RE: Am I being overly emotional?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Am I being overly emotional?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: Am I being overly emotional?

Page: << < prev 2 3 4 [5] 6 next > >>

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Am I being overly emotional? - 1/1/2014 7:28:56 AM

Greta75

Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline

It sounds like your master has addressed your issue. That's good :) Be happy!

(in reply to HntersToy)

Profile

Post #: 81

RE: Am I being overly emotional? - 1/1/2014 12:02:45 PM

Arturas

Posts: 3245
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: VideoAdmnOmicron

Since you seemed to request for a "mod" to clarify this point, this moderator will indulge you.

Yes, tammystarm, anyone is free to answer any question posted in any of the forums, regardless of orientation.

For additional clarification regarding cross posting topics:
http://www.collarchat.com/m_73512/tm.htm

Duplicate and Repeat posts - Please do not make posts bringing peoples attention to another post in the same or a different area. If you have something to contribute to the topic then please post to the original topic. Please do not start a duplicate or similar thread if there is an active thread on the subject already or was fairly recently.

I hope that's helpful.
Thank you for your forum participation.

Greetings.

Tam has spent far too much time already in a master oriented forum so I will address your post here in "Ask A Master".

I don't see Tam asking for a Mod while appropriately responding to someone who is not posting to the subject, but instead falsely posting as if Tam has said ONLY Masters CAN post to this forum. If you read her post literally and carefully Tam did not say that at all. She said SHE cannot answer since she is not a master. That is a big difference and is very true even if you or that other respondent personally does not like her personal view on the subject and I want to know why a Moderator thinks it is your business to correct her personal views on the subject?

So, She never asked for a Mod. She never said none but masters can post here in this forum, she said she believes it not to be respectful to do so unless you are a master, this is her personal opinion that I happen to agree with since protocol and respect is big in the BDSM world.

Here is what I believe, you owe her an apology and this forum, "Ask A Master", a retraction and more focus on what someone actually posts.

Arturas

_____________________________

"We master Our world."

(in reply to VideoAdmnOmicron)

Profile

Post #: 82

RE: Am I being overly emotional? - 1/1/2014 2:03:34 PM

VideoAdminGamma

Posts: 2233
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas

quote:

ORIGINAL: VideoAdmnOmicron

Since you seemed to request for a "mod" to clarify this point, this moderator will indulge you.

Yes, tammystarm, anyone is free to answer any question posted in any of the forums, regardless of orientation.

For additional clarification regarding cross posting topics:
http://www.collarchat.com/m_73512/tm.htm

Duplicate and Repeat posts - Please do not make posts bringing peoples attention to another post in the same or a different area. If you have something to contribute to the topic then please post to the original topic. Please do not start a duplicate or similar thread if there is an active thread on the subject already or was fairly recently.

I hope that's helpful.
Thank you for your forum participation.

Greetings.

Tam has spent far too much time already in a master oriented forum so I will address your post here in "Ask A Master".

That is your choice if you believe she has spent too much time in this section. There are no official restrictions on who can or cannot answer a post put in any of the forums.

quote:

I don't see Tam asking for a Mod while appropriately responding to someone who is not posting to the subject, but instead falsely posting as if Tam has said ONLY Masters CAN post to this forum. If you read her post literally and carefully Tam did not say that at all. She said SHE cannot answer since she is not a master. That is a big difference and is very true even if you or that other respondent personally does not like her personal view on the subject and I want to know why a Moderator thinks it is your business to correct her personal views on the subject?

It appeared to me, and it looks like it did to Omni, that tammy was chastizing someone else that was repeating what the Mods have said before. Since it looked like a back and forth on what was or was not official, then Omni posted what the official guideline is and provided a link to it.

quote:

So, She never asked for a Mod. She never said none but masters can post here in this forum, she said she believes it not to be respectful to do so unless you are a master, this is her personal opinion that I happen to agree with since protocol and respect is big in the BDSM world.

What someone conveys with how they imply things is also a part of communication, or "what is said". Omni posted to prevent anyone from believing that how tammy and you handle things is the official way. Also, if you use "Mod" in your post, then you are likely to get our attention, so in a way anyone that states to someone else "you are not a mod" when that person actually gave the correct guideline, is then asking for a Mod to step in and clarify what the official guideline is.

quote:

Here is what I believe, you owe her an apology and this forum, "Ask A Master", a retraction and more focus on what someone actually posts.

Arturas

Really? As a senior Admin for this forum I do not see any reason for an apology, except maybe from you. Don't attempt to chastise staff like this again. If you have an issue with any forum staff you should take it to Chi.

If you or anyone else has any further questions about this, you can contact Omni, myself or Chi and we will be happy to address the issue. Otherwise do not attempt to impose your own personal views of how things should be in the forum or on how staff should operate, it will only lead to you and any associated profiles, having administrative action taken against you.

Thank you for being a part of CollarMe,
Gamma

_____________________________

"The administration has the authority to handle situations in whatever manner they feel to be in the best interests of the forum, at that moment, in response to that event. "

http://www.collarchat.com/m_72/tm.htm

(in reply to Arturas)

Profile

Post #: 83

RE: Am I being overly emotional? - 1/1/2014 2:23:50 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

And as a second hijack......I'm always surprised at how many people don't know the difference between BDSM and D/s-M/s.

BDSM is kinky sex. You can engage in BDSM and never engage in D/s or M/s. You can engage in D/s or M/s and never engage in BDSM. And even stating that protocol is part of D/s - M/s is a generalization, because not everyone engages in protocol.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Blonderfluff)

Profile

Post #: 84

RE: Am I being overly emotional? - 1/1/2014 6:52:03 PM

stef

Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas

Here is what I believe, you owe her an apology and this forum, "Ask A Master", a retraction and more focus on what someone actually posts.

I suppose that would mean something if anyone here gave a shit about what you believe.

_____________________________

Welcome to PoliticSpace! If you came here expecting meaningful BDSM discussions, boy are you in the wrong place.

"Hypocrisy has consequences"

(in reply to Arturas)

Profile

Post #: 85

RE: Am I being overly emotional? - 1/1/2014 7:57:18 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas

She never said none but masters can post here in this forum, she said she believes it not to be respectful to do so unless you are a master, this is her personal opinion that I happen to agree with since protocol and respect is big in the BDSM world.

Protocol is not "one size fits all". You have been an active member here to see that all orientations and genders feel free to post in whichever forum a question has been posed that they wish to answer. That is collarme's effective protocol, and you cannot simply assert what you feel the proper protocol to be and expect everyone to follow it. That's fine in YOUR house, but this is not your house.

quote:

Here is what I believe, you owe her an apology and this forum, "Ask A Master", a retraction and more focus on what someone actually posts.

Arturas

Excuse me? You are seriously suggesting that all moderators must bow to your protocols and change the ways things are done, and apologize for not having previously done them according to your protocols?!?!?!

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Arturas)

Profile

Post #: 86

RE: Am I being overly emotional? - 1/1/2014 8:01:23 PM

VideoAdminGamma

Posts: 2233
Status: offline

Fast reply

I have pulled some violations. Please refrain from making personal attacks. The replies to these violations were pulled as well.

Thanks for making CollarMe a better place,
Gamma

_____________________________

"The administration has the authority to handle situations in whatever manner they feel to be in the best interests of the forum, at that moment, in response to that event. "

http://www.collarchat.com/m_72/tm.htm

(in reply to stef)

Profile

Post #: 87

RE: Am I being overly emotional? - 1/7/2014 6:56:06 AM

Arturas

Posts: 3245
Status: offline

quote:

Excuse me? You are seriously suggesting that all moderators must bow to your protocols and change the ways things are done, and apologize for not having previously done them according to your protocols?!?!?!

I don't believe I did suggest that. I did say Tam can believe this and can say she does. I think that is alright, what do you think, seriously?

Arturas

_____________________________

"We master Our world."

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Profile

Post #: 88

RE: Am I being overly emotional? - 1/7/2014 7:02:34 AM

Arturas

Posts: 3245
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

And as a second hijack......I'm always surprised at how many people don't know the difference between BDSM and D/s-M/s.

BDSM is kinky sex. You can engage in BDSM and never engage in D/s or M/s. You can engage in D/s or M/s and never engage in BDSM. And even stating that protocol is part of D/s - M/s is a generalization, because not everyone engages in protocol.

Since you brought it up. Many, no most great BDSM clubs and gatherings are all protocole oriented. If you walk into a club scene and began talking, even though you have the right of "free speech", you will be asked to leave if you continued doing it after being cautioned by the players or the dungeon monitor. This is a simple example of respect and protocole found in BDSM as well as D/S or M/s clubs and gatherings. This obviously does not pertain to your private play.

CM is a gathering place for D/s M/s BDSM Gorean and other types and as live gatherings require protocole so should any quality website forum. Do you not agree? It's Okay if you don't. It's Okay if I and star do. I suggest it is Okay for her to state her beliefs here just as it is okay for you, don't you agree also?

Arturas

_____________________________

"We master Our world."

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Profile

Post #: 89

RE: Am I being overly emotional? - 1/7/2014 7:45:49 AM

freedomdwarf1

Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas
Since you brought it up. Many, no most great BDSM clubs and gatherings are all protocole oriented.

I don't agree with that and it is certainly not my experience of such.
Maybe in a lot of leather clubs, yes; but not BDSM or other non-leather clubs.
Each and every club has its own "rules" but that does not necessarily equate to "protocol".

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas
If you walk into a club scene and began talking, even though you have the right of "free speech", you will be asked to leave if you continued doing it after being cautioned by the players or the dungeon monitor. This is a simple example of respect and protocole found in BDSM as well as D/S or M/s clubs and gatherings. This obviously does not pertain to your private play.

As above.
And, an awful lot of D/s, M/s relationships do not have protocols either.
That can also be said of a lot of BDSM activity too.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas
CM is a gathering place for D/s M/s BDSM Gorean and other types and as live gatherings require protocole so should any quality website forum. Do you not agree?

Absolutely not!!
A website is not a club nor is it designed to be.
And again, each website has their own ToS and forum rules - that is definitely not "protocol".
To expect any open website to conform to any "protocol" is unrealistic, unless specifically stated.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas
It's Okay if you don't. It's Okay if I and star do. I suggest it is Okay for her to state her beliefs here just as it is okay for you, don't you agree also?

This is an open forum (as the Mods have stated) and does not have any protocol whatsoever; nor should it have.
If you want protocol, then have that in your private relationships and those clubs you frequent.
To impose or expect any sort of protocol outside of your personal arrangements is ludicrous.

(in reply to Arturas)

Profile

Post #: 90

RE: Am I being overly emotional? - 1/7/2014 10:42:42 AM

everhope

Posts: 2179
Joined: 8/19/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas

Since you brought it up. Many, no most great BDSM clubs and gatherings are all protocole oriented. If you walk into a club scene and began talking, even though you have the right of "free speech", you will be asked to leave if you continued doing it after being cautioned by the players or the dungeon monitor. This is a simple example of respect and protocole found in BDSM as well as D/S or M/s clubs and gatherings. This obviously does not pertain to your private play.

i always thought of those as club rules not the protocol. the only protocols i followed in a club was the protocol of the Master/Dominant that i was with.

_____________________________

may we all find our bliss

Resident VWB

We all die.
The goal isn't to live forever.
The goal is to create something that will.

(in reply to Arturas)

Profile

Post #: 91

RE: Am I being overly emotional? - 1/7/2014 11:38:12 AM

Arturas

Posts: 3245
Status: offline

quote:

I don't agree with that and it is certainly not my experience of such.
Maybe in a lot of leather clubs, yes; but not BDSM or other non-leather clubs.
Each and every club has its own "rules" but that does not necessarily equate to "protocol".

I see the problem(s).

Either you and a few others have not participated in these organizations as a habit or you don't know what the word protocol is and confuse it with S/m rules of behavior or you did not trip over these protocols when visiting these clubs.

Or you refuse to admit they exist.

First, let me share with you what protocol really is. We need to speak the same language to communicate and I feel many here honestly have no idea what I am talking about.

Definition of protocol (n)

Bing Dictionary
pro·to·col
[ prṓtə kàwl ]

1.etiquette of formal occasions: the rules or conventions of correct behavior on official or ceremonial occasions
2.code of conduct: the rules of correct or appropriate behavior of a group, organization, or profession
3.international agreement: a formal agreement between states or nations

The rules of correct or appropriate conduct are in the TOS, the guidelines. But because of the nature of this website, a BDSM/Sm/Ds gathering place, a certain level of respect and politenes as is the rule in any BDSM or S/m or D/s gathering should be expected because protocols and a certain level of respect and politeness is inherently appropriate for website interactions between these same populations.

Why should website interaction forsake protocols, as rules of correct or appropropriate behavior for the groups, organizations or individuals who make up the lifestyle populations who also do observe them in their face to face gatherings?

As for your comment on the lack of such in groups other than "leather" groups, in reality that is not true and most clubs are not unique in having protocols or rules and codes of conduct. Period.

Which brings us home to the subject of CM's "Ask a whatever" forums; Why introduce an obvious protocol embedded in the title of a forum and treat those who observe the protocol so poorly? But, that reason is lost in the past somewhere and apparently logic and protocol need not matter and that is okay since CM need not please me.

Finally, I notice that when you yourself write the magic word one did not show up. :) I find that interesting but not surprising, do you?

Arturas

< Message edited by Arturas -- 1/7/2014 11:55:51 AM >

_____________________________

"We master Our world."

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)

Profile

Post #: 92

RE: Am I being overly emotional? - 1/7/2014 11:46:45 AM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

You're being overly emotional.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Arturas)

Profile

Post #: 93

RE: Am I being overly emotional? - 1/7/2014 11:48:04 AM

Arturas

Posts: 3245
Status: offline

...and a bit wordy for my taste.

_____________________________

"We master Our world."

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Profile

Post #: 94

RE: Am I being overly emotional? - 1/7/2014 11:55:20 AM

freedomdwarf1

Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline

I don't call club rules or the ToS of a website "protocol".

Why?
Because they are all different at every point.
"protocol" is very specific to a group and that "group" would be a closed group.
So whatever you deem as protocol would apply to your particular dynamic.
Your particular protocol would not apply to anyone else even if they are following a similar type of dynamic.
Your protocol is the one you set for yourselves - nobody else.
If someone joins you and becomes part of your specific group, then fine, they are expected to follow your specific protocol.

It's like a golf club has certain rules.
Within the golfing community, behavioural traits and standards are expected and yes, if you transgressed them you would be ejected from said club.
But, each and every club has slightly different rules.
None of these would be classed as "protocol".

However, a consort never walking in front of a monarch, would be "protocol".
And anyone not having the authority to speak first in the presence of a monarch is an absolutely forbidden sin... That is protocol.

Website and club rules are just that - rules; not protocol.
A minor but very important difference.
Obviously a nuance of the English language that you don't grasp.

(in reply to Arturas)

Profile

Post #: 95

RE: Am I being overly emotional? - 1/7/2014 12:20:41 PM

VideoAdminChi

Posts: 3086
Joined: 8/6/2012
Status: offline

quote:

Which brings us home to the subject of CM's "Ask a whatever" forums; Why introduce an obvious protocol embedded in the title of a forum and treat those who observe the protocol so poorly? But, that reason is lost in the past somewhere and apparently logic and protocol need not matter and that is okay since CM need not please me.

Feel free to take this discussion to Renaming Ask a Master and Ask a Mistress but no one should continue to to hijack this thread with this tangent.

(in reply to Arturas)

Profile

Post #: 96

RE: Am I being overly emotional? - 1/8/2014 11:38:23 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Ignoring the Artie and Tammy hijack show, we are equal in value. Not in authority.
Which means that if I walk out, he can't order the thin air to make him more tea.
And in order for me to want to stay here, my needs and wants must be addressed. Because I don't get off on being a martyr.

I may be a Jewish mother but I don't subscribe to that 'don't bother changing the light bulb, I'll just sit her in the dark' shit.

If you are unhappy, then eventually that unhappiness will poison your entire relationship. If he doesn't care enough to address your needs, then that tells you that he no longer values you the way he used to.

If he makes you an option, then don't make him a priority. Because you deserve better than that.

Basically if you wouldn't advise your daughter to be unheard, invalidated, and ignored, then why advise yourself to be that?

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to HntersToy)

Profile

Post #: 97

RE: Am I being overly emotional? - 1/8/2014 12:01:13 PM

HntersToy

Posts: 56
Joined: 12/7/2013
Status: offline

DespFIP...I am very happy with Him and our relationship. I was having a bad holiday due to some life changes that occurred. And that pushed me to be irrational and on edge as evident in my posting.

He treats me very well, otherwise I'd be gone in a flash. His comment was directed at a specific statement I made during a conversation.

I have been witness to bad relationships where the sub was not cherished and/or her feelings did not matter. This is not the case with our relationship.

I have the most beautiful email from Him where He acknowledges that He sometimes is forgetful to comment, and then He said the most beautiful things to me. Sums up everything for me. All is good.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Profile

Post #: 98

RE: Am I being overly emotional? - 1/8/2014 12:29:39 PM

LeatherBentOne51

Posts: 89
Joined: 12/28/2012
Status: offline

It's a guy thing. Just get over it. IMO we need to choose our battles.

(in reply to angelikaJ)

Profile

Post #: 99