with this picture?

Although with zero affection I know I would not last long, either (and it's not necessarily about the sex). Deep down in my gut and my soul I personally really, really have to know they care - it's a deep need with me. I know I am not alone in this. I am not against a "fling" but it's not really what I am about, most of the time.

Good luck - you are certainly in my prayers.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 7/6/2006 3:14:18 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)
Profile   Post #: 40
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